Motocross #18

Ok so as you may or may not remember, Motocross said in his profile that he likes mini golf & adventures etc. He’s a motocross/supercross rider so I know that he likes to do some different things. I decide that tonight that I am going to take him to the indoor mini golf pub called Holey Moley in the city. I’m going to show him that I’m fun that I’m not just about sitting at home watching bullshit movies like Sharknado. I message him that I got home early, as I’m going to get my tax done, that I am going to cook us dinner & then instead of watching movies we’re going to the mini golf place (I’ve talked to him about it before asking if he’s been there before or not). He says ok that sounds good. I message him a couple of hours later when I am home from the tax agent & he says he’ll be there in 15 minutes.

True to form, Motocross rocks up at exactly the time he says, I kiss him on the cheek awkwardly when he walks in. We walk into the kitchen as I am making taco bowls, I have cut everything up & put in bowls on the bench, I have sour cream, salsa, avocado, corn, lettuce, tomato, refried beans, mayo, cheese, capsicum & the taco meat. I have gone all out for this guy, probably more than I would put out for my own taco bowls.

I’m dressed in a cute skirt with tights & a top, ready to put my boots on to go out tonight. I am having a beer, because I assume he’ll drive. I give him a bowl & let him make his taco bowl to his liking. Literally he puts a tiny bit of lettuce in the bowl with a bit of meat & cheese. No sauces, no other toppings. I ask him if he doesn’t eat anything else & he says that he likes plain food, I ask if he wants tomato sauce, with a laugh but he says no. I have stupidly been buying him coke too when I go to the shops, I drink sugar free so I have both options in the fridge for him – I offer beer but he takes a coke. We sit & eat dinner chatting on the couch. I seriously can’t believe he is just eating taco meat & cheese. After dinner we head into the city, he gets me to drive because he says he doesn’t know where he is going. I get a rock star park & even show off my amazing reverse parallel parking skills… I know he is impressed because he says something. I have already booked & paid for the mini golf online because I wanted to make sure we got in, it’s usually pretty busy but it is a weeknight, so I’m not sure it’s that busy – it is quite busy for a Thursday.

We go to the bar & buy drinks, he doesn’t put his hand in his pocket so I pay for them & we play the game of mini golf. We play a bit quicker than I have ever played there, however every time I’ve been here it’s been with a big group so it can take a lot of time if they need a bunch of hits to get the ball in. He’s good, but I’m actually not too bad at the game either, however he wins but I am not that far behind him to be honest.

Motocross bad sex bad relationship

It’s not like I expect either, I mean it would be a perfect date to try to help me with my putting or touch me & be cheeky, however Motocross never touches me at all… We go up to the bar for another drink, which he pays for & the guy asks if we want the second course for a discounted price, Motocross says yeah & he pays for the drinks & the discounted course. We play another round. It’s fun & laugh a lot but we don’t touch, god forbid we touch or kiss.

After our second drink & second game we head home. We talk about the mini golf the whole way home, I mean he was super excited the entire trip to the city & now he’s talking about what holes he liked the best & how they had it set up. He also kept our score card & kept going through it on the way home.

I let him out of my car before I go into my carport as the passenger can’t get out with my kayaks on the wall & it’s a tight squeeze. He stands by my front door waiting for me to unlock it, he comes in & I offer him a drink turning on the heater & tv. We both always take it in turns about who stands in front of the heater & we talk a lot to be honest. He stays at my house till midnight but again we don’t have sex! He hugs me goodbye, that lingering hug that makes me feel pretty safe & that this is more than just friends, but also somehow makes me feel like this could be just friendship…

Ok is it weird it’s twice in a row that we haven’t had sex? This is new to me, is it a relationship or are we just friends? I again try not to dwell on it because I don’t want to pressure it either. I mean do I even know what I want? While I like this guy a lot, I like hanging out with him, it is missing something, it is missing the passion – the can’t keep your hands off each other passion that I had with Noodle. There is no way even the times I met Noodle for just lunch when I tried to end it or the times we met, we couldn’t not touch. I do have sexual chemistry with Motocross but do I have the passion? I mean this feels like we’re more than just friends. Are we just friends? Is that all he’s looking for? I mean he’s going back to the USA in October – though he’s also told me November too so who knows, maybe he’s pulling away because of that? Maybe he just wants to be friends?

I decide that I need to pull back from this too, I am getting too invested & he’s putting up barriers, so I decide that I am not going to message him to see what’s up this weekend, we last talked on Thursday after golf, its now Sunday. I don’t remember if he’s home or not, I refuse to message, even though I think about it all weekend. Literally the second my family arrive at my house, I see his little face pop up on my watch, I can’t help but smirk like a jerk at the fact he’s finally messaged me first. Maybe he is into me? Maybe this is more than sex? Maybe this is more than friendship? No guy messages to ask how your weekend was if he just what’s to be friends?!

We talk about our weekends & it’s all very cordial, I talk about how I saw the news with the Sydney show being cancelled & he said that there as no reason for people to be pissed off. I then ask if he wants to come over a bit later as my family are packing up, he says that he’ll see me soon & 15 minutes later he’s at my door, knocking.

He comes in & we talk the evening away, I don’t recall all the conversations we have but I am getting to know this guy a lot better. I talk about my trip to Brisbane, we talk about his trips away for work (riding), we talk about how shit my work is at the moment. We just talk a lot, especially when we’re not watching movies. So I tend to put on YouTube music videos because we learn a lot more about each other when we listen to music. He’s at my house till around midnight, again yet we don’t have sex! FUCK what is going on here?! As he lingers with his hug goodbye, squeezing me tight, he asks what I’m doing on Tuesday night, I say nothing but the gym & he says that he’ll see me then. Do these hugs means something? I know I don’t get men’s cues very good, they need to not be subtle with me, they need to be straight to the point about what they want, I know he can be shy, I am definitely awkward, so we’re not a great match at making moves.

We don’t speak again until Tuesday, I message & ask if he’s coming over as per his hug request, I say that I’ll be home around 8:00 pm, he says that he’ll come on over then, I tell him the door is unlocked, I’m just in the shower. He comes over & we sit around again, chatting listening to music till around midnight when the exact same thing happens, no sex, the lingering hug but no plans to catch up this week – he’s flying out on Thursday sometime so I probably won’t see him till next week. This is exactly 6 weeks since we met online…

I realise on the Wednesday that I am horny & want sex, if I don’t get sex with him tonight it’ll be almost 2 weeks since we had sex, but I’ve seen him 4 times – where we could’ve had sex, I figure I’m going to have to make a move if I want this to happen. Believe me the last 4 times, I’ve thought about it, I’ve tried to make a move but my stupid brain won’t let me. Making me think that he’s just not that into me & we’re just friends… No guy would hang out with someone this often if they are just friends, would they? I mean would you come to someone’s house 3-4 times a week if you just wanted to be friends?

So on Wednesday I message “Hey, I just realised that I probably won’t get to see you till next week, if I don’t see you tonight. So just wondered if you’re free tonight?” I send it at 6:30 pm, so I can still go to the gym if he can’t make it. He replies almost instantly that he’s out at the moment & he’ll try to come around after but he’s at Murray Bridge. I say that’s no worries, I’m off to the gym, will be home around 8:00 pm & he should let me know. After gym I shower as usual & sit around waiting for a message, even a message to say sorry I can’t make it. But nothing comes. I go to bed pretty fucked off, so I can’t sleep at all. I toss & turn all night till just after 11:00 pm I hear a text message come though. I read it “Hey sorry I’m just leaving Murray Bridge now I’m changed my flight till Friday morning so I’ll see you tomorrow night” I fucking hate that I smirk like a wanker at the fact he’s changed his flight, I mean am I that gullible?! Did he really change his flight that late at night to see me? I refuse to write back because he should’ve messaged me earlier to just say sorry he wouldn’t see me tonight – just so I wasn’t sitting around waiting, so now, he can wait, he can feel like the idiot for a change, wondering if he changed his flight for no reason!

I fall asleep pretty quickly, finally able to relax!

#IBD4U

Motocross #17

So my birthday weekend consists of a few drinks with friends at the Switch event on Friday night. I have met a guy at Rope who literally looks half like Noodle & half like Dom Dom, that I am quite attracted to him & we’ve been chatting online about him doing some impact play with me, which he did at the last Switch when I wore the nurse costume. I’m wearing a different costume this time – in line with the theme that makes me feel uncomfortable of Animals. It’s my birthday so I talk to Ripples about being tied as usual at Switch & this other guy, who I’m not sure I’ve nicknamed yet, but he’s tied me before, I’ve talked about before I’m sure & who I would really love to tie with him more.

I’m not sure how I’m going to explain the bruises on my ass from my impact play this weekend to Motocross, he always asks me to flip over & fucks me from behind, I bruise easily & I bruise a lot from impact play – I wish I could show you a picture because sometimes they look amazing (If you’re into bruises I guess) I don’t want to freak Motocross out so I don’t know what I am going to say when I see him next, generally I can have a bruise on my ass for over a week from impact play like this.

Maybe I should explain impact play for you too? Well it can be a sexual thing of course, everything technically can be really if it turns you on. I mean I like being hit & bruised in a sexual way, but at Switch it isn’t about sex, it’s sexual & dominated & fun but I’m not fucking these guys, a bit like Rope, while it can be sexual it’s not with me & the guys that I am doing it with. So impact play, I usually am up against something & then he’ll use toys such as whips, paddles, door stops or even his hand to spank my ass, sometimes my legs… It makes me wince sometimes but it’s a good feeling, oddly. I guess it’s not for everyone of course, but I do enjoy a bit of impact play.

I am not completely drunk but I am tipsy, I have a great night & I go home to sleep it off, waking up with a sore ass in the morning. Saturday comes & goes with nothing from Motocross (Almost forgot this was a post about him! Hahah) I am busy & not really worried about him messaging, I know he’s away with his brother at the moment & also racing.

Sunday comes & goes too, my family come over as usual when I think fuck it, I am just going to message him. I don’t think he was coming back Sunday night like usual, I think he was staying till Monday with his brother so I don’t think he can see me tonight, but I still want to see how his weekend was. I just ask how his weekend was with his bro. “Hey weekend got cut short we only got half a show in before the weather kicked in and it became dangerous to ride so there gonna re set a date to go back catching up with me bro was good thanks. How was your weekend birthday go well hope did you end up hitting town” I had seen on the news – mainly because Facebook keeps popping up crusty demon adverts for me that the Sydney show was cut short. People were heaps pissed about it & it was a big controversy, especially since it was all just plastic seats & people paid hundreds of dollars. “Awww that sucks. Winter probably isn’t the best time to have shows. Yeah birthday weekend was really good. Went out but lost my ATM card. Never lost it before & wasn’t supremely drunk” Out of all the times I have have been so wasted that I am vomiting or unable to stand (I used to be a super messy drunk) but at kink events after I got so drunk that night, I now hate deing drunk & don’t drink as much as I used too. It was like the kick up my ass to not drink to excess anymore. But this night I somehow lost my bank card. “Yeah definitely sucks but all good just gotta go back and do it again soon. Yeah nice I’m good it was really good then. Oooh that’s not good defs not fun losing that” I send him a picture of me & my friend where I look super cute in my costume & tell him I have my new card sorted & that I can pay with my phone so it’s ok. But I never get a reply. Jesus, not this old chestnut.

I decide that I am not going to obsess about it, the next day around lunch time I just send him a cheeky message “Did me as a bug scare you? Hahaha” with an emoji face. He literally writes back within seconds “Huh a bug scare me you still drunk” WHAT? I’m not drunk, what the hell? “Hahaha no, just thought you’d have said something… I figured you’re scared of the dark at my house, that maybe you’re scared of bugs” He says all the time that my house is dark, I never have a lot of lights on mainly because I don’t need too. I assumed he would have written back to my picture message & said something… he says “Hahaha oh nah not even scared lol” I don’t beat around the bush & ask if he’s free tonight or tomorrow, he says that he’s free tomorrow, so I say about 8:30 pm & he says “okay see you then.”

Again I don’t hear from him all day on Tuesday, I don’t message him either. I don’t even message that I am home, assuming he’ll just rock up at 8:30 pm, but he messages at 8:40 pm to ask if I’m home, I say that I’m sorry I assumed he’d just come over. He says that he’ll see me soon & 5 minutes later he knocks on the door & we pass by each other without a hello kiss. When we’re sitting on the couch I ask him about the picture & why he didn’t have a comment about it, I mean I am in a costume, surely he would have something to say about it, I look cute, my cleavage is amazing. He says that he never got it, I think that’s fucking weird, I show him the messages that I sent him & he says that he didn’t get it. He says that he left his phone in the car so he’ll show me later. Now I know what you’re all thinking, what a crock of shit, because that’s what I thought too, I was like he’ll just delete the message & pretend it wasn’t there if & when he shows me his messages… However, as fate would have it I had sent a picture message to a guy at the plumbing store (not a euphemism) before my birthday & I never got a reply, so around this same time I text again asking if he had any luck finding a matching thing I wanted, the plumbing store dude was like who is this? I then speak to him on the phone & he said that he never got my picture message… So apparently something is not right with my phone because it’s not sending pictures. Had I not found that out about the plumbing dude, I wouldn’t have believed Motocross at all. So maybe I am being paranoid about all the other odd things that are making me suspicious?! Maybe there is an explanation for everything & I am just overthinking there to be a problem that isn’t really there?!

Motocross special girl treating like a regular

Interestingly Motocross is at my house till almost 2:00 am that night, however he never touches me & I don’t make a move on him either – of course because I’m like a teenager that can’t make a move on guys, even when I know they like me, he hugs me goodbye, which is a lingering hug & I feel like it’s a bit weird, but he asks what I’m doing Thursday night & wants to see me. I tell him that I’m free as we hug goodbye, my head on his chest, he squeezes & lets me go then leaves. I go to bed & as you can imagine, quite a few things go through my head… So this is the first time we’ve seen each other in the four, almost five weeks since we met, that we didn’t have sex. Lucky we didn’t in a way so I don’t have to explain the bruises on my ass. But considering he was at my house till almost 2:00 am, I can’t understand why he didn’t make a move on me & try to fuck me. Am I just so conditioned to expect a dude to fuck me if he likes me? I start to think that perhaps this is more than just sex for him, he likes hanging out with me too but doesn’t want to be just about sex with me. To be honest, I’ve never dated a guy consistently like this before & not had sex with them. Every guy I’ve dated Origin, Milky, Max, Noodle, Noddy (the main players in my life) & we’ve always met to have sex once we’ve had sex for the first time. Motocross is the first man I’ve dated since obviously my live in Boyrfeiend, that I’ve had sex with & then not had sex with on a date… What does it mean? Also I mean he’s still not sleeping over & I’m reminded of Origin & how many times I asked him to stay over but he didn’t. & surprisingly, after the amazing sex we had last time, I only thought it would get better with him… Not become non existent!

As I said last blog I am basically a 16 year old when it comes to dating so I don’t know what this means, I ask a couple of friends because fuck I am wigging out about this. A few say that it’s ok, it just means that it’s not all about sex, they say it’s a good thing. I mean I would believe that if he slept over. No one says it’s a bad thing that he hasn’t slept over or that we didn’t have sex for the first time, but I can’t help but feel something isn’t right… Am I being friend zoned here? Is he losing interest in me? I mean the texting has dwindled, however he’s still seeing me 3 – 4 weeks for over a month & he’s already locked in the next time to see me.

The next day we don’t talk – again this is ok with me, I am not wanting to be locked into a texting relationship so it’s not as upsetting to me as it once was. I think about what Motocross & I have been doing on our dates. We’ve basically sat at my house every night, watching movies or listened to music before we have sex. We had a few dinner dates & went to the play, but maybe this is getting boring. I mean it is for me. I start planning a fun date for Thursday! I am going to show Motocross what dating me can really be like!

#IBD4U

Motocross #16

I think it’s about time I remind readers, especially new ones to my blog who have just been following the Motocross story, that while I am almost about to turn 38 in the time line of the story (in real life soon to be 39), I am a smart, educated, articulate professional, successful, well travelled woman – when it comes to almost every aspect of my life. But when it comes to dating, or relationships, I am basically stuck at 16 years old. I never did all the mini relationships that teach you what you should do when in these situations when I was younger. I was single until I was 22 & dumped at 25. Since then I’ve basically been single. I’ve only been in love once at age 36 & we all know how that turned out…

Most comments I get from my readers are that they love my story or they’re confused at why I did what I did, believe me when I read back over my stories, I am confused about how stupid I can be or how ridiculous I sound but this is just my diary, aired for you all to read. So please remember to be kind & to also remember, I am seriously emotionally retarded when it comes to dating. I don’t know how to do it & I make mistakes.

Having said that – I’m not holding back with Motocross this time, I don’t give a fuck, I’m going to be 38 in a few days (yes birthday looming!), I do want to get married at some point in my life, though that prospect is looking further & further away each day. I really want to be married & have a partner. I am not mucking around anymore. I’ve let a lot of things slide because I have stupidly stalked him – so I can’t ask about some of it, but this can’t go by without me asking the question, why didn’t he fucking message me this weekend. Yes I was abrupt about asking about it, but that’s my way, that’s just me. I will be silent for so long then snap!

He seems a bit taken back by my abruptness, maybe even a little scared – remember he stutters so his stutter is more prominent, that I’ve either scared him or he’s lying… But he tells me that after he won the race (of course he won!) all the guys were hanging around & they threw him in the ice bath with his phone in his pocket which killed it. Ok that’s a viable story – I guess, he said that he got a new phone this morning & only ever uses whatsapp to chat to his American neighbour who is looking after his house, which he was using on his computer. He said he was waiting till he got his new phone because he didn’t have a sim card with my number on it. I mean I have no reason not to believe him, but I hate that I doubt him. I also hate that I’ll never know if he would’ve text me Tuesday (today) or not if I hadn’t found him on whatsapp… I fucking hate that.

Well Motocross is here, hanging out with me, so I don’t press it further – I mean he’s not lying to not see me, he’s lied presumably but still hanging out with me. We sit on the couch listening to songs on YouTube, he likes my taste in music & introduces me to a band he likes that’s similar to my mix, a band called Crossfade, he even sings a few songs when he plays them & I can’t help but think that this is quite comfortable… It’s nice that he’s relaxed around me, we sit & chat the entire evening, we don’t watch movies which is good, just chatting about all sorts of shit. I tell him about my upcoming trip to Brisbane & he asks so many questions about it, that I can’t help but think he’s implying he wants to come. He says that this weekend he’s going to Sydney earlier than usual because he’s meeting his brother there & has tickets for him & his friends for the show, he also says that his brother is coming to Adelaide in a few weeks too from NSW who he hasn’t seen for years so he’s looking forward to that & it’s his birthday so he wants to get him something big for it. I ask if it’s a big birthday like his 30th or 40th but Motocross says he’s turning 38 – which I already know that we are the same age, due to his friend request to me. Which by the way I forgot to tell you disappears… I either accidentally clicked ignore showing someone that he’d requested me or he deleted it after a year when he realises that I am dating his brother perhaps, maybe they’ve talked about me?! I don’t know which but I had screenshotted it – because that’s what I do!

I tell Motocross that it’s my birthday this week on Thursday & he says that he’s flying out on Thursday & wants to see me tomorrow instead. I can’t help but smirk, that’s so sweet he wants to see me for my birthday… Maybe the phone story is true?!

We have sex of course, he hangs around for a while & I tell him I’m not tired, as I’m not but then start yawning so he leaves just after midnight, saying he’ll come over after the gym tomorrow night. He hugs me quickly goodbye at the door, not kissing me as a peck on the lips before he leaves, which is just weird, I mean he has just been inside me, surely he can kiss me goodbye at this point? Three weeks ago today, we met at the pub face to face after having chatted for one day online.

The next day I don’t hear from him all day, I don’t attempt to write to him either, I don’t obsess about it, he said he’s going to come over, then he will. He doesn’t seem like the type to bail. I just send a message at 8pm saying I’m home & in the shower, door is unlocked. I don’t get a reply, but I rush in the shower, not wanting a repeat of yesterday’s awkwardness, I hear his car pull up about 8:30 pm & walks in while I am getting dressed, coming to find me, he says hey but doesn’t kiss me hello again. I don’t kiss him either.

We sit around chatting again watching more YouTube, it’s really nice getting to know this guy. We talk a lot about travelling & his bikes, my work which is really shit at the moment – however I try not to talk about it too much because I don’t want him to think I am just a whinger or after him for his money.

Motocross dick is everywhere

When we have sex, we do it the usual way & lay there afterwards naked & chatting, sometimes dozing in & out of sleep, we usually have sex a second time with me on top, which we don’t do tonight. However tonight after being fucked from behind, we lay back down on the bed & he lays behind me, he sort of spoons me, this is new, he’s not done this before. Touching my hips & running his hands over my side while kissing my neck from behind. FUCK… His hands run over my tits & up to my throat where he squeezes so lightly, I guess to test the waters of if choking is ok with me or not… I can feel his hard cock from behind & he actually slides his hand down to between my legs & he starts to finger me… This is also the first time he’s done that, he does it long enough for me to be really close to cumming, he then starts to slide his cock in from behind, I move to give him better access, his hand returns to my throat, he doesn’t choke me hard, it’s just gentle sexy squeezes while he fucks me on my side…

FUCK Motocross has pulled this out of the bag… I am fucking enjoying this sex the most out of every time we’ve fucked, I am close & I can feel him picking up speed on his thrusts & his squeezing my throat, that I slip my hand between my legs & rub my clit so I cum fucking hard, then shortly after he cums too! JESUS. That was so fucking unexpected… We lay there for a while, that was pretty much verging on epic sex! Finally… I even say to him how good that was, so he knows I loved that.

I realise that it’s after midnight, it’s my birthday… When I tell him the time because I was looking at my watch & he asked, he says happy birthday & I smirk like a wanker, he remembered. We lay there for a while longer before he gets up to leave about 1:00 am. He tells me that he’ll message me tomorrow & we hug goodbye at the door.

On my way to work the next morning, I get a text message from him “Heeeeey happy birthday miss hope you have a good day today” with about 5 emojis including a cake, chinking glasses & balloons. OMG. I grin like a fool… This guy remembered… This guy went out of his way to make me feel special too… I reply saying that it started out well & thank him. I don’t expect a reply, my phone goes off all day obviously being my birthday & to my surprise at almost 4:30 pm he messages again “Your welcome. Yeeeeah right well that’s good then hope you’ve enjoyed it so far then. Sorry I’m not there tho” Awwww, that’s so sweet, usually he doesn’t fly out till Friday but he’s organised to see his brother, not knowing it’s my birthday. I’m not bothered, I mean it would have been good if he was here but it’s not the end of the world, I mean this is only 3 weeks into whatever we are. “heheheh being naked with you was a pretty good start to my birthday. I fell asleep at 5:30 & just woke up. EEK. In bed already… Wish you were here too but understand the joys of travelling for work. You can make it up to me when you’re back” I don’t want him to feel bad, but I don’t want him to think I don’t want to see him either. “Haha that it was #Correct. Aww someone got tired on her birthday day. Yeah sorry I’ll be home before you know it. Oh really make it up to ya ay” I’m glad we still have some banter via text, we’ve been talking more in real life so the texting has dwindled, but the banter is still there “#True. Someone kept me up late 2 nights in a row… Hahaha. Not complaining, just stating a fact. Yes, make it up to me!” I try not to write back straight away but he knows I’m in bed so I realise how stupid that is, but I was I’m on the phone for birthday messages etc. “Excuses me miss you said you weren’t tired soooo you can’t be throwing me under the bus on that one. Yeah you definitely weren’t complaining. Haha alright I’ll see what I can do” Maybe I have nothing to worry about here? “Hmmmm I wasn’t tired, till I woke up with only 6 hours sleep. Hahaha Totally worth it! I never complain after I’ve cum. Look forward to it.” I don’t hear from Motocross again on my birthday, the next day I don’t stress about the fact we don’t talk. I don’t want just a texting relationship like I had with Noodle, so it’s ok we don’t message all the time. He’s also with his brother & his brothers friends all weekend. So it’s not a big deal. I relax & enjoy my birthday weekend.

#IBD4U

Motocross #15

So while you’re all angry at me for making you wait with a cliff-hanger & you were all excited about Motocross, as was I, just imagine being me & waiting around like a loser for his reply in real life! For days!! Overthinkers nightmare!! I spent a long time agonising over that message that I sent on whatsapp, I mean stalker alert, what if this guy is trying to ghost me & I’m the barnacle on his butt that won’t leave him alone?! I rewrite it in my head over & over, I overthink the wording, what I would change if I could, what I should have written, should I write again!? FUCK.

I literally have a million things going through my head, mostly about what’s happened to him, not that he just didn’t want to write to me. He’s told me before that he had a bad accident that left him bed ridden & paralysed for 6 months, that I think about the worst case scenario, that he’s crashed, he’s injured, he’s in a bad way & no one knows to message me to tell me because they don’t even know about me. (When things got serious with Noodle, I told my sister how to contact him to tell him if anything happened to me – it wouldn’t have been the same if anything happened to Noodle, I would have never known, so I’m assuming it would be the same with Motocross.) If he was & was told, would I go to the hospital? Would I fly to where he is? Would I even be involved at this point, I mean it’s weird, but this is where my brain goes.

I don’t have to torture myself for much longer, I see his reply on my phone without having to click that I’ve read it, jeez whatsapp is good! So because I’m at work when he messages I read the preview but have to wait till later to reply. At least then I can read it & prepare a reply in my head before he sees that I’ve seen it…

“Hey I’m sorry I haven’t I’ve texted you me phone doesn’t work anymore gotta get a new phone today I got back to Adelaide last night. Me weekend was really good thanks. I’m definitely not seeing anyone I enjoy hanging out with you to once I get a phone today I’ll text you. I’m definitely not injured or anything.” Then 10 minutes later “I use wats app to check in with my neighbour back home to see how my house is going” The second message 10 minutes later makes me suspicious, I don’t know why, but it does… The fact that he had to explain something 10 minutes after the first message, just is weird to me – it’s something I’d do when trying to over explain something. What happened to his phone?! How is he using whatsapp if not on his phone? It’s his Australian number, not an American number for him to be messaging his neighbour. But the stupid part of my brain doesn’t really notice all that, & I fixate on the part that he likes hanging out with me & that he’s not seeing anyone else… What is wrong with me!? (This is also part of the reason why I don’t post in real time!)

Motocross what am i

Now, I talk about this on the podcast I was a guest on & I need to invent a word because desperate isn’t the right word, I am not in the traditional sense of the word desperate but I really want a relationship – I want this relationship to work out. I really want to have a partner & I chose this guy to be the one that I want try that with – he’s cute, we have good banter, we have some chemistry. It’s not desperation as such but I want it really badly, if that makes sense?! Maybe impatient? Or determined? (Thanks Thesaurus) still not 100% right, but do you get what I mean?!

So once I have time & have gathered my thoughts, about an hour later I reply, trying to come across as casual than I was before, but still showing interest “No worries… Don’t want to be a crazy chick or anything, but yeah wasn’t sure…. I use whatsapp for the family chat. But saw your contact & thought I’d just see, cos maybe you didn’t get my text… All good. Hope we can catch up again soon.” OMG. That is not casual… What is wrong with you?! Hahaha… He reads the message & doesn’t reply to it. I go about work thinking that I just have to let this guy go. He has multiple ways to contact me, if he wants too, then he will. If he doesn’t, I will walk away & just have a cry & move on.

About an hour & a bit later, I get a text with Motocrosses face popping up on my watch “Hey I’ve got a phone again. Apparently phones aren’t water proof. Soooo how was your weekend you got much planned for tonight” Errr, what?! Phones are waterproof, I’ve have a waterproof phone since I was with Noodle like 2 years ago? I remember because that’s when I started sharing shower pictures & was so obsessed with messaging Noodle every second I could, that I would take my phone with me in the shower! Motocross has an iPhone, I’m pretty sure most of them are waterproof & have been for many years… I try not to dwell on it, I mean the guy is now asking what I’m doing tonight, fuck I am so easy! This is tragic…

“Phones are waterproof if you don’t have a shit iPhone. My weekend was alright, except when I went riding with my nephew… Just going to the gym tonight, nothing else really” I am not going to swap around my gym schedule anymore for this guy, I would normally go earlier or skip it, but after the fact he doesn’t message me all weekend, I am not making any more sacrifices, maybe we are just friends?! “Oi nah there not silly iPhones aren’t shit just the operator. Yeah nice that’s good then oh what happened when you went riding. Oh yeah okay enjoy the gym then. If you want a visit later hit me up.” Hit me up!? I mean he’s said this to me before, I don’t really notice it at the time, but yeah hit me up, isn’t really wanting to hang out with me, is it?! It’s more just a comment like hit me up for sex. Or is it just the way he talks? Well of course you all know I want sex, that’s obvious, so why not… Maybe now I’m just over thinking everything!

I tell him that my phone is waterproof & I’ll prove it. I tell him that when I went riding my nephew stacked it & cried, that I had no idea what to do, #True, I was going to call my sister to pick us up! “But he was ok, he got up & rode on then came screaming down a hill past me ‘I’ve got no brakes’ yeah fun times…!” I then tell him that I’ll be home after 8 & he can come over about 8:30pm. He replies about an hour later “Hahaha oh nah I believe you miss. Ooh that’s unlucky then well least he’s okay then. Oh yeah okay that sounds good or so you wanna do it tomorrow night if your busy” I am pretty annoyed about the weekend of radio silence & even into the week, however my stupid vagina, fucking wants sex… “Yeah I wasn’t good when I got home hahaha, might not be able to watch you do tricks on your bike… I pretty much gym Tues, Weds & Thurs at the same time… just not been going while I’ve been seeing you but can’t keep skipping it… sexercise is not the same… so after is good for me, if that works for you” Yeah I am not skipping it anymore. Motocrosses wife was skinny, I bet I’m the fattest women he’s ever been with!

“Haha yeah right I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t cope seeing me ride then. Oh yeah okay that’s cool well I don’t wAnt you missing it cause of me I can just see you once you finished the gym then that’s cool by me” Yeah I am not changing my gym schedule anymore jerk. “Maybe I’ll just watch you through my fingers?! Hahaha… Or just don’t stack it?! Or scream at me I’ve got no brakes…! Alright, yeah it’s all good… I’ll see you at 8:30. I’ll leave the door unlocked in case I’m still in the shower” Then he can get the hint to just let himself in in the future. “Hahaha maybe best I’d say. Oh nah I don’t stack often hurts yo much unfortunately. LOL my brakes always work so no stress there. Yeah alright okay see ya then sounds good night join ya” So even though there is a spelling error, did he just ask to join me in the shower?! So I talk about my nephew crashing but add “Hahaha.. .I’ll just stay in the shower then shall I?” he replies with “Oh yeah interesting I’ll be cumin then” We text a little bit more, mainly his stupid hash tags of #True, #Interesting & #Correct.

I go to the gym & then message him that I’m home & the door is unlocked just after 8:00 pm. I don’t know what time he’s going to get here & I don’t know if he is serious about having a shower with me. Meeting me in the shower? So I race in the shower, washing my hair as quickly as I can, so I am basically done all the necessities when he gets here, if he jumps in too, I don’t want to be still brushing my teeth or rinsing my hair.

He rocks up about 8:30 pm & scares me as he enters the bathroom (Fuck, not again!), he chats to me through the glass shower screen, he comes in & sits on the edge of the bath chatting, that I have to ask if he’s getting in which he says nah, so I feel like a dick still being in here, I would have gotten out ages ago if I knew he wouldn’t get in.

I turn off the water & grab a towel, drying off in the shower cubicle, it’s not what I usually do but I feel a little exposed, he even says, something about me drying off in the shower & I say that I dry off in there… Which I don’t! I have no idea why I lie, but I then get out & sort of have to stand in front of him drying myself, naked. I feel exposed & weird, why does everything have to be weird after the weird weekend…

I get dressed into a warm casual tracksuit & we go sit in the lounge room, I have put on a YouTube mix before I showered, so we are listening to songs – just relaxing on the couch, I don’t want to suggest a movie because I don’t want to sit here in silence, I want an answer, I want to talk about this… So I sit there for ages when I finally build up the courage to turn to him & say “So what the fuck happened this weekend?”

#IBD4U

Motocross #14

Out at dinner with my colleague & other participants, when I get a message from Motocross finally “Hey how was drive good hotel I hope” I can’t really reply because I’m working, I see it on my watch, so have to wait till I’m back in the hotel about 30 minutes later. “Hey, just got back to the hotel after a work dinner where I ate my weight in carbs… Kinda waste of time going for a run along the river before dinner. Hahaha… Drive was alright – boring & have to do it again tomorrow. Hotel is the usual shitty place. How was your day?” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK #IBD4U. Did he ask for your fucking life story?! I wait a while, with droopy eyes for his reply, but it doesn’t come so I fall asleep. I wake up early for breakfast with my colleague & we do what we have to do before he actually replies to me, mid afternoon when I am driving home – so I don’t get to read it or reply till later. It’s longer than what I can see on my watch so at least that’s positive… I don’t feel so stupid.

I get home & my friend is there still from KI & I need to go to the gym then dinner with her, so I don’t get time to write back to him. I read it though “Hey sorry bout the late reply. How’d the run go did you do it again. Ooh hopefully your drives more exciting on the way home then unlucky bout your hotel then me day was good thanks just in qld now obviously enjoying the weather up here” Well at least I got a long message back, now I don’t feel like such a dick! Hahaha.

I don’t write back till almost 8:00 pm “That’s ok, I was driving home. Went straight to the gym then dinner with my friend. Run was alright yesterday, my gps jipped me though on how many kms I did… Wish I was in qld. It’s fucking cold as fuck here…!” Just so you know, it’s the 1st August, in the timeline… We’re now in August! I feel like I’m catching up, am I catching up?

He writes back “Oh yeah okay gee busy day then. How was dinner where’d you go. Oh you think you did more kms then your gps said. Yeah I bet you would be nice so your home now I’m guessing” Even though he barely uses punctuation, he is asking questions, he seems like he wants the conversation to keep going. I tell him that I went back to the pub I met him at but we didn’t sit outside this time. I tell him that I did four exact same laps & each one was a different length, so I’m not sure why my GPS fucked up. I say that I’m sitting in front of the heater with my friend watching TV & hanging for my own bed & ask him how his hotel is. I don’t get a reply. At all. I go to bed not thinking much of it, it’s about 9:00 pm where he is, he’s probably asleep? I go the entire next day without a reply too. WTF? I did ask a question to keep the conversation going. He didn’t reply.

My friend has gone back to KI, so I’m home alone overthinking, when I think fuck it, just message the guy! It’s almost 9:00 pm my time on Friday night when I just say “Hey how was you day?” a no pressure message. He writes back almost instantly. “Hey you yeah me day was good thanks pressday dismorring and an autograph singing in the arvo plus we hit up the go karts. How was your day tired of driving yet” I can’t even type out that message without giggling! I ask if he’s signed anything for me yet & tell him that I was in the office all day so was pretty boring day – I’m not sure why work thought it was more important than on the trip with my colleague, but anyway. He says that he hasn’t signed anything for me but he will & says at least I can relax now. I write back “Hahaha… Sign my ass! Yeah just got home & in bed… Got a busy weekend, bootcamp & dinner with gym people tomorrow” His replies come quickly “Haha oh gawd your funny sure. Oh yeah okay jealous I’m not there tho. Oh wow okay defs a busy weekend for ya I’m sure you’ll enjoy it nice where’s your dinner at” I am giggling as I write back “Hahah… you say you like it, so why not sign it? Yeah sucks you’re away… definelty lots of space in bed & a shardnado that hasn’t been watched yet… I think dinner is back at the same pub we met at” he’s told me several times he likes my ass, I do like my butt TBH. Again, his message comes very quickly “Hahaha nah I’m not saying it like that. Yeeeah I’m sorry lol Sharknado someone’s keen been thinking about it ay. Oh yeah nice sounds good” I reply with a sleepy smile “Then you can take a picture so I can see it! Carry my ass around with you! OMG. I’ve blocked sharkando from my memory till now… I refuse to spend the $6 on it” His reply takes a lot longer this time, that I fall asleep… I wake up to his reply that came 30 mins later “haha okay deal not complaining bout carrying your ass around… Really you actually blocked it haha of course you would refuse I would too” I go to the gym & reply after I’ve eaten breakfast “Sorry, fell asleep then woke up late for bootcamp this morning… But made it at least & now I’m fucked. You can look at my ass any time you like if you have it in your phone. I paid for the last 2 Sharknados, YouTube are going to think I’m a fucking weirdo” I go about my day, knowing that he’s racing & probably won’t have his phone.

I go out for dinner & I can’t help myself but keep wishing for him to message & me to see it on my watch. The message never comes… The next day, the same. Nothing… My mind goes to weird places, what if he has crashed? What if he’s in hospital? What if something happened? Should I text again in case his dad has his phone or something?! Should I just give the guy a break, he did say in his messages that he wanted to be in bed with me & carry my ass around in his phone. He’s clearly still keen on me. Nothing could have changed that much in a couple of texts. I can’t help but think the worst!

By Sunday evening after my family have been & gone, I am in the bath, thinking about Motocross in the bath with me. There is still no message from him. I can’t help myself but I look at my dating app, I honestly haven’t looked at it since Writer suggested that I suspend the account. I look at Motocrosses account & it says that he updated his profile a certain number of days ago, but it also says that he’s like 2000+ kms away or something… I realise two things, at least he’s not lying about being away but then that means he’s actually logged on to the account for the kms to update. But I also notice that the day he updated his account – which was him adding his snapchat account details to his profile, was the same day he came over & had a bath with me… Was it before or after we had the bath & he invited me to Vancouver?! Fuck I feel like an idiot… I keep my account hidden, I am never going to date again if this doesn’t work out!

Monday comes & he doesn’t message me either… All day & I get nothing. It does my head in so I send him a text at 8:40 pm “Hey, how’d the weekend go?” I never get a reply… WTF has happened here?! Is he ok? I am starting to get worried… Last message I got from him ws 10:00 pm Friday night, it’s now Monday night & nothing… Fuck? Tuesday morning, I wake up & am so unsure about what has happened here… But of course I think of nothing else… WTF…

Motocross what the fuck

I am lost at what has happened here… I am looking through my phone & look at whatsapp randomly. When I see Motocross has an account with his Australian phone number – thank you whatsapp for the ‘last seen’ time stamp because it says that he was last seen recently (I forget the exact time) Right…? So what the fuck does that mean!? Is he ignoring me on purpose?!

“Hey Motocross,

So I just saw you have whatsapp & noticed you’ve been online. So I’m not sure if you didn’t get my text or aren’t replying on purpose.

I hope it’s not the latter because I’ve liked hanging out with you, was looking forward to seeing you race & you told me you aren’t seeing anyone else plus we haven’t been using condoms…

Anyway, hope the weekend went well. I was worried you got injured when you didn’t reply or want to see me yesterday…

Hope to hear from you soon

#IBD4U”

Looking back on that message, I seem like a fucking skitzo, like I mean, I imply that because we aren’t using condoms, he has to write back to me?! Jesus… It’s so full on now when I read back on it. Also we’d talked about me going to watch him race & he’d also talked about teaching me to ride a motorbike – saying “we’ll get you going”. But the other good thing about whatsapp is you can see when they’ve read your message – so I’ll see when he reads it & if he ignores it, then I’ll have my answer. It also says when you’re online so I need to stay off there too while I await a reply. What the fuck has actual happened here?! What changed his mind so easily? & while I know it was only really two weeks, we talked almost every day – in fact, I think we did talk everyday up until this weekend, we had 8 dates – not just sex dates either, we’ve been out together, we’ve been intimate more than sex, he met 2 of my friends, we had a good time… While it was only a short time, I still think I deserve more than being ghosted completely here… I deserve an explanation, so while I am cringing at that message now many months later, I actually stand by it. What the fuck happened here & why isn’t he messaging me!? If he is cheating on someone with me, without me knowing, it’s odd that he’s been able to get away for as long & as late as he has… What excuse would he use?

URGH this is doing my head in…

#IBD4U

Motocross #13

So Motocross is coming over again tonight, third night in a row… But I forget that my friend from Kangaroo Island is coming to stay for the week for uni. I don’t want to bail on either of them, so I tell her that he’s coming over & she should go visit someone for the evening & I’ll tell him that she’s staying over but will be out of the way – but will tell him. I am going away for work on Wednesday morning & he goes away Friday when I get home, so if I don’t see him tonight, I won’t see him till next Sunday or Monday, or worse even longer. I hope my friend understands, but too bad if she doesn’t. She’s staying here for free – while I’m away, so if I have to kick her out one night for my vagina, then so be it! Hahaha… I do feel awkward about it, but this is a budding relationship & I want to see him, not only for sex but I do want to hang out with him. She has a partner, so I’m sure she understands!

I haven’t heard from him again all day but I figure that if he’s planned to come over then he won’t bail – he doesn’t seem that type. I send him a message just before 4:00 pm saying that I will be home a bit earlier than usual so I am planning to go to the shops & get something for dinner & asked if he is keen to try my cooking. “I’m feeling adventurous so sure why not” I love that this guy can spell adventurous but struggles with shaw. Hahaha. I know he doesn’t eat eggs, so I ask if there is something else he doesn’t eat? He says mushrooms & brussel sprouts. Well I hate mushrooms – something in common, but will eat brussel sprouts, but not cooking anything with sprouts tonight. He says that’s kind of me, when I write back about an hour later I say that I forgot to tell him my friend is staying over, but she’s going out, that I’m just cooking dinner now & he should let me know what time he is coming over. I make chicken pad thai with carb free noodles, which I’m pretty sure will be too exotic for him! But I hope that he’ll enjoy it. About 45 minutes later, just after 6:00 pm, he says he’ll be here around 6:30pm, to stop me from overthinking if he’s late, I reply & say that’s fine, I’ll see him soon.

He rocks up & knocks on the door again, maybe I should tell him he can just come in at this point? Again he doesn’t go in for a kiss, so neither do I… Maybe were just friends who have sex? I mean the texting has dwindled quite substantially. But then again he has seen me three nights in a row.

We chat easily while I cook dinner, I have music on YouTube on the tv. I tell him that I’ve cooked Pad Thai & he comes over to the stove to have a look, I think this is the time be might kiss me or touch me but he doesn’t. He’s awkward, so I’m awkward. I wish I could make a move on guys when they’re being like this, I’m not really affectionate unless I am shown affection. Noodle was the only one I could make a move with ever, but they only time I ever really saw him was to fuck him, so it was easy. This is possibly going somewhere, it’s not just about sex, this could be more than that… I am hoping it’s more than that for him.

We eat dinner, he doesn’t eat as much as me but he says that he likes it but is used to more plain foods with ketchup. Yuck, food doused in ketchup… Sounds gross to me, but each to their own I guess. I’m not a huge sauce fan because they’re usually full of sugar & smoky.

After dinner, he picks a movie, I allow him to pick because I couldn’t really care less to what we watch & again it’s some movie about cars or bikes. He comments on the sounds of the bikes, saying they’re wrong for what they’re riding, of course I have no idea about that either – I couldn’t tell you what bikes sound like.

We’re sitting closer on the couch than we usually do, he normally spreads out & really relaxes, usually falling asleep before the movie is over. It’s not uncomfortable, I don’t need to sit cuddling him all night, I am not that cuddly to be honest. I have also had this back issue for a while now that I can’t sit in one spot for long at the moment & when you’re cuddling a man, you can’t squirm all over the place.

Motocross i am both

My friend texts me about 7:30 pm to tell me she’s on her way back to my house… Well I expected her to be out longer, this is going to be awkward. I mean Motocross & I are awkward all the time so fuck knows what it’ll be like when my friend gets here & sits down with us to watch the movie, will she have a better conversation with him? She can be a bit shy too, so don’t think she’ll try to talk to him too much. He has met a friend before I guess on the second date when we went to the play – it was weird but it went ok?!

She walks in the door around 8:00 pm & stands in the entry way the whole time, I introduce them to each other, we talk about her dinner & general chit chat & she says she’s going to bed, she has to be up early. So she heads off to bed & we continue to watch the movie.

When the movie finishes, he’s still sitting awfully close & turns to kiss me & pulls me on his lap, well this is new & fucking sexy. We’re kissing & he’s taken my top off while sitting on his lap. I unzip his jacket & slip his shirt off before I suggest we go to my bedroom, I think maybe he was thinking we should have sex on the couch being my bedroom is right next to where my friend is asleep, however, it’s only like 9:30 pm, she might get up & go to the bathroom or want a drink & would have to walk past us on the couch having sex to get to the kitchen. Once in the bedroom, I turn on the tv with YouTube songs because that will muffle any sounds & give the room a bit of a glow with the screen, so I don’t have the bright light on. But then the sex is the same, we basically take our own pants off & he slides on in, then asks me to do me from behind, I cum by rubbing my clit, then we fuck after a little break with me on top. It’s good sex, I am not complaining, of course, the sex is still good, but I am only cumming because I am rubbing my own clit & then when on top, it’s easier to cum, so I cum again because of the angle. I don’t know what it is but I squirt with him tonight… FUCK! I hope that doesn’t scare him off… I can’t stop it but he seems to love it & he cums again too.

We lay there sated for a while, he falls asleep & so do I sort of, but then I wake in the wet patch & as I’m shuffling in the bed to get more comfortable, he wakes up & says that he should go. I am disappointed but I am also ok with it too because I have to be up early to drive to the Riverland for a work trip with a colleague. He leaves around midnight. So the dates are a decent length, the texting, while that has dwindled, I am feeling good about this… Though we just seem to watch movies & not really talk as much as I would like, but it’s ok, we have plenty of time right?!

The next day I drive to the Riverland, meet my colleague there as I am not allowed to be there for the full trip for some ridiculous reason, things are weird at my work & I am hating it right now. I think it’s part of my why my back has been so sore, it’s stressful & the only thing keeping me going right now is the fact they pay me & the fact things are good in my love life… You know that saying, when things go well in one part of your life the rest falls apart? Well I’ve always gotten what I want in my career – for the most part, but now things aren’t going well career wise, maybe it’s time for my love life to pick up? I’m thinking it’s not that bad anyway with work, because you know me with my daydream of maybe even going back to the USA with Motocross for a holiday. I finally have three weeks of annual leave booked for mid-September, that I am wondering if I should take that long & possibly save some leave for a trip with Motocross? I booked 3 weeks because I was supposed to go to a Rope thing in Melbourne, but now I have started planning a week in QLD to visit my friend & her new baby. But wondering if I should just a week & save time for a trip to the USA? Or even Vancouver.

Anyway I don’t hear from Motocross all day & of course I’m away till Thursday night & then he’s away Thursday morning so we haven’t set a time to catch up next. I am busy with meetings with my colleague, I decide to go for a 5km run, which she says she brought her gym gear but doesn’t want to come with me, so I go, I need to let out some tension to be honest, stop overthinking about why he hasn’t messaged me, why I’ve had to be the one to message every time. My colleague & I go out for dinner & still nothing from him… I refuse to message, I refuse to be the one to message first, I have broken my rule so many times with this guy… I am sick of it… But also it’s ok – maybe I need to take a chill pill, I don’t want to just have a texting relationship like I had with Noodle. So I need to just relax, he left my house at midnight… it’s not even 24 hours!

#IBD4U

Motocross #12

A shorter bonus post today, because this was supposed to be ready for Tuesday & my amazing guest blog today, however I wasn’t prepared! So here it is! The #BonusPost. Hence why if you notice the colour of the heart meme was wrong! Hahaha… No one probably notices, do you?!

On with the story : I go to sleep, semi disappointed to be honest but also, it’s ok, I mean I sleep better alone, this is moving fast, I am not sure I’m ready for full on sleepovers just yet. I’m not sure why Motocross hasn’t stayed over since the first time we had sex though, at least once. Of course my overthinking brain wonders why he hasn’t stayed, or why he doesn’t want to stay over? Especially when leaving here at 2:00 am. I mean I think possibly that he’s still married maybe, but she’s changed her name on Facebook so I don’t think so… he couldn’t just go home that late every night without arousing suspicion… What else could it be? Especially if he’s going to come over again tonight. How can he get away so much if he’s married or seeing someone else? It’s now Monday night – end of July, tomorrow will be 2 weeks since we met online.

I don’t hear from him all day which disappoints me too but then again I haven’t messaged him either, however you all know my dumb rule. As I’m leaving work I think I will message him as I am either going to skip going to Rope & see him or I will go to Rope. So I message him & ask if he’s still wants to come over. He says “Hey yeah I can come a bit later sure but if you’ve got plans all good though I can wait” What is that supposed to mean? Fuck, don’t over think it. “No I’m not doing anything, besides you… Will be home in about 20 mins so any time after 6.” I try to be cheeky, because I don’t want to be in a bad mood that he didn’t message & that he said he doesn’t have to see me, that he can wait. “Hahaha good answer. Yeah nice okay I’ll be there about 6:30ish” Lets think about this, 6:30 pm is early, like if he didn’t want to hang out with me, he’d say like 8:00 pm or something right?

I potter around doing some stuff at home waiting for him to come. 6:30 pm comes & goes. 6:45 pm comes & goes… I think this is unusual for Motocross, he’s always been so punctual. I keep looking at my phone wondering if I should message him, I didn’t reply with a yeah come on over at 6:30 pm, I just thought it was implied… Fuck, should I message? Where is he…? I am sitting on the couch thinking, fuck I broke my rule of drinking alone & he’s about to bail on me! Or maybe he is waiting for me to message to say come on over? When at 6:55 pm, I see his face pop up on my watch, I quickly look at the message, holding my breath for the I’m not coming bullshit excuses “Hey I’ll be there real soon.” Phew… Something has obviously come up, he’s not even 30 minutes late at this point… & to be fair, he did say ish. I reply that it’s all good & I’ll see him soon & I relax.

He knocks on the door just after 7:00 pm & I am reminded of Noddy & how he just would walk in & say hey as he walked in without me having to get up off the couch, then he’d bee line it for me to give me a kiss hello, so familiar & so much more like a boyfriend. Motocross knocks on the door, waits for me to answer & then walks in without kissing me on the cheek even. Is it weird at this point? I mean the man has had an intimate bath with me among other intimate acts, basically invited me to Vancouver for a holiday with him (& admit that you’re all planning that trip in your head too, I am not alone here!) & is hanging out with me on very regular basis – surely he would just knock & enter then kiss me hello as he walks in the door?!

Motocross already have a wife

Anyway he doesn’t want a drink, which is just a beer, he’s not a big drinker & I’m starting to think that he thinks I’m an alcoholic, every time he’s over, I have a couple of beers or a glass of wine, he has said something about my drinking too, I forget what now but I know it made me feel self-conscious – knowing he doesn’t drink a lot due to training. I am so careful with my drinking, as I’m not sure that I’ve told you this but I come from a long line of alcoholics, so I made a rule a long time ago when I started drinking a lot after I moved back from Canada & moved back into my house I owned with Boyfriend, that was being rented out, that I would never drink alone & I pretty much follow that rule all the time since then, only once or twice I have broken that rule. I don’t need to drink but when I have company, I will have a couple of drinks.

We watch fucking Sharknado 3. Like really…. It’s laughable at this point! But also hilarious that I have to watch them all. Motocross falls asleep on my couch so I wake him up by moving around a lot when the movie had finished, he had picked the stupid movie… We barely watched number 2 because we ended up having sex. Now, we sort of sit looking at each other, I’m unable to make a move, but then I sort of lean forward & kiss him on the couch. We have the same sex in my bedroom as we’ve had every time & again – it’s good, I’m not complaining, however this guy really doesn’t know much about foreplay. He touches my clit though my pants (but that doesn’t count, cos it’s not really getting into your clit to be honest) & he dry humps me when we’re kissing but there isn’t a lot of foreplay, we both get ourselves undressed in my bedroom & he’s on top sliding his dick in, which is lucky that I’m wet enough for him to do so. When we have sex again & me on top, I don’t know about you ladies, but I’ve heard this before from men, so I don’t know what you are all doing, but he says that he likes that I grab his cock to guide him in… WTF?! Do other women not do this? I’ve heard this from more than one man, so what do women do when on top or when the man is on top, I always grab their cock & guide it in, or sometimes they’re just poking around your leg trying to find your hole & it’s awkward. So I just eliminate this awkwardness & guide their cock in. However when Motocross says he likes it, I don’t know why it makes me wonder what other women do when a dude is about to slip his dick in? The only time I don’t help is when I’m tied up, I even try to help when they’re coming in from behind, especially when they aren’t the type to hold their cock to slide it in… Am I alone with this? I must be a minority being that a few men have said it to me. Hahaha… Let me know if you do it too!

Anyway, he gets up about 11:30 pm & goes home, suggesting tomorrow night. Tomorrow night will be 2 weeks since we met online, this is also the third night in a row that he’ll see me, but yet he’s not staying over?! I don’t really ask this time as I don’t want him to have to make an excuse. I know he gets up super early for training, so it’s ok, I don’t want to be woken up at stupid o’clock to him leaving my house. So maybe it’s better him not staying over? Maybe it’s too early for that stuff?

#IBD4U