April 2025 – Fantasies
05 April 2025 – Tomorrow we’ve planned to meet after work, I have been planning to make smashed chicken caesar tacos, so I have got all the ingredients except shredded lettuce. I want more than anything to have sexless proper dates with this man, I want to prove he is more than special to me. How can’t he see that he is literally the most significant person in my life, I would even say over my sister – who is my number one. So while he is offline, I start looking at some geocaches around his work that are secluded that we can go find & my brain is so wired to get him to like me so I say that because it’s secluded, we can have sex there! He worries about someone else coming to look for the cache while we are fucking, but I had bought all these screens for my car windows after we fucked in my car at work & it was so exposed, so I got on amazon & found magnetic screens to make my car dark, which I remind him of. I say that he can eat the taco while I’m driving there & I say something about bringing a picnic blanket & he says “Aslong as you are there, Im happy” Fuck he knows what to day to make me fucking melt…
I ask him a boring topic about his home loan rate to see how mine compares. I want to get my passport again & go away but it seems that I will never get there while I am paying two mortgages on a shitty single wage. He says that he’s never travelled & not to worry. But I have travelled & while I don’t care that he hasn’t, I want to travel somewhere soon… All I want is for him to go away with me…
03 April 2025 – This morning I am super excited that I am going to his work after work & we’ll have lunch & sex, while looking for a geocache. We’re chatting back & forth when he calls me, I miss it but I ask if he meant to call which he says yes that he was bored on his break. I call him back & we talk for his whole break even though in like two hours I will be picking him up. I pack up lunch, including packing him a can of oxyshred, a Pepsi max plus I throw in some napkins. I ask him to buy some shredded lettuce, which he brings out to the car. We kiss hello & drive to where the geocache is. It’s pretty secluded so I pull off a little bit so we can eat our tacos. He eats them so fast that I think he barely could taste them. I eat one still with stiches in my mouth I am a lot slower, he finishes off my leftovers – which I oddly love when he does that… Is it because I’ve not had someone to share my food with in so fucking long or is it just a weird couple thing that I haven’t had a lot of. I also am lame & got him an easter bunny that I take as his dessert for lunch. I feel like a dickhead giving it too him, but we share it, him eating most of it.
We kiss a lot & end up in the back seat of my tiny car, He fingers me with my legs so spread that anyone looking through the front car window would have got an eye full. He goes down on me too, I haven’t been able to suck his dick because of the stiches & open wound inside my mouth, I think I should not have dick bacteria in my mouth. I ride him & we cum hard, him pounding into me that when I have cum & can feel he is close, I say ‘Cum deep inside me Phoenix‘ & he pumps hard one more time before he lets out his cum grunt & I make this noise that later he refers to as ‘a cute smug noise’ that was just me proud that I made him cum so easily. We then get out & look for the geocache, which I try to let him find but it’s a tough one & I find it & say something before I realise that I’m used to doing this & he also doesn’t like looking stupid to people, especially me. But that’s also the problem, I want to look cool – while doing the lamest possible hobby ever & show him that I found it first… It’s a stupid thing that I know will make him feel shit but make me feel good but that’s basically been our whole relationship.
He talks about how hot car sex is & says that the last five years we should have had sex outside of the bed & that he’s liked mixing it up again. I ask if the sex has been boring, which he says no but he likes to change it up – which I agree. I ask him if there is anything he wants me to do, any fantasy like princess Leia in the gold bikini? “I’m not a star wars nerd… so princess leia does nothing. School uniforms on the other hand haha …” & I immediately google school uniform costumes! “Like I said you did 99% of what I wanted.” Let me guess, the 1% is the public toilet? He replies “Pretty much. But I have no interest in that now. Purely because of jealously” For fuck sake, I am not going into this now! “I asked for it , you were not interested and made sure you did it with someone else 🤷♂️. You were willing to do it for him over me, I just have to live with that. But you did everything else I wanted. I asked for it during first affair 🤷♂️. Clearly he deserved it more than me and you were more willing for him. So whatever. Clearly he did if we both asked for it and he got it and not me.” Fuck off dipshit!
I avoid the public toilet debate but saying that if he picks a school girl costume, I will buy it & we can pair it with our little consensual non consent scene, a school girl with her boyfriend who she says no too & he does it anyway – both of us have this intruder type fantasy so this could work well… He says it shouldn’t be hot but it is… I mean it’s hot because it’s me & its consensual. He mentions that until he read my blog he never realised how much I actually wanted the intruder fantasy, um you fuckwit, I gave you a fucking key for you to do it! He never really used it & when he did he even admits that he made heaps of noise on purpose. “I wasn’t sure if you were just playing along. Turns out you really fucking wanted it lol. I did not know this till I read your blog. Like it was a major reason you gave me keys” Um well duh! The dumb thing is that he knew Max had my spare key for an intruder fantasy so I am so surprised that he says he didn’t know I really wanted it… I ask him if he thinks I would ever just play along with something? “I think you would play along with something I wanted that you didn’t want.. Actually for me you wouldn’t do the public toilet. So maybe not.” OMG he is a dog with a fucking bone, every single second he can have a dig at me, he will do it… I cannot fathom saying no, I fucked him in a car wash & at a train station to name a couple of public places! “You basically said you were not interested. Old mate dom dom must of been more interesting than me.”
I pull a phoenix, because I am so fucking angry & so over this conversation, how many days can we have the same fucking conversation when we just don’t see it the same way? He will never convince me & I will never convince him – he knows this & we agreed not to bring it up but he gets jealous & then just has to make me feel like shit because he feels like shit after the cute & fun afternoon we’ve had, I snap “My other sexual fantasies I haven’t done yet either…. 🤷🏼♀️ You didn’t do one of mine, but did it with your wife. So she must’ve been more important than me…. 🤷🏼♀️” His excuse is that mine threesum fantasy replies on specific situations & on his terms of not being buff & having a small dick. He says he would have done it if it didn’t end but I wouldn’t have fucked him in a public toilet. OMG I AM SO ANGRY!!! But he keeps fucking going “You said you were not interested, But old mate Rob Rob you were interested so oh well.” I don’t even care right now “Well your ol mate wife got her 3sum fantasy then went back to her usual boring sex…” I put my phone down, he send a bunch of messages but by the time I look at my phone he’s deleted three messages & just says “It doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past.” I ask what he deleted & he said nothing, he got nasty – I’d love to know what he wrote now! Fucking twat. “Cos anytime I write something a little bitchy, but 100% accurate, you get mean.” Any time he feels bad about himself because of what he’s read or just any reason, I am the one who cops it. “Cos you’re a fucking prick… Blame me for doing something with someone, when you did the exact same thing, then told me all about it!” he says I don’t get it & won’t ever get it… You’re right about one thing Phoenix, I won’t ever fucking agree with you on this!
“No obviously I don’t get it, cos I was fucking distraught, heartbroken & devastated… Then you come back online, in an open relationship, telling me all about your kinky sex & who she was fucking, doing a fantasy I wanted – that you said no too… So I went out & fucked everyone, hating myself the whole time because all I wanted was you. So no, Phoenix , I will never get why you think I saved anything for him or anyone.” He then just becomes Mr passive aggressive & starts agreeing with me, I can sense his tone & know that he doesn’t mean what he is saying, that it doesn’t matter & it’s all in the past… It’s not in the past, it’s in our present, because he is reading about it & taking his insecurities out on me. I am so angry, I don’t even give a fuck anymore about trying to pump up his ego, “Fuck you. My family is getting here & your wife will be home for some kinky sex… Chat later.” I put down my phone & I actually surprise myself by not even looking at it knowing he is offline & probably won’t come back online tonight. When I look I see the messages he sent earlier & then a little rant while I was not looking at my phone… “That was meant to be past tense. You are not meant to get angry at me when I’m trying to agree with you. And not fight with you. So. I’m not going to say fuck you to you, Love you ! Chat later.” That must’ve hurt Mr passive aggressive to write that.
“OK while you are not talking to me. And considering in person you will just hug, kiss or fuck me to shut up me up. And I can’t resist thar. I’m going to tell you why it fucked me off. This is not me trying to make you feel shit or have a go at you. Obviously we all have fantasies we want to act out, you had some , I had some, many we had before we met each other. Obviously have a mff 3sum is one I had, and I am forever grateful for it. Oi. Oi. I’m ranting. Go away.” My little bitmoji popped up in the chat when I looked, I say ok & I put my phone back down. “Wow that was easy. I obviously had a long term sexual fantasy of doing it a public toilet. So when I finally came across someone that I thought would do it with me , obviously a mistess that gave me nearly every thing. I suggested it to her and she wasn’t interested, you did not act interested at all so I dropped it after one convo. And it was quite late in our first affair too. So it just fucks me off you were so willing to do it and you were interested in even organising it someone that you didn’t love or was as close to as me , and willing to do it , when you were not even remotely interested in doing it with me .Then top to all off, like some sort of fucked up cherry on top. It’s with a guy that you had some sort of sexual connection with throughout all our affairs, obviously you were telling me you loved him, then having phone sex and sext with him the next day or whatever. And the same bloke that was allowed to degrade you via text and via phone vocally, something I thought was truly fucking special to our friendship and I assumed was special to you. So yeah it’s like some sort of fucked up cherry on top that just makes me even more fucking angry I missed out on doing it with you, especially as a first. As it’s something that was like in my top 5 of like sexual fantasies that I wanted to do in life. I have obviously zero interest in doing it with you now. And if it came up with someone else I would do it in a heart beat. So yeah. That why I got fucked off. But you had all right to do it with him. And you had no obligation during out first or second affairs to give me anything I want that you would not enjoy. I obviously fucked my wife and was having kinky sex with her. So you did the right thing fucking him , and I had no right to have that fantasy with you. Or hold it against you especially while you were heart broken trying to get over me. So like I said earlier. I agree with everything you said. And it’s all justified.” Oh actual get fucked Phoenix!
“I get all that, I’ve understood all that this whole time… I do not remember you saying you wanted it so badly (& now hearing it’s in your top 5!) & I do not remember saying no at all & I don’t remember you ever asking multiple times, like other times I brought up fantasies. Because I find that so hard to believe, being that I did eveything you asked for & more, why wouldn’t I do that with you..? And for the record, I did it after we broke up the second time…” Then I reply to his comment about doing it with someone in a heartbeat, “But fine, go do it with someone else then. I’m sure your wife will be keen for some public toilet sex.” I am infuriated “🙄 Ahh. Just forget I said anything.” I say ok & log off, not looking at his ‘night’ message.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 