Silverlining #36

If you read my last blog post, where is #IDB4U, you’ll know why I have been MIA. Things are still the same but I am trying to get some normalcy back in my life & keep doing the thing I love & that is writing! With my renovation done for my new office, I am more settled & don’t have as much anxiety being in my own home!

For those of you that have been missing the blog posts & maybe even thinking about it a lot, it might be a small indication for you to understand why I am talking to Silverlining again! When you miss something & wish it was is your life but it disappears, you want it more than anything! This is a taste of how I felt about missing him…

We left off with Silverlining and I meeting in a petrol station that we fucked in the carwash once, oh the memories! That was fucking hot & probably the most public sex I’d ever had. When he gets in my car with his subway sandwich & says he didn’t think I would be that quick & seems a little flustered, to be honest, neither did I, but I made sure I raced out the office door at 5:00pm, very unlike me at work & raced to see him. He eats his sandwich chatting to me, but I know that he wishes he’d finished it before I got there & had a mint. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this awkward before.

Once he’s finished eating we kiss & he tastes like onion and dressing, our hands are everywhere & he slides one of his up my top to grab my tits over my bra, I want him so bad but I know that he is not going to fuck me while I have my period, which is ok, it’s really broad daylight right now & we don’t have long before he has to go back to work! I unbutton his pants & find his cock, it’s already standing to attention for me.

I pull away from his kiss to tell him that his breath is gross & he reminds me of the first time we fucked when I had eaten garlic chicken for dinner & didn’t have a mint! While I’m complaining about his breath he pushes my head down to suck his cock, as you all know this is something I used to hate but I love the dominance of him doing it to me, I love how much it turns him on when he does it. I suck his cock so much & so well (which he tells me later how good my skills are) that he cums in my mouth & like a good little girl for him, I swallow it. We chat for a bit but he almost realises what the time is & jumps out the car like it’s on fire & says I love you then is gone. I know he knows I didn’t get to say it back, so he won’t message me first like he usually does, so when I’m home I tell him that I love him.

Over the course of the next few days, I didn’t notice it at the time so its interesting writing about it with the hindsight but I notice that he starts saying “luv ya” when he signs off & saying “chat soon”. We talk everyday, as much as both of us can of course, we talk about everything, our main topics are our sex life & our works. But it’s these subtle changes in his conversation, I didn’t realise till later… He finishes up woek on Sunday which mean I probably won’t see him again after this weekend, I mean maybe at his house but because of my work, I don’t know when I will see him again. But he offers up Sunday morning at his gym near his work, I know I will have to wake up bloody early, but I am prepared for that as I am not sure when I will get sex again!

We also talk about my work & how I have been so sick lately, I have been vomiting on the way to work & then when I get to work it starts coming out the other end. Yeah – what fun!! I tell Silverling that my boss has diagnosed me with anxiety & told me to go to the doctors. My sister thinks I might be pregnant which freaks Silverlining out but he knows I have had my tubes tied & relaxes about it. Reminding me about how hot I was when I struggled so much with making him put on a condom.

I confide in Silverlining about how my boss, after diagnosing me anxiety, doesn’t send me home or help me in any way, he tells me that I have to go into another office, even though my computer is at a desk in an open office, where I am surrounded by colleagues & that now I have to make calls, which he wrote the script for me in another room. Of course do as I am directed but I am now being isolated within my office & it causes me so much grief, so much that usually my symptoms are only on the way to work but now they are happening throughout the day & no one in charge in the office seems to give a fuck. I know I don’t usually talk about work like this, but this is a major part of my story, this micromanagement & isolation continues even though I don’t talk about it in this blog. But spoiler alert, you all know that I’m no longer working there. The symptoms of anxiety & following panic attacks occur but the only thing that I have to look forward too, is chatting to Silverlining! So when he goes offline I feel lost, when I am waiting for him to come back online I feel like a loser.

Silverlining gets it & asks if they are just trying to make me fail by making me make calls rather than hitting my targets. I don’t know what the deal is but I am struggling to be there, I am struggling to go in to the office. I am struggling to enjoy the job I loved so much & have done for 5 years! I put my heart & soul into this job, I think that things may have been different if I wasn’t away so much. After been shunned to a office downstairs, I go up to get something & find my whole team in one of my other bosses office having a meeting & they call me in when they see me, but no one moves any of their stuff so I can sit down, so I hover awkwardly at the door. Silverling really sympathises with me, which I find weird sometimes being he has no emotion, but he can be very sweet with me.

Even though I know that I’m not pregnant, I get a test, imagine having to ring Motocross & be like, dude I’m pregnant! Thank fuck… I am reminded of my friend, who I met through this blog, remember his book? He talks about anxiety & symptoms similar to mine that were unexplained. I start realising what is actually wrong with me – it is anxiety. It’s takes me ages to realise my boss is right. But Silverlining asks if I would keep it if I was pregnant & I say yes. I would have always kept it, I don’t believe in abortion as a form of birth control for me, unless I was raped. I knew what the consequences could be by having sex, so I would always have had it. He says that I have changed, but I haven’t, I have always had this view point. I have had the morning after pill a couple of times, but I would never have an abortion, but he says that I told him I would! I never would have said that so we have an argument about it, until he says “Okay then.” But then he doesn’t remember me telling him that I took the morning after pill with him before, so it’s interesting what he remembers… I know what I would & wouldn’t do, so it doesn’t matter. We’re fighting over the most ridiculous thing!

When we talk about the new chat app & that he has good banter with this chick on there, that I scare him because of how jealous I got the other night. I’ll admit I got jealous, that’s a natural reaction, however it’s not natural for me to get that snippy at him for banter with someone. I know he’s a flirt, I know he liar, but I am jealous he openly flirts with them in groups & ignores me when I try to flirt with him in a group. I know that we are chatting privately so it’s not a big deal, but I am jealous. I will admit it… He has more friends on the app than I do, but I have been fairly absent from it, except now that I am on it more because of him.

There’s a lot of conversation I am going to skip over in the interest of moving forward with the blog & because of my lack of posts recently, however, from now on I hope to post every Sunday! They may be shorter than usual but we’ll catch up & I will get my writing mojo back!

#IBD4U