August 2025 – Nothing good happens after 3:30pm
09 August 2025 – I need to break this mood, it’s my bloody birthday weekend… It’s around 10:00am, that I say that I am hungry so we need to work out what we are doing today. It’s supposed to rain & every picnic we’ve tried to do has ended up with rain. So he says that he’s happy to just chill at home today, which I am torn by because I want a date with him, but I also want to just relax with him too. But I want to go out because we never do that & I don’t want to remember what we just did in my room… We never have enough time to do everything I want to do, I go to the kitchen, leaving the mood in my room & start by making up a little platter of all the food, I’m not sure if it’s because it’s at my house but he barely helps with the food, mainly wandering around & eating as I cut things up. Phoenix has defrosted from his pissed off mood a little as he eats, maybe he was just hangry, he touches me from behind a lot as I am cutting things up. I have said earlier that we could have a bath together, so while we are making the platter, he says that we can have a bath, with a cheeky little smirk.
He takes the platter into my bedroom for a bed picnic, sitting on the bed we eat, we chat – keeping the conversation light, there is a tension in the air…We watch an episode of ‘And Just Like That’ then we watch an episode of ‘Rick & Morty’ when he puts the food on the bedside table & we lay down to cuddle. Into the second episode of Rick & Morty, we start kissing, leaning in closer to each other, I have been tickling his balls the whole episode, but he isn’t hard. With some kissing & touching he gets harder & I say that we should do mutual masturbation – he hates me saying the word masturbation & I hate it too, but it’s become a little joke, but when he says that we should do it sometime, I say what about right now. We sit up both stripping naked, while he straddles my legs, I start by rubbing my clit & grabbing one boob, he jerks his cock slowly & grabs my other tit, both of us turning each other on with our words about how sexy this is, we both start going faster & faster & building to an orgasm, he cums all over my stomach, when he sees that I have cum, then we fall in a heap together. We’ve jerked off before with each other, but this was a bit different, this was purely just watching each other pleasure ourselves. It was super sexy & I wanted him to fuck me so badly, I wanted his cock inside me, I even say I do, but fuck that’s fun!
Around 12:00pm, I suggest the bath again, a nice chilled relaxed day with Phoenix. I know he hates baths, first he hates his dick out when it’s soft – but he did say ages ago that I am his girlfriend now & I should see it soft… He hates how fat he thinks he is & he gets bored with ADHD that he doesn’t like just sitting around, but he has a bath with me, we’re not in there long because as soon as I notice how gross the water is, our skin floating around was more than I’ve seen before & it was getting cold, that I put him out of his misery & get out of the bath.
We lay in bed again for a while, talking & cuddling – not fighting about bullshit for a change… But then he starts making pack up noises, getting dressed & telling me he has to go soon, that I start to get sad. This part is always the worst for me, I hate it. I just want him to stay & stay with me for a lot longer. It’s also just after 1:00pm – didn’t he say he put his shift down to 2:00pm?! But he says that he’s worried he’ll get stuck in traffic & that his wife is finishes work at 3:00pm so he can’t be gone too long. I understand, I just hate it. I see him putting on his work uniform & he throws his jumper in my pile of clothes on my chairrobe, that makes me smile but I don’t say anything to him. Ironically though, in the whole time I’ve known him, over eight years now, his wife has worked every second weekend & has always finished at 5:00pm… Literally every single weekend that’s she’s worked… But today she finishes at 3:00pm? Okay, sure… If she stalked me she would have found out my birthday & women remember dates so perhaps she knows it’s my birthday & wants to be home early – I mean I know when her birthday is?! But I am more certain that he is lying about this because he wouldn’t have put a shift down till 2:00pm if she finished at 3:00pm, he wouldn’t have ever cut it this fine, so I don’t believe this at all… But I let him go at 1:30pm, I send him a picture of my flowers & a picture of him in the bath with me, but he says that he looks fat, he doesn’t but that’s his view because the water distorts his body shape. He is wrapping up the day, “Hope our chill day was alright!” I say, “I loved it. I love dates with you but I love just talking & fucking & hanging out… That’s like the first time we’ve got watched proper TV together… Thank you for my flowers & our bed picnic. & making the effort yesterday to talk & message me…” He says that there’s no need to thank him & he goes offline with three xxx – only because I sent them to him first…
10 August 2025 – I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, but I can’t shake the feeling that yesterday might have been our last real date, instead of feeling close like I usually do after a full day date with him, I am left with the feeling that was strained & hollow. It scares me how quickly something that once felt warm & effortless can suddenly feel like it’s slipping through my fingers.
He sets up another excuse for work, saying his managers have cut back staff to save money, so now that LMA isn’t there, he doesn’t have time to chat because they’re cutting hours. I try hard to get the connection back, I ask if he wants me to bring him the lasagna on his break or see him after work for a little longer, but he says that he’ll be on his break soon, so I guess he only wants to see me for his break. I pack up some of the lasagna (warmed) & take it to his work. I used to say that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, he always says that I had his heart ages ago but this lasagna needs to be magical because I am losing him… But I ask for a friend, can you lose what you never had?!
After I get home for seeing for lunch, after he finishes work & I ask if he is doing something fun in the sun with the kids, because it sucks that today it’s sunny but yesterday was raining when we’d planned a picnic… He says that they are playing on tech as he has too much housework to do… He always has to go from my house to spend time with the kids & when he has a sunny day to do something, he has housework? I mean he can do housework anytime… We talk about me cleaning my spare room & scrubbing the bathroom & cleaning the blind in there.
Sunday night it’s getting closer & closer to 5:30pm but Phoenix is still talking, it’s about 5:45pm when he says goodnight to me, but he’s working all day tomorrow so will be able to chat. I have had a good birthday weekend with him & try again for some connections, he’s not very loving at all these days but he says that feeds off my energy, so I try giving some positive energy, “No worries . Thanks for this weekend. I love you. Xxx.” No response. He doesn’t even read it. FUCK. So I I write “Yeah rightio then. 🖕🏻” How many fucking times can I tell this fuckwit what a fucking fool I feel like when he fucking does that?!!?!>!?!?!?!?!?!?! Fuck I hate him sometimes, he just does not give a flying fuck about how I feel, no matter how many times I tell him.
I start to think, maybe I’m not losing him, because as I asked, you can’t lose what you never had right… Or is it that I am just losing my tolerance for his bullshit excuses & so I am checking out? I read once that man check out of relationships emotionally & women try to fix it, before realising that there is no point & they end it… Is that what’s happened here? He’s checked out because it’s just too hard to please two women emotionally & I am so deeply invested now, wanting to keep at least a part of our friendship alive that I have been hanging on to a fantasy…
11 August 2025 – Of course he says that he’s sorry he had to go quick. I just don’t believe that he had to delete the app that fucking quick, does she walk in the door, sit on his lap, looking at his phone for the rest of the night? In my experience of watching other people in relationships, they are all on their phones all fucking night so I don’t believe that he has to go so suddenly that he cannot wait to see my reply. I get that he cheated & she knows he cheated through his phone & she checks his phone, but the instant log off is just beyond the pale.
He has said that he doesn’t say good bye so he can talk to me as much as he can, but in all honesty, he is so sporadic after the kids get home from school now, that I am done being the fuckwit fool waiting around. Months ago, I told him that perhaps we shouldn’t talk after work, I used to finish at 4:00pm, I now finish at 3:30pm. But he said he didn’t want that, so I kept talking after work & I have felt like a fucking fool time & time again, when he would log off saying he thought that’s what I wanted… I am done with it. So I start saying goodbye as I leave work at 3:30pm & I refuse to write to him after that. I am also going to do that on weekends that he is home with even just the kids. I am no longer going to be the time filler, I am the main event or I am not part of his day.
Even his phone calls – he just says I’m whinging, but our phone calls during work are limited to 30 mins (if that!) because he usually makes his lunch then calls me, so we’re lucky if we talk for 20 minutes these days. After work he might call me while driving & all I can hear is his car in the background, I barely can hear him talk. He’ll go shopping then talk to the shop keepers, fine I get that he has to do things & am thankful that he calls me, but he literally gives me 20 minutes a day now, that is all & it can’t even be undivided?! Am I asking too much? Maybe… I don’t know. I don’t think so.
We hardly text these days because he doesn’t text at work as much – saying how busy it is now because the other store closed (remember it closed in March!), he doesn’t text around his wife or LMA, he hardly texts around the kids anymore because they require significant help showering & can read his messages – like sure. He says that our relationship has evolved to face to face & the phone calls. However with this new job, we now don’t see each other face to face unless I go see him at lunch at his work – which he doesn’t like asking me to go, so that’s even dropping off. He won’t come to mine now, it’ll be a 1.5 hour one way trip to my work for him.
He never asks why I say goodbye at 3:30pm & he never tries to continue the conversation after I’ve said goodnight, the one time I did say something after I said goodbye & he said his goodbye, he didn’t read it till the next morning anyway, so assuming as soon as he’s said goodbye, even though he doesn’t have to go, I realise that he deletes the app immediately.
So my decision to pull back, doesn’t phase him, he doesn’t care – he’s check out & basically waiting for the day I just snap & end it. He says that he thinks about me all the time but I was thinking about it the other day – Fridays she’s off work & he seemingly has every Friday off, so he doesn’t chat. That’s fine, whatever. I get radio silence because apparently he can’t message around her. I also know she gets lashes done now which take at least an hour every 2-3 weeks which she books on Friday, so he’s a fucking liar, I don’t believe him when he says that he can’t message me on Fridays at all, all of a sudden. He is just choosing not too. You know what hurts more, the realisation that he’s now telling me, a new excuse, by saying it’s hard to log back on, he has to download the app, do two factor authentication with a random email account, message me then delete the app. All that excuse says to me is, you are not worth it #IBD4U…
I have been noticing the shift since late May early that he’s complacent, he said to me once that there is always an end of honeymoon period – but this is from a man who started A3v2.0 because he felt after reading my blog – particularly Marvel #15 – my final Marvel post, which I say that I will always leave a light on for him, that he realised I loved him still… But he really wonders why I said in the last phone call that I love him more than he loves me & the answer is very clear. He read that post, changed the dynamic then pulled away – time after time, saying it wasn’t meant to be what it was. The fucking worst part about that, is that he couldn’t do that without my permission. I allow him to pull me close when it suits him & push me away when it suits him too. I fucking allow it.
Today I get another new excuse, his headphones have died so his manager played his music through the store speakers this morning, so he couldn’t play with his phone. I don’t try to message, I don’t send a picture, I don’t put in any effort. He’s checked out. I need to too. I missed his breaks being in meetings in the office I work at in the city, he does call me before the kids get home but he mainly talks about his headphones the whole time & messages afterwards about his headphones that he’s going to get. I say “Good idea. Night.” & he says “Ahh okay Good night then…”
The last notification I get is, ‘YOUR 132-DAY SNAPSTREAK ENDED.’
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 