June 2025 – Long Weekend
A long weekend in Adelaide, means a post everyday of the weekend, while I write about a long weekend!
05 June 2025 – He is up early & messaging me, “Getting my Switch 2 before I take the kids to school”, he’s at the shops near my house, at 6:30am for the release of a Switch – which I keep calling a Gameboy & he gets so huffy that it’s funny, it’s our little joke, not sure he loves that I keep calling all his mini devices Gameboys, but I think it’s funny. A little piece of me is sad that when he is so close to my house, that he didn’t leave a little extra time to come see me, he has taken today off to get this Gameboy & to play with it all day. He also tells me that he lost the ADHD drugs I gave him… Oh fuck. He says that he did washing when he got home & they weren’t in his pockets, so he’s probably dropped out his pocket in his car or something? But he says he’s looked in his car & can’t find them so they must have fallen out of his pocket.
I make a joke at 7:00am when he is in the line, “Well enjoy playing with your new game boy that you don’t need!“ But I don’t get a reply for three hours, saying “It is not a Game Boy! and you know it fuckhead :P” I get that he has taken the day off to play with this thing, but he forgets that we have very limited time to chat & he’s not chatted to me for three hours – so much for wanting to chat to me all the time… “Obviously more important than talking to me… So enjoy it! Hope it makes you cum…” But he replies straight away, “I am talking to you, but it does not make me cum like you do! I enjoyed having you bent the bed over ass in the air and in my face and tasting your cunt from behind 😛 I did have to run around this morning and take my kids to school because they missed the bus, the fuckers were both still in bed when I got home at 7.40!” Um… Didn’t he say he was taking them to school in his good morning message? So don’t make that an excuse now why you’ve not been able to chat at 10:00am! I take 45 minutes to reply to all his messages now, I am so sick of writing back quickly to now be second fiddle to a fucking Gameboy. “well they sent a text last night saying they were openning at 7, I knew I could squeeze it in before school, plus it gave me time to put things on to download and set it up while I dropped the kids at school and popped into the shops. You going to ring me today>” Interesting again he says that he was dropping them to school & was going to set it up while doing his errands… Yeah okay mate. Did they miss the bus or where you taking them to school or do you just want an excuse to push me away…?
We speak on the phone – I am not sure exactly what about but as soon as he hangs up he sends me a dick pic, so we obviously talking about something sexy. But then I tell him all about the testing I had done for the fertility tests. I explain that I would want the kid to be his & my chances are so slim anyway, but he seems surprised, “You would want it to from me? is my DNA that impressive to you?” I say that he is my boyfriend so I would want it to be his, but if I am honest, I have never had thoughts of kids or marriage with anyone else but Phoenix. He says that kids cost a lot of money & that he doesn’t want anymore – so perhaps he wouldn’t donate sperm, but then again, he wouldn’t have to pay for anything with mine. I don’t need anything from him, just his swimmers. He asks why I didn’t tell him or my sister about the testing, but I didn’t want to excite anyone when it turns out, it is basically an impossibility… “Understandable I guess. You always came across super I will never had kids haha.” it’s a bit hard to see kids in your life when the man you want them with casually marries someone else… But also its hard to picture kids in my life when you’ve been single forever, “I literally have been single 99% of my life. How could I even envisage that I would ever have kids?!”
06 June 2025 – It’s June long weekend, I am going away with my family this weekend, it’s been so long since I went away that I am excited but also sad that I won’t see Phoenix. He has been vague about his work & what his plans are this weekend so I have no idea if he is even working or not. I believe it’s her weekend off so assuming since he hasn’t said anything, he’s got the weekend off too & so I won’t hear from him. Or he will refuse to message me because I am with my family & he won’t want to interrupt. Phoenix has seen me on the Wednesday before the weekend but the distance is growing. It’s been growing for a while actually… I can feel it. I feel disconnected from him – we speak on the phone a lot now which is good but it’s always on his terms & when he’s free.
Recently on Friday’s – it’s like he has asked for the day off – because it’s her day off & hasn’t told me that he has done this, but it seems he’s had every Friday off in the last few months or so & then doesn’t talk to me much, then wonders why I’m pussy when I make the effort to see him Saturday’s for his lunch break. I am lucky if I get half a dozen messages & then of course, he ‘falls asleep’ & doesn’t bother to talk to me even for a minute before bed. So I shouldn’t be a surprised that he didn’t tell me it’s a pupil free day at school the Friday of the long weekend but luckily that he said something on the Thursday night, so I piece together that they all have the day off.
I message at 6:30am, I don’t get a reply till after 9:00am saying he slept in & just work up – aka fucked my skinny wife this morning so didn’t think about you. He doesn’t message me again until 7:30pm asking how the long weekend is going, sends me a selfie in his oodie saying it’s cold & that they took the kids to Cleland National Park today & they loved it… It’s a really bad weekend for weather & our holiday isn’t going as planned, I have a cabin that we weren’t planning on using as much as we do, but there’s a bad storm & we’re saying near the beach so it’s windy & raining all weekend. So my family are in the cabin & we’re playing cards & drinking. I don’t want to say something bitchy & have a fight with him while I am with my family, so I choose not reply. He sends a good night message that simply says good night, nothing more around 11:00pm & I don’t reply.
I guess I am so upset being that he never fucking once told me he was going out with the kids & so he wouldn’t be online at all, he came on in the morning, said one thing about sleeping in then didn’t come back online until night expecting me to engage with him & just act like I’m not hurt & completely disregarded by him?
07 June 2025 – Times are important, if you’re wondering why I am suddenly talking about times he messages me – if you remember he was messaging me at 4:30am every day, he says that he’s working more now so therefore would be up at 4:30am more days than he was before, right? But now I don’t get messages until almost 8:00am today saying that he hopes I am having a good weekend away I mean I didn’t reply to his messages last night, so I’m actually surprised he messaged at all. I say that it’s cold & hopes he had a good day yesterday.
Samsung had done some update that changed where things were but there was a way to fix it, so I send him a couple of screenshots on how I fixed it. He says he doesn’t understand why they move things around all the time, I sent back the “🤷🏼♀️“ emoji at around 3:30pm & I don’t hear from him again.
So is this distance in my head? Or has he become complacent? Taking me for granted again? He says he hasn’t changed when I bring it up, but he’s pulled back & makes me feel like I am taking up his time – an obligation is something I have not wanted to be, now or ever but that is how I feel. I feel like he is obliged to see me, knowing now that I have all our conversations & download all the security footage saved, maybe he things that I am going to blackmail him…
08 June 2025 – He messages the next day around 7:00am saying “Good morning, hope you are having an okay time away with your family and stuff.” I respond round 8:00am & then he messages again around 1:00pm, “How’s the dogs going with a holiday haha? I miss our little lunch weekend catch ups…” So he’s at work & barely messaging me?! That hurts me even more than his logging off. I know that I am not giving him much, but how can I when Friday he just logged off & went out having a great day with his family while I wait around for a simple message… I say that he didn’t tell me he was working & he says that he’s working both days… Does he not remember that I told him I would try to come see him because I am not that far away… Whatever, he doesn’t give a fuck, so why should I…
I tell him how one of my dogs has a limp tail, which sometimes happens when they get stressed, when I’ve taken them away for work trips, he says he’s never heard of a dog getting a limp tail. He takes an hour to reply & at 5:00pm he days “Your dog’s sound like they have more medication that I have had in thr last 5 years.” I say “probably” about 30 minutes later & I don’t hear from him again.
09 June 2025 – He sends “Good morning for today” at 7:00am, I send back “Morning for today” at 8:00am & we don’t speak again. Yeah good one…!
10 June 2025 – I have this week off. At 5:15am, he messages “Morning, I’ve missed our daily phone calls, hopefully we can talk today!” Um, mate we could have talked all weekend, you literally stopped talking to me every fucking day, without a goodbye & opted not to ask if he could call me when he was on his breaks, which he could have called, I wasn’t with my family every second of the weekend…
He calls me, assuming when he is on his break & I am at the gym so I don’t answer. When I leave the gym around 10:15am, I tell him that I was at the gym & I go shopping, doing some errands, but I don’t hear from him until he calls me when he has finished work. I don’t think we really talk about the weekend because he tells me that he is coming to see me. Right now. He is on his way to my house. I am on holidays so I am home & he can see where I am on the snapchat maps, so he knows I am home. Yeah right, apparently I just need to be free for him.
I cook us lunch when he arrives, some Gozleme – a Turkish stuffed flatbread that you pan fry, they are delicious, so much so I cook both of them that I had bought only today. Basically they are a Turkish version of a Quesadilla. He enjoys them too, we stand in the kitchen kissing & hugging the whole time. I can’t remember the conversation as I didn’t write about our verbal conversations a lot but I’m sure we talked about the weekend & how I felt. Anytime I try to explain how I feel, he just say his excuse vomit of being busy & tired.
He goes out to his car & gets a fake Gameboy thing he has loaded all these Commodore 64 games on that I’ve been talking about; he shows me it & I think it’s cute but am not really sure why he’s showing me. But I like that he is & that he isn’t just talking about how geeky he is, he shows me that it has a touch screen & it basically looks like a Gameboy. I tell him that I should get one & get him to add all the games on it for me. He says that he would if I got one – or will this be like the downloading of the tv shows? He says he’ll do it but then when you ask he doesn’t want to do it?! We have sex after just talking & cuddling in the kitchen for ages. Then he leaves, things seemingly better but still not great. We have planned to see each other for a day date on Thursday, so I am trying my hardest to hold out for a couple more days. We’re planning a brunch & a walk on the Hallett cove boardwalk. I can’t wait to feel a connection with him again & stop being a whingy girlfriend as he calls me now.
11 June 2025 – We don’t text a lot today, but when we chat on the phone, I am surprised that three & a half hours later, we hang up. What the fuck did we talk about for that long?! I tell him that he has changed when we get off the phone, he has been changing & pulling back, you can even see in this blog how different my posts are now, but he doesn’t think he has changed, he just says that he’s busy & can’t give me all the attention I want… I never asked for attention, I know he can’t talk to me all the time, I know he can’t see me all the time, what I look for is reassurance that I am in something real… That it’s not just a obligatory online friendship. That he actually still wants what he started.
We don’t talk about sex much on the phone, a fact that we are both proud of but because I have plans for tomorrow, I talk about sex with him tonight, he says that we aren’t going to have sex tomorrow & I say that we will, he keeps saying no, but with my plan, there is no way he is going to resist, even though he is saying he will. I say “Well, I need to ask a favour for tomorrow…” He of course asks what, “Before we go out to brunch & a walk… I have a bit of pesky homework to finish off… Will you help me with my maths homework? My mum & dad won’t be home.” & he asks if this is how I am going to get him to fuck me. I keep in character, knowing that tomorrow I am going to be in that school uniform when he gets here & he will not resist me, because I’ve said before that this will be our consensual non consent (CNC) scenario. “Can you help or not?? If I’m gonna ditch school, I just need to get this assignment done…” He says that he can help, I keep going “I’m gonna tell mum & dad I’ll go to school so let me know when you’re coming over so I can tell you if the coast is clear. I’m not supposed to have boyfriends in my room.” He says that he’ll have to sneak in, I say “We have to be quiet. But you know I’m not ready, I want to wait till the senior dance when I’m all dressed up. So well just kiss & you can touch me over my clothes, is that OK?” He says that if we get to touch me then we’ll be fine, I keep going “I’m so glad you understand & want our first time to be special… I can’t wait to finally do it with you. You’ve been such a good boyfriend to me.” He says that he can’t wait but I ask to wait to the senior dance so it can be special. When he just says we will see, I say “Promise me we can wait till senior dance? Please?” & he replies “Okay maybe. We will see. I’m going to bed. Night x” I don’t reply, what a fucking dickhead.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 