July 2025 – Blood Pressure Monitor
09 July 2025 – So the distance is even more than it was last month, the more the distance, the more pissed off I get, the more he pulls away & we’re in a vicious circle. I try to communicate how it makes me feel but I get the same repeat responses ‘I’m really busy’, ‘I can’t chat to you all the time’, ‘I work & am an influencer’, ‘I am the main care giver for the kids’ & ‘I fall asleep so early.’ Even today when he comes over, I am in a dressing gown. I was actually expecting that he would have been here a lot earlier than he is, that I’ve even had to message good morning first – expecting that he is going to bail since he hasn’t spoken, then he says, “will be there soon”. Just another thing to make the think that I am now an obligation & he wants to just be fuck buddies. But I have baked for him, trying my hardest to turn things around – through the only way I know how. We kiss at the door & then I take him into the kitchen holding his hand, to give him the third heart cookie pie I have made him, I have used icing this morning to write, BFBFF & a heart on it. He literally picks it up, barely looking at it before eating a huge bite & basically it’s gone. I can’t help but feel like a fucking idiot for putting in effort.
So I do what we do best & the only part that works. I kiss him, leaning against the kitchen counter, him opening up my big oversized dressing gown. He rubs my clit & I pull his dick out, the dogs are being annoying so I put them outside with a treat then come back & press against him, his dick is still out which I don’t realise & it catches me by surprise. So I bend down & suck it while he is finishing eating the cookie.
I stand up & grab his cock leading him into my bedroom by his dick. As we walk down the hallway, him backwards & us kissing, he stumbles, it’s not as easy for him to walk backwards as I do when kissing. Is that because he’s used to leading? He’s bigger & stronger so he can guide me? I don’t know but I even say that it’s hard for him to walk backwards. He gets undressed so quickly that I don’t even notice & I say, “Awww, I wanted to undress you.” He comes up behind me & cups my tits while kissing my neck. I climb onto the bed & he is on top of me, not entering me as quickly as usual, I moan a lot & he teases me for as long as he can stand, which isn’t long at all, I moan louder when he enters me & fucks me for a short time before I ask to get on top.
Today I have a blood pressure monitor on, which is on for 24.5 hours for the weight loss study & it’s taking my blood pressure every 30 minutes which is fucking annoying. However trying to have sex while it’s doing a reading is annoying, I am on top of him, moving the cord out the way but it beeps telling me it’s ready to take a measurement, so I sit on him & try to stay still, knowing that if you aren’t still, it will error out & will wait a minute before measuring again & it will measure 3 times. If it doesn’t measure, then it fails – I only have to have 70% measurements so its not the end of the world if it misses some. So when it fails the first time, I say that I will just suck his cock while we wait, but the second reading fails. So I straddle on him again & sit really still while he is begging me to be inside of him. We chat while he begs but I tell him to shhh & I say “I will fuck you like there is no tomorrow once it’s done but I need to be still”.
Once I see that it’s read successfully, I rip the cuff of my arm & I start riding him hard, fast & deep. I cum hard & quickly on him before he flips me over & he cums deep inside me. After we have finished, we lay there, he feels distant, it’s been like this for a while. I am uncomfortable from squirting & his cum, I can feel it coming out of me but I know that once I get up to go to the toilet, he will get up & go, which I don’t want to break the session, but it’s been weird with him, we haven’t has sex for two weeks & only saw each other for a work lunch break since then so I’ve been feeling the distance. Why can’t I end this?? Do you know why… Because I know I’ll regret it after I do it & he won’t fight for me.
I think one thing that I don’t ever think of, that he doesn’t get spare time on his own, free from the kids, work, her & me. If he’s not at work, he’s at home with the kids or her. When he’s at work, he is messaging me. When he is home with the kids & working on his Facebook but she is at work, he is messaging me. He himself has said ‘I want to see you as much as I can’ & ‘I want to talk to you as much as I can’ but Phoenix leaves my house & sends about half a dozen messages before I get nothing else from him, no good bye, but he comes back online later to share a picture of him saying he had a shower & he is gone again with no goodbye. He was at my house for less than one hour today. No real cuddling, no reassurance, no connection. He left & because of his lack of messaging after, I just feel like it’s back to how it was before he started reading my blog & started v2.0.
10 July 2025 – We barely text anything, then chat on the phone for his break He sends me a picture of the beach as he is there with the kids, I ask if it reminds him of our walk at the beach, he says a little but he wasn’t going to say but I say that is the shit I need from him, some fucking reassurance, he asks if I need to know when he thinks of me & I say no, don’t worry about it & I say goodnight around lunchtime.
He keeps sporadically messaging which I hate that I reply, we talk about the weight loss study & I say I may need to pull out because of the schedule, which I think they should give you upfront. He’s barely listening to me & says goodnight. I say goodnight with “xxx” & I get nothing like that from him, so I edit the message & remove the kisses so it just says “night“He asks why I edited. But ignore his question.
11 July 2025 – It’s my last day at my shitty HR job, I am so excited. I had bought them all a gift of a mini twirl, a mini bag of cheezels, a mini cake of coke no sugar, & a little gem thing from Shien with my signature little critter on it, which are a few of my favourite things. He says that its cute they got me something, but they didn’t. He sends me a snap of the cinnamon bun oreos & says they have them at his store, they have been deleted & I am devastated, they were sooooo good. But probably why I put on 13 kgs!
He calls me for his break & I also suggest he calls when he is driving home too, which he does… I know it’s Friday & he won’t talk to me tonight after he gets home at lunchtime, they will have sex & he will forget he has a girlfriend as his dick is happy.
12 July 2025 – Last night Phoenix comes back online, he is messaging then I see him typing, but never get a message. I wait 10 minutes. Nothing. I wait 15 minutes. Nothing. I put my phone down & snuggle down for sleep. Another 10 minutes & my watch goes off that he’s typing. I don’t look at it. I am going to just have to ignore him from now on when he comes back online at night – which is hardly ever anyway. I sleep like shit being a stubborn bitch & not looking at his message. In the morning, I half think that he will sneak in my house – I love him having a key but I hate that I am always trying to predict if he’ll ever sneak in again, but I check his message from 10:40pm, but he deleted it. What the actual fuck? Nothing else, no good night, no response to my message. I am pissed off. I literally mean so little to him now.
Even today, it’s Saturday, Phoenix has the day off, I am lucky if I even get a message per hour, while she is at work. So much for wanting to talk to me all the time… I have even look at his Facebook page to see how long ago he posted, I don’t know why because those two things are not linked. He will post on there no matter if he is talking to me or not, if she’s home or not. He’s allowed on there – so I tell myself I am just looking at the nostalgia posts & enjoying them & his sense of humour, which is true, but really, I know he is on his computer & could open up snapchat on the web to message me, like he has done so many times before, but he doesn’t.
He says that we should catch up for breakfast or lunch tomorrow, he might be seedy because he’s got a work party tonight. Little Miss A is going, which I haven’t stopped hearing about that fact… I just say see how you feel, he says “I feel asleep last night but dreamt I was messaging while I was messaging you haha” & I am too pissed to believe his bullshit, what a fucking liar! He has to delete snapchat, so bull-fucking-shit that he just falls asleep while typing a message & then was able to miraculously delete the message he wrote. Yeah okay, “Fell asleep while messaging, deleted the message & then uninstalled the app – fuck, I knew you were talented, but that’s next level. Well done baby!” I am being a smart ass & I know there is going to bullshit excuse “Na I messaged you. Well dreamt I did. When woke up. Then said goodnight but you didn’t reply for half a hour , but I deleted that because I woke up again. Then did all that went to sleep after I wait like half a hour again” If that’s true, why didn’t he try to talk to me, rather than just deleting his apparent good night message & then not speaking again?!
I am barely getting anything from him today, so at around 2:00pm, I eventually say have a good night as he is going out & he asks if I am not talking to him, I say that we are talking, he says, “I see” & then never looks at my message that says “Not like you’re Mr chatty… What do you want me to say??” I fucking hate that he ALWAYS holds all the cards. He just logs off & never looks at what I have to say so why did I bother & why does he bother asking if I’m talking to him if he’s just going to fucking log off a second later. He knows I’m pissed off so his response to me being pissed off is for him to be more pissed than me.
Five hours later, I don’t even know what to say anymore or what to do at this point. Should I end it? I just want to cry but of course I can’t. I’ve been feeling the distance for about two months now. I know we talk every day on the phone but it’s a 30 minute phone call with very sporadic messages. He thinks it’s enough & that I am just being a typical needy girl, I don’t agree, fuck he’s supposed to be my boyfriend, I want to feel connected, wanted & appreciated – I feel nothing. He’s started messaging later & later in the mornings – even though I know he’s up & been up for hours. He stops messaging earlier & earlier, even though he said he didn’t want to do that. He pulled away as I stuggle to keep the connection, so it’s just a fucking circle that I don’t see ending in any other way, but him cutting me off more & more that I end up ending it without any fight from him what-so-ever. It’ll probably be a relief for him anyway.
Six hours later – while he is out drinking he says “I dunno.” He also sends a picture of himself out for his work thing, I bet he sends it while Little Miss A is in the toilet. I say, “Go enjoy your night. You didn’t talk all day while home, now want to chat while out & drunk.. 🤣” He 100% doesn’t even log on if he knows I am out. He says “I did talk. You did bit not talk.” I am not getting into this while he is drunk, I tell him to go have fun… He doesn’t read what I write – the classic Phoenix move, but sends me a message early hours of the morning telling me that he won a gift card for being the most drunk. I hope he fucked Little Miss A & his wife finds out.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 