May 2025 – Communication
06 May 2025 – We continue this thing of calling for my lunch break. I love this new thing. But I also don’t really think about it at the time, but upon reflecting, I realise that Phoenix thinks that because we’ve chatted on the phone, that we won’t need to text as much. But I want the call & the same amount of texts. I like talking to him on the phone because it definitely makes me miss him less, but I still want the same amount of text messages that we’ve been sending previously… I want it all. I want the energy that he was giving me before, I know that relationships evolve but I don’t want to evolve to a 30-minute phone call & half a dozen messages with a sex date once a month. I know that if I tell Phoenix this, that he would disagree that this is what we’re evolving too.
This job really is the pits. There are three other people in my team who do the same job as me just for different regions – but we all do the same work, then an admin person & our boss. No one is ever there. I am there on my own so often. Our boss just works from home every day but we’re only allowed one day a fortnight, one chick works at other sites two days a week & fuck knows where everyone else is. I mean I shouldn’t complain because then I just add a fake meeting in my dairy to see Phoenix for lunch & don’t have to explain it to anyone. He is planning on seeing me tomorrow for lunch but I am over doing everyone’s work (because they won’t train anyone to do our role when we’re on leave) that I say I am just going to call in sick. He says he doesn’t want to make me call in sick, he hates calling in sick & letting the team down, which is ironically the same reason I hate it, but I have been in this job eight months & not had one sick day except for surgery & every single one of them have called in sick at least four or five times since I started, so I don’t even care at this point.
07 May 2025 – In the morning, he calls me for 32 minutes before work. Fuck I have no idea what we talk about because I am planning on leaving work around 10:30am to see him for lunch, so how do we have so much to say, because we actually do also text a bit today.
I leave work & he meets me at my house, I am at the kitchen sink when we walks in & one of the things that I love is when he grabs my face when he kisses me hello… Fuck it is so manly & sexy when he does that… I don’t remember him doing it as much as I remember it now… Maybe he always did it but I am noticing it a lot lately. Maybe I said something to him or he read it in my blog, but fuck I love it.
He looks hot as fuck today in jeans & oddly a PlayStation hoodie… Why the fuck would a PlayStation hoodie be hot on a 40 year old man?! But fuck, I dunno if it’s because it’s black but maybe because it’s paired with jeans & he looks fucking good in jeans. It’s my favourite outfit for him. I want him so badly as we kiss & hug in the kitchen but we’ve decided to go out for lunch. I really don’t want this to be a sex date so I make us leave to go to café primo.
We sit down in café primo after ordering & I want to be tactile with him, so I make sure that I lean over & touch his arm or hold his hand when I can. I don’t want to ever be regretful of not sowing my love for him, for however long I have him this time, I want there to be no doubt in his mind about how special he is to me. Even if it does turn out that I am a fool again because he was doing this same thing with Cowboys Mistress… Café primo is usually quick & then we can go home & have sex because sitting opposite him this long, I am getting hornier & hornier, but after almost an hour, I am like, I think they forgot us. I can’t remember if we go up to ask where our lunch is, something that I think would be pre made, but Phoenix is adamant they have made even the bread from scratch, I’m like surely not – it’s café primo for one & second, no restaurant is making everything from scratch every order. We’d both ordered a UFO – which is basically a stuffed pita pocket thing, so after an hour & a half they come out, we eat & are out the door to get home to fuck, having just spent basically the whole time talking about fucking.
When we get home we have sex, neither of us can really help ourselves, when we have more time it’s hard to resist at least one or two orgasms with him. I don’t really remember much about our sex, I know it was amazing, but there was nothing that we haven’t done before, just some usual sex before we shower together. When in the shower I decide to tickle his back & I swear when I do it, he completely vagues out, staring out the window & just enjoys my hands running all over him. After he leaves, probably stayed longer than he was planning since we were just supposed to have a lunch break date at my work, he calls me & we talk for 1 hour & 37 minutes! What the fuck about!! Hahaha.
08 May 2025 – It’s interesting how we can go from a day where we spoke on the phone for over two hours & were together for almost two & a half hours – so I feel connected, loved, valued & significant with the person I don’t get to see daily who should make me feel that way one day to feeling the complete opposite to all those things. Not through any fault of Phoenix’s, but one thing I can never get through to him, is that I don’t know what his plans are unless he tells me. So when he doesn’t tell me what is happening for the day – not in a tracking what he’s doing way but when he is going to be online & chatting type of way, that makes me spiral & wonder what the fuck has happened or if he’s dead – yes my mind goes there a lot! Today he is training someone, so he can’t message much, which is fine but I wish he could just fucking tell me that.
During our phone call today we talk about the tummy tuck I had a few years ago & how it makes my orgasms different to before & that my clit is higher as I had to adjust the way I rub my clit, he asks how & doesn’t believe me. I have googled it before & even if I didn’t, I know that I am more aware of my clit as it’s higher, having being pulled up basically when they pulled down the tummy to rejoin it. He googles it, “It’s real, the abdominoplasty will make your sex life better! And it’s not just that you look and feel more desirable with a flatter, tighter belly. An unintended benefit of a tummy tuck is that the angle of the vulva is changing by raising the skin of the pubic mound. So not only would you look better, but also you will feel better, too.” Hahaha, I fucking told you Phoenix! “7. Enhance sexual intercourse Women coping with excess skin and fat following weight gain or pregnancy may find their vulva sinks lower down the body, obscuring the clitoris. A tummy tuck lifts tissues above this area and thus improves access to the clitoris, increasing friction and enhancing pleasure during sexual activities. Many of my female patients are pleasantly surprised by this added benefit of tummy tuck surgery. haha you had to adjust how to get yourself off after you had it done?” Yes I did…
Tonight our snapstreak of 61 days expires (which isn’t correct, it’s been longer that 61 days), he asks why, I say because he didn’t send a snap, we both have to send one each for it to keep going. Back around Anzac day I used my free retore when we were being stubborn, that tonight he restores it – which I know he has to pay for & sends me a snap. I don’t tell him but him restoring it makes me smile like a wanker… He likes things like that too, I wasn’t sure if he just did it because it started or if he likes having a snapstreak, but I think he likes the snapstreak.
We talk about threesomes, a touchy subject, but I am teasing him with a description of what I would do with another woman so he could watch. I haven’t ever wanted to go down on a chick but I tell him that if he wanted to watch me do that, that I would do it. I fucking ask before I realised what I have asked, “If things were different & it was a possibility, would your top two be me & your wife?” He says no that he would want someone dirty like me, but he says more often than I care to hear, that he loves her so I’m sure having the two women you love would be your top two options? Apparently not. Just don’t go there #IBD4U!
09 May 2025 – Today is Friday, he has it off – again… Has he asked for Fridays off? Such a busy day in my eyes for a retail worker to get off on a regular basis when they don’t have a set roster… So what that means is that there is not going to be a phone call today, but I am going to overthink the fact that he has obviously asked for Fridays off so they can be together with no kids all day… Having sex… Yipee, what a great thought! So we obviously barely talk today & when he does come back online, I am tired & don’t want to talk or think about him fucking his wife.
He sends me two memes, I love the boyfriend part of him sending me memes that remind him of me. Fuck it’s cute… I’ve never had a dude I’m dating send me memes & with Boyfriend we barely had texting back then so we were not sending memes that’s for sure. So I love when he sends me ones that make him think of me.
10 May 2025 – He calls me on his break today, we talk for the whole break, we hang up & we chat about my power issues at my house with the dishwasher – I try not to be too boring remembering what happened last time I talked about my dishwasher, he lost interest in the conversation & stopped talking to me… Then he wonders why I make everything about sex – because then he chats to me!!
After our call which is after 11:00am, I have lash clients so I don’t think much of the fact he hasn’t said he’s going offline for the day until after I’m finished & I realise that he just can’t fucking communicate about his availability. As if he can’t say I’m offline this often!!! FFS. He comes back online at 8:30pm, but goes silent around 10:10pm, that I crack the shits without a good night, mid fucking conversation – I am waiting & waiting, my eyes getting droopy & I want sleep too… I know he would say to just log off & sleep, but I know what that feels like & I’ve asked him repeatedly to communicate better, which he said he would. The longer I wait for his reply, the more pissed I get – he will never have this feeling, “Assuming you’ve gone to sleep, so rather than waiting all day like a twat & then all night for a snippet of time, I’m going to sleep as well…”
The part of this I can’t ever wrap my head around & I am pretty sure I told him this in affair number one. When he says ‘I fell asleep’, he isn’t just laying in bed, because remember he can’t even message me when she is home, so he is at his computer or in the lounge room when messaging me, right?! So he has to actively get up & walk to his room, probably going to the toilet on the way, after he’s deleted snapchat from his phone. All of this has to happen before he can just sporadically fall asleep. With that vision in mind, there is fucking time to say good night so I am not waiting around… In fact even if he says that he is in bed with her, before he clicks delete to the app, it’s not difficult to say goodnight or chat later... He doesn’t keep the app on his phone, so when he deletes it, say that you’re fucking going offline… Then hit delete!
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 