Conner & I shower together in the morning, he is so sweet & being so careful with me, it was a first for both of us but it won’t be the last, it was certainly something I want to do again. Conner soaps up the sponge & caresses me all over with it, I am turned on, I can visually see that he is too, but this isn’t about sex, Conner wants to prove, more to himself than me, that even though we had anal sex last night, that it was still making love. I get his obsession with it, he’d been objectifying women & trying to find love for years until he met me, hell he’d even been given the nick name Fleaz because he slept with so many women & his workmates joked that his cock would be covered in fleas. If only they knew Conner’s other obsession about not becoming a father & incessantly wearing condoms! Because of his childhood, he wanted love & to be loved, it was the reason he would get angry if we didn’t make love, but fucked instead, I think I had finally gotten through to him that even if it’s fucking, we’re still in love & sometimes a woman needs a good hard fuck! But this was his way of making up for it, I didn’t mind, I loved that he wanted to soap me up & be tender with me in the shower
“How are you feeling this morning baby?”
“Incredible… although…” he gives me a terrified look “This is indecent” I hold up my engagement ring “I’m an engaged woman” he face breaks out into a huge dimply smile & he laughs, slapping me gently on my ass cheeks
“Well let’s hope your fiancé doesn’t find out” he winks “he’s one lucky dude” I laugh too, Conner pulls me in tightly “I am one lucky dude, you amaze me. Why me Kristie?” his question catches me off guard, I have a million reasons why I love him but I retort with
“Why me Conner?” immediately I regret it as Conner tenses up, turning to rinse the sponge, I stand on tippy toes & kiss his shoulder “You’re so smart, hilarious, generous, sexy, sweet, brave, honest, determined, strong, loyal, trusting & you’re also damaged, moody, possessive & stubborn” he turns to me, looking at my quizzically “All of which make you who you are today, the caring, sensitive hot man in front of me, who I couldn’t live without either” His mouth crushes mine, he pulls away abruptly
“I know you’re sore & I already want you” I grasp his cock
“Why should you miss out just because I’m out of action?” I make Conner come quickly, his hands on either side of the shower tightly holding himself in place, he calls out my name & it’s just as satisfying for me as it is him.
As I stand back up, I glance at my ring
“Did you ever secretly hope we’d become this?” I look at my engagement ring “You know” I grin cheekily at him “When you propositioned me in the bar?”
“Subconsciously maybe” he looks down at my ring too, watching it sparkling as I twitch my fingers in the light & spray of the shower “But I honestly thought I was too damaged” he picks me up & spins me around making me squeal “Propositioning you that night was the best decision I ever made” he pauses recalling that night “But I actually almost wimped out”
“Really?” that surprises me, he seemed so confident & so sure of himself, I never would have guessed that he was scared
“Yeah, I was absolutely shitting my pants just thinking about it, I had picked up a women like that before but I knew you were different, I knew I had to be honest with you & not treat you like the others but I knew you wouldn’t be a one night stand” he chuckles “So I almost didn’t ask you but then you looked at me with that twinkle in your eye, you blushed & I knew I had to have you at least once”
“Would you have chased me if I said no?”
“What are you talking about? I did chase you, all across the bar, you kept running away & then I had to chase after you from my work party” he caresses my cheek “I never should have let you walk out that night, I was so fucking scared, I knew I was falling for you too but I couldn’t bring myself to believe you might feel something for me too… then you said it & I didn’t believe it.”
“Do you now?” We look deep into each other’s eyes
“Yes” he strokes my cheek “I knew that first time we made love, that I wanted you to know me, really know me, I wanted you to be the only other person who knows the shit I’ve gone through, but I got scared so I asked you to suck me off in the shower” I pull a face at the memory, I didn’t hate it but I had felt a little used “I’m sorry for that, more than you’ll ever know” he brushes his lips to mine so gently before looking at my with a questioning look “Did you ever think we’d become this?” I knew he would ask me in return
“I hoped… dreamed… fantasised… I’m a woman, as much as I said I didn’t want to date, which was true in my mind, I still think about the possibilities but my life isn’t a romantic comedy so I wasn’t surprised when it ended”
“I never wanted it to end” he quips “If you had of given me some more time I reckon…”
“I disagree, I think we’d still be fuck buddies” I rub my hand reassuringly on his chest “It took you seeing me with other guy to realise what you really wanted” he makes an odd grumbling sound
“You didn’t fuck that loser, did you?” I pull out of his embrace, appalled, I glare at him before I open the shower door & grab my towel
“I can’t believe you’d ask me that” I snap
“I need to hear you say it” he gets out of the shower, grabbing his towel too & wraps it around his waist, but doesn’t dry himself at all
“You know the answer already Conner…” he cuts me off
“I didn’t fuck anyone & barely even jerked off the whole time we were apart Kristie” I sigh & laugh at the same time, I know he’s going to press the issue especially since he’s just confessed to me
“No, I did not fuck him”
“Did you fuck anyone else?”
“Jesus Conner” I snap trying to walk out of the bathroom
“It doesn’t matter if you did”
“Then why do you need to know?” Why don’t you just tell him the truth? I don’t know why this has pissed me off so much.
“Because …” His voice trails off, I look up at him but he’s not looking at me, he’s afraid of my answer but he should already know that he knows the answer
“No, I didn’t fuck anyone” I snap angrily, but before I can escape he pulls me in so close & tight, kissing the top of my head he whispers
“I love you baby” I can’t help but smile, I’d also hoped he hadn’t slept with anyone else but I didn’t want to ask him because I wasn’t sure I could deal with it if the answer happened to be yes, I mean we were only apart a few weeks & even though I thought he was with someone else, I prayed that he wasn’t.
Conner is like a little school boy on the day of our engagement party, he’s running around cleaning the back yard, moving the outdoor furniture twenty times to make sure he’s put it in the perfect spot, he spent so long at the decoration store picking out balloons & banners. It was so cute, I didn’t want to interfere, this was his first ever party of his own, that he has to share with you! Well that’s not so bad is it?
As I make the salads & put together the nibbles platter, Conner dashes inside searching for his keys
“Where the fuck are my fucking keys?”
“What are you doing?” I ask unable to hide my amusement
“I haven’t got any ice!” oh no, first world problem! I laugh wrapping my arms around his waist.
“I love you” he softens & hugs me back
“Am I being bridezilla?” I burst out laughing & nod
“A little, besides, there is plenty of time to get ice & we can ask Damon to pick up on the way over, pay him when they get here” I reach up to kiss him gently on the lips “I love how excited you are”
“Oh shit” he pushes me away & strides off up the stairs to the bedroom
“What?” I call after him but I don’t follow knowing it is probably something miniscule that he’s probably worrying about. He returns with a printed piece of paper & folds it neatly in his pocket. I don’t even ask.
As the guests start arriving at 5:00pm, Conner takes on the host role like a duck to water, ensuring everyone has a drink as they arrive & offering up the nibbles platter to them. Less than an hour later Conner corners me to ask if he should start cooking the BBQ, if we want to eat by 6:30pm
“Was that piece of paper a schedule for tonight?” I laugh reaching into his pocket to get it out, he stops me
“No, that’s up here” he taps his temple twice, I can’t help but laugh.
After dinner is cleaned up Conner shouts out asking for everyone’s attention, Whatthefuck is he doing? We never discussed speeches, is he doing a speech?
“I just want to say a few words, everyone get a drink” he pulls out his piece of paper & clears his throat as people return from scrambling to get a refill, I stay paralysed in my seat, he finds my gaze, barely needing his piece of paper, which is shaking in his hands as he starts “There is only one person in the world who knows all my deep dark secrets & even though she knows them all, she is still with me & agreed to marry me” A few people cheer, a tear wells in my eye “She makes me the happiest man alive & I plan on spending the rest of my life proving that I am worthy of her” Tears slowly fall, Conner hasn’t broken eye contact with me “I want you all to raise your glass to my stunning Bride-to-be, Kristie” in unison, everyone raises their glasses & says ‘to Kristie’. Conner makes his way over to me, taking me in his arms, he kisses me passionately, his best man & best friend Tyler shouts ‘Get a room’ everyone laughs & we part, both smiling like a Cheshire cat. I hug him so tightly
“You are worthy of me Conner” I whisper in his ear, he hugs me tighter, all eyes are still on us, he turns back to the crowd not loosening his grip around my waist
“Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to this amazing woman, not make her cry” We all laugh & others who are crying wipe their eyes too “Thank you all for coming, for the gifts, even though we said no gifts & I personally thank Kristie’s parents Max & Violet for bringing up such a wonderful person, I want to thank the wedding party Samantha, Hannah, Savannah & Sophie for agreeing to help Kristie on the wedding day, to my groomsmen Tyler, Carter, Damon & Bentley I appreciate you guys more than anything.” He looks down at me, I am a blubbering mess that I can’t say anything “So let’s get back to partying not crying” then my dad shouts out
“To Conner & Kristie” everyone chants in unison & raise their glasses. I turn to Samantha & then it’s her cue to play the slideshow I prepared for Conner to surprise him, I had put together all the photos he used in the invitation & found some others too then added our song & my sister organised a big screen to project it onto so I could play it tonight. As it started, he pulled me in close to him, I could only hear his heartbeat & Matthew Bellamy singing our favourite song he pulled me closer
“I can’t wait to marry you” he whispers kissing the top of my head.
With the engagement party over, the focus was on the wedding, we had booked Carrick Hill for our wedding & reception in just five months’ time, there had been a cancellation & since Conner didn’t want to wait too long, we booked it. The same day we locked down the menu & table decorations. The bridesmaids & I had been shopping for their dresses, I wanted them to all wear different dresses in the same colour, so they could pick whatever they wanted or suited them most, as long as it was floor length & came in the green I’d chosen, Conner had insisted on paying for their dresses. I really didn’t want to think about the money he had stored away for this but I couldn’t help it, when had he saved all this cash?
I was having my dress made & of course as the wedding was only five months away, Conner had thrown some money at the seamstress & she agreed to have it done on time.
It was going to be a relatively small wedding, we hadn’t even invited the minimum number of required guests for the room we wanted at Carrick Hill, so Conner paid for the minimum of 120 guests & didn’t bat an eyelid. I wanted to fight them on it, but he didn’t seem fazed at all.
Everything seemed to be moving along smoothly, everything going according to plan, we had spoken to my friend who is a travel agent, booking & paying for five blissful nights away in a private over water villa in Bora Bora. As if that isn’t enough, Conner wasn’t just happy with five nights away so he planned for us to fly to Mexico, stopping in Mexico City, Acapulco & Cancun for two weeks, I was dying to go to go to Mexico & I couldn’t wait, three weeks on a blissful honeymoon with Conner was more than I could ever want.
All seemed to be going well until Thursday, when the post arrived, it was addressed to Conner, he opened it when he got home from work, he read it & yelled ‘Fuck you’, screwing it up & throwing it in the bin, he stalked off up to the bedroom, stripping as he went, by the time I got to him, he was in the shower.
“What was that all about?” I asked as I pulled the shower door open, he didn’t turn to look at me
“Nothing” he snapped
“Don’t pull that shit with me Conner.” He sighed washing the shampoo out of his hair
“I don’t want to deal with this fucking bullshit Kristie” he pulled the shower door shut, leaving me glaring at him. I would just get it out of the bin if he wouldn’t tell me what it was. It was a small note that smelled of an older lady’s purfume, the neat cursive reminded me of my grandmothers writing.
I am sorry for everything, I should never have left you. I regret it every day, it’s not what your mother would have wanted. You must understand why I did it.
I need to speak with you, please contact me urgently on 0411 262 626.
Your grandmother, Bessie
I screwed it up myself but before tossing it back in the trash I realised that this is Conner’s chance of a family of his own, what could she want?
“Throw that back in the fucking bin” Conner snapped through gritted teeth, his voice low & commanding, I turn as my face flushes at being caught red handed, his face is stern & he is angry, like I’ve never seen before, he’s standing there in only his towel, he hasn’t wiped himself, wanting to stop me from reading the note, there are beads of water dripping from his hair, gliding down his ripped body
“But it’s from…” he cuts me off angrier than before “I don’t give a flying fuck” he shouts, he rarely raises his voice at me, it takes me by surprise, he strides over & snatches the note out of my hand ripping it into small pieces & throwing it back in the bin, he leans close to my face “Just leave it the fuck alone Kristie”