So I’ve alluded to the fact that when I get my new job, I continue to find time to meet with Marvel & have hot, sexy, sweaty sex. I can’t stop. I don’t know how to stop…
I always go to their house. His phone is still tracked. Nothing has changed for either of us. He logs off the chat apps for days, weeks sometimes now & comes back online to see me once but mostly twice a month. Not as much sex as I would like but at this point in my life, I have deleted all my online dating profiles. I have been through so many debacles – I mean by the time I finish this blog you will only have heard about 10 years of my almost 40 years on earth.
Is anyone starting to see why I am still doing what I am doing? Marvel is still the best sex I have ever had, he makes up a little bed using his sons mattress on the floor in the lounge room & we kiss as soon as I walk in, the electricity flying between us is just the best & most indescribable feeling I have ever felt.
I honestly don’t have much to write about Marvel besides the sex. Our conversations online have dwindled to just talking about sex, this really gets me & it’s the only thing I hate about my life… I miss my best friend more than any other friend I have lost, I miss talking to him about everything, I miss telling him about my day or something at work – I hate that I went though a massive legal fight & didn’t have him to talk to about it.
When my uncle dies & my aunty won’t allow my family at the funeral (don’t even get me started on that story!), I want to talk to him about it, I see him the day of the funeral – thankful for the distraction, but also it makes me sadder. Sad that I dnt have the friendship with Marvel anymore… I still talk to J-Lo who I guess has become a bit of a replacement, I mean I always chatted to him about everything but I wasn’t the same as it was with Marvel.
The only time Marvel & I talk about anything other than sex, is when we’re face to face, after we’ve had sex, usually for just a few minutes as we catch our breath & while I’m getting dressed. The topics range from him telling me all about OnlyFans (not entirely sure why it was the topic or why he thought I cared, but I listened, just enjoying that we’re talking about something other than the sex we’ve had or the sex we want!) I talk about my roommate & he predicts what happens, that she leaves & I never speak to her again… We talk a lot about pets, he knows I’ve just gotten two dogs & that they have 3 dogs & a million cats – he tells me multiple times, in fact any time I talk about my dogs he tells me he’s more of a cat person, I guess just another way for him to keep his emotional distance from me. Something he’ll probably use as a reason for us not to be together.
A fact that he likes to remind me of that no other guy has ever made me cum like he does & in fact that some men can’t even make me cum – I mean he’s right & I have told him this in the past but when I say why I ask why I can’t stop fucking him, he reminds me that other men don’t make me cum… Fuck I hate that he’s right!
I may or may not have told you this before, that there is a creature that I am named after on the chat apps. Everyone knows me as this creature. It’s distinctive & obvious, everyone including Marvel’s wife knows this nickname. So I am more than surprised when I notice this creature in their front yard, on a garden stick, out by the letterbox… My mind goes into overdrive to be honest, did she put it there knowing I have been fucking her husband for almost their entire marriage? I also notice their daughters brush & a shirt with this same creature on it. For me, if I knew that was my husbands mistress’ nickname, I would literally hate it & wouldn’t want anything around my house to remind me, or even remind him of what he’s missing… The mistress he fell in love with that he never got over, I would make sure there is no reminder of her anywhere ever… I never see the brush or top again but I notice that the garden stick gets faded, rusty & covered in spider webs as the weeks pass by. But it’s still there… A constant reminder.
As an insurance policy, I sometimes take photos inside his house. I sometimes take photos of his car in the driveway as I walk down it. Just to prove I was there on certian dates or even to prove I was there so long ago – if these are ever needed in the future. But then I remember that my google maps tracks me to his house & even tracks the time I am there, I have enough evidence that I am having an affair should I need it – or should my sister need it if something happens to me.
One of my favourite things that happens is that his wife puts up a daily whiteboard, with their shifts & while hers never change, his are up for me to see while I am there fucking him. I can see that she is going on holidays from work. During this time, he doesn’t come back online at all… I am glad I know or I’m sure that I would go crazy – but I also know that he doesn’t have that power over me anymore. I know things are generally on his terms, but now at least I am no sitting at home thinking about him & why he’s not talking to me, knowing he’s at work & choosing not to talk to me. Well he doesn’t usually talk to me when she’s off or on the days that he has his daughter. This is ok with me. I am trying also to stay emotionally detached from him.
It’s all I can do to get through this year.
It’s all I can do to keep Marvel in my life… That little glimmer of hope that one day we might be together…