Marvel #12

This is my last Marvel post. But not my last #IBD4U post… yet… While I could have written about 50+ more stories with extra details about what happened between Marvel & I, it’s just been too hard to relive it, to rehash all the things we said & did so it’s hard to keep motivated to write about him. Especially when I know what happens & how my story ends! Hahaha.

One day I am feeling cheeky when I see him but also want to know what he’d do so when we’re kissing inside his front door, I pull away & look him dead in the eye – I can see love there still, maybe not like it was before but there is love & affection there – so I say “Marvel, I need to ask you something important?” He pulls away further with a look of semi horror on his face, when I say “Where do you want to cum today?” He smirks & says his usual answer “There’s so many choices with you.” After that day, he doesn’t message me afterwards as he usually would, if he takes to long I message & we at least chat a bit before he goes offline for 2 weeks… This becomes a regular thing.

So now I can’t say that we speak every day, I mean hell, we sometimes don’t speak for weeks…  But at least once or twice a month we catch up & have sex still…. I am ok with this… As much as it hurts not to have my best friend, I figure I either need to be ok with it to end or I need to be ok with it as it is… To be honest I am neither, I don’t want it to end & I don’t want to lose him any further, but I also don’t know if we can be anything more than what we are right now. Can we ever go back to how it was if he left her? I am not sure… I fantasise about him being with me the way he was the first time, the vulnerability we both showed, the pure love & lust with passion we shared… Could or would that ever be again?

Now technically this is stuff that happens after I turn 40 (which covid kills my party plans & I don’t even tell Marvel it’s my birthday, let alone a new decade) – so this part shouldn’t be in my blog, but Marvel gets a new phone, finally after almost 5 years fucking this man & his phone being tracked, he switches to android. I assume she’s going to go off the rails about it but I don’t think he’d tell me of she did… Around this time too, he stops making up the little bed in his lounge room every time I see him, opting for towels on the couch.

Now that he’s not being tracked, I ask him to come to my house to christen my new bed, we also talk about the idea of a 3sum with another guy, he is so open to it all but when I actually invite him to my house, he says that if it’s easier with my work to just go to his house. Well no it isn’t easier, I live like 4 minutes from work, he lives 25 minutes from my work, but I go to his house thinking it’s probably not a good idea that he comes to mine, especially when Marvel’s wife’s friend or colleague – whoever she is, lives 3 doors down! I had given Marvel the heads up to park in the side street & walk up to my house which he was going to do but I think he chickened out as he tells me to come to his house instead.

When he gets his new phone he starts video us having sex again, saying that he’s got a special place on his phone, that he can hide apps, meaning that he doesn’t delete the apps anymore. Annoyingly for me, I can’t see when he’s been online or not like I used to be able too, so I start chatting to him on a fake account I made ages ago – well in fact, he started chatting to my fake account. I didn’t seek him out to chat. He always chats to that account before he chats to the real me… Something he never used to do… It fucks me off. He doesn’t know its me nor will I ever tell him, so he isn’t doing it to piss me off – he’s trying to keep his distance from me. As much as I try to keep my distance from him, not writing back instantly, sometimes not for hours (go me!), I can’t ever go weeks without replying like he can. I hate myself for it.  

So I don’t really have a conclusion for you with Marvel… He & I, are always a thing… We will always have a connection – maybe not a deep one right now, maybe never deep again, but we are connected. I don’t know what might happen in the future, I don’t know what my future holds with this man, how this will end, how my love life will end up like – but all I know is that I don’t want it to end – well not until I am ready for that… Will I ever be ready?

#IBD4U

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