Trainer

I haven’t posted in a while & you will see that I no longer have Facebook as my personal account was hacked so I can’t access the #IBD4U page & can’t contact Facebook to help because they never reply! I guess that also nothing has been happening really, I have put 100% of my efforts into my career which, lets face it, hasn’t really gone well in the last few years.

I am working as a senior manager in a small organisation with no one really above me in my state, they’re all interstate so I like that I am totally in charge – however this comes with people yelling – yes yelling at me daily, when I start at 7:30am, I am pulled aside for a “can I talk to you?” chat, which ends up with me staring blankly at them while they babble on & I just ignore what they are saying because they are just upset that I am their manager & they think I don’t have the experience to do this job.

I recruit people & a guy gets employed – he is my age & not hot but cute, we have good banter, the team finally starts to look solid. But I have a dipstick in the team who is bringing everyone down so my manager comes to visit for a week. During this week, they’re supposed to end this woman’s contract, sort out this dipstick (who ends up resigning on the Wednesday) & unbeknownst to me, it’s also a week to tell me that there is a restructure taking place, I do a split role & they basically demote me to the lesser role for the same pay. I guess that’s a silver lining in all this. But I am disappointed & it’s not the job I applied for & when I was offered the job, they decided it would be this dual role & I would decide which one I wanted when it came time to split it. Great… So I am stuck doing the same job I have done for years & be a dibber dobber to the new manager. I don’t even know what to do at this point.

The morning my manager is leaving, there is a client who chats to me & my admin support is always trying to set me up so she says that’s he’s good looking etc, I say that I am not going to date a client & my manager from interstate pipes in about how it’s not frowned upon & then they start talking about inter office dating – that pretty much everyone in head office is married to someone from head office that it’s not a problem. So there’s lots of banter & jokes, it’s a fun office to be in.

Once I drop him at the airport, my moodiness lifts, I am happy the dipstick has quit this week & I know that things will be better at our site, except they didn’t get rid of the woman like they were supposed too. I am helping the new guy with some stuff, even though he really should be helping the other staff with their work – which is what he is rostered to do. But we have some jokes & banter throughout the day.

Now I’m not going to lie, because upon reflection it was quite a flirty day, however that wasn’t my intention, you all know, if you’re a long time reader that I have no flirt game & I have no idea when someone is flirting with me. I saw it as a bit of cheeky banter, but I certainly wasn’t giving off any sort of vibes that I am interested in this guy. There were not innocent touches or anything, it was genuinely all about work.

It’s at the end of the week, I was hoping we’d get out of there around 3:00pm, but there are still clients there at 4:00pm, once they leave I go to the fridge. I have brought in a ‘light’ beer for each (1 standard drink) which we cracked open to celebrate the week. It’s been a big week. As the 3 of us are leaving, the women says “lets go to the pub for a beer.” I knew this wasn’t a good idea as there is drama with this woman, she’s asking me constantly about her contract which fucks me off that my manager didn’t deal with it, so luckily I had a lash client at 6:00pm. So I said no & went home. I assumed they would do the same.

At 6:15 pm, I get a message from him with a picture of him & her having a beer at a pub, asking me how my lashes are going, I laugh at it once I am done & he writes, ” I hear we are having beers together tomorrow just us two.” I figure it’s her writing for him so I just say, “Oh are we now…?” with a smiley face, he replies “So you weren’t flirting with each other today?” The conjugation of the sentence to me is like someone else is writing for him, just as I suspected so I write back telling her to give him his phone back. I even message the admin chick because I think she’s with with them too or they’re messaging her & this is just a joke that I will end up feeling like a twat about when he says, nah just kidding.

But it’s real. He says that I should ask him something that only he would know from the day to prove it – I can’t think of anything that would be obvious so I take a while to reply when I get, “Or am I wrong?” Stupidly I don’t know if he is right or wrong, I mean I didn’t think I was flirting or leading him to believe it was more than work banter. I do enjoy cheeky banter with men, I just don’t think it means anything, he said at one point during the day that he was ‘happily single.’ So I ask what I did to make him think I was flirting but he says “Am I wrong? I’ll be honest, I’d be keen.” Ummm… FUCK!

I ask how he sees this going down being I am his boss – because I also don’t just want a fling, I am not looking for anything at all, but I certainly don’t want a fling with a staff member when I have a fucking tiny team. He says “I don’t know how to say it but work and my personal like is separate.” I ask him how many beers he’s had now, “Beers are irrelevant when I wanted to kiss you at 2 this arvo.” DOUBLE FUCK, this is on my work number!

I am not opposed this, but I hadn’t thought about it, I mean I am not going to be his direct manager soon after the restructure in a couple of weeks, so maybe this could be something? We already know each other so that awkwardness is out of the way. Perhaps I should say ‘text me in the morning if you still feel the same way & we’ll catch up’ – yes why don’t I say that? Instead, I think that I should swap to my personal number, because I don’t want this conversation on my work phone…

I send a message from my personal number, “Ok, so while I am not saying yes or no, this convo probs isn’t good on my work number… What did I even do to make you want to kiss me??” I am genuinely intrigued, what the fuck did I do? I was literally helping him with work crap & there was a bit of banter, but nothing that I would think was sexy or cute really… I pretty much look like shit every day, I am stressed to the max & always rushing around.

“To give me your personal number, I think it means you want to as well. I’m happy to say I’m wrong but I don’t think I am.” How can guys be so sure?! Half the time I don’t even think my friends like me, how do guys even pick up that I am giving off vibes?! I just tell him that I don’t want work to be able to read my texts where a staff member tells me he wants to kiss me… “So I’m wrong then?” I don’t reply, is he wrong? “If I’m wrong, I don’t know how to say sorry enough and I will stop with it all.” Fuck, is he wrong? Or am I at least a little interested? “Well, you’re not right or wrong…”

He asks if I am worried about work & says that’ he’s capable of separating them if I can, then he asks “So you just want playful flirting at work?” but I honestly hadn’t though of it as more, which is what I say to him. “So if I was to say I could be at your place in an hour to have a friendly drink, what would you say?” Fuck what would I say? I know in my head it’s not a good idea, I know I should say that we should catch up tomorrow when he is sober. Coming to my house isn’t a wise move. But honestly he’s a level headed guy, what could do wrong?

I respond when he says that he’ll get an uber “An uber?! that does not imply a friendly drink” which he says “A drink doesn’t imply sex” um… “Who said anything about sex?” He says no one & that he’ll get some better beers that what I brought to work & that he’ll be on his way. He calls me, he doesn’t sound horribly drunk, so this is a good sign. But he starts to tell me what my problem is at work – that I came in as the manager too strong – making too many changes, I knew that this would be the line from the lady he went out with, but honestly I moved furniture around & labelled some folders, like are you serious woman?!

When we chat on the phone, he tells me that he was going to kiss me at the office today & he had this inner monologue going on about if he should kiss me or not. It was kinda cute to hear a guy explain what he was thinking, ‘should I kiss her, what will she do? Will she kiss me back? Does she want this or not?’ but obviously he didn’t kiss me, he asks what I would have done if he did & I tell him that I probably would have pushed him away…

But somehow the convo puts my mind at ease & I think that it will be ok if he comes over, what harm can it do, he can put his personal & work life aside, I won’t be his manager soon. I should have listened to the voice in my head that said meet him tomorrow for a drink, when he’s sober & you can dress up in something cute – we can start a proper relationship, not just a booty call at 10:00 pm. But I am typing out my address & he says it’ll be $60 to my house & he’ll be there about 9:45 pm.

I assume while waiting for his uber he sends “Some poor misses picked her bloke up and had to wait 20 minutes and then copped abuse. Guys are fucked up.” I agree & then, like some sort of fuckwit, I proceed to strip my bed & put new sheets on, fix my makeup, put on cute undies & bra, then tidy up but not too much so I don’t look ‘too clean’ as Noodle once told me!

He walks in the door with beers almost falling out of his arms, his work computer & jacket, I ask why he brought all that crap & he said that he didn’t want it all in the car overnight at the pub. Which I guess is a good idea, but his jacket? So random. He just said he grabbed stuff. So we sit down on the couch once we both have drinks, I am thankful that one of the dogs is sitting between us, he looks super drunk, like his eyes are glassy. This isn’t a good idea. He doesn’t sound that drunk, but it doesn’t take long for him to get there.

As he’s new to the organisation he doesn’t know a lot of the things that have been going on, so going out with this woman for beers & listening to her & for lack of a better word – takes her side, he rambles on & on about work. As his boss, I’m in a rock & a hard place where I try to explain that she’s not the best informant to listen too but also that she’s almost 100% behind all the drama since I have been there. He never sees my point of view on this.

He tries to kiss me at one point, but I don’t really allow it to happen, not only am I sitting on the couch, with a giant dog on my lap, he is standing over us which is just not a kiss sort of scenario to me. He tries again later but the same response from me, I mean there were times we were both standing up where he could’ve hugged me, when we were outside or in the kitchen, making the moment a bit more romantic, leading up to a kiss. I mean if I kissed him back, where would we have gone, I would’ve had to awkwardly stand up or him somehow sit down… I dunno, it just wasn’t right.

At one point, I stupidly tell him though & I 100% own this dumb decision but I would have told him sober too, that he wasn’t my first choice when we were recruiting but I am happy we did because he will do really well. I explain why & it was only because he was brought in by a director who keeps undermining me with every decision I make. I didn’t want to recruit another person who is best mates with this director. I also stupidly tell him that he earns more than me & I am his boss – yes don’t even get started on that topic!

This is where it takes a turn, or perhaps he’s more drunk than he should be & perhaps, I should just say go home or lets just go to sleep. But he goes on a rant about some feedback that he got from someone & I try to explain why the feedback wasn’t bad & calm him down, but he is standing & pacing while not backing down or even listening to what I am saying. To be honest it’s the first time I have really talked all night because I have been listening to him tell me all the crap the woman told him at drinks after work. Shit I knew & replies that I couldn’t really tell him because of what has been happening in the background.

There is a point in a rant from anyone – I know I have been drunk ranty before & it’s one of the reasons I don’t drink much any more – where you just don’t listen & the other person snaps because they are fucking over listening. I’ve had a couple of wines, but I am no where near drunk – I wouldn’t drive but I am not drunk & I am so fucking over listening to this bullshit about the feedback, I’ve tried to say my side but he’s not having a bar of it, that I snap & turn away, “I am fucking done with this conversation.” He seems to get it & sits down, but then keeps saying things about this feedback, I tell him again I am done with this conversation & he says “Should I get an Uber home?” I don’t really remember answering but I get up & turn off the heater & switching off lights. My actions say that, that would be best!

This is when the true colours show. Yes I am pissed off – this was supposed to be a friendly drink. He tells me I am depressed & that he’s gotten more excitement out of my dogs than me… WHAT?! I hit record on my phone because I don’t know what the fuck is happening or what will happen, he tells me that the whole night I’ve been sad & that work has fucked me over, that he understands that… Ok mate, we’ll you’ve come to my house after 10:00 pm, it’s now almost 2:00 am & you’re drunk, dribbling shit about work without letting me talk.

But he tells me that they should treat me with respect & that he has treated me with respect, that I deserve more than what they are paying me. I clearly can’t get my words out because I stutter trying to tell him that I’m depressed because I have sat here listening to him all night – trying to be his manager & listen but also not being able to get him to listen to me. He says that he can’t deal with the crying, I ask who is crying? (Because it sure isn’t me!) He tells me it was the woman he went out for drinks with, I ask how that is my problem?

I tell him that I didn’t invite him over, which he says that I did & he wouldn’t have spent $60 to get here. Well I didn’t invite him, he invited himself, yes I didn’t say no & obviously gave him my address, but this wasn’t my idea. I offer him the money for the uber. I am so annoyed, I tell him that he’s the one who messaged me to tell me he wanted to kiss me at 2:00 pm, but I don’t know what I did to make him think he could kiss me. He says “All right, I’ll message & say I won’t be in on Monday.” My jaw fucking drops, are you kidding me right now?

He’s fucking standing in my dining room at 2:00 am quitting?! What because I didn’t fuck him? He says that he’s done & I say because I didn’t fuck you tonight, you’re quitting? He says (this is a transcript from the video) “No it had nothing to do with that, you damn well know that, I tried to kiss you & you had no real interest so I never tried again & you damn well know that, okay. I could’ve kept doing this, my hands could’ve gone somewhere, but I never did, okay, I was an absolute gentleman the whole fucking night. Okay.” I say “So you’re quitting because I didn’t reciprocate your gentlemanly ways by kissing you back?” He says that here’s his jacket & his work laptop & piss farts around with his stuff.

Maybe I should’ve shut the fuck up & let him walk out but I am so fucking dumbfounded by what is happening so I say “Are you seriously saying to me right now, in my home, that you’re quitting because I didn’t sleep with you?” & he says “You know what, I just can’t deal with the bullshit.” What bullshit? Honestly… He’s had to deal with none, he’s been there like a month. I say “So because you acted like a gentleman & I didn’t sleep with you…” He cuts me off, saying “no” which I snap back, “They were your words just now.” He says “Okay, no worries, I’m gonna take them all,” as he picks up his laptop & jacket “So then that way me & you can have a conversation in front of everyone & I don’t get accused of rape.” OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT…

My voice is so angry when I hear my reply in the audio, but I can’t help it, this whole night was a disaster & I should’ve known better… “You’re not going to get accused of rape, I have cameras, so you’re not going to get accused of rape mate. I never said you’re going to get accused of rape.” He says “No worries” & walks out the door. I lock the door & ignore his message to get his cigarettes off the back table.

To reiterate his earlier message “Guys are fucked up!”

#IBD4U