May 2025 – Phone calls
01 May 2025 – Since our fight on Anzac day we’ve been okay, I don’t think there has been any tension or fights, but that is mainly because he’s online all day, sending messages, but the messages are sent with big breaks in between, that when I copy our chat for the last few days, it takes up no more than a few A4 pages on Word. I guess he did set the scene, so I won’t be surprised when he does have a whole day that he doesn’t talk to me. I need to be prepared for that, if we go any further into this, I don’t think that I will be okay when he does pull away. Could I survive it for a third time?!
He has a lunch with three friends from his old work today, so he isn’t chatting much. They go to his favourite niche fast food place for a food challenge, you have a certain amount of time to eat all these different burgers, chips & drinks then they refund your money & give you $100 if you do it. He sends me a picture of the table & even for four of them it looks like a fuck ton of food, so when he says they failed, I am not surprised. He says he feels sick because, “Haha ate 2 burgers, some chips, 4 tacos and one coke, milkshake and half my slushie.” FUCK! That’s like a weeks worth of food for me!!
For the first time since I got this HR job in September 2024, I enjoyed work today, I fucked up royally, (which is a funny way to start!) but emailing the wrong employee with the same name for an updated first aid certificate or we need to remove them from work. But because I sent the email to the wrong employee, the wrong employee sent me a certificate, so I had to confess to my boss that I sent it to the wrong employee, but as I was looking at it to update it anyway for the wrong employee, I realised that it was a falsified certificate. The wrong employee didn’t even need to send theirs, so instead of looking at their current certificate & saying it’s still valid or booking into a course, they changed the date on the PDF & sent it through – probably in a panic. However, on further investigation we realised that she had falsified numerous certificates so I didn’t feel as bad as I first did. So my fuck up uncovered something interesting for me to investigate, which I actually enjoyed. I actually feel smart when I am telling Phoenix about it & am proud of myself for picking something up like that, others have missed it for years. I also do a bit of audit & find another one also. So interesting that the only person I want to talk to about this, is Phoenix. He listens but I sense the disinterest, he says that’s its his ADHD.
I also ask his advice about a dishwasher, boring I know but then I talk about my proposed kitchen renos but I have to replace the dishwasher now, I don’t know if I should buy a good one or a cheap one & replace again when I finally get to reno. We talk about it back & forth for a while, but he seems disengaged & says that he is writing & researching for his blog. He is taking a while to reply to me – I say that if he’s busy I’ll say goodnight being it’s almost 🎃 o’clock anyway but he says, “You are also important to me.” then he tells me that he thrives on doing multiple things at once because of his ADHD (self-diagnosed!). The thing is, if he was able to do multiple things at once, I wouldn’t notice how long it takes to reply. I don’t expect instant messages, but when I’m waiting several minutes when it is late at night, it’s just easier to say goodnight. He says he doesn’t want to say goodnight but then doesn’t really spend time making me feel like he wants a conversation, then he says he’s sleepy. Fucking wanker. Why didn’t you just let me go fucking 15 minutes ago!!!
02 May 2025 – I wake up later than usual & there is nothing from Phoenix, I send “Morning for when you you get up, though I know you’re up cos you get the kids up in 2 mins & I know you have been for hours even if you’re not working today… So I’m not sure why you’re being a stubborn bastard. But morning anyway.” He says that he’s been able to sleep in at almost 8:00am, because his wife has the day off being it’s Friday, she has a doctor’s appointment & her lashes, so she’s taking the kids to school. Bullshit, he’s told me that he never sleeps in anymore, always up early! But whatever you need to tell yourself, Fuck Fish.
Considering she would be gone for at least 2-3 hours with those two appointments, we barely speak all day, he chats till I assume she gets home around 11:00am & then we send a few afternoon messages about him leaving his kids home tomorrow to go get a hair cut, when he’s home alone today wouldn’t his wife ask why he didn’t do it today? He says she won’t notice… Um, ok then. As if she won’t notice his hair cut, but okay… He says that it feels like I am trying not to spend time with him, which I am obviously not but I don’t want him to come over & not spend time with his kids. Maybe this is a taste of his own medicine, this is how I feel every conversation we have now, like he doesn’t want to chat to me.
He comes back online later than night but the conversation is weirdly strained & so I say “Night ABC, hope you have had a good day. xxx” but I get back ”Umm okay goodnight” Yeah righto. Guess who fucked their wife today – being he’s categorically told me they don’t have sex at night or in the mornings… & so he’s feeling guilty about talking me so I get the version of Phoenix that makes me wonder what the fuck am I doing…
03 May 2025 – I assumed that he was planning to come over after breakfast, after the kids were awake, with the premise of a haircut, I assumed wrong. He rocks up at my house at 6:10am, we hadn’t discussed what the plan was today but I guess I’m not going to the gym I booked in for at 7:30am, am I?! I am not annoyed about seeing him, but what fucks me off is that he is gone by 9:00am saying he ‘has to go’ get his hair cut… What happened to the sexless dates? What happened to wanting to spend time with me? This is just like it was in Affair one, when he was always scared of being caught. I thought that when he had a few hours to see me, we would do something, I was thinking we would have lunch or something today. That I wouldn’t just be in bed, that I would have vacuumed, washed my hair after the gym. I mean even when he leaves to go get his hair cut, I have errands to do at the shops also, but I don’t ask to go with him, I’m surprised he chose to come so early in the morning without telling me & not have a date, when we finally have time together. He has all day & this is how he chose to do todays catch up? I just don’t get him at all…
Anyway enough about my disappointment – because I am sexually satisfied. Lets talk about that instead. He climbs into bed with me with clothes on, usually he gets naked or at least takes off his shirt, leaving his boxers on. We play with each other, kissing & hugging before I have to go sort of out dogs & climb back into bed with him. Our session today starts out pretty standard but fucking hot as always, he is teasing me that I say I want him naked & I climb on top of him, fucking him till I cum. When I start sucking his cock, I have an idea – the make up brush! I grab the one I have now left in my bedside table, as it’s not really suitable for make up anymore, hahaha, & run it all over his legs, his cock, his balls, over his belly & as I am doing that I also give him a suck & a lick, I am not able to jerk his cock at the same time, so I apologise for it not being epic but he says that it was epic & felt so good. A first for both of us, not that he will believe me at this point.
04 May 2025 – The next morning I sleep in till 8:45am but wake up when I hear my phone making the snapchat buzz that Phoenix is typing, I look & it’s his good morning message… Ah, the pull back is in full force… He’s been up since 4:00am, at work since 7:00am, but I don’t even get a message until almost 9:00am. Yesterday was another pull back move… So I need to be prepared for this to end, he’s got me where he wants me & now he know he doesn’t need to put in as much effort so I need to remember what I am… Why was I so disappointed about yesterday, thinking I was going to have a sexless date with him, but I am just sex to him. Which is a very sad realisation… This is going to be the new normal, I need to get used to it or walk away.
We have planned for me to go to his work for lunch today & am going to make him a pepperoni potato for lunch. He calls me for his first break & we chat on the phone while he has what I would consider morning tea but he calls it lunch. I am being lazy in bed that once he goes back to work & we hang up, I get distracted by something on my phone before I get a message from him, “Get up and do something you lazy fuck.” BAHAHA, I ask if he has a peep hole & so I get up to be a bit productive.
I put on a casual tight LSKD dress & when I get to Phoenix’s work he asks why I am so dressed up, I don’t consider this to be dressed up, but he wears a lot of tracksuit pants so I guess a dress is a bit dressed up. After I get home I feel a little shit about how we’ve been with each other lately, I mean we’re not fighting about my blog at least but we’re not really connecting, so I let my guard down a bit, to rekindle the spark, “I really love you & miss you…” that he says, “Awww thanks I do love you too and miss you. Your sad face when I go back to work 😛.” I mean I think I have a poker face, but clearly not. Hahaha. I say that I want more time, more chats on the phone, more of him & he says that he wants more time too. I am sad that we haven’t had a proper date, maybe I’m sad because I thought that we were going to have that the other day. He says “I want to book a Sunday off and spend it with you. Or a weekday. You fucking loved out proper date day didn’t you 🙂.” I suggest that I can call in sick on a weekday if that’s easier because I haven’t used any sick days yet. He started this dating thing & I was loving it, but we haven’t really had much other than sex dates lately & even those are dwindling.
He tells me that he has three days off in a row coming up & he we could do a date then, which I say that I will book annual leave as he said he didn’t want me to call in sick. I realise it’s something he hates about his wife, that I don’t want to be in the habit. I mean regardless of what leave I use, I won’t be at work & it’s not like I love my job anyway! OMG is he actually planning something ahead of time? While I love this, I am scared of calling in sick or taking annual leave & he bails. He’d told me before when I said this that he wouldn’t just bail, but his wife is literally sick once a fortnight minimum & fuck knows how she has sick leave or even has a job at this point. His kids are regularly sick (or he says they are) & there was a time where he couldn’t even download snapchat to say anything to me because he was sick for two weeks a few years ago, so he will & has bailed on me, he’s done it before without a care or apology. I don’t doubt that even though A3V2.0 is more loving, he won’t apologise & will bail if he has too.
5 May 2025 – I had a couple of wines with my sister so I think that’s why I was vulnerable last night, which he says to me something about being tipsy last night, but I say, “I meant eveything I said though… I miss you heaps… More than I admit… And I hate that I get grumpy when I don’t see you – not just for sex but cos I want to see my hot, sexy, attractive, can’t-keep-my-hands-off Boyfriend.” Phoenix agrees & says he knows why I am like I am. But I don’t think he really gets it, what it’s like for me being the girlfriend mistress who only gets to see her boyfriend or talk to him, when he deems himself bored.
Today is the start of something new, lunch break phone calls. So he said that he finishes at 12:00pm today & to call him on my break. I decide that I will go for a walk around the block, get some steps in. I like that we chat on the phone while I walk on my lunch break & that we don’t just talk about sex. I have no idea what we talk about, both of us with ADHD (one diagnosed, one not) our conversations jump all over the place. Honestly, I think our calls are mainly about my work, I think because generally I have no one to talk to about work & when we speak is on my lunch break.
Our chat today is mainly about food, which is depressing me more than talking about my blog, it’s so fucking confusing. I used to think I knew what I was doing with my nutrition, but he just confuses me… As he’s signing off for the night, he says, “Love you too I want to say when we talk on the phone. It sounds right. 😛.” Hmmmm, fuck! He says that he loves talking to me & I agree. Once he has logged off for the night, I remember a chick a job years ago, that I mention it to him, “Do you know something interesting… A chick I worked with a an office years ago, was with a guy, they’re still together however they were together like 10 years when I met her & they talked on the phone every break she had. Which I always thought was weird & always wondered what the fuck they had to say to each other… Now I get it. I could talk to you everyday & not run out of things to say…” I want to talk to him every break, maybe it will help being that the texting has dropped off dramatically…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 