As he storms off, I stalk off after him, he is not going to treat me like that when he is angry & then walk off, we are going to fight it out
“Conner it’s your family” he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, he doesn’t look at me “Don’t shut me out.” He runs his fingers through his wet hair
“I’m not” his voice has returned to normal “please just drop it”
“Really? You want to just forget it?” He looks up at me, his face is pained, I’ve seen that look before, my heart breaks for him
“Yes.” I sit next to him, he takes my hand in his “You’re all I need” He kisses my hand, leaning his forehead to mine, he lets out a deep breath & chastely kisses me on the lips before standing up & leaving the room. I sit there staring at the wall, did he really want to forget it? I don’t know what I would want in his position but his grandmother had somehow found him & he still believed that he wasn’t worthy of love from his family, but she was reaching out to him, even it was over 20 years too late. I thought it was perfect timing as he could have some family at the wedding too. She didn’t say much but it sounded a little desperate in her plea’s to contact him.
Conner was stubborn, she’d hurt him in a way a child should never be hurt, I understood that, but he didn’t need to hurt her back. I put myself in his shoes, could I meet the only adult family member that abandoned me as a child & put me into state care? I don’t know if I could, but I would be so intrigued to hear what she has to say but on the other hand, I would be scared that I would end up hurt all over again.
I knew with Conner’s reaction to the letter, that he wouldn’t make the first move, so the next day as I dialled Bessie’s mobile number, my stomach churned. What are you doing Kristie?
“Hello?” a frail sweet older sounding lady that I wasn’t expecting answered
“Hello, is that Bessie?” I asked
“Yes, who is this?”
“You don’t know me Bessie, my name is Kristie Callan, I am your grandson’s Conner Reynolds fiancé” I hear a sharp intake of breath it takes a few minutes for both of us to regain our equilibrium & understand the magnitude of what this call means
“Thank you for calling, I take it Conner was too stubborn to call himself?” she pauses “He doesn’t know you are calling me does he?” I smile, how did she know? I guess it’s not too hard to predict otherwise he would have called himself.
“You’re right, yes. I only know Conner’s side of the story, which I believe…”
“It’s all true” She cuts me off & I wince, I knew it was but I somehow hoped she would tell me he exaggerated it “You don’t know how much I hate myself for doing that to a child. I was so bitter, I just couldn’t get past it” her voice is sad & I feel for her
“Why have you taken so long to find him?”
“I’ve tried so many times, I don’t know if he’s ignoring me or if he even gets my letters” She sighs “I don’t blame him for ignoring me, I don’t know if I would want to talk to me”
“So why bother?” I’m starting to hate myself for calling her
“I have to make things right” she pauses “I’m old & sick. He has nieces & nephews he’s never met, his sister will be alone when I go.”
“Maybe then she’ll know what it feels like” I snap
“We deserve that, but Kristie, you don’t know how you would react in that situation.” She replied softly. I know I wouldn’t leave a child alone to fend for themselves, regardless of how I felt “It was better for him to get away from the bitterness we felt, we would have destroyed him”
“You destroyed him anyway” I snarl “He lived on the streets, he lived without love, he couldn’t love anyone…”
“Until he met you” Bessie interrupts
“He took 33 years to find me” I snap “He is so broken because of what you did. Living with bitterness has to be better than living alone without love.”
“Is it?” She is getting angry now too “Think about it, he would have lived with people who couldn’t stand the sight of him, didn’t love him because of their own idiocies. Yes, he would have been with family but he would have been more alone than ever” She pauses “Which is better?” I ponder that for what seems like hours
“I don’t know” I really didn’t & I believe her reasons for giving him away were sincere, but I still didn’t believe that Conner would agree & want to meet her.
“I did what I thought was best for him, honestly” She pauses “It was not the best thing for me, I hated myself & have lived with the guilt all these years. I thought I was giving him a better life, I prayed he’d live with a family who love him & wanted such a sweet boy. I didn’t know that he would end up on the streets.” I hear her stifle a sob, it makes my eyes well too but I didn’t want her to know that her story touched me.
“I’ll try to talk to Conner” I hear myself say, Really Kristie? He is not going to like it!
“I won’t hold my breath, but at least if you could at least tell him why I did it, it might give him some closure – for lack of a better word” I hang up from Bessie & wonder how I am going to broach this subject with Conner.
I’m home before Conner as usual & I’m preparing dinner when he walks in, sexy in his fluro high vis work shirt, blue cargos & yellow Mack boots, his hair messy as usual, his hands & face dirty from a hard days labour, his arms wrap about my waist & he kisses my neck
“Hey baby” he rubs his growing cock against my rear “Come shower with me” He’s so playful & sexy I can barely resist, he’s already pulling the hem of my singlet over my head, I’m not wearing a bra since I changed when I got home from work, my shorts & underwear are the next to fall on the floor “Looks like you have too now that you’re naked” he picks me up & carries me to the bathroom, he strips quickly & he joins me in the shower. He must have a sixth sense that I want to talk to him because he pins me to the wall with his hips, stretching my arms above my head with his, his foot urges my feet apart, his pinning me to the wall like a starfish, he leans in to kiss my neck, along my collar bone, I moan, loving the way Conner knows exactly how to tease me, he kisses up my neck to find my lips, his right hand flattens my hand on the shower wall, I know I need to keep it there as he tickles my skin, dragging his fingers down my arm, over my nipple, down my stomach to find my sensitive core where he teases before slipping two fingers inside me
“Ahhhhh, that feels so good” His head is at my neck, I feel him smile, he always loves it when I tell him what I like & his hand speeds up, pumping in & out of me, my free hand finds the top of the shower screen for support, his thumb finds my clit & he only has to circle it a few times softly before I am contracting around him, screaming out “Fuck… Conner…” In true Conner style, before I have even finished my orgasm, Conner lifts my leg with his free hand, angling me so he can enter me, hard & fast, he pumps so vigorously, his other arm is still outstretched with mine above our heads, he locks eyes with me, leaning down to kiss me passionately, I have barely come down from the previous orgasm, but Conner bends his knees slightly to change the angle & he thrusts twice more slightly upwards until I come around his pulsating cock “Je… sus…” I scream out more incomprehensible words, Conner pumps his hips a few more times shouting out my name as he fills me. I am limp as he still pins me to the shower wall slowly pumping inside me with the aftermath of his orgasm, he kisses behind my ear & I shudder further clenching around him
“Fuck that felt so good” he kisses behind my ear again & my body involuntarily shudders again, I feel his cock twitch inside me with his reaction, he chuckles.
“What’s up baby?” He senses my nervousness over dinner, I don’t know how to talk about this Conner, I know he is going to be angry, I only hope the shower sex calmed him down a little, we’re sitting at the table in matching boxer briefs, Conner is shirtless but I am wearing one of his t shirts. I have to just rip the band aid off quickly, get this argument over with
“Don’t be angry but I called your grandmother today” I expect him to yell like he had when he opened the note. He glares at me intently, trying to find words but instead he picks up his plate takes it to the sink, dropping it with a loud crash, I jump but he just stares out the window “Say something Conner” He shakes his head & walks out of the room Silent brooding Conner is not a good sign! I take my own plate to the sink when I hear Conner yelling ‘Leave my fiancé the fuck alone’ I hear another crashing noise & rush into the bedroom, Conner is standing there with his fists clenched, I see my smartphone on the floor in the corner of the room, I can only assume he called her from my history & then he threw it across the room
“I told you to leave it the fuck alone Kristie” he says in a low voice that makes me heart break, I wish he would yell at me because I think I could handle that better than this
“I just wanted…” “I don’t give a fuck, it’s my problem & you had no fucking right to call her” he’s now shouting at me, staring at me with such anger that I regret calling her, I bow my head & tears flow, I try to hide my face from him “Don’t start with the fucking water works Kristie” That doesn’t help! More tears flow “Jesus, you really don’t fucking get it, do you?” I shake my head more tears falling down my face, Conner pulls on a pair of jeans & finds a black t shirt, he stalks out of the room, by the time I reach him in the lounge room he’s putting his wallet & phone in his back pockets, he picks up his keys without saying good bye & slams the front door. Shit have I gone too far?