July 2025 – #ManifestingGoodThings
02 July 2025 – I decide to manifest good things today, I am sick of being in a foul mood every morning when he hasn’t messaged me enough… “Morning baby cakes. Today is gonna be a good day! I’m gonna get my offer… I am going to be super happy with it. I am going to resign from shitty job. My boyfriend is going to come see me for lunch & not whinge about the drive. #ManifestingGoodThings.” He asks if he can whinge a little & I say not about things that will piss me off.
I look good, I feel good, I am going to see my boyfriend today, we are going to be in a good mood without talking about sex, I am going to get an epic offer for this job & resign from this shitty HR job. I haven’t mentioned to you but there is something going on with our bosses. So the our boss the HR Manager & her boss are so weird together, like creepy affair weird… Clearly I am not judging if they are having an affair because I could care less, but we went out of lunch one day & my boss passed her boss French fries all lunch, across me… One fry at a time. Why didn’t he just order his own fucking lunch?! They were so weird together but he’s been off for an extended period & has now ‘resigned’ which is so fucking weird, & now she’s off on extended leave… WTF has happened…? They are part of the reason I am leaving this shitty job, they have no idea about employment law if it came up & bit them on the ass!
Before Phoenix meets me for lunch, I get an email saying that they ‘we’ll send your offer through today. Looking forward to working with you.’ Which I tell Phoenix is a waste of a email but at least I know it’s coming & I hope they send it while he is with me so we can discuss the amount… I know that it’s more than what he earns at his normal job but if you combine his social media money, he earns more than I do now… He’s also used to his wife being the main bread winner so he won’t be bothered too much with that conversation, I hope…
We meet & go to a café & order lunch, I am so excited that I sit there smiling, looking at my phone more than usual in the hopes I get my letter of offer when we’re together because I know after this I will only get half a dozen mesaages… He even mentions during lunch that I look so happy… I am. I am so scared about taking another job when I was fired from the last two, I am so scared about my relationship with Phoenix changing & being more strained than it is. I am scared because they haven’t decided on the job title & I am scared because it’s so far away from home. There are so many pros & cons that I just don’t know what to do… What’s strikingly interesting is that Phoenix, who is Mr conservative with changing jobs & often says stuff about it being good pay for not a lot & it’s not too far from home, so it’s weird to me now when I look back at these conversations, because he really pushed me to take this new job… Does he think that if I have a longer commute & a busier job that I am happier in, would I be less focused on our dwindling relationship?
We walk back to his car, I won’t let this good mood go, we are kissing in the car park & he whispers things in my ear, which make me wet. But we have our very last sexless date at my work… EVER… I call him without warning when I get my letter of offer, to tell him the job title, the conditions & renumeration. He seems genuinely happy for me or like I said before, is it more for selfish reasons being that I will be more preoccupied in this job to worry about what he is doing?! I now still have to wait for the contract before I can resign! OMG this process is a little insane… Why didn’t they send the contract with the letter of offer?!
03 July 2025 – I am wide awake! I am overthinking… For a change, it’s not about Phoenix. They told me from the start that the job title was up for negotiation, but from there we hadn’t really discussed it, I was thinking it was going to be a senior management role from what they have described, but when the job title on the letter of offer says officer, I am taken aback. While it does say senior, it’s weird that it’s a officer not a manager… They didn’t advertise this role & while they said at one point that they did interview a few people, I am certain that I was the only one. They talked about the team reporting to me, but there are no direct reports on the contract. They explained that I would have the freedom to implement changes etc but the role title doesn’t imply that, as an officer… Phoenix just thinks that they have called the job this so they don’t have to pay me as much, which is also what the job I had where I met Trainer did. They advertised for one role, saw I had experience with another & so they employed me into two conflicting roles – one basically in sales & one in operations, one manager saying get the sale & the other manager saying we can’t fulfill that sale… What was I do to? So I am worried again about vague job descriptions, telling me one thing but giving me a job title that doesn’t support that… I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much! He says “Stop stressing over the title. At the end of the day if you don’t take this job you’ll regret it.” Or is it, that he’ll regret it because I am stuck in a job that allows me to focus on him?
After we have our lunch time chat, which if I am honest was all about my job offer, I say to him, “I just want to say also, thank you Phoenix, for being so supportive of this job change… I think you’re being supportive, purely for your own benefit but thank you because it feels genuine & honest.” While I think he’s reasons are purely for selfish reasons, I don’t think I would have taken the job if I was doing this on my own, talking it out with him has been helpful to give me some more confidence that I am worthy of a senior role.
He tells me that he’s been listening to my blog while he’s painting the house, though he just knocked the bucket of paint over & so spent ages cleaning it up. I ask how he’s listening to it & he gets google to read it out, which I reckon AI would be so weird to listen to it because it wouldn’t get my sense of humour & put the emphasis on the right words… He says that he does use a woman with an Aussie accent to read it but he was also listening at work too. I listen too & it’s quite hilarious when AI says dude or fuckwit, like I would say it so different if I did it like an audio book.
When he comes back online that night, it’s only because he has something he wants to share with me, that clearly his wife wouldn’t give a fuck about. He says that on his blog he got approved for Ads. I had said unless he’s posting, surely he wouldn’t get paid ads but he did… I am proud of him but of course jealous my blog hasn’t ever made me a cent. He’s been posting a ‘where are they now’ series on his Facebook page, I suggest that he puts them all into one post & bam he has a blog. He says that he clicked a link in the toilet & he saw that he had been approved for ads, I say “Bahaha… That’s so cute… And so visual. Love thinking of you taking a shit.” He says that he doesn’t normally look at his phone for his Facebook page – which is bullshit because he looks all the time when at my house & every fucking human plays with their phone on the toilet. He has said he doesn’t play with his phone much at home because that was what use used to cheat, so he doesn’t use it so it doesn’t cause suspicion. I still call bullshit…
Of course because I had been up all night over thinking, I went to sleep early & what do you know, it was a night that Phoenix was awake… I just don’t know how much I believe this bullshit anymore… Every time I go to sleep early – which is not very often, he is always available to chat, & months ago, he would come back online & chat but now he falls asleep at times that he was chatting to me. I just feel like he’s more interested in his Facebook page & so he forgets to come back online as he’s not invested in my blog anymore. I genuinely thinks he forgets me, not that he is so tired. He has had five years of coming online once or twice a month, he was obsessed with my blog & so I was in the forefront of his mind. Now his Facebook money is less, he’s having to think of other ways for it to make money, which he is hyper focusing on, meaning that he is not thinking about me & then sometimes remembers when he wakes up…
04 July 2025 – The worst has happened… I fucking cannot find my bracelet. I haven’t taken it off in 102 days! It is part of me… Did I have it on this morning?! I can’t remember. I dig through my lunch bag, my handbag but I can’t find it. The girls at work are really sweet & tell me to go check my car. I decide to wait until Phoenix has his break because he’ll call me as he finishes around 12:00pm & instead of saying to his wife that his shift is 12:30pm so he can call me when he does have a shift on a Friday, I have to try to find time around 9:00am – 9:30am so I don’t miss out on our call. God forbid Phoenix do anything out of the ordinary on his wife’s day off so I don’t have to go out of my way to fucking make sure we talk & connect on a Friday…
When he calls I go out to my car. I wasn’t going to tell him that I lost it, but it’s given me an excuse to get away from my desk. I do tell him & I tell him that I have googled buying another one, which they are on sale for $150. He tells me that is was $300 – which is was not because it says that it was $250 & now on special for $150. But anyway, I don’t want a new one, I want the one he gave me, I don’t care how much it cost, it has sentimental value to me… The cost is irrelevant. I search my car & I cannot find it. FUCK. I am devastated… He says that it’s probably at home, the girls at work say the same… But I am so fucking heart broken that it might be gone…
He signs off & I send him a snapchat of my resignation letter to my pseudo boss (as mine is still on weird unexplained leave) after having a conversation with her, she asks me not to tell the team. So I don’t… Which is so hard, Phoenix is offline & I just want him to know & I can’t share the news with the team… FUCK, there is no one to celebrate with.
When I get home, I look everywhere but can’t find the bracelet on the floor, I pull back my bedsheet & squeal, there it is! He’s not online but I send him snapchat saying that I found it & I’ve never been happier. This picture also marks the 100th day of snapchat streak – though we have been sending them longer the count is not really correct when you restore it. Anyway, he says when he comes back that he knew it would be in my bed. We talk about my contract too & I show him the position description where it says my role needs a masters degree & seven years of experience in the role, two things I do not have, he laughs. He then tries to diagnose me with anxiety instead of ADHD & says he doesn’t overthink… UM… Is he joking?! He analysed my fucking blog in graphic detail! Then suddenly, mid conversation, he is logging off saying, “Stop over thinking your contract. Im off to sleep. Goodnight xx.”
05 July 2025 – I wake up to a good morning message, I write back morning & he never reads it. FUCKING ASSHOLE! Around 9:30pm he comes back online & asks how my day was & says it’s good to see I got my Lite & Easy delivery – which I posted on my story. He sends a picture of his face saying goodnight when I don’t even click on his messages. Get fucked.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 