Motocross #27

But wait there’s more! Yes what the fuck… I don’t get embarrassed easily, I obviously can talk about all aspects of my life, basically with anyone who will listen. I’m an over sharer, I’m an over thinker. But this story is a little embarrassing! There is something about this guy though, for me, he is a mystery & I think he’s probably the only guy I’ve never worked out. He seemed genuinely interested in me the first time, genuinely wanted to see me – even if it was just to hang out. So he must’ve liked me even as a friend, even if he didn’t want anything romantic. He’s not deleted me from snapchat after almost 2 years, looking at every single snapchat – so that either means he wants to see what I’m up too, or is just too lazy to delete me?

I am going though a tough time, I have been fighting a legal case which I settle out of court which pisses me off, my dad has had a heart attack but thankfully it wasn’t too bad & he had a couple of stents put in & was home after a few days. A family drama has also ensued, an uncle got very sick & my dad didn’t want to see him at the hospital, I didn’t want to see my uncle dying either but then when his wife denies my dad & my immediate family attending the funeral, I am devastated. This uncle taught me to drive, taught me the value of money, he was very influential in my life, probably the most influential uncle has died & I am not allowed to go say goodbye because apparently my aunty would make a scene. If I had my time over, I would have just gone to the funeral & let her make a scene! Anyway… it’s a shit time for my family & I struggle to not want to talk to Marvel about it… I don’t of course, I end up talking to Motocross about it.

Covid-19 is also rampant in other states so there is always a change it’ll get bad in SA. I wonder what it is about this guy, he’s so hard to flirt with, he’s awkward in person & doesn’t seem affectionate but yet he comes around & seems interested, asks questions about this he remembers – more than most other guys I’ve dated casually. But yet he isn’t interested. He’s not dangling the carrot because we don’t really have sex, I don’t have feelings for him but it’s almost like he is waiting for something better. Which yeah I don’t doubt that men have done that to me but if you weren’t that keen on someone, wouldn’t it be more about sex?! I don’t know maybe he just wanted a friend or something… Maybe he doesn’t like sex with me? I am fatter than what I think this guy would be with, he seems like he should like grid girls, not someone with a curvy stomach & thighs…

Because of everything shit going on, not seeing Marvel as often as I would like, I subtly say something about him coming over but he daces arounf the subject when I snap & say that I’ve never had to put so much effort into fuck a guy he’s already fucked me in the past, who’s also rocked up at my house randomly, he doesn’t reply but I am in a cheeky mood so I sent a cheeky lingerie pic of something new I have bought & I put my phone down to sleep. I get nothing from him – well fuck you Motocross!

The next day I can see that he’s looked at the snapchat & not replied. Well that’s it then, who cares – this guy was a basket case anyway. I get a snapchat from someone else then I see that Motocross has deleted me! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

I wish I could end the story there to be perfectly honest. But as I am a bit tipsy message a few times on snapchat & on whatsapp, but not reply on either. Ah well, whatever.

A month or so later, I notification “Motocross has added you as a friend, add him back” WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS GOING ON! I wish I was the type to say my life was sorted out & I didn’t want content for the blog or that I think this guy has something I need to find out, but I don’t, so I fucking add him & he says that he didn’t delete me but apparently I am hard to find. Hard to find?! Is he joking, my fucking user name is my first & last name. I hate that it is so I never give out my snapchat account to random boys. Also my nickname is my nickname, so he’s a fucking idiot unless he doesn’t know my last name, which he does…

This is just fucking bullshit, I mean anyone who gets a new phone just logs into the app & there are all your contacts! Viola. No need to find people again, he’s a dipstick! Does he think I am so blonde that I am that dumb?! I am pretty smart when it comes to technology, I mean I can’t hack facebook like some people we know (hahaha) but I know a thing or two about technology. Correct me if I am wrong!?

So all of this happened in a week… Him coming over, seeing my bra pic & deleting me, but it’s been a month since he deleted me. He says that he’s been mega busy when I say he knows where I live, if he was trying hard to find me, he would have just come over right?! This is just epically fucking dumb. He says that he did reply to the picture of my bra saying that it was sexy or something, but I don’t believe him.

What fucks me off is that today was a great day, I had finally settled everything with my previous work & after being employed for almost an entire year, I was offered a job today. I had applied for 2 & got one. I was fucking lucky & spoiler alert, 6 months later, I am loving the new job! I have a fancy new job title, I have a work car, phone & laptop again, it’s a 4 minute drive from home so no commute into the city & it’s the pay I wanted – which is a bit less than what I was getting but I figure I am changing careers so I am pretty fucking happy for someone with no experience but many transferable skills from my previous job.

We start talking about hooking up again, he’s so difficult but says he’s in Adelaide this week, not travelling. He even talks about morning sex & sleeping over for that he can have sex with me “unwrapped” who even says unwrapped… He does this thing where he doesn’t open my last snapchat, so I just leave it again. He doesn’t even look at my stories either, whatever dude. A few weeks go by, even though I’ve thought about this guy, I also haven’t bothered about it… What can I do really?!

I get a message a week or so later “Hey you free tomorrow night. I gotta talk to you?” OH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Seriously, what could he even want to talk about. I even question if he has the right person, he takes ages to reply. “Yeah I’ve got the right person. I wanted to apologise actually on why I didn’t respond straight away. I honestly feel like a complete cunt if you wanna know I’ve literally been flat out with racing and I had to get my head in the game and not be distracted plus I felt I dunno but I don’t wanna cut the other guys lunch I guess. I only got back from Canberra disarvo. And I’ve got tailem bend on Friday over the weekend for Supercars. I seriously hate that I’ve messed you around honestly never meant to just I’ve got poor timing. I hope youre enjoying your new job. I do wanna soon make some time and catchup tho. Hope your dogs have been good” Um, yeah right… What the actual fuck do I say to that?! What the fuck…

#IBD4U

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