July 2025 – Everything reminds me of her
13 July 2025 – He says that his head is fine, he hardly slept & is tired, I tell him to to go to sleep but he says “Once im awake during the day I generally dont sleep.” I add, “Or any time you talk to me.” But he says “You must relax my brain haha. Unfortunately for you 😐” He’s told me before that anything relaxing puts him to sleep, I think he means boring… He blames his ADHD for falling asleep when he is interested in something. I am actually diagnosed & quite the opposite, I hyper fixate on things & then get insomnia…. He still thinks he has ADHD & continues to use it as an excuse. Sure Dr Phoenix.
He asks if I want to still catch up for brunch today, which I do & he says that he shouldn’t drive far because he might still be drunk. It gets confusing again & I have no idea what he wants to do, he says he shouldn’t drive far so I say that it’s up to him but he says it’s up to me which makes me think he doesn’t want too, I say that I’ll just eat & let him rest, I go to the dog park because I’ll be fucked if I am waiting at home for him to dick me around. He says that he’s confused what I want. “Well, I wanted to see you but you made me feel about as wanted as anthrax. So I didn’t push it, asked you to tell me when & where… 3 hours later I’m starving… So 🤷🏼♀️” He doesn’t understand how he made me feel that way, “You’ve made me feel like you don’t want to see or speak to me all weekend Phoenix. Especially since we don’t even know when we can see each other again.” He says he tried to speak to me but I gave him nothing & I just ask if we can stop going around in circles & ask if we are meeting or not, I don’t know if he is trying to be funny or not when he says “Do you want to meet me ?” OMG are you fucking kidding, he says I am confusing but I don’t know how. He asks if I am coming or not & I say that is what I am asking too, so make a fucking decision Phoenix! He says meet me at a café, that I say I’ll be there in 20 minutes & he says really. OMFG!
I get there & I am waiting to see his car, being it would be a three minute drive for him. I sit in my car for a few minutes but I decide to go in, in case he’s parked somewhere that I can’t see his car. But he’s not inside so I go to the bathroom & he’s still not there, I get some menus & sit down waiting… Where the fuck is he?! He walks in & kisses me hello when he arrives at my table. We order a garlic pizza & a yiros pizza to share & we eat & are out of there pretty quickly, that I wonder why I bothered. We kiss goodbye & go our separate ways. Great!
While at lunch though, he talks about last night, Little Miss A sat next to him, that he drank some of her drink – saying something to her about spiking it & then later she asked if he had spiked it yet. She has also told him inadvertently, that she’d told other girls at another store that she was into a married guy at work, but didn’t mention him by name. He says that no one at his work knows that he’s 40, but they all know he’s married but he never talks about his wife or kids. I mean I believe that, because it took him forever to talk about his kids to me. He also tells me that she was wearing a $500 corset top, I ask if he saw a receipt He says that she told him & it’s a running joke between them, but I mean it could be a $20 Kmart top & he wouldn’t know. But he says he knows it was expensive… Ok, sure did you look at the label of the thread count when you fucked her?
When he gets home, he sends me an eclipse tin picture – which is what geocaches usually are, with the caption ‘everything reminds me of her’ which I fucking love! OMG I love this snap series he has started, which is what I say to him, encouraging him to keep it going when he thinks of me… Well he’s only sent two so far, but fuck its cute as fuck & I love it… Spoiler alert – it’s the last if this ‘series’ I ever get… He then says good luck for tomorrow & says goodnight.
14 July 2025 – Today is the start of my new job. I am excited, but not about the commute. I have the worlds shittest desk – someone decides later in the afternoon that I need to be moved & they have used my personal mobile number for work without asking me, so I ask for another option, not wanting to use my personal phone for work. He says that the computers are down at his work so the store has been closed, interestingly, he’s barely chatted & saying one line comments so I don’t really understand this man & him saying how much he missed me the last five years if he can’t even text me when the store is closed… Then I get it, LMA is working…
I ask if anyone said anything about how drunk he was & he says no, they were all surprised at how much he can drink though & he says “The girl at work is still flirting with me so I didn’t piss her off either apparently haha” I says phew. & then it’s confirmed, Little Miss A is at work so that’s why he’s not chatting as much… She moved from another store so it’s only fairly new but it all makes sense now why he’s pulled away while at work! We call & talk for his break, we really talk about this job & how unclear my role is, which is what I was afraid of. No one knows in the team what I am supposed to be doing, or more so, what they think I am doing is not what I think I am supposed to be doing, so I am just looking through their computer drives & the generic email inbox for information on what they do.
When I get home he shows me his retro gaming set up & says something about his plex, which I say there is nothing on there anymore for me & he says “If there is something you want just ask. That isn’t obscure lol.” Errr, every time I have asked for something, he said he didn’t have time to even look it up… So is he kidding right now?! I see a post on his Facebook page that says ‘if she doesn’t know what this is, she’s too young for you’ with a picture of Little Golden Books & I ask him if he sent it to Little Miss A. He says that she is almost 20 years younger than him so she wouldn’t know what it is.
I have to go to his wife’s old store for something, I ever go there, even though I know she hasn’t worked there for years but I went to other store locally & they didn’t have what I needed – I forget what I needed but it was important because otherwise I wouldn’t be out looking for it. I don’t know why I say anything, I just get fucking angry with every reply, “That was fucking traumatising. I had to go to the store,” & he asks why, “As if you have to ask that. Being your melodramatic wife cries coming near my street apparently.” He says that she hasn’t worked there for years, so I say, “You also supposedly haven’t seen me in 6 years, so why cry when near my street?? 🤷🏼♀️” & he says that “She hasn’t cried or gone near your street in years either.” I write something bitchy – I wish I knew what but I deleted two chats, so he & I will never know, but I just say “Ok, sure. Wasn’t traumatic then.” He asks what I deleted & I say nothing, they were accidents & I say, “Doesn’t matter anyway, you know best. Right? So I’ll say night now before you do.” He says that he doesn’t always know best, that I am smarter than him but he says goodnight.
15 July 2025 – He says good morning sexy lady & I think he has clearly messaged the wrong woman, but I just ask if he is ok… He says that he is but I say that he never says shit like that anymore… He ignores the implication & asks about work. I still don’t know what I am doing what the structure is, I am also so unclear about who to report too…. The team have a very different idea about what my role is to what I think my role is & honestly, I think it’s the job title, it’s very unclear.
Today he says that there has not been a customer in the store & he hasn’t served anyone in five minutes… He even sends pictures of how dead it is & a big toy that he put on the other checkout chair… Um, sorry, can we just talk about ‘how busy’ his work is?! He can’t even fucking chat to me because he’s so busy & today there is no one in the store… I get there are peaks & troughs but it’s just insane the bullshit he spins me… I don’t believe a word of it, but just like his wife, I accept it.
After he is gone for the night, with a day of minimal chat after no one being in the srore but we have a 30 minute phone call & I went for a walk, I have been doing lite & easy & came home to eat my dinner, but I get sick, so I message him, “So this is when I wish you were an available boyfriend… I’ve got pretty instant food poisoning from my lite N Easy salad for dinner… 🫤 I feel awful… But gut is churning & coming out of me quicker than it went in… I guess hopefully I’ll lose some weight. Actually I’m kinda glad you’re not here… My toilet probably stinks Well glad that’s over… Night ABC”.
16 July 2025 – He says that you can’t get food poisoning that quick, something he learned when he worked with food. I had googled it because I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me. I did a lash client & then was on the toilet & the tomato I ate kinda fizzed in my mouth when I ate it, so you tell me what it was then? I just fucking hate that he can’t just say, ‘are you ok?’ asking what I ate or something, nope just tells me you can’t get sick that quick… He doesn’t ask me at all all day if I am ok or feeling better. I can’t call in sick on my second day, so I have no choice but to go to work.
After listening to my blog via google read aloud, I realise that I have written multiple times about the fact that if I am ever in a relationship, that I will have some sort of open component to it, that I message him & say that he can fuck LMA, which ltes face it, he doesn’t need my permission & wouldn’t ask for it anyway, “Also, I’ve reflected on it…. I don’t want you to end it with me, if you want to fuck Little Miss A. I want you to tell me if you want too & if you get a chance to go through with it.” He says that he can’t because she knows too many people, I say that he could if she kept her mouth shut, “I don’t think she would… shes just a big flirt tbh and massive narcist … she gets along with all the guys Just me the most. But sometimes she just sits there staring at me. Sooo weird. I dont mention my wife or kids to her but she would know im married and have kids, she told me she stalked everyone on the weekend on fb haha. I also became her work ‘bestie’ within 2 week haha.” He adds, “She mentioned that she told everyone at her old store she found someone attractive, that is married … but never mentions his wife.. on Monday after working at our store …. but did not say it was me. But indirectly said it to me basically. I said nothing… I didn’t know what to say. Haha yeah but she mentioned I never reference my wife ever. Which I don’t around her 😜 Also the whole fucking store is gossping about us. Watching us carefully.” Why doesn’t that surprise me that he doesn’t mention his wife, I’m the only one that gets all the nitty gritty about her… He says that he will keep his wife away from the store now, “Yeah well Ill be keeping her away from the store now. She will take one look at this chick and think im trying to fuck her. Which im not!” I mean, at least he says that he’s not trying to fuck her…
“She makes sure shes next to me as much as she can haha. It’s so weird. I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life. But I dont hate it 😐” I mean I can’t blame him, flirting is fun… But if a 22 year old flirted with me, I would hate it being he’s old enough to be my child but men are very different with ages. This conversation kills my self esteem – if I even had any, “I’m surprised you haven’t told the manager about me… But I guess I’m not young & hot like the 22yr old & not skinny like you wife… I wouldn’t want to be seen with me either.” But he says he hasn’t told anyone about me – which always hurts just a little when he confirms that. But he says that he wouldn’t tell anyone if he fucked LMA either, I ask not even me? “Maybe you because of our honest relationship. Pretty surenyou would get angry and jealous. I am doing my best to make sure our friendship is not sexual, we have also not exchanged numbers or snap , and she has with the other guy they told her to date. To be fair he is short, nerdy looking with glasses and long blonde hair But they have a similar friendship at work” So she has this same relationship with everyone?! Didn’t he get pissy at me for having a relationship (nothing like what I have with him but in his mind it was) the same as ours?! I would 100% get jealous, but I would rather know that find out some other way. But I am jealous that he wants her at all, especially when I am feeling so fat lately. “I find you attractive and love your body. But that doesn’t stop me from being a dirty old man and finding othed women attractive.”
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 