Motocross #20

Just FYI – if you skipped over Sundays Silverlining blog post because you wanted a Motocross post, then I suggest you go back & read it before you read this one, it is important to the #IBD4U story! Trust me, you probably need to read it before you read anything else!

One thing I also forgot to tell you, is that Motocross told me about a house he was looking at buying, I can’t help but think this is a good sign, I ask if he’s looking at moving back here & he says that’s always the plan. I can’t help but think if this goes well, we can do long distance or something for a while, or I could live in America – would be good to get away from Adelaide for a while. He tells me that the house he’s found has a pool & is in a small town in the Adelaide hills. We sort of don’t linger on the topic but the next day I look it up on the internet – like a fuckwit, there is only one house with a pool in that town on the real estate website & it’s a fucking god damn mansion! I am literally floored at the fucking house… It’s got a horse stable, a vineyard, an infinity pool, the whole house is remodelled, it’s absolutely stunning, a fucking dream house! I show a couple of people at work, including my boss – who starts planning the house warming party (He’s worse than me! Not that I’m denying planning where my amazing furniture would go in this house! Hahaha…) WTF as if a guy I am dating could afford this?! This type of house is not in my reality at all… I mean most of my friends have houses, nice houses but not dream houses! I have no idea what the price is because it’s only open by appointment & the price isn’t listed. FUCK. It kind of makes me uncomfortable at how much debt I have & how much money he has. I mean I am lucky & in a good position in my life, I have a house & an investment property however I’m in a fuck ton of debt! But this actually kicks my butt to get my finances sorted – while I still have mortgages, I work really hard while dating Motocross to pay off my afterpay & credit card so I have some savings. I mean I am going to Queensland in a few weeks too! I plan to do a lot of shopping!

Motocross also tells me that is car that he drives is worth about $75k. It’s a older Holden Commodore ute thing. Now I know cars a little so I know it’s a nice car, but fuck if that car is worth $75k, then I’m a monkeys uncle! He also tells me that he has a BMW van, which he does drive to my house one night, I don’t ever really see it but I notice his car key when he puts it down. As he generally only brings one key in & doesn’t bring his phone or wallet.

This is also about the time I write the What the fuck is there to do in Adelaide? blog (Do you remember that one!? It was about Motocross – if you haven’t already joined those dots. Hahaha.) I didn’t want to keep just hanging around my house, especially since we aren’t having a lot of sex anymore, that I write that post asking you what we can do & I start planning some fun dates. Unfortunately he’s always away on the weekends so we have to do after work things – which limits things but it’s still better than watching YouTube & listening to music 3-4 times a week.

I don’t hear from Motocross Wednesday or Thursday so I message when I get home on Thursday night after work & ask if he wants to do dinner before bowling, he says yeah that he’s just leaving the city now. After chatting to Silverlining about this date, I decide to put on my favourite lingerie, not that Motocross will probably notice, but I put it on anyway to make me feel better. I am going to make a move tonight! Yes, I can do it!

Motocross gets to my house about 6:30 pm, I’ve booked online the bowling alley but my friend at work told me he needs to absolutely pay for bowling. That he owes me, I’ve paid for everything & he keeps boasting about his money that he needs to pay. I don’t have a lot of money as it’s the end of the fortnight & I really want steak so I take him to a new steak house near my house but there is a fucking quiz night on! I literally laugh my head off at the fact we’re trying to go somewhere with a fucking quiz night again, it’s freezing outside & I suggest we sit outside or try the fancy burger joint up the road. He doesn’t have a jacket (& is shivering) but we walk up the road to the burger place & as we order, he stands back so I pay for me own & then he steps up & pays for his… I am all for paying my own way, you know I’m an independent woman with a mortgage & an investment property, I do not need a man to pay for anything for me – ever. However this man has bragged about a $90k car he’s just bought his brother, he’s talked about a mansion he’s potentially buying, he’s told me that he wins $20k per weekend at the races, so surely this guy can fork out the $20 for my dinner?! That’s ok, I’ll somehow get him to pay for the 2 games of bowling which is almost $50. Yes he can pay for the bowling!

We eat awkwardly at a stool, there are no tables & it’s messy so I try so hard not to look like a slob with burger all over my face. We eat then I drive us to the bowling alley, there is about 5 people in there, I was expecting it to be more packed but it’s not. I stand at the counter checking in while Motocross stands back & I pull out my card to pay for the bowling, which I can’t really afford, because he doesn’t put his hand in his pocket again. I have to put it on my credit card. It puts a dampener over the evening for me, I was expecting a cheeky night where we sit next to each other between bowls & chat or kiss… But he sits at the other end of the bench that I sit at & I think he couldn’t possibly get any further away from me if he tried.

I bowl first & get a strike, acting all coy about being reasonable at this game. Between shots we don’t touch or act cheeky like I have went bowling before – remember Fireman?! When I went bowling with him we sat close, we touched, we were cheeky – it was like a proper date. However it was darker at that bowling alley, it’s bright as fuck in here, with every fluro overhead light that is possible being on. It’s not really date sort of lighting, lets put it that way. Motocross asks me if I want a drink, I say yes & he comes back with a giant cup of soda that I assume he’s only going to buy me one beer! Between shots, he starts playing with his phone a lot, standing behind the partition that holds all the bowling balls, so much so that it makes me suspicious & I ask him what he’s doing, he stays he’s getting messages about this weekend’s show & riding at the Royal show which is starting tomorrow. Stuff he has to sort out. He apologises but my mood has taken a further nose dive. I shut down & barely speak, thinking this guy is just not into me. Silverlining is right, I mean I am invested with this guy & he clearly isn’t into me at all!

I feel like a fucking idiot, I am wearing lingerie, I am really interested in this man & he couldn’t give a fuck about me… Why do I feel so stupid… Yet another man has used me for whatever purpose…

Motocross do i want you

When we drive home, he plays with his phone in the car, I am in more of a mood, I mean he made me drive, he didn’t put his hand in his pocket for anything yet constantly talks about money, I’ve never been with a guy who talks as much about how much things cost as Motocross does. I don’t even think I’ve told him I own my house – actually I think I did tell him I own my house but don’t think he knows about my investment. I did so an experiment once to tell men that I rented, that I didn’t have a mortgage because apparently I am too independent. However it makes no difference. What is this with Motocross? Are we friends?! Can we even be considered friends at this point?

He comes in, which actually surprises me tonight. I get even grumpier because I get the feeling we’re not going to have sex as well. I am certainly not making a move on him tonight & I think he can pick up on my vibe. I want him to go. But I mean the only thing that will turn this around now, is if we have sex.

We sit around talking for an hour or so listening to youtube music videos. He has at least put his phone away & is paying attention to me. We’re talking about how he’s riding at the Royal show all week & then the weekend he’s away for crusty demons then he’s back riding at the show. I yawn a lot & try to give signals that I want him to leave – this is a new development for me, I have never wanted a man to leave. I mean I want him to stay because he wants to stay, but as soon as he says he should go, I just up, ready to say goodbye. Normally I take a while to get off the couch or he has to pull me up to hug me, tonight, I am ready to for him to leave. I feel deflated & stupid. I have worn my favourite lingerie to make myself feel better & to see if his eyes pop when he sees me in it – just like Noodle would, but he’s been more interested in his phone that I think I am just his friend.

He hugs me goodbye, even longer than usual, I try to pull away quicker but he hangs on, like he knows I am not happy but doesn’t know what to say… He doesn’t sent a date to see me again, he says he’ll text tomorrow, I say sure. I think he can sense the tone of the evening & knows I am really pissed. I mean it’s 11:00 pm & he’s leaving, without sex, without a kiss, without another prospect of a date… I am shutting down & I don’t even care if he can tell or not to be honest. I am not contacting this guy again, if he’s keen, he’ll be true to his word & message tomorrow, if he’s not, then I’m ok with that.

Or am I just putting on a brave front because I think this man is not into me & pulling away?

#IBD4U

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