May 2025 – Change of plans
26 May 2025 – Monday, a risky day (all of a sudden, wasn’t risky before) for Phoenix, but without a discussion, Phoenix asks if I am home & if he can come see me, which he does. I love the surprise visit & he hug for a long time before going into my room to have sex. The sex is good, I am turned on but I literally am never going to cum today. Is it because of my mood? Is it just that sometimes women don’t cum? I’ve never not cum with Phoenix, ever… In eight years… & most times it would be more than once, so not being able to cum today is weird… I grab a vibrator out of the draw & cum while riding him.
He doesn’t rush off after sex, so I offer to make us lunch, which I make bacon & egg McMuffins where I toast the muffins. Literally 15 minutes after finishing eating, he leaves. As he leaves, he says, don’t miss me too much, so I send him a message, “I may be irrational, but at least I’m aware I’m being irrational! That should count for something?? 😝 I don’t mean to get upset cos I miss you… 🥹 I hate that I miss you… And I stupidly feel like you don’t care.” I hate that I am so needy, he set the precedence that he wanted to be in my life & now he’s making me feel like he doesn’t want to be, “I do miss you… but I don’t stress over little things, I do care however.” He doesn’t need to stress because I am always available! He’s never had to wait for me, “I don’t stress about it, I just get upset… Then grumpy… Also my way of feeling close to you is to have sex – so when we don’t, I just automatically think you don’t care about me….” He says that he does care. Well, he’s got a funny way of showing it…
I ask a question, that I do want to know the answer too, “Question – what’s one thing I do, not sexual, that you really love?” He says when I make him food, but I say that’s boring, so he asks me the same question, “Probably something just as boring, but I like you taking me on dates & driving…” But he is surprised “Wait you like going for the drives and the driving parts?” Yeah of course I do… He says he forgets that I haven’t had much of that.
FUCK, it hits me, something he said today & I finally catch up to what he meant “Ah, I just clicked… You said today that 3 months ago your wife was fucked on ozempic & so that’s why you had more time… Now she’s not, you ‘fall asleep’ every night… I’m such a fucktard.” I’m so fucking stupid, they’re having sex every night now so even though he said he didn’t want to say goodbye when I finish work at 4:00pm, he has been because he’s fucking her. She’s skinnier than me, she probably has reverted to the boring sex they had before me but nonetheless she is fucking him… “Huh? I’ve always fell asleep most nights, just after her. But lately before her. I was struggling to talk to you those nights 3 months ago.. but worked less so some nights easier.” Fuck it’s pumpkin o’clock, why did I bring this up now… He says, “I legitimately have been falling asleep by 9pm lately. The constant 6am starts take their toll, especially when I’m working long days in a stretch. I have not been talking shit IBD4U, I have legitimately been struggling to stay up 😐” I tell him that I should let him go, but he keeps going “I’m asleep by 10 most nights, and was asleep before 10 before I started chatting to you. I was only working 3 days a week 3 months ago … And had massive breaks between shifts. I work 2 weekdays and 1 weekend day. But yeah working like 5 days kills me sleep wise. I start to struggle by the 3rd day. Seriously it is that fucking bad. I hate it. Sleeping is a waste of time.” I leave the revelation alone, I don’t push it because I don’t want to be pissed off before I go to sleep tonight.
27 May 2025 – After he finishes work, we talk on the phone, today he is recording the first podcast with the chick in Sydney. Ironically being they have no episodes yet nor have they worked out their dynamic with a few test episodes, but they are interviewing an 80’s music icon… How did she get an interview for free with someone without a established podcast? Anyway I am proud of him with a smidge of jealously, he’s written some questions & sent them to her ready for the recording. When he has finishes he just says it went well. So I have to probe him – you know what, side note, a month ago he wouldn’t shut up about the podcast & sent me all sorts of messages about it without me prompting, now it’s like getting blood from a stone from him about it – in fact when I think about it, unless I talk about sex, the text conversation is strained. Anyway I ask more questions & he says that he doesn’t think they have natural dynamic together & she asked all his questions because she did no preparation, but they organised to record another one this weekend.
The Handmaid’s tale finishes tonight, he’s downloaded it & added it to his plex & I tell him that he can download me another show called ‘Tabatha’s Salon Takeover’ & I also ask another time for ‘And Just Like That’ season three. A month or so ago when he gave me his plex account log in, he basically begged me to ask him for shows to download for me, but everything I’ve asked for seems like a chore now, he sends me a link to a playlist of Tabatha’s salon makeover that someone has created on YouTube – he says he did look but couldn’t find it to download. Why did he ask me so much to tell him if I wanted him to download something for me if he doesn’t really want to do it… It’s not like it’s incredibly hard, I probably would be able to do it myself, but I like that he wants to do it for me.
We’re talking about sex, which is usually what keeps him around chatting to me, but he says goodnight & I write back good night & something sweet. As I wait & wait for him to at least read what I wrote, I get more & more annoyed & so I delete the sweet message – so I don’t know what it said, I’m assuming I love you or something. I send, “Jesus, you fall asleep that quick, you can’t even read my goodnight message… Yeah rightio.” & I sit here wondering how many times can I go through this?!
28 May 2025 – I don’t want to respond to his messages in the morning. But when I do I see that he’s sent a couple across the morning, “Oh I do fall asleep that quick!! You have no idea. I’m asleep in minutes! Good morning beautiful 😛 I swear I read goodnight tho last night.” But he 100% didn’t look at my messages, & so I say that I am not going to bother anymore, I don’t even know why I have been bothering, I’m so hurt that even him calling me beautiful doesn’t make me melt, like usual. “I read your goodnight message … Not sure why it didn’t show read… I 100% saw it… And you don’t believe me of course …” I just say a snippy “I’m really busy.” & he says okay, leaving me alone.
When I am silent for a while, assuming I won’t hear from him because of course, you all know that he has to be the most stubborn one, so I am surprised when he sends “I just want to give your sassy gf mood ass a hug 😛” Still being snappy, I say “Just saying what you say to me & how you treat me…🤷🏼♀️” He doesn’t think he has been doing anything wrong, “Oops. I do try and treat you better than before… You are allowed to be busy too!” Oh thanks Phoenix for giving me permission to be busy! But he did treat me better, but now he has regressed back to acting like Marvel.
However, I call him on my way home from work because an electrician (not the one I fucked) is coming over to change some power points over in my kitchen with the whole dishwasher debacle. So when the electricians are doing their work, Phoenix & I call again which puts me in a better mood but he also texts tonight, not really giving me much as I rant about work… He forgets he’s my person to vent too so when he doesn’t talk to me, I just think that I have to talk about sex to keep him interested. He says at one point, “yeah you go full woman mood swing mode these days.” I agree that he is now more than a FWB so that’s why he probably feels that way. But I am only reacting to his treatment of me. As he says good night, he sends me two GIFS that say ‘thinking of you’ & ‘love you good night’ but I say that I am not saying good night anymore so I just say “GN ABC” No kisses or hugs & I don’t read his last message.
29 May 2025 – I have a fucking weird dream this morning about huntsman at my parents’ house following me to the toilet – I never would have remembered that if we didn’t talk about it. Hahaha but that leads us to talk about my dreams of him, “You literally infiltrate all my thoughts… Asleep or awake. I hate how much I think about you… And how much I plan my life to see you & what we’ll do & then you just throw all those plans away…” I know he’ll say that I don’t need to plan around him, but I fucking have too or we wouldn’t see each other. I have started making my clients on Saturday to start after 11:00am so I can see him for his breaks, I put fake meetings in my diary at work so I can talk to him on the phone or see him for lunch (not that he’s been to my work in ages). Today I am in training, so I get a few messages from him but don’t get to reply, “I do appreciate that you plan some of your life around me … You must really dig me 😛” I don’t think he realises the extent of what I do. I’ve missed the gym for him, for example because he doesn’t tell me his plans & just rocks up at my house, he wouldn’t fucking miss a minute of sleep for me, so there is no way he is missing anything or changing his plans for me. That’s not his fault, I take full responsibility for my idiocies but like I said before, we wouldn’t see or speak to each other as much (or as little) as we do if it wasn’t for me changing my plans & schedule all the time. Like tomorrow, it’s Friday so that means no phone call because he’ll finish work at 12:00pm & only has a five-minute drive home, because god forbid he is 15 or 20 minutes later. I suggest that he just tells her that he finishes at 12:30pm, so he has the time to call me after work when it’s convenient for me but of course, why would he do that? No it’s all good, IBD4U will make a fake meeting at work, so he can call me on his break around 9:00am! Yeah no worries… Fuck Fish.
We talk a little bit about the shit meetings I have just had to do with some employees that I am not okay with, but having been fired from the last three jobs I’ve had, I’ve lost my confidence, paired with sending out some resume recently & getting back a bunch of no’s, not even getting a call… It’s fairly early when he says, “Anyway I’m heading off line. Hopefully chat later? Cya x.” But we don’t chat later, because he doesn’t come back online.
30 May 2025 – He picks up the conversation where I had said I got home late, I hate that it’s Friday & he won’t be able to speak to me at lunch, so I say that I have made a meeting around 9:00am & booked a room to chat to him on his break in the morning. But he doesn’t tell me until he’s 15 minutes into his break so we only talk for 15 minutes. He says, “I didn’t know i was getting a special meeting room! I got a special meeting with the hr chick!” but I fucking told him yesterday that I would make myself available to make sure we got our phone call…
He goes out somewhere later that afternoon & he calls me – I think it was to get a gas bottle, so not a long call. But when he finishes his errand, he then calls me again on his way home. Which I am thankful & appreciative of the two additional calls today knowing he couldn’t really text with me on a Friday.
I tell him again, that he can download the sex & the city revival (which isn’t great but I have to watch it being I have seen it all!) for me when he is bored, it was released today & he says “well I am never bored, just saying hi haha.” Are you kidding?! Doesn’t he say all the time that he chats online to people when he is bored on his days off?! & wasn’t this something he want to do for me? He says it takes days to be uploaded usually, also again is he kidding?! He was downloading the handmaids tale the day it was released for me – within hours… Now all of sudden shows aren’t up for days?! Okie dokie!
We’ve planned to see each other tomorrow, I think on the phone we’ve talked about breakfast & hanging out, I still want the sexless dates, but so far we’ve had sex pretty much every time we’ve seen each other. So when he says he’s just going to come to my house early in the morning, I can’t help but be deflated. He says, “what would you prefer? a breakfast date or early morning fuck?” & I say both, but if I am honest, I would like the breakfast & to see him more so we can have sex another day, but he says “hahaha. well I need to go to bed now for a sneaky morning fuck 😛 haha well a morning fuck it is 😛 goodnight IBD4U :)” I am so confused, he had planned to have a breakfast date with me, now he’s just coming over for a morning fuck, maybe we’ll go out for breakfast after we have sex? I never know what he’s fucking planning, but I’ll just change my whole day for you Phoenix! I’ll miss the gym because who the fuck knows what time he’ll rock up…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 