Phoenix #6

19 March 2025 – Signature Move

This conversation is still going – the problem with our friendship being a mainly online friendship, even now, is that fights can go on for ages because we never get to deal with it all in one conversation. I say “She didn’t want you, she’s made that clear by sleeping all day not showing any interest in anything you do, not cumming with you. .. but as soon as she finds out someone else wants. You, she then jumps into full sexual mode, making an effort… Being open then as soon as you marry her – or even before. It all stops. She’s like a kid with a toy, she doesn’t want you but no one else can have you.” He knows I right, but his usual reply about her being the mother of his children is what he says in his head to justify why they do what they do. I don’t like talking about her or their relationship, she is nothing to me, it’s him I care about. “She doesn’t sleep as much and made More of an effort since the first affair, and although she still shows no interest in my hobbies , she has made an effort to feed my ego and let me know how attractive I am post affair.” Oh has she? That’s why you’re here telling me how much you love me & you’ve never had butterflies with her? Yeah, Rightio then!

“I also think I’m out of my wife’s league.” I call bullshit on that too, I mean the other day he said that she never boosts his ego or tells him how good he looks etc. But he just proves what an asshole he is to her, “When we first metz. She was really close to a girl called ****, and she was hot, much skinny than my wife, one time we are all in the spa drunk together e, and she just spits out I found you attractive in front of her … And I said it back to her hahaha. That was awkward.” Yeah what a cunt! He also tells me that every single one of her friends have told her that he is hot & one used to come over & check out his ass when he bent over… First who are these friends?! & second what a load of shit… Phoenix is good looking, I obviously find him incredibly hot & sexy but he is not that fucking good looking that every single one of her friends has told him to his face that he is hot in front of her & she’s ok with it… I can almost guarantee & would bet my life on it that she asked them to do it to see what he would do, like a test of loyalty. I’m surprised being that he has such low self esteem that he wouldn’t have already drawn that conclusion himself… But no, it boosted his ego & we all know his wife wouldn’t manipulate a situation to get what he wants, would she! No, never!! Hahaha.

His new favourite (not really but he talks about this a lot) & my least favourite is about my blog & how I had ‘back up partnered men’ ready for when things ended with Phoenix. Well for starters, they were not backups – they were men I talked to just as he talked to women. I said in my blog that if either left their partners I would date them but if Phoenix left his wife, I would’ve fucking married him, had his kids if he wanted more, so they were in no way a backup, I’ve never pictured myself marrying any one other than Phoenix, I never even really pictured myself marrying Boyfriend. I, in no way, have ever had a back up so think what you like dickhead. If they were a back up, wouldn’t I be with one of them now?! I get so pissed every time he talks about my blog that he even says he should have kept it to himself. He forgets that pretty much everything I wrote in my blog happened after he shattered my heart & was back online telling me how kinky his wife was & all the people she was fucking & how they had a threesome – my number one fantasy… So my writing & actions were influenced by my anger & hurt. Just as it is now!!

I know he’s trying to be hurtful now, telling me something that is either a lie or just to make me jealous, “Cowboys mistress was a good friend, yes we did discuss meeting up, we discussed dates, I hate her address, we sexted and had a good friendship….but that was post affair. you had this friendship with both men during our first affair.” He had her fucking address & set a date!? ACTUAL FUCK YOU! He says that it was post affair, yes post affair one. But if you’re a long time reader, you’ll recall that he wasn’t on the chat app after affair one until found me as a stranger on the anonymous app, then joined the chat app to stalk me which commenced affair two… Remember?! That is when he started talking to Cowboys mistress, at the start of Affair two. Then when I ended the second affair four days before he got married, he disappeared from the chat app. So tell me Phoenix, when post affair, were you going to meet Cowboys mistress that didn’t overlap with me?! He only met her because of him stalking me on the chat app!! You fucking cunt of a man. I was single & allowed to date, so if I had friendships outside of Phoenix, then I’m fine with that because I never used those friendships to make him feel shit about himself, Phoenix rubbing his flirting right in my face, just like he did with his wife in the spa… What a fucking wretched human being!

Of course, Phoenix pulls his signature move, as soon as I get snippy or angry, Phoenix has to turn it around & get more angry. Narcissistic prick! Reading messages then not replying… I don’t know why but I message him till he replies, after what he’s just revealed. But I also don’t really  analyse what he’s saying until I am writing about it… I forget why but I had been calling him Mr Snuffleupagus. Why am I even bothering? He always has to be the most angry, I can’t even explain my side, he just can’t see it. He read the words & made up his mind. I tell him not to be pissed at me & he says that he is only pissed because of his feelings for me. I get it because I am so fucking angry of everything he has rubbed in my face, it’s way worse than anything I have ever done. He says “I also try and push you away. Nothing has changed after 8 years 🤷‍♂️” I believe one day I will let him push me away because the ego & narcissism will become too much, that I try to scare him off now before I am in any deeper. I put our anniversary in the countdown on snapchat to scare him but it doesn’t, “I’m not going to get angry at wanting to celebrate meeting me ? Its pretty clear you are important to me and and I fucking love it that you want to do it.” FUCK!

I know Phoenix has told me years ago & probably more recently how much his mum & family love his wife, that they offered her a place to stay when they broke up when she found out about me, I am curious but probably shouldn’t ask, “So serious question, not to piss you off but let’s play a fantasy game again… Say we were together, do you think your family would hate me? (not your kids, clearly they will but your bro, sis & parents??)” I want to know the answer, but now that I have asked, I don’t want to know what he thinks… “That is a tough one; my family took my wife’s side when the affair came out….they love my wife, and she has become part of the family, and they put up the offer to move in with them if she needed to, I think my mum would like you… you guys have similar personalities, now that I think about it, she is a very sexual person and brutally fucking honest, I get my brutal honesty from my mum , but I think once the smoke had settled, she would like you, my bro wouldnt care too much I don’t think, infact he would probaly make him feel better because his marriaged ended, and my sister would like you too I think, she also has a similar personality to me and my mum. also in their eyes…Im the person that cheated, so it is entirely my fault. my family never asked about you. they dont know who you are, they just know I had an affair. with another woman. and I never talked to them about it…my wife did talk to my mum about it. Im not even sure how much she told them. and somehow she told my brother and sister. my relationship was so much closer to ending that you think. there was obviously break up plans in place with my family and wife… that I was not privy too. when I told her parents she was in hospital and once they found out… they obviously talked to my parents too. btw everyone hates my mum. she is not a very likeable person due to her brutal honesty and out going personality. and she doesnt have a filter. and everyone loves my step dad. so Im not sure you would like my mum, or it would take time. even I dont like mum sometimes haha. and it took awhile for my wife to like her, but even like all my brothers girlfriends hated her, none of my ex’s really liked her… shes a bit full on. my mum is outgoing brutally honest person that isnt afraid to talk about sex haha. so it can lead to some awkardness sometimes. and so is my sister” I think the shit part about all that, is that his family didn’t support him or ask what he wanted when he cheated & were breaking up, people don’t just cheat because they’re happy in their relationship… If there was a plan behind his back to support his wife, then he is deluded that he thought his relationship was close to ending – they were never going to let it end, he’d even told me his mum was in his ear about going back to her. I even say that perhaps if his family knew how he felt about me & what we had, his mother – who left his father when he was very young because of cheating, would not have pushed him back to her. “If she knew the full details….and how much I loved you, she probally would of told me to go with you, but Im not sure, she also had a good relationship with my wife at this point. its a bit of a weird one. I weighed alot of pros and cons …..and part of that was in my decision making. ultimately it came down to my kids. Im also not very close to my mum, like we have a good relationship, talk once every 2 weeks on the phone, and see them once a month. Im a VERY closed person, like to my mum, to my wife, to fucking everyone. so if Im opening up to you, you better pay fucking attenoin. because I dont do that for anyone. including my wife and mum.” I don’t know why I am doing this to myself but this conversation just makes me want to fucking cry.

We move on & he says that he was falling for me after the second time we fucked in affair one… Well when the sex is that good yes I guess… I just find it hard to believe because he knocked up his partner shortly after that, tying himself even more to her, if he had any feelings for me at all, he wouldn’t have done that… So I think he had lust for me & our sex, our chemistry but he wasn’t in love with me or had feelings for me. He says he was nervous to meet me & I say that I had butterflies & quite often still do. I get nervous with things like when I gave him a key years ago or when I bought Pepsi max & kept in my fridge for him or making him breakfast the other day, it’s very couply & weird so I plan to do it then want to back out cos I feel stupid. “Haha I thought it was cute and amazing you made us breakfast. I had no idea you were nervous about that. I also had no idea I had a special key cut … I thought you just gave me sweeties husband key … you told me he had a key before me. Haha and I won’t deny it, when you gave me a key that made feel kinda special…” He doesn’t get why I feel stupid because he’s had so many meals with his wife, I understand she doesn’t cook, but I’m sure she has at some point… So while he thinks fucking is our something special, the breakfast with him, giving him a key, spending time with him watching stupid TV is what is special to me – stuff he doesn’t care about, stuff he takes for granted, that is the highlight of our situation for me.

We talk about meeting up tomorrow; he says that we shouldn’t just have sex because that’s what everyone gets with me. I have now jumped on this bandwagon too, I don’t want to be just sex, but I am so cautious of this no sex thing & how easily he will just back off when something happens that I won’t be told about, he’ll just back off & spout some bullshit about being busy, so I quickly turn the conversation back to sex before I get too wrapped up in the sexless dating. I want to fuck him so badly, but there is nothing more that I want but to just have sexless dates with him. He hits me with “BTW. I 100% have the 2nd off.” Which is the day after my gum surgery, then he tells me that he also has the first off. I say that he should come over on both days, ice cream on the first day & soup on the second. He says he’ll see how he feels… Ok jerk burger! I shouldn’t bank on seeing him either day & I wish I never said he should see me both days now… I feel like a fuckwit. I am back at work on the third so assuming I’ll be ok “You know ill look after you… If I need too. I’ll bring you some icecream I promise.” OMG could he be any cuter?! FUCK – I need to remember his mantra ‘don’t get attached to me!’ He says that he might have to get me to pick him up Wednesday but he’ll drop me off ice cream on Tuesday. I ask why – after I’ve had surgery, would I have to pick him up, he says he can hide in his car until she drives past. Where they live has had some major road upgrades that there is now an underpass so I say she wouldn’t see it anyway, but he says “Na. She does. She gets maccas coffee every morning. And checks for my car too.” Um what?! Every day she looks for his car?! Fuck… Then he basically has a whole conversation with himself about starting at 7:00am then he can do the kid drop off & it’ll solve his problems because she’ll be already at work by the time the kids go to school… Fuck that was a journey of information I just didn’t want to know… She’s still checking in on him & he’s still ok with it. FUCK, why I am still involved in this?!

#IBD4U