24 March 2025 – Anniversary #2
I drive home without looking at my phone, I am fuming. He is so dumb it hurts… She manipulated him so badly & he believed her & is now defending her to me, on our fucking anniversary! The first time in eight years that we’ve acknowledged it & he has to fucking defend the women he married – I get it, you chose her… She’s perfect & can’t do anything wrong. I’m the bitch. I’m the mistress making her man love me…. Yeah ok fuckwit! Why are we even talking about her! She got him, I get it, you don’t need to keep rubbing it in my fucking face that I didn’t say I love you enough so you didn’t chose me when push came to shove… Say you chose her because of your kids all you want, but he could have had the kids & me if he believed how much I loved him & wasn’t so fucking scared of being alone!
It’s a Monday night so she’s at work, a night when we get to chat to each other longer but I really have no desire to look at my messages from him. I know I am just going to say something rude & I want this day to be a happy day – but that’s shot to shit. I pull in the driveway see the flowers on my doorstep, I am going to stomp on them & throw them away, he is a fuckhead. Do not defend your wife to your mistress, especially when your wife is mentally unstable & played you like a fiddle… As I walk inside, I am struggling with all my crap in my arms – I have my jacket, handbag, lunch bag & an open can of coke, plus my keys, when I pick up the flowers & I realise that there is something under the mat, I lift the mat corner & notice a long rectangular navy blue box with a gold embossed line around the edge. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS… Is this jewellery? What the fuck has he done!? I walk inside, put all my stuff down desperate to open the box. I open it to reveal a very thin gold bracelet with three little ‘Love’ words two in gold & one in silver, spaced evenly. It’s very delicate & very me considering I lately always mix my metals. Fuck you Phoenix. I sigh, but I smirk, which leads to a smile. I snap it shut trying to keep this angry mood, I feed the dogs & go to the toilet, but I come back to the bracelet, I smile as I open the box again, I take it out & put it on.
“Firstly, thank you for the flowers & bracelet. I fucking hate that I am smiling like a fucking wanker…. 😑 Secondly, don’t just trivialise my feelings all the fucking time…” Phoenix won’t believe this but no man has ever bought be jewellery before. I fucking love it & never want to take it off. “I don’t? Sucked in. You smiled. You have something to remember I love you now. Mind you I don’t think you ever needed reminding …” He says that the flowers were just a decoy for the cameras – that’s probably why they are just a standard bunch – I mean I am not knocking supermarket flowers, they are so much nicer than they used to be back in the day, they are still amazing flowers that have pride of place on my kitchen table but my point in the last post, was that they were modest because they weren’t the gift!!
I tell him how much I love it, the bracelet on my wrist melting my mood & changing the subject, I am kind of glad he didn’t give it to me face to face because I am not good with gifts, but I also say that he didn’t have to buy me a bracelet, I fucking love that he did, but he didn’t have to do it, he says. “Na you deserve it, you have done way too much for me over the last 8 years.” Well one thing about our friendship is that we have nothing to show for eight years except what is on my computer or saved in our snapchat conversation. So now that I have something from him, something to remind me of him (not that I need it) but something branding my wrist everyday to remind me that I am loved. I never need to question that, I can just look at my wrist & know that I am loved, even when he’s offline.
I know it’s not a cheap piece of crap, it’s from Prouds, it’s definitely gold, he says that the money is worth it, but I am not comfortable with it, considering he didn’t take the family to the Falling in Reverse concert the other night because it was too expensive & here’s a couple of hundred dollars that could have been put towards that. I love it don’t get me wrong, but I would have been happy with the flowers, a lunch date or a box of Cheezels to be perfectly honest! I never needed gifts from him, they’re great but I don’t need it. All I ever wanted from him was for him to be honest with me, tell me when he’s going to be on & offline, he never needed to buy me jewellery. I do tell him that it’s a first for me, he says he believes me. He says it’s not cheap but it’s not expensive “I should have the first time. Should of got you something a long time ago.” I mean I wish I had something, even just a photo of us, just something to prove we’ve had something more than just a secret affair. “But happy anniversary, I am glad I met you.” Awwww fuck. “And thank you for everything you have ever done for me, I know it’s not easy being the other woman. And you have had to do a lot of things for me to see me. That I took for granted. So yeah. You deserve it.” Fuck if I knew that reading my blog came with jewellery & confessions, I would have sent it to him years ago! I tell him that I love having something from him, that I love it & I love him. He says “And for some strange reason you still put up with me, and the shit I give you, sill make time to see me, still make an effort to work around me to see me after 8 years.” Yeah I don’t know why sometimes considering todays stupid conversation about his wife, I don’t know why I have stuck around.
About three sentences in to this next line of questioning, I hate myself for asking him if he had help picking it out. He asks who would have helped him & I say the salesperson, which he says they helped but he said he didn’t want to get me a ring for obvious reasons. I ask “What did you say, I’m just buying something for my mistress what do you suggest??” I’m laughing, knowing he didn’t say that, but the smile is wiped off my face quickly, “I lied and said wife… Haha but would of be interesting to see the reaction.” FUCK. “Hmmm, I guess I asked for that stab.” The stab hurts more because I know her birthday is tomorrow too, so I bet he bought her jewellery too & suddenly I am realising that this doesn’t really mean much at all… Just another gift he had to buy because I made a big deal about the anniversary by putting the countdown on snapchat & saying it this morning. Fuck, why did I make a big deal about it… Urgh. I try to lighten my mood by saying that I don’t know how I’m going to explain it, maybe I’ll just say “It’s a gift from my married ex boyfriend who’s reading my blog…”
He says that he wishes he could’ve given it to me in person, I say that he could have but he said he didn’t know if he’d have time & so I say he could’ve given it to me on another day but he says he wanted me to have it today. But he could have shopped for our jewellery at the shops near my work & then had lunch… But I guess he didn’t want me to see what he got her, but he could have put it in the car, getting there early to buy it without telling me. I never expected a gift, so I didn’t think to get him anything. I have to think of something good, something he can hide but something that lets him know how much I love him. Fuck, what can I get him?!
I then have a little confession to tell him, “My sister gave me her phone last night to try to get rid of some notification her FB – it wouldn’t go away, so I was playing around with the app, the first post on her wall (if that’s what they’re called these days) was a suburb group that she’s in, I dunno what, like a buy swap sell or something… So I checked… You’re in it… You’ve posted in it… I looked at some of them…“ Basically it was the most boring stalk on the planet, but I looked & then couldn’t stop searching the group, “Okay. And the point of this is ? Haha. Why would you even tell me? Haha.” I don’t know but I guess because I don’t like to stalk & I got caught up it in… He posted nothing exciting, literally was bullshit mostly about the postie.
I mention something about The Handmaids Tale & it coming out soon, Phoenix tells me about some streaming service called Plex that runs off your PC, you download all your shows then you can stream them from your PC using Plex. He says that he could get the Handmaids Tale for me & give me his plex details. I say that I won’t hold him to it, but he says that he’ll look into it for me. He says something about his wife watching crime docos & I don’t want to talk about her again or know that I have something in common with her. I say that I don’t want to be like her & he says that I am much sexier but he also asks if I want him to stop mentioning her. I mean I want him to be honest about her & I don’t want him to have to sensor what he talks about with me, she is part of his life – the biggest part of his life, I just wish it wasn’t so often or that he is so defensive about her. He says I go funny when he mentions her, yeah because he brings her up a lot, usually as a compliment to me & how much better I am, yet you still fucking choose to be with her every day. But most of the things he says just make me feel bad about myself, like how much weight she is losing or how much money she earns…
I tell him about the weird stalker down the street who offers to mow my lawns sometimes, I figure that the camera footage I have of that will help a murder investigation for me, but Pheonix says he will be the main suspect, well to be honest, his wife would be. When he watches the videos he says “I mean if I was diving Past and saw you wearing that. And you were single. And I had seen you on tindee. I’d want to take you out for coffee too. So I can’t talk.” I was wearing a little t shirt dress, nothing terribly exciting!
We’re mid conversation & he says “I’m heading off line now…” so I say ok bye, he sends me my initials with a x but I don’t give it back, I hate when he does this, literally halfway through a conversation about how he lost his virginity & he just rushes off, again it’s our anniversary & I’m not even going to get anything sweet from him, just one x , he says he’s wants his initials back, bit I don’t do it. “Well you run off, I didn’t even think you’d see the message.. I was going to say thank you & shit but I was like ok, off you run then.” He says that he can wake up to it, but he really doesn’t know what it feels like to be left on unread, particularly when you’ve said good night & he couldn’t even wait around five more seconds to read it… It’s fucking infuriating & he will never get it because I never do it to him! I understand that the says that he tries to talk to me right up to the last second he can, which is why he used to rush off really quickly, but from my perspective, I just see that my message goes unread for hours or that it gets read & not replied to for hours… He will never see it from my side, despite reading about it in the blog & how much it fucked me off back then, now doing it again. I made peace with it the last five years because we weren’t having conversations, we barely spoke online, we’d set up the next fuck date & that was about it. Now we’re having a conversation again, there is nothing ruder that being left without knowing the other has left the chat. He was talking about MSN & how he met the chick he lost his virginity too on there, does he not remember that we used to say back then BRB so we weren’t rude & silent for ages?! Why the fuck can’t he just communicate better when he needs to go offline, while halfway through a D&M?!
Really, the anniversary conversation didn’t get any better, did it?!
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 