Phoenix #58

July 2025 – 200th

22 July 2025 – So another thing that is fucking creepy & weird, but in the interest of the blog, I had recorded every time I saw Phoenix on a spreadsheet, I had saved a lot of chats & ever since we’ve been on snapchat, I’ve saved everything. All so I can write about it & share it with you on my blog. It’s been a bit of a joke with him now about how many times we’ve had sex… Well yesterday was our 200th time…. BAHAHAHA…. I tell him & he says it’s wasn’t a bad time… “But obviously depends if my tracking is correct…🤷🏼‍♀️”

SIDE NOTE: Upon review of the blog for posting, I realise that it was not our 200th time! Bahaha, I didn’t track correctly, I had missed one, so this was technically our 201st time.

He sends me a picture of LMA, probably to make me jealous, which it does, she is super skinny, huge boobs, long brown hair, big eyes… He still won’t tell me her name so we call her LMA. So with the picture, which is on snapchat, if I screenshot it, it will tell him that I have screenshotted, which I don’t want him to know. However, I have discovered a way to download from snapchat without someone knowing! So, you do a screen record, pop up the photo you want to steal, then you can screenshot the picture from the screen record. I do this so I can zoom in, but then I decide to google search it & she comes up. Her instagram is very predictable but she’s gorgeous & skinny, so why not flaunt it & I find out her name. So next time he talks about her, I don’t say LMA, I will just say her name & see what he says… But also, now that he’s sent me the picture of LMA, I am more determined to lose weight than ever, having lost a couple of kilos in the first week of taking a weight loss injection & starting to feel more in control, I will never be skinny like her but I will be my version. I also ask him if he’s told his wife about her & he says that he doesn’t even want her to know about LMA or see him with her because she’ll just think he’s cheating. I mean that’ll either end it for them or pull the strings tighter & make it harder for me. So I’d just rather he talk to me about it than his wife.

Then the conversation gets so confusing because he is saying he lies to her but I don’t know why her he is referring too, his wife or LMA?! He clarifies saying about LMA “If she says something that over steps the mark I just say nothing .. But all she has really said to me is stuff like ‘Wouldn’t you like to know or see’ type of thing And did say she told eveeyone at her old store she attracted to me indirectly in a weird way…. And I just ignored it and moved on the convo …” & then clarifies about his wife “I meant I lie to my wife about having a flirtatious friendship with e a woman at work before.” & he’d also said this which about his wife but I was confused as he was talking about both women at once – can’t say I love that when he drilled me for having an online friendship with some men but anyway, Phoenix is allowed to do what he wants, the only one he listens to is his wife, “I lie to her 🤷‍♂️ But she 100% has very flirty relationships with men at work and is open about it. I ask her if Im allowed too and she says no. So I do it her behind her back 🤷‍♂️” What a great relationship, she’s allowed to flirt but he’s asked permission… Rightio!

He says that he won’t tell me her name ”Haha just incase you go into angry gf mode🤷‍♂️” Which I ask what that is, I mean why would I do anything to a poor girl at his work who doesn’t know me?? If I’m going to do anything, it’s tell his wife about LMA & she will do the dirty work for me! Hahaha… But I won’t do anything anyway, so I don’t know why he’s being weird about it. I ask what he thinks I am going to do, but he says, “I dont know. I probably shouldn’t be this open and honest with you But there is the narcisstic side of me and the level of trust and friendship I have with you too 😐. I love the attention I get at work from her 🤷‍♂️. But you still make me as rock hard as ever 😛.” I get that not giving me her name is just a game for him now, so I don’t push it, “I have you permission from me to fuck her – not that you need it, we’ve never been exclusive from your side anyway… I’m not stupid enough to believe that you get eveything you need from me.” I am not going to hold him back, “She would be a shit fuck compared to you and you know it haha. And so do I haha.” Even if it is shit, at least he fucked a young, hot, skinny chick…

“And if you want to pull back on the honesty, you can… You always hold all the cards… 🤷🏼‍♀️” Maybe he should pull back on the honesty, I mean he doesn’t mean to hurt me – this time around, but it does. “I feel like you would be honest with me if the roles were reversed … And you used to be pretty honest about it. I also regularly read a blog about your sex life hahaha. So maybe that helps with my honesty. So you are saying you dont want me to be honest with you ?” I want him to be honest, I am the one person he shouldn’t lie too, “No, you said you probably shouldn’t be honest with me…. So I said you don’t have to be… I like it, even when I hate it, I prefer you to tell me you want her than pretend to my face you don’t…”

23 July 2025 – I had my hair done last night & had told him I was dying it brown to match LMA & so I find a snapchat filter that gives me brown hair, to send him a selfie. He says that’s not me & he prefers me blonde. He is more attracted to blondes & not attracted to brunettes. But honestly, if he was single, I don’t think things would matter. In fact, I think his wife was pretty dark & only went really blonde after seeing pics of me but is now back to a more natural light brown, so I don’t think that’s an excuse for not wanting to fuck LMA. Funny though cos I always thought that my type was blonde hair blue eyes, yet Phoenix & Boyfriend were brunettes with beards & brown eyes, so turns out it doesn’t matter!

He tells me that she is going to be on nursing placement for a couple of months so he won’t work with her again & says he will forget her – yeah right. But I can’t help but be a little happy that she is not going to be in the picture. I am happy that he wants to be honest with me about everything is his life, I appreciate that honesty, but fuck I also don’t want to hear it too, you know? I am not stupid, he can fantasise about other women, he watches porn so I am not stupid enough to think I occupy all his thoughts, but I want to be the only one but that’s not realistic.

“I did just blame her for making me sick.. She’s like your the one that drank from my drink.” FFS… I ask why he won’t tell me her name if he’s ok to send me a picture of her, it’s weird. I say that she probably has some porn name but he says their names are next to each other on the roster…

He hardly chats the rest of the day, but we chat on the phone as usual. He was at work with LMA until 3:00pm, so he’s obvious when she’s on shift with him & when she’s not, so I say goodbye that I have to go clean a gutter & of course he doesn’t come back online. So I don’t know why I send this to him, ”You know Phoenix that I find you incredibly sexy, so fucking hot, that you make me wet when I think about us fucking… That I love kissing your whole body & touching it. I love scratching your beard cos it makes you melt like you make me melt when you grab my face & kiss me…” I assume because I was looking at the security footage & writing…

24 July 2025 – He sick so I knew he wouldn’t come back online last night, I’ve never met anyone who used to say he never gets sick & never sleeps that get as sick & sleeps as much as he does… Ironically, he had a sip of LMA’s drink & got sick, but fucked me sticking his tounge in my mouth & I didn’t get sick… I use her name & he says “Omg. You searched through our chat for her name.” but I say that he has never told me her name so he is confused. However, side note – probably why he thinks it’s funny, I realise when writing at different points, that he did tell me her name on 16 July 2025 but I missed it… Maybe he knew he’d told me & that’s why he thinks it’s funny I don’t know it… Anyway, turns out I didn’t need to stalk her like a weirdo, he’d already told me…

We chat on the phone & we talk a lot about my work as I am being moved desks, still to a shitty spot but better than it was, maybe it’s not but I am not under a split system the pumps out cold air. It’s Thursday afternoon & he naps, I say “Don’t nap while you can talk to me cos you clearly won’t be online for 36 hours once you say goodnight tonight.” Which is what he’s been doing every weekend she’s off. He doesn’t talk to me citing that he’s busy, which we all know means fucking his wife.

25 July 2025 – He sends a selfie which is terrible but he says he’s feeling better after sleeping since he got home from work yesterday. He then says around 8:00am that, “Im sooo fucking cold catching the bus with my kids right now.” I end up having a conversation with myself, asking why he is catching the bus & telling him I have lost 2.5kgs this week , as I don’t hear from him again… FUCKING CUNT OF A MAN.

26 July 2025 – On our phone conversations earlier this week, we had sort of made plans to meet for lunch today for an hour or some once he finished work, but I am in no mood… I had come home from work yesterday, a little annoyed but I made cookies for him for today, thinking he would come back online last night…. My hurt & foolishness built as he didn’t… He doesn’t message me until 6:10am – having been up for almost two hours & 22 hours since he logged off mid conversation yesterday & I am supposed to be ok with that?! I don’t look at it or write back. At 8:30am he asks about my clients but I write back at 11:30am & say that I am done with them now. He asks if I am coming to see him & I say, “Nah, you should hang with your kids.” but I grab my keys & am sitting in my car… He says “I created alibis to spend time with you…” Um, so?! What does that have to do with anything? Because he made an effort I have to just forget my boyfriend logged off mid sentence & didn’t talk to me again & if I say anything I’ll get some bullshit excuse… So it’s easier just not to see him when I feel this way. So that’s it? No questions why I am not coming, no asking me to come to see him, no phone call to ask me to come? “Ah you’ll think of soemthing why your home early.” I take my keys out of the ignition, a tear rolls down my cheek & I walk back inside… Deflated & feeling so foolish. “Ahh ok I purposely organised some shopping stuff so I was out of the house. All good Ill do it by myself.” I say ok. He sends a picture of bunnings & says that he even organised a click & collect. I send a picture of Woolworths when I go later & say the same… What do you know, he doesn’t write back until 7:45pm.

Fuck dude – you haven’t spoken to me properly for over 24 hours, we never discussed what the plans were, so how am I supposed to know what you organised if you don’t tell me?! Later that evening, he comes back online like nothing happened & like he is available to chat. He sees on my story that I made cookies & I say “yeah stupid me” & he asked why, well I didn’t make them for me, did I dickhead. He asks who I made them for, I say santa. & he says it’s a bit early & I say sure at 9:30pm, but when he takes over an hour to respond to my basic messages, he finally says, “well night then.” at 10:40pm… Great conversation! He’ll blame me for not giving him much, I can see the messages if I say anything, but I am just done having this fight. I am done feeling unwanted. I knew he wouldn’t just come to my house or call me when I said I wasn’t coming, but he wants me to go out of my way with the tiny breadcrumbs he’s giving me. I am just over it.

#IBD4U