July 2025 – Permission
17 July 2025 – Following on from last nights conversation, he says he doesn’t get hard easily, & she doesn’t make him hard. I say that she’s probably living with her parents but he could fuck he in the car. A manager at work is encouraging him to fuck her. “Im not fucking her lol. Dont encourage me fuckhead haha.” I would actually would rather him just fuck her than hear him talk about how much he wants too, if I am honest. “I’m not encouring you… Just giving you the permission too. I don’t want you too at all. But I’m very aware you don’t get everything you want from one person.” He clearly doesn’t get everything he needs from me & his wife combined, because he still chats online with others, so I am not stupid to think he doesn’t want more with someone else too. “Haha dont give me permission too 🤦♂️ I do not think it’s a good idea.” No it’s not but he doesn’t need to lie to me about it. “Well I’m not going to stop you… For 8 years you’ve fucked your wife & me… 🤷🏼♀️ Plus Sweetie. And whoever that guy was you had my fantasy MFM with your wife with… & who knows who else. So I can’t control you…”
On our call today I do give him a word of warning, particularly what happened to me from Trainer & also if he’s read this wrong with her & makes a move & she cries rape, he’ll be the one that’s fired & how will he explain that to his wife… When he says again on the call that she doesn’t make him hard, I ask if it would make him hard if she was in a room naked & I was there too & I kissed her, touching her tits, then kissing her, getting her to suck his dick while I rode his face… He says that he’s hard & I say see, she makes you hard, but he says it doesn’t count cos I was in the thought too. I also call him out on when he works with her & his chats to me, he asks what days he’s worked with her this week & I guess them all correctly, & he can’t believe I got it right. I even say that he lied to me about the weekend & he says that he did because he wanted to see me & thought I wouldn’t come to his work if I knew she was on shift… No, I don’t care about her, the way he treats me because of her is the reason I wouldn’t go to his work, not because she’s there…
When he gets on a topic he likes – his Facebook pages & watermarking his posts & the algorithm, he writes consistently & sends a lot of pictures from other pages that stole his idea. I love his passion, I don’t understand a lot of what he does but when he says he earned $4000 in a month, I say that my birthday is coming up & he can get me something really nice. He says he has some debt to pay off… Okay dude, I don’t want a gift anyway but fuck, try to make a girl feel special. But then he says “I booked that sat off btw” I ask which sat & he says my birthday Saturday but I ask what date as he is notorious for asking for the wrong one, but he says he checked my snap profile before he wrote it in the book. Awww fuck that is adorable…
18 July 2025 – So we have talked about the weight loss study on the phone & in text before I started this job, I told him I was going to pull out, so I say I have pulled out & got a real injection from the pharmacy. So when he says he hopes I got the real injection, I know he’s not listened to me, then he asks why I had to pay for it & I know he is not reading what I write or listening to what I say. So along with taking ages to reply or not texting me for over 18 hours, he is now tuning me out when we do talk… I feel like more of a fat fuckwit, hanging on to something dead, than ever before. He asks why I stopped the trial, which he knows that it would be hard with this new job because you have to be there for half a day after they inject you & they won’t let you inject yourself so every week I would have to go to Norwood for an injection… Was too hard in the end, so I pulled out.
I am feeling really low today, & I ask, “I don’t aks this often… & never so flat out like this… Maybe it’s the scales… Maybe it’s hearing about you being open with your wife on my blog, post break up…. But why do you even love me?!” I am never vulnerable like this, I never beg for reassurance in this type of way ever, so his reply infuriates me “You are a good friend Normally.. And fuck me good. It’s a bad combo 🤷♂️.” What the fuck does he mean by normally?! He asks the same question, I copy his response & send it back to him. He asks why I asked & I say it doesn’t matter he says it clearly does or I wouldn’t have asked, “& you gave me a bullshit reaponse, when I never ask that shit of you. So just forget it. It doesn’t matter…” He disagrees that it was a bullshit response. So I just keep sending him ideas for his posts on Facebook because that’s the other conversation we had going at the same time & I don’t want to talk about it with him. If he can’t even tell me why he loves me with at least a couple of my qualities, then this man doesn’t love me at all & I do not want to think about the fact anymore.
I ask during our phone call about Lego. I have just ordered a new dog Lego that came out with my breed of dog, I am not a Lego person but I just had to have these. I have also seen a Gameboy Lego that is coming out at the end of the year, which I think he might like to go with his console displays… But he shuts it down saying that he can’t concentrate on Lego with his ADHD. He disappears after that & doesn’t say goodbye or come back online.
19 July 2025 – I send a snap of me in underwear with the caption of my starting weight. He doesn’t even mention it or how I look. I say “Wow. Ok then” & he says that “You still look good for your weight btw.” He is taking so long to reply that I ask if he is working with LMA today & he says no. I call bullshit – he says they are really busy because the load is massive today, but I would bet my life on the fact she is at work with him today…
We had semi planned for me to come see him at the end of the day after his shift for an hour around 4:00pm, I don’t really remember this because I didn’t write about it when it happened but when I say that my client cancelled, he says that he’ll be on a break soon so I should come see him now… I realise that he had no intention of seeing me this afternoon because his wife knows they would never roster him till 5:00pm. So if my client didn’t cancel, I wouldn’t have seen him & he wouldn’t have told me… But he says he was going to see me but not till 5:00pm… Oh great, when was he planning on telling me?! Why am I on the way to his work for his fucking break?! I don’t take any food or drinks, he can get fucked! As an attempt to piss him off & because he isn’t eating, I reach over & give him a hand job without a happy ending!
My next client is earlier so I suggest that he calls me on his second break, but he goes on his break while I am doing lashes & we miss each other. Being he said that he would of seen me this afternoon, I say that I can still come as I’m not doing anything & he says that he doesn’t want me to drive all that way just for 15 minutes. Wait, let me get this straight “So if my client don’t cancel, you were only going to see me for 15 mins?? When we’re you planning on telling me???” I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. “I was gonba try and get out at 4 but thst won’t happen ttixya. Some fucker went home sick. Which means I wont even get out qt 4.15. Was hoping to go at 4. Means I’ll bere to 4.25 probbally.” He calls me on his way home & then we don’t text again today.
20 July 2025 – We say hello but I say goodbye also, because he will need to mow his lawns. He says that he’s really horny & I say it’s probably because I gave him a hand job at his break yesterday, we’re in the middle of sexing, I am explaining that when he says my name I know he is really into it & it’s just pure lust, but guess what?! He disappears at 9:30am… Yeah good one.
He comes back online & says he had a nap today, I say, “Long nap since 9:30am. Must be wide awake.” & he says “Haha na fell asleep around 8.30. But I nap in the mornings often now too,” Funny because he stopped messaging me at 9:30am, I know he means 8:30pm but I am fucked off, “Oh, so you were messaging in your sleep this morning & napped for 13 hours… You are a magician!! Very impressed.” He says he didn’t mean it like that & that he finds it odd he can nap at night & wake up, which I do find weird because lately he doesn’t wake up, I say “Yeah I find it odd how you can be talking about your hard dick & then delete me… But we all find different things odd I guess…🤷🏼♀️”
He says that he’s got to go sometimes & he didn’t mean too. I mention that I thought I was more than sex & he says that I am, but “Made it sound like that’s all you want. If I’m so easily deleted & ignored for 12 hours.” He says it’s not as easy as I think, but I say, “You wouldn’t know, I guess. I’ve never ignored you for 12 hours without a goodbye. I’m sure those lawns look good though.” & he says he can’t always say goodbye on days like today & then he says goodnight but I don’t bother replying.
21 July 2025 – Today he has another eye appointment for his blindness in his eyes, again she doesn’t go with him & he gets those drops that fuck your sight so he can’t type at all. If I wasn’t a week into this job, I would have 100% just taken today off. I mean she doesn’t start till 12:00pm she could have gone with him in the morning… When I ask what time the appointment is he sends multiple messages “Now. Im half blind i can’t see. I cant drive. Had ahit pot inta my eyes. Vuco my life” Bahaha… I tell him that I will be home early as I am working from home this afternoon after being in the city & I say he can pop by, but let him know that I have my period, my gut feels distended & that I haven’t eaten – in case he is expecting epic sex.
I call him on my way home, unsolicited, which is unlike me but it’s so that he doesn’t go home while waiting for my message, he won’t look at his phone while driving – not that he should but I mean he won’t even notice I’ve messaged & check to see if I am home & because I am not sure where he is or if he can even drive yet. We talk the whole way home & he is at my house, but then he goes for a drive while he waits for me to get there, he didn’t go in because he took my keys out of his car & hid them in his desk at home when he had his work drinks, in case she went through his car… Um, wouldn’t she go through his desk too?! Anyway, I reverse into the driveway & shortly after he pulls up & says as I get out the car that he wouldn’t be able to reverse his car in my driveway, it is tight but with his eyes he doesn’t think he could do it. He walks around his car & gets something out, while I walk up dribbling shit about the fact my trailer is in the carport so I have to reverse my car so they both fit & as I am talking he walks up to me all manly & slides his hand along my jaw to cup my face & guides my face up to kiss him… I watch the video of that moment 100 times, I fucking melt like a ice cube on a summer day… I am putty in his hand, I go limp at his touch, when I show him the video he agrees, how limp I look. We go inside & we kiss again & this time I feel his cock against me.
Something that is interesting that I never noticed in real life but when I watch back all the security footage of us hugging & kissing, Phoenix will sway his hips & we will rock side to side together. It’s cute & I guess I’ve never been connected with someone so much that I’ve ever really hugged anyone like this before. He also knows I am feeling so shit today that he tells me multiple times that my hair looks good, I mean it does look nice today but for him to notice is also a bit weird. Also maybe today is the weird day to notice things on the security footage, but I have my period so when I go to the bathroom to put the sponge in (see sponge post), Phoenix sits at my dining table & plays with his phone. Every time my girl dog – who is obsessed with men, comes up to him, he doesn’t even acknowledge her at all, that I almost feel sorry for her. My boy dog is standing outside of the toilet door waiting for me, but she is wandering around wanting him to just pat her… I wish I knew that at the time, not now when I wrote about it & posted this…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 