Motocross #14

Out at dinner with my colleague & other participants, when I get a message from Motocross finally “Hey how was drive good hotel I hope” I can’t really reply because I’m working, I see it on my watch, so have to wait till I’m back in the hotel about 30 minutes later. “Hey, just got back to the hotel after a work dinner where I ate my weight in carbs… Kinda waste of time going for a run along the river before dinner. Hahaha… Drive was alright – boring & have to do it again tomorrow. Hotel is the usual shitty place. How was your day?” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK #IBD4U. Did he ask for your fucking life story?! I wait a while, with droopy eyes for his reply, but it doesn’t come so I fall asleep. I wake up early for breakfast with my colleague & we do what we have to do before he actually replies to me, mid afternoon when I am driving home – so I don’t get to read it or reply till later. It’s longer than what I can see on my watch so at least that’s positive… I don’t feel so stupid.

I get home & my friend is there still from KI & I need to go to the gym then dinner with her, so I don’t get time to write back to him. I read it though “Hey sorry bout the late reply. How’d the run go did you do it again. Ooh hopefully your drives more exciting on the way home then unlucky bout your hotel then me day was good thanks just in qld now obviously enjoying the weather up here” Well at least I got a long message back, now I don’t feel like such a dick! Hahaha.

I don’t write back till almost 8:00 pm “That’s ok, I was driving home. Went straight to the gym then dinner with my friend. Run was alright yesterday, my gps jipped me though on how many kms I did… Wish I was in qld. It’s fucking cold as fuck here…!” Just so you know, it’s the 1st August, in the timeline… We’re now in August! I feel like I’m catching up, am I catching up?

He writes back “Oh yeah okay gee busy day then. How was dinner where’d you go. Oh you think you did more kms then your gps said. Yeah I bet you would be nice so your home now I’m guessing” Even though he barely uses punctuation, he is asking questions, he seems like he wants the conversation to keep going. I tell him that I went back to the pub I met him at but we didn’t sit outside this time. I tell him that I did four exact same laps & each one was a different length, so I’m not sure why my GPS fucked up. I say that I’m sitting in front of the heater with my friend watching TV & hanging for my own bed & ask him how his hotel is. I don’t get a reply. At all. I go to bed not thinking much of it, it’s about 9:00 pm where he is, he’s probably asleep? I go the entire next day without a reply too. WTF? I did ask a question to keep the conversation going. He didn’t reply.

My friend has gone back to KI, so I’m home alone overthinking, when I think fuck it, just message the guy! It’s almost 9:00 pm my time on Friday night when I just say “Hey how was you day?” a no pressure message. He writes back almost instantly. “Hey you yeah me day was good thanks pressday dismorring and an autograph singing in the arvo plus we hit up the go karts. How was your day tired of driving yet” I can’t even type out that message without giggling! I ask if he’s signed anything for me yet & tell him that I was in the office all day so was pretty boring day – I’m not sure why work thought it was more important than on the trip with my colleague, but anyway. He says that he hasn’t signed anything for me but he will & says at least I can relax now. I write back “Hahaha… Sign my ass! Yeah just got home & in bed… Got a busy weekend, bootcamp & dinner with gym people tomorrow” His replies come quickly “Haha oh gawd your funny sure. Oh yeah okay jealous I’m not there tho. Oh wow okay defs a busy weekend for ya I’m sure you’ll enjoy it nice where’s your dinner at” I am giggling as I write back “Hahah… you say you like it, so why not sign it? Yeah sucks you’re away… definelty lots of space in bed & a shardnado that hasn’t been watched yet… I think dinner is back at the same pub we met at” he’s told me several times he likes my ass, I do like my butt TBH. Again, his message comes very quickly “Hahaha nah I’m not saying it like that. Yeeeah I’m sorry lol Sharknado someone’s keen been thinking about it ay. Oh yeah nice sounds good” I reply with a sleepy smile “Then you can take a picture so I can see it! Carry my ass around with you! OMG. I’ve blocked sharkando from my memory till now… I refuse to spend the $6 on it” His reply takes a lot longer this time, that I fall asleep… I wake up to his reply that came 30 mins later “haha okay deal not complaining bout carrying your ass around… Really you actually blocked it haha of course you would refuse I would too” I go to the gym & reply after I’ve eaten breakfast “Sorry, fell asleep then woke up late for bootcamp this morning… But made it at least & now I’m fucked. You can look at my ass any time you like if you have it in your phone. I paid for the last 2 Sharknados, YouTube are going to think I’m a fucking weirdo” I go about my day, knowing that he’s racing & probably won’t have his phone.

I go out for dinner & I can’t help myself but keep wishing for him to message & me to see it on my watch. The message never comes… The next day, the same. Nothing… My mind goes to weird places, what if he has crashed? What if he’s in hospital? What if something happened? Should I text again in case his dad has his phone or something?! Should I just give the guy a break, he did say in his messages that he wanted to be in bed with me & carry my ass around in his phone. He’s clearly still keen on me. Nothing could have changed that much in a couple of texts. I can’t help but think the worst!

By Sunday evening after my family have been & gone, I am in the bath, thinking about Motocross in the bath with me. There is still no message from him. I can’t help myself but I look at my dating app, I honestly haven’t looked at it since Writer suggested that I suspend the account. I look at Motocrosses account & it says that he updated his profile a certain number of days ago, but it also says that he’s like 2000+ kms away or something… I realise two things, at least he’s not lying about being away but then that means he’s actually logged on to the account for the kms to update. But I also notice that the day he updated his account – which was him adding his snapchat account details to his profile, was the same day he came over & had a bath with me… Was it before or after we had the bath & he invited me to Vancouver?! Fuck I feel like an idiot… I keep my account hidden, I am never going to date again if this doesn’t work out!

Monday comes & he doesn’t message me either… All day & I get nothing. It does my head in so I send him a text at 8:40 pm “Hey, how’d the weekend go?” I never get a reply… WTF has happened here?! Is he ok? I am starting to get worried… Last message I got from him ws 10:00 pm Friday night, it’s now Monday night & nothing… Fuck? Tuesday morning, I wake up & am so unsure about what has happened here… But of course I think of nothing else… WTF…

Motocross what the fuck

I am lost at what has happened here… I am looking through my phone & look at whatsapp randomly. When I see Motocross has an account with his Australian phone number – thank you whatsapp for the ‘last seen’ time stamp because it says that he was last seen recently (I forget the exact time) Right…? So what the fuck does that mean!? Is he ignoring me on purpose?!

“Hey Motocross,

So I just saw you have whatsapp & noticed you’ve been online. So I’m not sure if you didn’t get my text or aren’t replying on purpose.

I hope it’s not the latter because I’ve liked hanging out with you, was looking forward to seeing you race & you told me you aren’t seeing anyone else plus we haven’t been using condoms…

Anyway, hope the weekend went well. I was worried you got injured when you didn’t reply or want to see me yesterday…

Hope to hear from you soon


Looking back on that message, I seem like a fucking skitzo, like I mean, I imply that because we aren’t using condoms, he has to write back to me?! Jesus… It’s so full on now when I read back on it. Also we’d talked about me going to watch him race & he’d also talked about teaching me to ride a motorbike – saying “we’ll get you going”. But the other good thing about whatsapp is you can see when they’ve read your message – so I’ll see when he reads it & if he ignores it, then I’ll have my answer. It also says when you’re online so I need to stay off there too while I await a reply. What the fuck has actual happened here?! What changed his mind so easily? & while I know it was only really two weeks, we talked almost every day – in fact, I think we did talk everyday up until this weekend, we had 8 dates – not just sex dates either, we’ve been out together, we’ve been intimate more than sex, he met 2 of my friends, we had a good time… While it was only a short time, I still think I deserve more than being ghosted completely here… I deserve an explanation, so while I am cringing at that message now many months later, I actually stand by it. What the fuck happened here & why isn’t he messaging me!? If he is cheating on someone with me, without me knowing, it’s odd that he’s been able to get away for as long & as late as he has… What excuse would he use?

URGH this is doing my head in…


Motocross #13

So Motocross is coming over again tonight, third night in a row… But I forget that my friend from Kangaroo Island is coming to stay for the week for uni. I don’t want to bail on either of them, so I tell her that he’s coming over & she should go visit someone for the evening & I’ll tell him that she’s staying over but will be out of the way – but will tell him. I am going away for work on Wednesday morning & he goes away Friday when I get home, so if I don’t see him tonight, I won’t see him till next Sunday or Monday, or worse even longer. I hope my friend understands, but too bad if she doesn’t. She’s staying here for free – while I’m away, so if I have to kick her out one night for my vagina, then so be it! Hahaha… I do feel awkward about it, but this is a budding relationship & I want to see him, not only for sex but I do want to hang out with him. She has a partner, so I’m sure she understands!

I haven’t heard from him again all day but I figure that if he’s planned to come over then he won’t bail – he doesn’t seem that type. I send him a message just before 4:00 pm saying that I will be home a bit earlier than usual so I am planning to go to the shops & get something for dinner & asked if he is keen to try my cooking. “I’m feeling adventurous so sure why not” I love that this guy can spell adventurous but struggles with shaw. Hahaha. I know he doesn’t eat eggs, so I ask if there is something else he doesn’t eat? He says mushrooms & brussel sprouts. Well I hate mushrooms – something in common, but will eat brussel sprouts, but not cooking anything with sprouts tonight. He says that’s kind of me, when I write back about an hour later I say that I forgot to tell him my friend is staying over, but she’s going out, that I’m just cooking dinner now & he should let me know what time he is coming over. I make chicken pad thai with carb free noodles, which I’m pretty sure will be too exotic for him! But I hope that he’ll enjoy it. About 45 minutes later, just after 6:00 pm, he says he’ll be here around 6:30pm, to stop me from overthinking if he’s late, I reply & say that’s fine, I’ll see him soon.

He rocks up & knocks on the door again, maybe I should tell him he can just come in at this point? Again he doesn’t go in for a kiss, so neither do I… Maybe were just friends who have sex? I mean the texting has dwindled quite substantially. But then again he has seen me three nights in a row.

We chat easily while I cook dinner, I have music on YouTube on the tv. I tell him that I’ve cooked Pad Thai & he comes over to the stove to have a look, I think this is the time be might kiss me or touch me but he doesn’t. He’s awkward, so I’m awkward. I wish I could make a move on guys when they’re being like this, I’m not really affectionate unless I am shown affection. Noodle was the only one I could make a move with ever, but they only time I ever really saw him was to fuck him, so it was easy. This is possibly going somewhere, it’s not just about sex, this could be more than that… I am hoping it’s more than that for him.

We eat dinner, he doesn’t eat as much as me but he says that he likes it but is used to more plain foods with ketchup. Yuck, food doused in ketchup… Sounds gross to me, but each to their own I guess. I’m not a huge sauce fan because they’re usually full of sugar & smoky.

After dinner, he picks a movie, I allow him to pick because I couldn’t really care less to what we watch & again it’s some movie about cars or bikes. He comments on the sounds of the bikes, saying they’re wrong for what they’re riding, of course I have no idea about that either – I couldn’t tell you what bikes sound like.

We’re sitting closer on the couch than we usually do, he normally spreads out & really relaxes, usually falling asleep before the movie is over. It’s not uncomfortable, I don’t need to sit cuddling him all night, I am not that cuddly to be honest. I have also had this back issue for a while now that I can’t sit in one spot for long at the moment & when you’re cuddling a man, you can’t squirm all over the place.

Motocross i am both

My friend texts me about 7:30 pm to tell me she’s on her way back to my house… Well I expected her to be out longer, this is going to be awkward. I mean Motocross & I are awkward all the time so fuck knows what it’ll be like when my friend gets here & sits down with us to watch the movie, will she have a better conversation with him? She can be a bit shy too, so don’t think she’ll try to talk to him too much. He has met a friend before I guess on the second date when we went to the play – it was weird but it went ok?!

She walks in the door around 8:00 pm & stands in the entry way the whole time, I introduce them to each other, we talk about her dinner & general chit chat & she says she’s going to bed, she has to be up early. So she heads off to bed & we continue to watch the movie.

When the movie finishes, he’s still sitting awfully close & turns to kiss me & pulls me on his lap, well this is new & fucking sexy. We’re kissing & he’s taken my top off while sitting on his lap. I unzip his jacket & slip his shirt off before I suggest we go to my bedroom, I think maybe he was thinking we should have sex on the couch being my bedroom is right next to where my friend is asleep, however, it’s only like 9:30 pm, she might get up & go to the bathroom or want a drink & would have to walk past us on the couch having sex to get to the kitchen. Once in the bedroom, I turn on the tv with YouTube songs because that will muffle any sounds & give the room a bit of a glow with the screen, so I don’t have the bright light on. But then the sex is the same, we basically take our own pants off & he slides on in, then asks me to do me from behind, I cum by rubbing my clit, then we fuck after a little break with me on top. It’s good sex, I am not complaining, of course, the sex is still good, but I am only cumming because I am rubbing my own clit & then when on top, it’s easier to cum, so I cum again because of the angle. I don’t know what it is but I squirt with him tonight… FUCK! I hope that doesn’t scare him off… I can’t stop it but he seems to love it & he cums again too.

We lay there sated for a while, he falls asleep & so do I sort of, but then I wake in the wet patch & as I’m shuffling in the bed to get more comfortable, he wakes up & says that he should go. I am disappointed but I am also ok with it too because I have to be up early to drive to the Riverland for a work trip with a colleague. He leaves around midnight. So the dates are a decent length, the texting, while that has dwindled, I am feeling good about this… Though we just seem to watch movies & not really talk as much as I would like, but it’s ok, we have plenty of time right?!

The next day I drive to the Riverland, meet my colleague there as I am not allowed to be there for the full trip for some ridiculous reason, things are weird at my work & I am hating it right now. I think it’s part of my why my back has been so sore, it’s stressful & the only thing keeping me going right now is the fact they pay me & the fact things are good in my love life… You know that saying, when things go well in one part of your life the rest falls apart? Well I’ve always gotten what I want in my career – for the most part, but now things aren’t going well career wise, maybe it’s time for my love life to pick up? I’m thinking it’s not that bad anyway with work, because you know me with my daydream of maybe even going back to the USA with Motocross for a holiday. I finally have three weeks of annual leave booked for mid-September, that I am wondering if I should take that long & possibly save some leave for a trip with Motocross? I booked 3 weeks because I was supposed to go to a Rope thing in Melbourne, but now I have started planning a week in QLD to visit my friend & her new baby. But wondering if I should just a week & save time for a trip to the USA? Or even Vancouver.

Anyway I don’t hear from Motocross all day & of course I’m away till Thursday night & then he’s away Thursday morning so we haven’t set a time to catch up next. I am busy with meetings with my colleague, I decide to go for a 5km run, which she says she brought her gym gear but doesn’t want to come with me, so I go, I need to let out some tension to be honest, stop overthinking about why he hasn’t messaged me, why I’ve had to be the one to message every time. My colleague & I go out for dinner & still nothing from him… I refuse to message, I refuse to be the one to message first, I have broken my rule so many times with this guy… I am sick of it… But also it’s ok – maybe I need to take a chill pill, I don’t want to just have a texting relationship like I had with Noodle. So I need to just relax, he left my house at midnight… it’s not even 24 hours!


Motocross #12

A shorter bonus post today, because this was supposed to be ready for Tuesday & my amazing guest blog today, however I wasn’t prepared! So here it is! The #BonusPost. Hence why if you notice the colour of the heart meme was wrong! Hahaha… No one probably notices, do you?!

On with the story : I go to sleep, semi disappointed to be honest but also, it’s ok, I mean I sleep better alone, this is moving fast, I am not sure I’m ready for full on sleepovers just yet. I’m not sure why Motocross hasn’t stayed over since the first time we had sex though, at least once. Of course my overthinking brain wonders why he hasn’t stayed, or why he doesn’t want to stay over? Especially when leaving here at 2:00 am. I mean I think possibly that he’s still married maybe, but she’s changed her name on Facebook so I don’t think so… he couldn’t just go home that late every night without arousing suspicion… What else could it be? Especially if he’s going to come over again tonight. How can he get away so much if he’s married or seeing someone else? It’s now Monday night – end of July, tomorrow will be 2 weeks since we met online.

I don’t hear from him all day which disappoints me too but then again I haven’t messaged him either, however you all know my dumb rule. As I’m leaving work I think I will message him as I am either going to skip going to Rope & see him or I will go to Rope. So I message him & ask if he’s still wants to come over. He says “Hey yeah I can come a bit later sure but if you’ve got plans all good though I can wait” What is that supposed to mean? Fuck, don’t over think it. “No I’m not doing anything, besides you… Will be home in about 20 mins so any time after 6.” I try to be cheeky, because I don’t want to be in a bad mood that he didn’t message & that he said he doesn’t have to see me, that he can wait. “Hahaha good answer. Yeah nice okay I’ll be there about 6:30ish” Lets think about this, 6:30 pm is early, like if he didn’t want to hang out with me, he’d say like 8:00 pm or something right?

I potter around doing some stuff at home waiting for him to come. 6:30 pm comes & goes. 6:45 pm comes & goes… I think this is unusual for Motocross, he’s always been so punctual. I keep looking at my phone wondering if I should message him, I didn’t reply with a yeah come on over at 6:30 pm, I just thought it was implied… Fuck, should I message? Where is he…? I am sitting on the couch thinking, fuck I broke my rule of drinking alone & he’s about to bail on me! Or maybe he is waiting for me to message to say come on over? When at 6:55 pm, I see his face pop up on my watch, I quickly look at the message, holding my breath for the I’m not coming bullshit excuses “Hey I’ll be there real soon.” Phew… Something has obviously come up, he’s not even 30 minutes late at this point… & to be fair, he did say ish. I reply that it’s all good & I’ll see him soon & I relax.

He knocks on the door just after 7:00 pm & I am reminded of Noddy & how he just would walk in & say hey as he walked in without me having to get up off the couch, then he’d bee line it for me to give me a kiss hello, so familiar & so much more like a boyfriend. Motocross knocks on the door, waits for me to answer & then walks in without kissing me on the cheek even. Is it weird at this point? I mean the man has had an intimate bath with me among other intimate acts, basically invited me to Vancouver for a holiday with him (& admit that you’re all planning that trip in your head too, I am not alone here!) & is hanging out with me on very regular basis – surely he would just knock & enter then kiss me hello as he walks in the door?!

Motocross already have a wife

Anyway he doesn’t want a drink, which is just a beer, he’s not a big drinker & I’m starting to think that he thinks I’m an alcoholic, every time he’s over, I have a couple of beers or a glass of wine, he has said something about my drinking too, I forget what now but I know it made me feel self-conscious – knowing he doesn’t drink a lot due to training. I am so careful with my drinking, as I’m not sure that I’ve told you this but I come from a long line of alcoholics, so I made a rule a long time ago when I started drinking a lot after I moved back from Canada & moved back into my house I owned with Boyfriend, that was being rented out, that I would never drink alone & I pretty much follow that rule all the time since then, only once or twice I have broken that rule. I don’t need to drink but when I have company, I will have a couple of drinks.

We watch fucking Sharknado 3. Like really…. It’s laughable at this point! But also hilarious that I have to watch them all. Motocross falls asleep on my couch so I wake him up by moving around a lot when the movie had finished, he had picked the stupid movie… We barely watched number 2 because we ended up having sex. Now, we sort of sit looking at each other, I’m unable to make a move, but then I sort of lean forward & kiss him on the couch. We have the same sex in my bedroom as we’ve had every time & again – it’s good, I’m not complaining, however this guy really doesn’t know much about foreplay. He touches my clit though my pants (but that doesn’t count, cos it’s not really getting into your clit to be honest) & he dry humps me when we’re kissing but there isn’t a lot of foreplay, we both get ourselves undressed in my bedroom & he’s on top sliding his dick in, which is lucky that I’m wet enough for him to do so. When we have sex again & me on top, I don’t know about you ladies, but I’ve heard this before from men, so I don’t know what you are all doing, but he says that he likes that I grab his cock to guide him in… WTF?! Do other women not do this? I’ve heard this from more than one man, so what do women do when on top or when the man is on top, I always grab their cock & guide it in, or sometimes they’re just poking around your leg trying to find your hole & it’s awkward. So I just eliminate this awkwardness & guide their cock in. However when Motocross says he likes it, I don’t know why it makes me wonder what other women do when a dude is about to slip his dick in? The only time I don’t help is when I’m tied up, I even try to help when they’re coming in from behind, especially when they aren’t the type to hold their cock to slide it in… Am I alone with this? I must be a minority being that a few men have said it to me. Hahaha… Let me know if you do it too!

Anyway, he gets up about 11:30 pm & goes home, suggesting tomorrow night. Tomorrow night will be 2 weeks since we met online, this is also the third night in a row that he’ll see me, but yet he’s not staying over?! I don’t really ask this time as I don’t want him to have to make an excuse. I know he gets up super early for training, so it’s ok, I don’t want to be woken up at stupid o’clock to him leaving my house. So maybe it’s better him not staying over? Maybe it’s too early for that stuff?


Guest Blog : Rooster

This is a blog post from someone who has guest blogged with me before… I love this story! Enjoy.


So… it’s been a while, but you may or may not remember the last encounter I wrote about was with a charmer named Ryan. Believe it or not after the debacle that was Ryan I was still keen to try to find a regular friend with benefits. A week or so after seeing Ryan I thought I should message him to be polite, I messaged him and said that I hoped he hadn’t thought I had been rude, I had just been really busy. He messaged back to tell me that he had met someone (in 8 days – when not looking for a serious relationship – wow!) I wished him all the best and tried to put him to the back of my mind.
I was swiping through Tinder again later that week when an intro caught my eye. The guys profile pic was of a tractor (lesson learnt since) but the intro said that he was a genuine guy, looking for a friend for fun and if you liked being pampered he was your guy and you could lay back and relax.

A match was made and over the next week or two there was a lot of chatting. When I asked the guy why he did not have his photo as his profile pic he explained that he was trying to keep a low profile. When I asked for a picture (he had seen my face and body shape after all) he replied with one and quickly after asked if I was still going to chat to him. I replied of course (he wasn’t unattractive I didn’t think) but he seemed to think that women once they saw him had changed their minds in the past. We had quite a lot of chat happening on Tinder and then it moved to Snapchat. I HATE snapchat as a chatting medium, I hate that messages disappear, and you cannot see the message history of what has been sent. We chatted for a while and things started to get interesting. He lived over an hour from me so meeting wasn’t as simple as I would have liked. A date to meet up was made. The meeting was set for the Sunday after my 40th birthday, during the party I was chatting and my girlfriends were in stitches at my story and could not believe it was going to happen. Neither could I, I had high hopes for this hook up becoming a regular thing. The afternoon of the meeting I had a gut feeling…

Bam, there it was, a snap chat message telling me that his adult son had broken his car and needed it fixed so he could get to work the next day. Rooster needed to help him fix it so he could not come visit that day. I felt he was genuinely sorry – he certainly sounded like he was in the message he sent. Later that afternoon I sent him a video of me using a toy (why do I give guys my time and energy who don’t give theirs to me???) and his response after he saw it was “I’m going to punch my son in the mouth” which had me laughing.
We kept trying to make a date to catch up, but he worked in a mine and was 4 days on 4 days off which made it hard for him. I also have children at home so we were juggling my weekends that were free. One night while I was cooking tea my snap chat notification came on. It was him, he was stark naked at a lookout on the way to work and had stopped and taken a full frontal selfie on the lookout and sent to me. He must have set the phone up, stripped, set a timer and then went and posed. It had me laughing for days
The chat continued, mostly sexual and then another date was set. This was one was on a weekday and the anticipation had been building. I got a message around an hour before were due to meet, him telling me he was on his way. I arrived home from work to find him waiting at the front of the house – he followed me in and I told him I was nervous, he grabbed my hand and kissed me and then we made our way to my bedroom.

guest blog rooster

The foreplay was good, he went down on me which is something he had alluded to in his tinder profile. He was another one that didn’t even think to use a condom. We were playing with each other and next thing he was on top of me. I asked him if he was worried I would fall pregnant (after all he didn’t know me well), he told me he had a vasectomy so he wasn’t concerned. We fucked twice and then to my disappointment he was getting up and ready to leave. When we had been chatting I am sure he had told me he had more time but he wanted out of there!
We kept chatting via snap chat for a little while longer, the messages were getting further and further apart. We had spoken when we were together about not fucking anyone else – I just wanted one friends with benefits to rely on – that’s it. When he had asked me the usual “What are you looking for” that’s what I had told him too. One day I got a notification on my tinder (I had hidden my profile as per our agreement) and I was very annoyed to find a notification that he had changed his tinder profile picture.

I decided he was dead to me and I was moving on. It was good sex, I just wish he had been honest, maybe I wouldn’t have fucked him just once but at least I would have gone in with eyes open. This all happened in December 2018, then during the Coronavirus pandemic in April 2020 I was working from home with kids at home. I was working in the front room and heard a truck pull up, I live on a busy main road so I paid it no heed. Next thing there was a knock on the door, I let my children answer the door and I heard “Is ***** here?” I came around the corner to find Rooster standing there. To say I was shocked was an understatement. This guy fucks me, disappears and then just calls in 16 months later??? We stood there very awkwardly smiling at each other, he explained that he had been driving past and thought he would stop and say Hi. I told him I thought he had been dodgy disappearing like that – he told me he lost his phone, snapchat everything…. I’m thinking yeah dude, that old chestnut… As my sister pointed out – he knew where I lived so he could have found me if he wanted to!

This is literally something that would happen to me. I am so happy about this post, not that it happened to one of my readers but that it’s so similar, that I know I am not alone!


Motocross #11

So I decide that I will look so casual & relaxed, with my legs crossed on the edge & leaning back, playing with my phone when he gets here. Cool, sexy & relaxed. Perfect. I get a message that isn’t from Motocross, but I have to sit up to write back because this isn’t a texting position, when I see him appear quietly at the bathroom door out of the corner of my eye – he’s looking at me & I jump like a fucking lunatic & almost drop my phone in the bath! FUCK… So smooth! So perfect….Fuck. I couldn’t have been more fucking unprepared for that entry if I tried… FUCKING HELL! He laughs as he leans on the door frame, like a jerk – he’s pulled off the casual, relaxed, sexy look, so fucking well, while I do not look at all like I was planning, I’m now sloshing around like a whale, trying to get myself straight & back in the water with a sucked in gut. FUCK. How didn’t I hear his car pull up or him come in the front door? Fuck.

He stands at the door talking to me looking so cool – cool as a cucumber, calm & collected for a few minutes, in that moment I hate him & I hate that I have no bubbles! He stands there for a long time, just chit chatting that it gets a little weird, so I ask if he’s going to get in – because otherwise I should probably get out, he says yeah & walks into my bedroom to get undressed. I try to pull off the casual relaxed #IBD4U look I was going for when he got here & I fail miserably, yet again! I look dishevelled, flustered & like a fish out of water. I should give up! FFS. What a fucking hilarious disaster.

I don’t think Motocross done this bath thing before either, because he walks back into the bathroom, naked, but being modest… Not covering his dick with his hand, but it’s sort of somehow hidden away, not tucked away – it’s not between his legs, but I don’t really look either, so he doesn’t feel weird about getting into the bath with me. What is it about seeing the man you’re fucking (but not in a relationship with) in the nude, when it’s not about having sex? After sex, it’s ok. Before sex it’s fine, but when you’re not having sex, why does it feel weird, when it’s not leading to sex. This isn’t about sex… But this is the most intimate thing I have ever done with someone I’m not in a relationship with. It’s so fucking intimate.

I move aside in the bath to bring my legs up, he steps in the bath & sits down – I allow him to stretch out his legs & settle in but we do not touch! Literally do not touch! He doesn’t rest his hand on my legs or brush my leg with his leg… Bahaha… Looking back I think now how hilarious that is & how pathetic we are but when I was in the moment, it seems fucking weird to touch him since he didn’t touch me. I am still flustered about looking like a wanker when he got here, I almost dropped my phone in the bath FFS, that I’m not really with it now.

We chat easily about the race, about his weekend away, I ask about the press stuff & he also mentions that he was listening to a similar playlist before the race to get him in the zone – he picks a more obscure song in my playlist & starts singing it quietly. I smirk at him singing… He also says that he was in a rural town somewhere in NSW & that the track was too fast (whatever that means) & everyone kept crashing so the hospital couldn’t cope so they shut down the race, he says that he won the race though & walked away with $17k for winning… Errr WTF?! Why did he tell me that? It makes me uncomfortable to know that he just made that much & I can’t help but think that he’s not offered to pay for more being he clearly earns more than me! Hahaha. – I’m not like that at all, calm down, it was a joke!

Motocross feels like home

Oddly, I also notice something about Motocross that I haven’t ever noticed before now, as he talks, he has a slight stutter. Why haven’t I noticed that before with him? We’ve been on plenty of dates & talked lots? I know his spelling & grammar are terrible, but I haven’t noticed a stutter before. Has he relaxed around me enough to not be conscious of it? Or is he more nervoice because we’re in the bath together? Or is it because he’s talking about something he’s really passionate about? I’m asking more racing questions than I have before, being this is the first time he’s raced since we’ve known each other… I don’t know, but I actually really like it… It’s makes him somehow a little bit more attractive to me, cuter, more vulnerable or something.

Now, I talk about all sorts of topics here… I don’t hold anything back as you know, sex, kink, anal, rimming – whatever the topic, I cover it – I am not shy about writing anything here for you. I tell you everything basically… Even if it’s embarrassing… Well it’s only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing… But I’m trying to make topics I cover less embarrassing. I’ve talked about farts before – mainly during rimming, but everyone farts every day, right… Well have you ever been in a bath with a guy you’ve just started seeing – probably not after 10 days but this is going at warp speed – & just enjoying the night, but your tummy keeps groaning for you to pop one out?! FUCK… So I can’t fart discreetly in a fucking god damn bath! Especially a bath with no fucking bubbles… FUCK… There is no discreet way to fart on a date, in a bath. Normally I would walk into the other room & get a drink or something… Hahaha… Of course as fate would have it, I haven’t farted at all in the bath the whole evening while alone – trying to get into a casual relaxed position, but now that Motocross is in the bath with me, my guts is not going to let this one go. I squirm around trying to hold it in – which always makes it worse & it comes back with a vengeance, making my tummy growl, which also sounds like a fart. I even do the unthinkable & touch his legs! I know right?! So risque. I must be squirming a lot because he asks if I’m ok, I just say that I’m getting cold & my back is starting to hurt, perhaps we should get out. He agrees, phew. It’s been about 45 minutes after all…

As the water is making so much noise going down the plug – those gurgling sounds & we’re getting dry, he leaves the bathroom in his towel to find his clothes & I can finally let my little fart out! Carefully of course to not make noise, then I wave my towel around in case there is a lingering smell… Hahaha… But we all good, Motocross notices nothing! We really cover the hot topics here at #IBD4U! So sexy. Also so you know, because we’d actually talked about baths together in the future while in this bath, I buy nice bubble bath & have it in the cupboard for future use. I will not have this happen again!

I meet him in my bedroom, naked, I kind of parade around thinking we might have sex now, but he’s getting dressed as I then put on my pjs – shorts & a top – he puts back on his tracksuit type outfit. We sit on my bed & I say I want some food. He suggests that we order something to be delivered, I agree & we go through uber eats for somewhere to eat. I feel like the hot dog again from the place I took him the day after the first night he slept over. He orders something different & I order mine, looking for my card to pay, when he pulls out his credit card & hands it over it me. I notice that it’s an Australian credit card, he must notice me looking at it because he says that his mum organised it for him before he got home – knowing he was going to be racing here & winning Australian dollars (he’s so confident about winning!). I do notice his name on the card – as I have to type it into the app as well, it’s the name he gave me, he’s not lied about that.

As we’re sitting there talking he starts playing with his phone, apologising saying that he just has to reply to some important emails. I don’t think anything of it, but just sit there organising dinner as we chat.

He talks about holiday we should go on – yes he’s talking about a fucking holiday with me, oddly he suggests Vancouver. I haven’t told him I lived in Canada, I mention it now of course, but I haven’t said that I have wanted to go there or anything… The reason why this is strange for me, is that his, whatever she is, wife or ex-wife lives there, according to my Facebook stalking. This isn’t the right time to bring her up or dig into his life, we talk about places we’ve travelled & where we want to go. As we wait for the dinner to be delivered, we go into the lounge room, I was thinking we’d stay in my bedroom, have dinner in bed but he suggests we go to the lounge room & so we do, I don’t think to suggest to watch tv in bed. We pick a movie, well he picks a movie, something again about racing cars or bikes & we watch that while eating dinner on the couch.

At the end of the movie, he makes a move, kissing me & we go into my bedroom again to have sex. The sex is the same as it is again, starting off with him on top shortly after kissing me, then me on all fours from behind, then once we’re done, we’ll have sex again, I suck his cock & then ride him. We don’t cuddle heaps after sex, but I don’t feel used by him. We lay around chatting, we do touch after we’ve had sex, it’s not so weird. We lay around for hours chatting naked in bed, having sex again, he talks about how much he likes my pillows – they’re new & cost me like $100 each! He’s at my house till 2:00 am, when I say something about going to sleep but he says that he needs to go so he gets up & gets dressed. As he’s leaving, at the door, he asks what I’m doing tomorrow night – well tonight & says that he’ll come over again tonight… Why doesn’t he just stay over?


Motocross #10

Fucking hell, I can’t stop giggling thinking about the things Motocross says to me. I also can’t even believe we are on blog 10 & we’re only 10 days into this thing – 5 face to face dates in & we’re kind of exclusive already… How bloody invested are we all?! I know I am, but you all are too! Don’t deny it. Hahaha.

I get home from my long drive from Mt Gambier & reply “Good, cos this is how I am! Um, so I don’t mean to be rude & all because while you do have quite a large cock, it’s not quite the size of my bicycle… Nor is it difficult to get out of my car… I do prefer to ride your cock to my bike though! Awww, so you’re not going to sign anything for me?” I am oddly disappointed, why do I want this guy to sign me something? I guess his kept his name tag with my surname on it, I’ve kept mine too now because I’m some sort of idiot… So maybe him signing something for me will be like my little momento?!

FUCK!!!! Expiry people, expiry! For all I know this guy is able to separate the whole not fucking other people & going back to the USA, unlike me who is now overthinking this into a full blown relationship where I am going to move to the USA with him! OMG… CALM THE FUCK DOWN… Why do I get so attached? Do other people?! (I mean some of you must because you’re all addicted to this story already!)

He replies “haha good stay that way. Oh wow not rude fair point tho. Happy you prefer it over your bike looking forward to Sunday night then. Hahaha alright will work something out just for you” Awww, how sweet, he’s going to sign something for me! I tell him that I’ve been this way for almost 38 years, so won’t be changing any time soon. I also see the fucking snail as I pull into the driveway & say “Frank, the spider, masquerading as a snail said hey Motocross, as I got home today too” Fucking hell, I milk a joke for as long as I can! Hahaha. I tell him that I definitely prefer his cock to my bike as a bike seat just hurts my ass & that I’m looking forward to Sunday too. I then say “Oh really! Since you took my last name, I think it’s only fair you give me something, Mr Famous!” He says that it’s funny as that the snail remembered his name. He says that he’s not complaining & will try not to hurt my ass & since I asked nicely he’ll give me something.

I tell him “Yeah, he remembered you saving his life from me wanting to kill it…! I don’t mind my ass getting hurt a bit, just not by a bicycle seat! Yipee, I’m excited…! Something signed by Motocross #IBD4U Last Name, just for me!” I write his name as it was on the name tag, how hilarious seeing his name as my own… He doesn’t write back & I go about my evening now… It’s Friday night, he’s probably out at press stuff or having dinner with the other riders or something… Let’s just hope I haven’t scared him with my last name stuff… I mean I do want to get married some day, however the chances of that at 38 are getting slimmer & slimmer. However, I don’t want a guy to freak out thinking that’s all I want.

A couple of hours later, I am sitting inside by the heater, not having a rocking Friday night to be honest when I see a teeny tiny snail on my shoe! How fucking funny! I take a photo & send to Motocross saying “OMG Frank Jr was just on my shoe! (Weirdly inside after driving home)” Yeah how did a snail get on my fucking shoe?! He replies that it was just waiting for it’s mate.

I tell him about my irrational fear of spiders, even of pictures on my phone & stuff, how I sleep with a can of fly spray next to my bed after once there was a huntsman at the door of my bedroom & I couldn’t run past it – plus I have a can in the car after there were 2 huntsman’s in it in a week. I tell him that I am a weirdo! He doesn’t reply, it is almost 10:30 pm which would be 11:00pm for him in NSW, I am tired from the drive & I fall asleep, pretty content to be honest. I wish he was here, or I was where he is, but I am pretty happy… Fuck.

Motocross situationship

You know how things happen quickly for some people & they are engaged within a few months or whatever? Maybe that’s going to be like that for us, maybe not the engagement but the relationship happening fast? Or maybe I just need to hold up a bit & calm down… I mean it’s been 10 days!

The next day I go to the gym & don’t hear from him, it’s Saturday so he’s probably doing all the press stuff & bike store visit or whatever he said he had to do while away for racing. It’s almost 1:00 pm in the day when I finally hear back from him “Aww haha I promise there be no spider jokes you Shaw come well prepared with the fly spray tho. Lol weirdo nah maybe semi” I seriously love this guy’s spelling… Shaw = sure. He’s super cute, or really fucking annoying!? I bet it’s one of those things I find super cute now & in like a years’ time I will hate & want to strangle him for?! Hahaha… OMG – stop planning ahead so much!

I reply a couple of hours later “Yeah dude, if you want to live, do not send me spider related anything… I’m insane when it comes to that… Lucky I’m normal everywhere else in my life! How’s the press stuff going today?” He doesn’t write back till 9:30 pm, when I am out for a drink with a friend (remember being able to go out for drinks with friends… SIGH! Remember this is all end of July 2019.) “Alright just cause I wanna live for a bit longer. Glade your normal everywhere else. Yeah press day was good thanks feeling good for tomorrow now thanks. How was your day recovered from all your driving yet.” I write back saying that I want him to live a bit longer too & I don’t want to end up in jail. I wish him well for the race & tell him in order what I did for the day. But I don’t get a reply, it its 10:30 pm my time, so in NSW it’s 11:00 pm, I’m assuming he’s asleep again. I don’t think much of it & expect that he’ll text in the morning.

I wake up late to no message from Motocross & go about my whole day with nothing. Fuck, why does that upset me so much? I guess because it’s now Sunday, he was going to come over tonight. He hasn’t bailed on any plans yet, but you know what, this is my life after all so he’s probably going to bail on me. I go about my day, feeling hopeful but deflated. Oh no, why do I now think this is over because he hasn’t messaged me today? I could message him? & say what? I figure that he’s up early raced all day, not had his phone on him. He’ll message when he gets back to Adelaide?! If not, I’ll have a cry & forget the fucker!

My family aren’t coming over tonight, so I think I’ll have a bath. He’s mentioned last time we were together that he’ll be back in Adelaide around 8:00 pm, so I will just wait a bit longer to write him off! OMG, I have a problem! Hahaha.

I run a bath & as soon as I settle into it & just try to relax, I put something on the computer to watch & just zone out, with my phone next to me as always. I’m not even in the bath 2 minutes, when I see his little profile picture pop up on my watch & his name with a message “Hey I’m home well just landed actually what you up to” FUCK. I sit bolt upright, smiling like an idiot & write back. “I thought you weren’t home till later? I just got home myself & jumped in the bath…’ Why did I say that? Why did I say it like that too?! So accusatory! Must be because I’m sad he didn’t message all day. I mean he was fucking racing, get a grip – he’s messaged you now & asking what you’re doing. “Yeah correct racing got called off early track was to fast and too rough hospital couldn’t cope. Oh yeah nice well enjoy and I’ll see ya a bit later if you wAnt” Oh shit, now he thinks I don’t want to see him… “Well you can either join me in the bath or I can get out. I haven’t eaten yet either, assuming you haven’t…” I’m annoyed I’m in the bath to be honest… FUCK – I don’t want to waste the water… I guess I’ll see if he’s a bath man or not?! “Oh yeah bath sounds good . Nah not eating yet” Shit, I’ve only ever done this with two other men, I bathed a few times with Boyfriend when we had spas in a hotel but never just a bath like I had with Noodle… Max sort of climbed in my bath once but we didn’t really bath together… This is very intimate. Fuck… I jump out of the bath, unlock the front door, pack away the computer, put on some music & get back into the bath with my heart racing. “Alright, well I just unlocked the door, so you can let yourself in, if that’s ok? I’ll just relax…!” Shit, is this really happening?! “Alright done see you soon” FUCK! Yep it is…

Ok, so I’ll hear his car pull up, because it’s loud, I assume he’ll go to his parents’ house or will he just come here? I don’t know but fuck, now what do I do? I agonise over the play list for a while, making sure I’m listening to something I like but something he’ll like & then I just think who gives a fuck, I’m listening to heaps of Papa Roach & Linkin Park so just put on that type of list – if he doesn’t like it, then whatever.

Then as I sit in the bath to relax, I start freaking out… Like a fucking wanker trying to work out the best position that will stop me from looking so fat when he gets here. I don’t use bubble bath – fuck I curse that I don’t have bubbles right now. I hate bubbles, but right now, I want fucking bubbles. Baths aren’t flattering, I can’t suck in, I can’t hide my gut overhang (that I am so self-conscious of – when a guys is fucking you, they don’t notice your flaws but this isn’t about sex, this is just a bath! My flaws are exposed. So exposed.) So I’m trying out every possible position, I’ve got my legs out, my legs back in, I’m in a ball, I’m stretched out. FUCK my fat gut!!! He’s seen your fat gut #IBD4U, get over yourself, he’s fucked you naked, quite a few times now. He’s pretty much touched every inch of your body (except your clit)… He knows what you look like, if he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t keep fucking you nor would he have suggested coming over for a bath. Would he?


Guest Blog : Mixed Bag – Ex Girlfriend & Henry

This is my first mixed bag guest blog. My guest blogs aren’t always long enough for a blog of their own – just as some of my stories aren’t long enough & so I created the mixed bag with some short stories. Here are a couple of short stories from 2 different guest bloggers .



So I went on a date with a guy my friend had previously dated. We msd beforehand and he asked if I could get any weed and we could have a joint. So I sourced some weed and we met up at a pub and had a drink. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have a joint… So we went back. I rolled it up and he mostly consumed the whole lot to himself, and it was a large joint! He sat chatting on the rug, when he got up to go to the fridge, next minute – bang he fainted and hit his head on the floor.

I was like, oh fuck, I asked if he was ok, he mumbled blergh leave me for a bit…. So I put a pillow under his head and waited… He had fallen asleep and he wasn’t getting up any time soon, so I decided to bail. It was now 1am. So I try to get out and I’m stuck. He lives in an secure city townhouse and I can’t find the button to release the gate! I sit and SOS to friends, but they are asleep. I go back in another hour later… His GIRLFRIEND comes to the gate and can see him through the glass panel on the door, and sees me and it looks like I have killed him! She starts screaming, he starts stirring and wakes a bit, and says – that’s my kinda ex girlfriend – hide, she is crazy!! So I run and hide behind a couch and wait… He stays on the floor, his phone is ringing (It’s her).

I wait about 30mins until I hadn’t heard her for a while, go to him and shake him awake. “YOU NEED TO LET ME OUT” He rose and stumbled to a panel which had the gate unlock mechanism, opened the door and said RUN!! SHE COULD BE HIDING. So I ran as fast as I could to my car, locked all the doors and then I just pissed myself laughing.

Just unbelievable. Worst date ever.

Mixed bag ex girlfriend


I meet Henry on Tinder and we match. I am chatting to a couple of guys at this time, but he and I get along and he suggests a date straight away. We swap numbers and I am pleased to get a “Good Morning” text each day, and lots later in the day to see how I am. It feels like he is messaging me when he is on his breaks at work. After the guys that I had met that showed no commitment it was great to finally feel like this guy is really showing an interest. We chat a lot via text – to the point the kids ask who I am talking to and we make a date to meet one night after work when the kids are having dinner with their dad. I was hoping for coffee or a drink but instead he suggests we meet at a local beach and go for a walk. I am waiting at the beach at the right time, starting to think I have chosen the wrong part of the waterfront when he finally arrives. He gets out of the car and after we have worked out that we are who we think each other is we sit down. We chat easily for over an hour and I am late for my one gym class a week because we are getting along so well.

We continue to chat via text message, he is messaging me each day to ask how I am and things are going to well I ask my parents to have my children while I meet him at the river for another “date”. I a waiting at the river in the car park at 1.30 when we have agreed to meet. At 1.50 I am still waiting and shoot of a text message asking if he is still coming. He replies to say he is on his way, another 15 minutes later he arrives. He gives no apology for being late (one of my pet hates – show some respect for my time!) and we make our way over to the other side of the river. A red flag had popped up when I joked via text that I thought maybe he had changed his mind. My sense of humour has always been to make a joke at my own expense and when I feel uncertain I joke hoping that my fears will be squashed. He had replied saying no, he had just had visitors turn up unexpectedly and he didn’t seem to get the joke. We sit on the other side of the river and chat, sitting on the ground on a picnic blanket gets a little uncomfortable. We have a pause when he asks if he can kiss me, he does and the kisses are nice. I want to keep kissing – I am loving the affection – but he says something about getting an erection and being embarrassed so we don’t kiss any more. We have a date lined up for a weeks time, the next night we are both taking our children to an event that comes to town. I am already overthinking how I am going to handle it if we run into each other.

When I am at the event, I send a message saying “Hey, haven’t seen you at the *** tonight” – he replies to say his plans had changed. In an attempt at humour I reply with “Oh, that’s ok, I thought maybe you were trying to avoid me!” with a face palm emoji. I am shocked by his response a minute later which reads “I don’t know what you are trying to insinuate but I don’t appreciate it”. I am shocked, and send another message telling him that I wasn’t trying to insinuate anything, and is he suggesting we shouldn’t see each other anymore? He replies saying he really wanted to have that conversation in person but yes. I reply saying I assume dinner is off then? He replies again with yes, I ask if I can call him, he says no. I try to call twice but he won’t answer.

The next morning, I receive a text message saying good morning and asking how I am. I regret it now but at the time I replied saying good morning and I am glad he had messaged me. That’s the last I heard from him… I saw him in the supermarket a few months later when I was with someone I had started to date. I tried to dodge him and not meet his eye! Looking back I think I dodged a bullet there!

I hate to say it, but dating doesn’t discriminate! Doesn’t matter who you are, there is always a douche canoe out there!


Motocross #9

The next morning I am up at 4:00 am. I am not sure why I don’t text Motocross, I guess I’m hoping that he’ll wake up & say something sweet about having a safe drive to Mt Gambier being he gets up at 5:00 am for a bicycle ride according to him. I go to my meeting & by lunchtime, I still haven’t heard from him. I am tired as fuck. Having only gotten 4 hours sleep last night, which was totally worth it – The sex isn’t epic, but it’s good & definitely worth staying up for, but I am struggling already. I check into the hotel early having done the only thing I was here to do, I try to nap because I can barely keep my eyes open, I have some computer work to do but that can be done at any time really but now while I can I’m going to get into my gym clothes to go for a run around the blue lake, I always do that here, trying to beat my times.

I notice that I have hit 2741 steps on my watch & all I have done is sit in the car & go to a meeting, where I sat the entire time then then to the hotel. I sort of laugh being that Motocross & I talked about my step counter counting steps that I didn’t do. I send him a picture of my watch & say “Sat on my ass for 5 hours & got 2741 steps. #Winning. Have a safe flight today” He writes back shortly after “Haha that’s ridged actual. Yeah thanks good drive was it. You feeling tired” As there are no question marks, I can only assume that he’s trying to keep the conversation going by asking me questions, if he’s not, then too bad I am going to answer them anyway. “Yeah it’s fucked… I hit my 5000 steps last night when we were having sex apparently!? I’m in bed in the hotel, tried to nap but couldn’t. Gonna go for a run now the suns out then do some more work” I can almost tell then that he is going to reply with something cheeky. “Haha seriously wow had you working pretty hard last night then. Oh yeah okay well enjoy your run hope you beat your time then” I had told him that I try to beat my time every time I’m down here. He’s never been to the south east & did mention that he’d like to come one time, but obviously he’s flying to NSW today so he wasn’t able to come & I mean this trip was not planned, otherwise I would’ve driving up yesterday (which is what my boss wanted me to do at night, but I talked her into letting me drive up in the morning when it was light & not dusk with kangaroos – mainly because my vagina wanted sex, but also driving in the morning would be safer than driving at night!)

“Yeah, I’d done like 3000 steps when you got there, by the time you left, I’d hit 5000… I didn’t walk that much! Definitely got a workout though. Thanks gotta drag my ass out of bed first.” I almost can’t be bothered, I’d rather chat to him “Haha was a good workout tho correct, your welcome well if I was there your ass would definitely be staying in bed” with a poking out tongue winky face emoji. Oooh, I won’t deny that that that turns me on a little & I wish he was there, I’ve always had the little fantasy of having someone on a work trip with me. “#True. Was worth being fucking tired AF today… Hahaha, yeah don’t think I’d get out of bed if you were here either… This room has a spa too, might have one when I get back” Sometimes I get spa rooms at this hotel but it’s not like it’s an updated hotel. “Hahaha definitely always worth being fucking tired af. Nope we’d definitely be staying in bed. Oooh wow that’s a fancy room, you’ve got then enjoy wish I was there.Fuck I wish he was here too… Fuck where did that thought come from… I send him a picture of the spa, because it’s a beige colour & it’s ancient “Definitely not fancy! Dinosaurs walked the earth when this spa was installed! We probably should’ve skipped the movie & just had sex. I’m in my gym gear but procrastinating about going out to the lake.” I don’t get a reply straight away that I finally get in the car & go out to the Blue Lake to run around it. I sort of hate when men do that, they don’t reply when I am going to be the one to not reply to their last message!

I go for a run around the Lake about 2:15 pm, I do it in pretty much the same time as last time I was here, so I am happy with that. Considering how little sleep I’ve had, I’m surprised that I did it in the same time as last trip down here.

I get a response from him at almost 6:00 pm, assuming that he’s been on his flight to NSW “Ooh nah #True not fancy. Haha correct I think so. Hmmm yeah true we should’ve well Sunday night if your family doesn’t come over or your not busy we have to make up for lost time. Sooo how’d the procrastinating go any movement towards the lake” I love that he can’t spell simple things but was able to write procrastinating. I can’t help but smirk & swoon when I get a message from him… Fucking hell! I must remember that this is expiration dating, this guy is going to be nothing more than just a FWB of sorts, I must not get attached… But after a fucking week & a few days, I am attached!

I send him a picture of my legs in the bath – just a cheeky teaser, in the ancient spa “Was lots of space for someone to join me! My family leaves before 8 every Sunday, so I’ll be free by the time you get back… I went for a run, same time as before so not too disappointed in that. How was the flight? How’s your throat btw?” He sends me a reply about an hour & a half later, but I am already asleep – yes at 7:30 pm, I am asleep! “Hmmm that view. Teasing isn’t nice young lady. Oh yeah okay I’ll be cumin around then. Oh yeah nice work same time is better longer good effort. Yeah flight was good thanks had the row to myself which was good. Throats getting better thanks. Hope your enjoying your night” Oh, he called me young lady! Hahaha, I am actual 4 years older than him.

He uses a lot of emojis in his texts, that I don’t always explain, I use a lot more with him that I think I have ever used in my life too! But it’s that cheeky banter, that fun type of messaging that is intoxicating… I actually hate messaging this much because I know I get caught up in it & it won’t last like this forever. But at least this guy is seeing me as well as messaging me a lot. I guess in the future if we’re apart a lot, we’ll need to message, so it’s kind of good that we’ve got that part right.

Motocross Automatically smile

The next morning I reply to him, saying that teasing is fun, that I have to send pictures while away for work so he doesn’t forget me. I tell him that my family aren’t coming over at all on Sunday so he can come over as soon as he’s back. I dribble on about having the row to your self & his sore throat. I tell him that I am going to go for another run around the lake before I come home & to be honest, because I know he’ll ask or I’ll tell him later, I actually push myself a little harder so I am faster to be able to say that I beat my last time. I do beat yesterdays time by one minute. He writes back by the time I am back, showered & on the road home again.

“Oh yeah it’s heaps of fun.” With a head smacking emoji “Hahaha I’ve not forgotten who you Are silly. Oh yeah okay nice I’ll be straight over when I get back. Yeah a good feeling to stretch out on a plane for sure. Yeah it’s getting better thanks. Yeah awesome good luck beating your time then what time you leaving mt gambier today” I almost want to pull over & read it & reply, but I think that I need to make him wait, but I also need to wait too! I mean I can’t just text him back immediately all the time. When I do pull over for my toilet stop, I read it straight away but go do what I need to do before replying. “It’s fun for me! Look forward to Sunday night. I beat yesterdays time by a minute this morning but it wasn’t a PB. But I haven’t been running much lately so not surprised. Need to get out & do more. I left at 8:30, just in Keith atm. When do you race?” I get on the road, thinking he’ll take a while to reply but he writes back straight away. I can only read the pop up on my phone for a second & on half on my watch as I can’t touch that either probably when driving… Who knows. But when doing 110kms, you need to concentrate! “Haha of course it’s fun for you. Yeah me too. Oh yeah nice one well done that good you beat it tho. Oh yeah okays that’s a good drive then I race on Sunday press day tomorrow tho” I know that he’s competitive, obviously as a motocross/supercross racer & crusty demon, that he’ll appreciate the fact that I beat yesterdays time by one minute.

I write back “You don’t call me a cheeky shit for nothing” & that I was going to ride my bike but couldn’t be bothered getting it out of the car. I also ask what the hell a full day of press entails. “hahaha #correct I don’t it for nothing. Awww laziness much. So today I’ve got too meet and greets at the local bike shops sign some stuff and get some photos done. Press day tomorrow is ride the track and do interviews with the media.” It’s literally all one sentence that I read it a couple of times to understand what he’s even written to me. “I can’t help it… hahahaha. Will always be cheeky! You don’t understand what a fucking hassle it is to get back in the car… I still exercised. Ooooh are you gonna sign something for me Mr Famous?” I smile thinking about wanting him to sign something for me! “Haha I’m not complaining tho I do like it. Naah no idea but I bet id ask you to pull my dick out and ride it bet that’s not a hassle. Haha settle never said I was famous

As I am even writing this blog – reading our texts again, I am giggling & smirking at the banter, I hope you are too – it’s not usually my style to write all the text messages out verbatim so much like this, but it’s so cheeky, it’s so fun that I can’t help but giggle… Maybe it’s just me, but I hope that you are giggling too!


Motocross #8

He’s cheeky, he’s super cute, he’s funny, we have banter & I am liking hanging out with Motocross more that I should at this point. But he’s not fucking anyone else but me… Why does that keep going through my head… I have turned off my online dating app, I haven’t deleted it, but I pause my account so people can’t add me, just as Writer suggested. But I also keep forgetting that there’s an expiry date with this guy, but as a contradiction, I also can’t help but think “What if there isn’t!?”


I also actually forgot to tell you that on the way home from Fasta Pasta on the Sunday date, I did ask Motocross what his last name was – it sort of came up in conversation when we were driving, something about the name tags from the play, so it was the right time to ask him, he told me, even though I already know what it is, of course – he didn’t hide anything, he just said it & that was that. I don’t think that he’s hiding things from me on purpose, I don’t want to push him to give me information he’s not ready to give – for whatever reason & then have him ask me for information that I’m not ready to give him either… It’s a catch 22. I want to know but I don’t want to tell.

So anyway, in the morning I write back to him & say that I can’t tell him the other things I like about him because then he’ll get a big head – with the hash tag true. I tell him that it’s ok that he asked if I’d swallow, I asked him for his ideas, I will be happy to swallow for him as long as I am still fucked & cum. He says #interesting & that he is obviously doing good then. Which makes me laugh, his hash tagging. (In real life he actually says the word hashtag now before he says interesting or correct or true now too because of how much shit I’ve been giving him) He says “Ooh haha yeah wasn’t sure how to approach the question. You’ll definitely be getting both of those” That’s why I asked him, I mean I get that he’s a little bit shy, the guy doesn’t seem overly affectionate, but that also could be because I’m so socially retarded when it comes to men, that I send off a no touch vibe. I tell him “Hahaha, besides your texting skills, Yes you’re doing alright… Or I wouldn’t still be talking to you!” I remind him that I am open to most things & he can ask me, even by text if it’s easier for him.

“Cheeky shit clearly texting isn’t my strong point. Wow alright okay guess I’ll take that. Clearly I figured that out. That’s fair enough well I’m honestly happy with how it is tbh but I’ll let you k is if I wanna try something” I tell him that I have to read his messages twice to work out the missing words – just as you probably have had to read twice & think I’m suddenly terrible at grammar & spelling, nope these are actual texts from him verbatim. I sort of ask or say that I must be doing ok too or he wouldn’t be talking to me, even if I do give him shit about his map reading skills. I tell him that I’m happy to receive feedback about what I can do better for him – thinking this might help me lead into the conversation about where my clit is & how he can use it to his advantage!

“haha Fark I’m sorry didn’t realise I was that bad. Well that’s correct I wouldn’t be I guess but no complaints here. True I don’t mind the banter tho. Oh I’m sure you’ll be receiving it. I was actually Jinnah hit you up last night tbh thought it anyways.WHAT?! Hahaha, I like this guy a lot & he makes me smile & giggle every time I get a text from him. I don’t know why but I say that he’s not that bad at texting & I can generally work it out. But I’ll give him shit about it anyway. “Bit like #True & #Correct & #Interesting… Oh & the map!!” I tell him that he could’ve come over last night after the gym if that’s what “jinnahmeans. We’re supposed to be catching up tonight for Mexican – I’ve made reservations & we’ve been texting all day, it’s past lunch & it’s been constant. He says that he can handle that & says “Your loving my # now ay” Bahaha, no I am not, I have started saying it too, like some sort of loser after a week of knowing this guy. He continues “Oh yeah interesting should’ve asked then just though you might have been to tired. Jinnah wtf meant to have said wanted to hit you up actually” Why didn’t he just ask me if I was free? Instead, I had to ask him out for tonight… Men are weirdos. But at least I know he wants to see me. I tell him that I keep saying his stupid catch phrases & that he should’ve asked to see me. “Hahaha that’s funny as you can’t stop saying it. Yeah right true I should’ve asked. Tonight tho yeah” I tell him that he can ask me another time & not just leave it up to me. I say yes to tonight & remind him that I have booked a table. “haha nah it’s not annoying it’s just funny I’m rubbing off on you in more then one way. Yep like tonight I’m keen for it. Yeah nice okay can’t wait” Did he think that he’s planned tonight & that he’s asked me out? I tell him that it is annoying & I just said true on the phone. He laughs at me & I don’t reply to his last message as it’s almost 5:00 pm, time to get home & ready for our date! It’s been a bit of an epic day at work to be honest, I have been asked to go to Mt Gambier tomorrow & I need to be there at 10:00 am, which means I have to get up at 4:00 am & drive down there. I race home, get changed & pack a bag. I am staying the night, last minute, I can’t/don’t want to change this date with Motocross or I won’t see him till next week, which kind of sucks. I will just push through it to be honest, I can drive down there with a red bull or two & go to bed early tomorrow night. I want sex & I want to see him! I also hate late minute bailing with a passion.

Motocross how will you ruin it

Motocross gets to my house at exactly 6:15 pm like he said he would, he knocks on the door & I let him in, he doesn’t kiss me hello when he walks in, which I think is weird at this point, so I start to get a bit weird too & don’t kiss him hello like I did the times before… Why wouldn’t he want to kiss me hello? At this point, it’s weird not to kiss me on the lips when you walk into my house?! Isn’t it? Again, it’s only Wednesday, a week since we first met face to face, maybe it’s not weird he hasn’t kissed me hello? But we’ve now had 4 dates in a week & texted constantly all day every day just about, surely it’s ok to kiss hello?!

He’s parked in the driveway, so he drives to the restaurant, which isn’t far away but I have to direct him to where it is. I honestly love driving in his car, it’s nice car! I want to drive it one day! It’s the type of car that people look at us in.

The booking is for 6:30 pm so we head straight to the local Mexican restaurant, he actually says that he still has a bit of a sore throat, which sucks for him. He is wearing a similar outfit to what he’s worn every time I’ve see him. We order dinner & he has a plain meal of a nachos, saying that he doesn’t eat this fancy that often, he usually has really simple meals in the USA. He doesn’t eat a lot to be honest & I ask if it is good or not, he says that it is, but I also wonder if it’s possibly corn chips & a sore throat – which is stopping him from eating a lot. To be honest, the conversation over dinner is strained, it’s not as easy flowing as it has been over text, there isn’t a lot of banter & it’s like he’s tired or not interested. I mean at one point, I’m talking about my steps on my watch & how driving gets my steps up & he doesn’t believe me that a bumpy road would give me my 5000 steps per day. I don’t know what it is but that is the conversation I remember vividly but I just remember feeling weird all evening because we weren’t talking. I have told him that I have to be on the road at the latest by 5:00 am tomorrow – maybe that’s it? Was he planning on staying over again!? I feel a little bit odd, tonight is a bit strange, I end up paying for the whole meal – he doesn’t offer to pay & we leave the restaurant. I assume that he’s going to just go home after this & not come in tonight, because it’s a bit of a head scratching evening, but he’s different in the car, there is a bit of a glimmer of the banter that I like about him.

As he pulls into my drive way, his headlights flash around & I see a giant black blob on the next door neighbours retaining wall & I can’t help but say “Ewww is that giant spider – you have to kill it” I am so arachnophobic it’s insane! I may have told you that I have smashed a phone when someone posted a bloody photo of one on Facebook once! He kind of laughs a little, getting out of the car, I’m glad it’s on his side, he uses his light on his phone & looks at it, he comes to the front of the car & says that it’s a snail, that he’s not going to kill it, his name is probably Frank or something. I literally burst out laughing, I love how he names things! It’s so funny!

He obviously comes inside, maybe I’m too quick to write things off, but it was a bit of an odd dinner, but we settle down on the couch with fucking Sharknado 2. What the actual fuck! It’s even worse than the first one, I mean her arm gets bitten off by a shark, in the sky when she’s sucked out of the plane window!? YES – that is an actual scene!

We’re only about 30 minutes in when Motocross makes a move & kisses me, thank god for that, because I didn’t think I could make a move on him after the weird dinner & I also can’t look away from this train wreck of a movie.

We go into the bedroom & have sex, pretty much the same way we’ve had sex every time so far. I am not worried about this yet, I mean how many times did Milky fuck me at the end of the bed with my legs in the air? I mean Milky even fucked Sweetie like that, some guys just have moves I guess. Motocross & I lay there afterwards for a little while, it’s nice to just lay there with him, it’s no longer awkward. I realise that I need affection as reassurance that everything is ok. The fact he doesn’t kiss me hello or hold my hand or touch me before we have sex makes me realise that yes it’s only been a short time but I also need that reassurance. Noodle used to kiss me as soon as he got in the car, he would have his hand on my leg as we drove wherever we were going, he’d find some way to show me that everything was ok between us… FUCK – I must not think about Noodle.

At 11:45 pm Motocross gets up to leave, he’s already told me he’ll let me sleep, I wasn’t planning on him staying this long. I don’t think he was planning on staying this long either, but it’s good that he did after the awkward dinner. I won’t be able to see him now till next week – we have no plans to catch up again, I’m away tomorrow at the crack of dawn, he flys out tomorrow too & isn’t back till Sunday. They say travelling for work is fun, but this sort of sucks that we both travel for work! I am away through the week & he’s away on the weekends… I wonder if this is going to work out?!



Welcome to post 350! WOW… I’ve come so far! Thank you all for reading, I still can’t believe sometimes that you’re all so invested in my life! I feel like everything I do now, I do all in the interest of my blog! Hahaha.

As my regular readers would know I have actually met a man though my blog before. You all remember Blogger? That dude… Well the 2nd time has to go better than that right? So an Adelaide guy starts liking at my Instagram posts, I will admit I have a look at his profile, just out of interest of who he is, especially after everything I’ve been through this year – I am not trusting anyone.

He’s a very attractive guy, much younger than me & he asks me how I got so many followers on my blog after I post a screenshot of my statistics – saying how happy I am with the way my blog is going. Well to be honest, I actually ask myself that same question every blog post… Who the hell wants to read about my crazy stupid life!? I explain that I do pay for some facebook posts sometimes, so I know that gets me a lot of likes & I think throughout the Noodle story, people got really involved, now that I am just dating random men, it’s not as addictive. I do hope that the Motocross story keeps you all reading. It seems to have hooked a few of you already & we’re only a week in (in real life time)! Hahaha.

Writer has a blog of his own – about mental health & his journey though anxiety & depression, which I read after chatting to him on Instagram & found it very interesting. He is focusing on his book release right now so he’s not been posting as much on the blog. What I’ve learned, when it comes to blogging, for me consistency is the key, my regular readers know that I post Tuesday, Fridays & Sundays at 8am (Adelaide time) when the post doesn’t go up, I get comments asking where it is… That’s when I know people are hooked on the story! Other blogs I read are so random with their posts that I forget about when them when they don’t post, especially if it’s more than a week between posts. Then when I do get a notification that they have posted, I have to read their previous post to make sure I didn’t miss anything, then it all gets to hard & I just don’t read it & think that I’ll get back to it! I give Writer some tips about my experience blogging & we chat online for a couple of days about how to blog & get followers & what we can do to collaborate our Adelaide pages.

But when Writer asks me to catch up with him to go through his blog & my own blog, swap stories & offer advice, I think why not. He’s got a book coming out that he’s self-publishing & I am very interested to pick his brain about that, having had a few of you tell me to write a book myself. However I am still at a loss of what a book would be like from my blog being I tell you everything anyway, what would go into a book? That’s why I’ve been thinking more of a podcast, talking about topics & my stories that way. I think his might be a good guy to join me on the podcast.

Of course, he is not anonymous on his socials for his book & blog, I know what he looks like, I know his name, but like Blogger, this guy has no idea what I look like or knows my real name – I ask if he wants to see or know before we meet, but he says no. We agree to meet halfway for an afternoon drink at a pub. Nothing exciting, it’s more of a business meeting than anything. I have a lot of questions for him to be honest & I know he has some for me too.

He’s at the pub already with a beer when I get there & looks exactly like his pictures – so he’s easy to find, I walk up & introduce myself with my real name, get a drink & sit back to chat. We chat easily, it’s like we’ve been friends for a while. It’s easy to talk to him & I do pick his brain about his book. We talk about people we’re dating, he has a chick that he’s seeing at the moment, I talk to him about Noodle a little – not going into too much detail because I’m trying to forget him & also talk about the fact I’m seeing Motocross at the moment, however he’s away this weekend.

Writer asks to look at my online dating app & gives me some pointers on my pictures – saying they all look good & pretty much like what I look like in real life (I’ve always wondered if I look like my pictures TBH?!) & he tells me to delete the word “fairly” in front of “fit”. He says that I should just be confident that I am fit, adding fairly makes me sound unsure. He also suggests that if I am wanting to see where it goes with Motocross that I should pause my account for a while. Which I do, for several reasons – one also because Motocross has just told me he’s not fucking anyone else but I agree with Writer, I should give Motocross the benefit of the doubt – see what happens. I haven’t gone into the full story with Writer – about my fucking stupid stalking, but his advice is solid & I agree with it.

Writer invites me to his book launch in a few weeks & I think that will be fun, so I invite my friend along too, it’s a fun night & I can’t help but think about a sex & the city style book launch for me, however I haven’t even written a book! Hahaha. After the book launch, I read his book, it’s good! It’s better than I was expecting (I have shared his book on my social media shortly after getting a copy) & I also shared his dating blog post as a guest blog Why Tinder is Bad for Your Love Life. A great post to re-read!

A few months later, at Cocktails with #IBD4U, I meet a reader, who we’ll call Katie, that night that I click with & I catch up with her outside of the cocktails (Who knew my blog would create so many friendships!) & we get along really well that I think we have a similar idea about the podcast, having been told by my friend that I had been planning to do it with that she doesn’t really think she’d be suited, mainly because she’s worried about her opinions – we have fought before about all sorts of things, so it’s probably for the best. So before meeting Katie, I was back to square one with the podcast idea, however she’s open to it. I suggest Writer as the male counterpart because he was single for a while (I think he has a girlfriend at this point in the story now) & he’s not a sleazy guy or has ridiculous opinions, I think listeners would relate well to him. However when I ask him – I add that I know his focus is his book & promoting that but I thought of him first but he agrees that he wants to focus on his book, he says that he can commit to a few times a year but didn’t want to commit to a weekly show, which is fair enough. I don’t want to take him away from his main focus, but thought it would be a good thing we could do to collaborate.

So the podcast is still at a standstill, Writer said he’ll come on as a guest speaker when I do get it off the ground, which I am really looking forward too, because I think he would have some great advice for all of us, including me! But we’re still looking for that guy for the podcast that clicks with me & Katie. One day you’ll hear my chipmunk voice again! Hahaha.

Anyway for anyone looking for Writers socials, here they are. Please check out & follow him, check out his blog & get a copy of his book:

To be honest I am writing this post during the Covid-19 isolation era & picking up this book to re-read sections has been so helpful, when working from home & not being able to see loved one as much as you want too! If anyone is struggling, get a copy of this book!!

Now that I’ve paused my online dating for Motocross, let’s see where that goes!


Motocross #7

Ok, lets calm down… This is why I don’t like to stalk, I don’t know why Motocross hasn’t mentioned that he has a kid, possibly a 2 year old daughter, but there is some reason why he hasn’t. But why did he say it’s been 5 years? To be fair, he never said it’s was 5 years since he had sex, I just assumed that – he just said it’s been 5 years right after sex… But now, how do I say something to him about knowing how I found out – I know some of you on facebook think I should have asked questions of him? But what do you say “Oh hey, so I saw on your mum’s facebook that you have a kid, want to share that story with me?” If a guy asked me a question about my personal life & I knew it was because they stalked me, I wouldn’t be flattered, I would be horrified that they have betrayed my trust like that!

Also remembering that last time Motocross & I had sex, we didn’t used a condom & he asked if I was on the pill & I implied I didn’t want kids, so he didn’t need to worry about that. So it’s no wonder he hasn’t told me. Plus, it’s only been a WEEK! Like I said I am not ready to tell him everything about me – I mean I haven’t told him I have my tubes tied, should I tell him this after one week? He obviously doesn’t want to tell me for some reason, is the kid in the USA? Is he not allowed to see her? Did something happen to the kid? Is it with his ex-wife? (if she’s his ex-wife?!) FUCK… This is what I hate… All these questions out of one stupid photo!! This is why I do not stalk people!

While I am still reeling from this stupid Facebook notification (What are the odds of his brother trying to be friends with me almost a year ago?!) & ridiculous stalking, Motocross messages me at 10:40 am – this is one week since we met online – it’s Tuesday of the next week “Hey sorry fell asleep last night. You feeling any better today yeah I think it dose relaxes you & me actually.” Fuck, I can’t write back, I need to just think about what I know, I don’t want to accidentally say something, I also don’t want to seem crazy & ask him about it – yes I have a right to know things about this guy, he has a right to know things about me too, such as that I can no longer have children – but I am not ready to share that with him. I just need to gather my thoughts before I write back. I am flat out at work in meeting after meeting so I don’t reply till after 4:00 pm “Yeah I figured you did, was surprised you wrote back since you’re up so early. I feel fine today, thanks for asking so must’ve been the food… Yeah it does make me feel pretty relaxed! Pretty sure you enjoy it, so that makes me happy” He says that he’s glad(e) that I’m feeling better, that it’s good because it relaxes him. Of course, what guy doesn’t like their cock sucked?! I tell him that it was just a bug for me, ask how his throat is & tell him that I haven’t had sex without a condom for a long time… As soon as I hit send, I can’t actually remember who the last guy was that I fucked without a condom, was it Noodle?! I don’t know but it feels like a long time ago.

20200413_184422_00001726292437571491524.pngHe says that it’s good I’m better, his throat is sore & says “Oh yeah well I’m happy to wear one if you want then” I tell him that I hate being sick & ask if he got my miracle throat cure & tell him that it works #true. I am giggling as I hit send then I say “Kinda a bit late to want to wear one now… Hahaha. I usually wait to go bare, until there’s some sort of understanding that we’re not fucking other people” he tells me that it does suck about being sick, that he rarely is sick but he just breaks bones a lot. He tells me that he got my throat cure #correct (his other catch phrase) & says “Ooooh okay then well I’m definitely fucking anyone but you but I do ride K***e everyday tho, it’s what I call my bike by the way” I smile, but then I’m confused, so I ask “You are or aren’t!? I’m assuming you mean aren’t. Besides K***e.” I think he’s just missing the word not out of that sentence. Also how fucking cute that he names his bike! Hahaha… This is way too fucking soon to have this exclusive conversation & via text is even worse, but I guess it has to be said at this point. “I meant I’m not sorry typing never my string point.” I literally burst out laughing at that text! “Your string point? Hahaha… That’s gold. Sorry I shouldn’t laugh at you… But you definitely proved your point. Are you away this weekend?” That could not have been funnier “Fuck meant strong point. See told you I struggle with typing. Yeah I am away sorry racing in nsw” I thought he was away this weekend, he is pretty much away racing every weekend from now on “Bahahaha. It was pretty funny! I actual laughed out loud. #True. Do you have to time to see me before you go or do you have to focus?” I don’t know what the protocol is here, does he have to just think about racing, you know how they say before a big event you’re not supposed to have sex?! I don’t know if that’s a thing, but anyway “Haha I bet you did cheeky shit laughing at my misfortune. Yeah I can see you.” Jeez, don’t seem too excited to see me Motocross! I tell him that he shouldn’t expect anything less, “I mean you did look at a tiny map to find where we were going on Friday.” & I ask him when he is free… “Hahaha nah I wouldn’t expect nothing less. Fark your never gonna let me live looking at the worlds smallest map ay.” He tells me that he’s leaving Friday morning so he’s free tonight (which is Tuesday) till Thursday – I am away for work Thursday night.

I look at the time & realise that it’s already 7:30 pm, he could come over tonight, but I’m at the gym so I am not prepared to see him tonight & don’t want him to see me without make up or my hair done just yet… Remember it’s only been a week! I tell him how funny it was & that I laugh every time I think about it. I tell him I’m finishing at the gym so maybe tomorrow. He say “Oh god of course you do thinking about it” & he agrees that he’ll come over tomorrow & asks about the gym session. I literally am giggling now as well, I can’t help but laugh at him “Yeah sorry… Can’t help it. Was so bloody funny… When I was pointing at a giant map!!” I tell him that I am home around 6 so anytime after that, I tell him it was a tough session but need to make up for only have sexercise on the weekend since I slept through bootcamp on Saturday – well I probably fucked him though bootcamp on Saturday morning! He says that he’ll come over around 6:30 pm & that “Sexercise was a good work out tho just saying” I ask him if he just wants to watch sharknado (As there are fucking 5 of them!) or if he wants to grab dinner too. I tell him that I prefer sexercise but don’t get results from it. When he says he’s up for dinner too as well as Sharknado, I am excited about that, I mean most guys are just keen to sit around my house & just have sex. I am determined to stop this from becoming just us hanging around my house watching TV. You know, like it was with Milky.

I tell him that the stupid map I was looking at wasn’t as helpful as the one he looked at but his was teeny tiny. I also say that I will book a table at my favourite restaurant then add “Yeah trust me, if I could get sex daily, I’d do it” He agrees to Mexican & says “Yeah right I’d be keen obviously” I tell him that I have a high sex drive & he says “Oh I’ve noticed it I also have a high sex Sex drive if you didn’t realise” I actually laugh at the fact that he said sex twice in his message & tell him that his is so high he had to say it twice. “Correct, I do & gotta say it twice I understand” Oh I understand! We fucked quite a lot over the weekend… Wasn’t a lot of sleeping!” I’m surprised when he says that he could’ve gone for some more sex but didn’t want to wear his welcome out but he has no complaints. I tell him I like his stamina, that’s good for a woman like me, then I ask him if there is anything he wants to do, because I’m pretty open & he just has to ask. “I’m quite happy with how it’s going tbh. But question do you swallow” with a poking out tongue smiley face. I tell him that I like other things about him, not just his stamina – that his ability to cum more than once in one night is pretty high on the list. I tell him that if he wants me to swallow, then of course I will, I enjoy it & can be sexy! I’m not sure why guys like women to swallow to be honest, but it’s always the thing they ask for. He takes 20 minutes to reply & I fall asleep, but he asks what other things I like about him & that he’s ticking my boxes then. He says he was just curious & he’d like me too at least once if I’m ok with it. Of course I wouldn’t do it with any random guy, but this guy is fast becoming something more… I mean he’s already told me that he’s not fucking anyone else…

Shit, didn’t I say I must not get attached?! There is an expiration date here…

He’s just going to be fun… Just Fun, Motocross is just fun! Maybe I should cancel the dinner reservations!? Just keep it to sex?!



Motocross #6

Let’s all just take a second to remember where we are with the timeline, it’s now Sunday, I met this guy Motocross, on Tuesday online & our first date was Wednesday. This is getting… I don’t even know what, but this is getting too full on for me, that I am dreaming up a relationship already. Could this be an actual relationship?

As you know, Sunday nights are family dinner night, at my house, every week. However, for some reason my family bail & so I honestly don’t even think about my stupid rule & I text Motocross on Sunday late in the morning asking if he got his grocery shopping done & I add “Sorry you didn’t get much done yesterday besides me” He says no more than 10 minutes later that he had a good night – but he was tired & food coma, that he’s going to the shops soon & “Haha nah it’s fine, I was happy with what I gone done yesterday no complaints here” I smirk like an idiot. I tell him that I got a better night sleep & that I met a friend for deep fried goodness dinner but I was home early because she noticed I was tired. He says that he feels bad now because I went home early from dinner with my friend, which was supposed to be my nephew sleeping over, but things changed. I then slip in that my family have bailed on the evening & ask if he is free to come over & watch a movie or dinner. He doesn’t reply for ages (like 40 minutes hahaha) that I start thinking, that I’ve pushed this too much… I mean it hasn’t even been 7 days since we met online & this would be the third date… “Oh yeah okay sounds good I’m in yeah what time you thinking” PHEW! Freak out over. I tell him anytime after 3:00 pm & he says that sounds good…

Ok, so confession time too! So you remember back to when my friends were trying to google this guy as he’s probably semi famous if his stories are true?! Well I didn’t even know his last name, obviously since he used mine for the play ticket, but we can’t find him on anything. I even enlisted my friend J-Lo to look him up as he finds everyone & loves doing that shit! I hate googling people & don’t like to do it at all, I find out shit I don’t want to know unless they tell me… I haven’t even googled Noodle since we ended in fear of finding out something that will set me back. I never googled Noddy or British, which I probably should have, but with everything I’ve been through this year with men, I become obsessed! Why can’t I find this guy?

Anyway there is nothing on this guy, nothing on any sports pages, google, crusty demons Facebook, even we can’t find him on Facebook as himself – his name if too common. But when J-Lo sends me a screenshot of a Facebook page, it’s him! I know his last name, I immediately stalk his Facebook & there is nothing at all on it – it’s all mostly private & there is no connections we have in common. You honestly have to dig deep, but I find out that he was (or is) married, there are wedding pictures of him with someone from years ago, I stalk her Facebook unable to stop myself, as she’s the only one that comes up as a person of interest, she no longer uses the same last name as him & she’s also living in Vancouver, Canada but she’s from Adelaide. FUCK, I have lost the plot! I stop stalking, he’s clearly had a bad break up with his wife & he doesn’t need to tell me everything about himself right now, it’s not even been a week! FFS. I need to get a grip! So I did know this before we went to the play, I was waiting for him to tell me his story, but fuck I am not ready to tell him all my deepest darkest secrets about Noodle & even Boyfriend

Motocross comes over about 4:00 pm & we immediately hang out watch tv, he doesn’t kiss me hello as he walks in & I think that’s weird at this point, I mean I know it’s only been a few dates, but the man has been inside me, surely he can give me a peck on the lips hello?

We decide to get Fasta Pasta for dinner & I drive us there, since he parked on the road – which is weird & he said he didn’t know where he was going… So we order online & head on over to pick it up, deciding on take away – which I pay for to repay the Mexican the other night & we eat it at home while watching a movie, which I hate to admit was Sharknado! Yes we watched Sharknado, I’ve never seen it & lets be honest, I wish I had never seen it! What the actual fuck is that movie… OMG! It was so ridiculous…

We eat on the couch, just hanging out, it’s actually really nice to just have someone to hang out with that is funny & honestly says interesting or true all the fucking time, so much so that I start to pay him out every time he says it & then I start fucking saying it – OMG I always pick up the fucking catch phrases of dudes I date…

It’s really a good night, he kisses me on the couch & we head to the bedroom. Again, there isn’t much foreplay for me prior to him slipping on a condom & fucking me but he’s lucky I am ready. I suck his dick again, he doesn’t ask, but I figure that I like doing it, he has a nice cock, so I will. I can’t help but wonder about what he was like with his wife, did he ever go down on her? Did he ever finger her? Or did he just kiss her & fuck her? Is that the reason why the broke up? OMG, surely not, no one gets married to someone they don’t have sexual chemistry with, do they?

The sex is pretty much the same as it was the first time, he on top for a little while before he asks me to turn over & I cum rubbing my own clit as I’m not even sure he knows where it is? OMG, I shouldn’t be so mean, but maybe he’s just really intimidated or shy, maybe she made all the moves, maybe she was more dominant? I mean he didn’t even kiss me hello when he walked in the front door tonight. We have sex again & I don’t know how it happens, but we have sex without a condom the second time & OMG it feels so much better, he has a nice cock, but FUCK! What am I doing?!

I can’t even hide my disappointment when Motocross gets up to leave at 11:00 pm, I mean I do have to work tomorrow, so probably not the best idea for him to sleep over but man I want him too, more than I realised I would. He says that he gets up super early like 5:00 am to go for a bike ride (bicycle) so he needs to go now because he doesn’t want to wake me up in the morning. We sort of kiss quickly goodbye at the door & as I hear his loud car start up & drive away, I am oddly devastated that he didn’t stay.

I think about him all day at work on Monday, waiting for a text message from him. We virtually spent the entire weekend together, surely he’s thinking about me too. I start to feel sick at work & head home from fear of throwing up & shitting my pants… Was it the Fasta Pasta? Or did I just eat so much crap this weekend, with the dinner & lunch with him, the fried food with my friend then the pasta – I never eat like that anymore, so maybe it was just a combination of all the shitty food on the weekend? I can’t help but wish he’d text me to see what I am up too or if my day is going ok, I wonder if he’s sick too? It’s almost 10:00 pm on Monday night & I haven’t heard from him, I decide to text because I don’t want to go a day without texting him, I don’t know what this obsession is, but when I meet someone I always want to be able to say “We’ve talked every day that we’ve known each other” I don’t know why, what difference does it make? But I just ask is he was sick today, he replies straight away “Hey. I am feeling it yes. Are you” I tell him that I had to come home from work early & he says that his throat is getting sore. I tell him that I will spare him the details of what is wrong with me but think it’s all the bad food & tell him to get betadine throat & then write “TRUE” He says that he hopes I getting better & he says “Yeah okay thanks I will appreciate it #Interesting.” I can’t help but laugh at the hash tag, as that was the funniest part about the fact that he says true & interesting all the time. I say that it’s ok, that it’s not his fault I was sick, I was only sick in the morning & still was able to go to rope at night – I just should’ve made better choices over the weekend, I tell him that I also take garlic vitamins so I never get sore throats, then I tell him to “#StopHashTagging” He replies that “Oh yeah okay well I’m glade you went to rope tonight still did you enjoy it I hope. Okay thanks I will maybe you need more vitamin d. Haha okay #Sorry” I can’t help but laugh at his messages, I have to read them a few times to understand what he’s even saying. I tell him that I don’t even know what he means by vitamin d. “Where do I find vitamin D or #DoINotWantToAsk?” He says “My vitamin d silly” I ask if mean means protein shot, as that’s usually what people refer to their cum as, not vitamin d, isn’t vitamin d from the sun? I ask him what his vitamin d is going to do for me, but I tell him that I hear it’s good for the skin. He says that yes it relaxes you & correct it’s good for the skin. I ask him if it relaxes him to share his vitamin d? & I don’t get a reply. It’s almost 11:00 pm, so I assume he’s fallen asleep.

Motocross constant fear

The next day as fate would have it, fucking Facebook sends me a notification to respond to friend requests from ages ago, I click on it & who the fuck should show up in my friend request list… Remember back to the Psychic Fair post?! There is a guy called T**y in my friend request list – with the same last name as Motocross… (which rememeber he hasn’t actually told me yet) WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I click on the guy & oh my fucking god it’s Motocross’ fucking brother! Is that the psychic connection?! My friends get goosebumps when I remind them of what the psychic said about T**y & they say that Motocross could be the man she meant. T**y & I were in a singles group together a while ago & everyone added me as a friend, I didn’t accept anyone I didn’t like the look of. (Superficial, but I’m honest!)

Anyway Motocross brother’s page is much more open & has a lot more comments on photos for me to click on. I find their mother too – who has the same middle name as me (another sign?!), I look though her Facebook page too – like a fucking psycho… There is a picture of a baby, so I assume that T**y has had a kid & Motocross is an uncle. Within 10 seconds of finding that picture, I read all the comments & find out that it’s Motocross’ daughter! FUCK… The post was 2 years ago, with a comment from his mum saying that Motocross is a daddy. FUCK! So much for the 5 year story! What the actual fuck! How could he not mention having a kid?!


This is why I don’t stalk!



Motocross #5

When Motocross drives us back to my place & pulls in the driveway, I am unsure what the protocol is here either. I mean does he just expect to come in, do I need to invite him in, what the fuck do I do now we’re in my driveway?!

Well Motocross pulls up in my driveway & turns the car off, so I just don’t think about it & we get out the car & he follows me inside. I put on the heater & the TV, offering him a drink. We have a beer each & I have to explain to him what Netflix is… REALLY? He gets excited about picking movies, so I just let him pick a movie & I go get changed, putting on my cute tracksuit to relax in – I know that sounds like an oxymoron but by cute I mean that my pants are Hurley & the jumper is Sass – I’m a brand whore. Hahaha.

We sit on the couch & just watch some dumb movie, I don’t even remember what it was but something to do with bikes or cars, so a boy movie I wasn’t that interested in to be honest but I actually really just like hanging out with this guy, When the movie ends we sort of just sit there, it’s after midnight at this stage & we look at each other, as much as I want to fuck this guy, I really don’t want to either, I really like him already – tonight with all the jokes has made me like him even more than I should & don’t want to fuck this up, I don’t want to rush this. I have literally known him 3 days since we started chatting online, I know this is the second date but he’s giving me that look, I know I am giving him that look… The “fuck me look” that Noodle always talked about…

Motocross attached so easily

Motocross leans into kiss me & I kiss him back, we’re lying on the couch with some heavy petting action, above the clothes kind of action. I have taken off my bra so under my sweater is just my naked boobs, so when he slips his hand up there, I think it changes the game when he feels my naked breast, the kissing intensifies & he leans on me harder, I can’t help myself but pull his top off over his head. We’re basically semi naked within a few seconds, it’s like it happens in fast forward. I tell him that we should move this into the bedroom, which we do, I am wearing my panties still & he’s wearing his boxer shorts. I sit on the edge of the bed & he pushes me back pulling my panties off, he climbs on top of me & we kiss… We kiss well together.

I tell him we need a condom & he gets off me, standing up taking off his boxers, as I reach over for the condom, I get my first glace at his cock & I am not disappointed. I can’t help myself but take it in my mouth & hear the little groans that he makes as he’s standing in front of me with it in my mouth. However he’s mainly very quiet about the whole thing – makes me wonder if he’s even enjoying it. He pushes me back. Slides the condom on & without much foreplay for me, he slips his cock in & starts fucking me.

The sex is good, I will admit that, however I am surprised at the lack of proper foreplay for a lady, not all ladies get wet just from kissing or a blow job, but lucky for him I am & maybe I got him too excited. We fuck but I don’t think I am ever going to cum with him just fucking me, he doesn’t touch my clit or try to get me off beside fucking me with his dick, when he asks me if I want to “Turn over” I realise he wants to do me from behind. So that’s ok, I flip over on my knees & let him fuck me from behind thinking I may be able to get off this way, but again he doesn’t seem to do much more but fuck me, so I rub my own clit & end up cumming pretty hard with him inside me. He cums too shortly afterwards & we sort of lay there huffing & puffing, next to each other.

We lay there not saying anything for a while & I think that I’ve made a mistake… Why do I always think with my vagina, I shouldn’t have fucked him so quickly. I was going to wait! I should’ve just kissed him & seen where it went, I am mentally kicking my own ass when he breaks the silence “I wasn’t planning on doing that so quickly” WHAT? I am stunned?! I ask what he means, which gives me time to process what he’s thinking. He takes a while to reply like he’s trying to get his thoughts together too. He tells me that he wanted to do that, of course but he was planning on waiting a while with me & didn’t think we’d do that tonight. I agree with him & tell him that I did want to wait too. He then takes my breath away “It’s been 5 years” I literally cannot speak. What the fuck… 5 years since he last had sex? He tells me that he’s been broken by women & that he’s just been focusing on riding… Now I get what you’re all thinking, it’s just a line to get me to fuck him, but we’ve already done that, he’s got what he wanted, there is no need to spin me bullshit… My mind wanders to all I’ve been through in the last 2 years & I agree with him that I have too been broken by men but it’s not been 5 years for me. FUCK. 5 years! That’s a long fucking time… I went 4 years without sex once after being dicked over by Travel Agent, you may recall – but I try to forget, however for a guy to go that long when he’s around grid girls all the time, is a surprise.

We lie in each other’s arms for a long time, just chatting & we start kissing & have sex again, the sex is better this time, I also get on top, which is easier for me to cum, I mean he still doesn’t make any effort to make my cum without me rubbing my own clit, but it’s still good. He is out of practice perhaps & I know I can be sexually intimidating. I try not to think much of it.

We lay down & fall asleep! FUCK… He’s sleeping over… Also not what I was expecting or planning or even wanting… But fuck I want this. I don’t sleep well with him next to me, he snores (as most guys do) but I haven’t felt so content in a while… FUCK!!!!!!! I must not get attached, I must not get attached… What the fuck is wrong with me!

He spends the night sleep next to me, we wake up in the morning & have sex again. Fuck, this is literally what I have been looking for. I need to disconnect here somehow, look what happened with Noddy when this became our norm!

Motocross & I sit around all day watching shit on tv, when I realise that I have no food & it’s around lunch time. He’s hanging around, he’s not left, he’s not showing signs of leaving, that I suggest we go get lunch. I take him to my favourite place – well my recently favourite place, which is like an American diner, thinking that he will like it. I order my usual & he gives it a try too, we eat in, he drives & I can’t help enjoy the looks from people (mainly guys) seeing the car we’re in or seeing us together. I am in ripped jeans & a jumper, but he’s in last nights date outfit which does switch to day time outfit well – he finds a hat in the car to add to it.

We eat in at the restaurant & go back to my house, he also turns off the car in the driveway & gets out to come back into my house… I am not hating this but I am surprised that he didn’t use that as a que to leave, he obviously wants to hang out more. I mean I do too, however I’m not used to men wanting to do what I want too…

We hang out at my house a bit more, chatting & watching something on the tv before we have sex again… The sex definitely gets better with him, but he’s not so great at foreplay – either he doesn’t get it or he isn’t that experienced with the clit…!

Around 4:30 pm, he says that he should go, my nephew is supposed to sleep over tonight, neither of us have showered, I did offer him one but because he said no, I didn’t have one. As he’s about to leave my house for the afternoon, almost 24 hours that we’ve been together when he notices his name tag on my kitchen table – with my surname remember & he picks it up to take it… I am surprised by this, asking if he wants me to throw it in the bin & he says that he wants to keep it as a memento… Fuck that is too fucking cute… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! OMG…







Motocross #4

Sorry about yesterday’s post being released at 9:00 am – not 8:00 am. With daylight savings, the posts didn’t update! Anyway here is a bonus post, an hour early to make up for it, Motocross #4. Have a safe & happy Easter!

The next morning just before I walk into work at 9:00 am, Motocross writes back my last text to say “Haha yeah I think so. Hope you have a good day today.” I fucking smile like a tool but have a meeting so am not able to write back till later in the day.

I tell him that I hope he has a good day too, the weather is amazing. I suggest that he picks me up around 6:15 pm – 6:30 pm, I don’t want to beat around the bush here with this guy, I like him, catching up with him again is what I want, I also really don’t want to go to this thing alone tonight.

He says that it sounds good but what is my address, it’s like 11:30 am & we’re already planning tonight! It makes me happy, but again I must not get attached, this guy is a smooth talker, this guy is only temporary… At least with this guy he’s up front about everything, not like the other smooth talkers Noddy & British, where I got sucked in & didn’t realise there was an expiry for them! I tell Motocross that I didn’t need to wear tights today at work because the weather is so good (why am I talking about the weather) but that I need a tan on my legs. I give him my address! Eek… He says that he’ll be the judge of if my legs need a tan or not but that I shouldn’t have worn tights. “Looks sunny but windy… So not too bad… This weather update brought to you by the white legged lady” I say laughing but also add that I don’t tan well but love the beach so need the tights to hide the legs, especially deep in the winter – remember this story is mid July. He writes back “haha pretty cute weather lady tho. Yeah nice maybe will hit the beach then when she warms up. Aww nah your legs are perfect tho don’t be silly” Oh My Fucking God… Why am I falling for this – yet again!!! I’m thinking that before he leaves Adelaide in October that we’ll go to the beach together – I’ll have to fake confidence & wear my bikini on the beach with him – this guy is skinny & also around skinny women at races alot. I even start thinking that maybe if we do get that far, it’ll be 4 months into a – dare I say it – relationship & maybe I’d go over to the USA to visit him? Seriously, if you’re not rolling your eyes are my optimism right now, you fucking should, I mean this is my life after all! Hahaha. Do you think this could be my happy ever after!!! FUCK SAKE… It’s like date 2, we haven’t even known this guy a week yet! Why do I always do this?!

I tell him that I look ridiculously white at the beach the first few times & then I think I should go for a kayak this weekend, I subtly drop that in there, thinking he might want to come too? He’s just invited himself to the beach with me already, maybe he’ll want to come out on the water with me in my kayaks. I’d love to take him out with me.

During the day in the lunch room a couple of people notice me paying attention to my phone & smirking that they ask what that is about, I explain that I met a guy this week & talk about him a little not wanting to give too much away yet. When I say that he’s a Crusty Demon, one of my friends pipes up & says how she knows them all & asks what his name is. This is when the googling starts! Noone can find him though, I don’t know what his last name is, maybe he uses a stage name, whatever, I don’t want to spoil this, I try not to think much of it. But even if he does use a stage name, his picture isn’t up as a rider… Red Flag? Or is there an explanation?

He writes back that he’ll take my word for it “But I’m sure I’ll see it one day. I doubt you look ridiculous” then he tells me that it’s raining on the weekend, well of course it is! I ask him if this is just a ploy to see me in a bikini on the beach? & he says “Hmmm I wouldn’t mind seeing you in a bikini don’t even need the beach for that” It’s 5:00 pm, we’ve fucking texted all day again & I say that I am leaving work & should be ready but 6:15 pm but I won’t be wearing a bikini. He writes back “Awww but please” with a sticky out tongue smiley face & I say “Definitely no bikini or I’ll be jumping in your jacket with you!!” I don’t get a reply because I assume that he’s on he’s getting ready & he’s going to be at my house soon. I am running late, which I hate. I am not going to be ready by 6:15 pm because of the fucking traffic. I don’t want to be too done up but I also don’t want to look like I am just coming from work.

Motocross spoiler alert

I put on my other favourite date outfit that I wore with British, the grey winter skirt, black tights & black top with black boots & of course, it’s freezing so I have my puffer jacket on. I wonder if he’ll have a jacket tonight!

I hope he’s one of those guys who are late… Actually no, I hate that, but I hate that I am running late so I start running around to get ready which makes things fuck up & take longer. I hear his loud car pull up at exactly 6:15 pm & he knocks on the door, I invite him in spewing the apology vomit of running late, I assume that he’ll kiss me on the cheek when he walks past me to come in, but he doesn’t so I walk over to him & kiss him on the lips quickly & say hello… It’s a little awkward to be honest, I mean with all the cheeky texts about wanting to see me in a bikini & my legs being perfect etc, maybe he’d forgotten what I look like & now he’s thinking fuck, what am I in for?! (Fucking hell I need some confidence!) I don’t have time to dwell on it so I race to get ready & tell him he can sit. He’s wearing a similar outfit to what he wore the other night – 2 nights ago – a pair of jean type pants & a jumper, I feel a bit overdressed in comparison to what he is wearing. He sits awkwardly on the edge of the couch while I rush around, I sit next to him to put my boots on, put my jacket on & tell him I’m ready.

He’s parked in the driveway in a white holden ute – If you remember back to my first ever checklist, you’ll remember that a white holden ute was my third choice! It’s nice & looks pretty fancy. He drives us down to the uni & the conversation is easy – we do talk about the play, however I am surprised at the jerkiness of how he drives a manual car & how tiny he looks driving it. Considering he’s a motorbike racer, it’s interesting that it’s not a smoother drive. However he did say that he doesn’t drive it often & his dad only just registered for him when he got here… Although didn’t he say he hasn’t been here for 7 years? Surely this car hasn’t just sat at his parents for 7 years?! Who cares… But his seat seems so far away from the steering wheel & so low that he looks like he can’t even see over the steering wheel.

We get to the uni & he pulls into the carpark that I suggest, I honestly have no idea where we need to go or where this play is, but I followed the sign to where I think it is. So we walk into the building that I think it would be & it’s not exactly where I thought, so I suggest that we turn around & walk back to where the outdoor path is, I am looking around for a map & he is saying all these funny one liners, I say “there’s a map” pointing & looking a giant map in front of us but somehow Motocross turns to the tiniest map I have ever seen on another wall, a map that is like a fire escape map & he starts studying it when I get to the giant map. I turn to see what he is doing & burst out laughing so hard! He laughs too when he sees the map I was planning on looking at & we both just laugh, however I would’ve expected a bit of touching or friend banter, like a shoulder touch when he came to look at the map I was looking at.

Anyway we find where we are supposed to go, but in the end I realise that we were going the right way but turned back to walk the long way. As we’re walking, I think because of all the chatter over text about how perfect I am & how he’s glad(e) to have met me, that he’d be happy to be where ever I am, that he’d hold my hand or something to walk to the theatre, especially since I am also wearing heels & walking down a steep hill. But he doesn’t & I am stupid & I can’t make a move so we just walk into the pre-drinks room. We get out name tags (OH MY GOD THERE ARE NAME TAGS) & Motocross has my surname, so it looks like we’re fucking married! Hahaha. This is so hilarious…

I introduce him to my friend & we both stand awkwardly in an what I realise is an alumni event, that we are not a part of. I am actually thankful that Motocross is here with me. I have 2 glasses of wine, he has one cider, again saying that he shouldn’t drink much – he is driving but surely he doesn’t put on weight that easily…

Somehow, even though I wear a watch I ask him what the time is & he shows me his apple watch with has 12, 9, 6, 3 on it – normal right? Well it looked so weird because the numbers were so big & jumbled that I had no idea what it said & I’m like “what is 9, 12, 3, 6?” When he points out the hands of the clock, we laugh so hard but I feel like a right dickhead! OMG… That was so funny.

In the end the play is really good, I am worried about what he is thinking about it, it does bring up some horrific topics. But he says that he really enjoyed it & it’s not something he usually does but he really like it. We say goodbye to my friend & because it’s only about 9:30 pm, I don’t want to just go home & say goodbye to him – I don’t want to invite him in him or do I? I say how hungry I am & he agrees. We ate a few canapes before the play but it wasn’t enough for dinner, that I say we should grab something to eat.

I suggest going to Glenelg for some food, but we get there & everything is fucking closed, being freezing cold in July, the beach restaurants are all closed. So there is only one place open & that is the Mexican takeaway. He’s never had it, so he doesn’t know what to order, he pays for the orders & we sit, semi awkwardly again in the cold restaurant & eat our dinner. I notice that he’s wearing his name tag with my last name on it still, I make fun of him & offer to put it in my handbag. He hands it over making some joke about it too. The conversation is fairly easy, I am surprised how cute I find this guy & also oddly disappointed that he didn’t hold my hand walking to & from the car even at Glenelg…


Motocross #3

Motocross uses my phone number straight away the day after the first date. It’s Thursday (just to keep you in the loop of the timeline with this guy!) I met this guy online on Tuesday & here I am on Thursday, having written him off, to having a date with him on Wednesday night & now giving him out my number! This is happening so fast…I’m sure it’ll end just a quickly! This is my life after all!

He says that he didn’t realise how fast time went either & that he was cold but he had a good time. Well that’s good! I reply “Hey I didn’t realise how cold I was till I touched my ass & legs when I got home… So fucking cold. Hahaha. That heater was a waste of space & gas” I don’t really realise what I’ve just said about my ass or legs until hit send & await his reply, but have you ever been so cold that your skin is just frozen, like you are just icy cold & cold to the bone? “hahaha till you touched yourself” with a emoji that is thinking! “I’m glade you didn’t notice me shaking then cause it was actually freezing. Pointless heater for sure Hahaha. I’d be keen to catch up again tho” OH WOW! 2nd text & he already wants to catch up again! I must not get attached to this one, there is an expiration on how long he’s going to be here for! (BTW yes he wrote glad with an e & I don’t know why he thinks I did notice him shaking, I mean I was shivering too, I always shiver.) I remember my bother in law telling me when I went to live in Canada for the winter that I was going to die as it’s so cold… So I get being cold is no fun!

I tell him that I was freezing & I burst his bubble by telling him I saw he was shaking at the car – how could I not notice! Hahaha. I then invite him to the play that I am going too on Friday – originally he asked to catch up Friday, so I know he’s free but I didn’t want him to come to a play on the first date. A friend had posted on FB about a play that the uni students were doing called “The Laramie Project” it’s about a homosexual boy that was beaten to death in the United States, I had read the book a number of years ago & really was interested in this play, tickets were free & I thought another friend would come but she didn’t want too as she was worried about the topic of the play – I read it’s more about what happens after the murder, it’s not a play of the murder! I didn’t want to miss out so I organise a ticket anyway for myself & was basically going alone, as my friend who I only know through this other friend is actually working there that night – I wouldn’t be entirely alone.

Since Motocross wants to see me again & I’m going alone, I invite him to the play – saying that I’m going alone, thinking he’ll make some excuse, because what type of person am I to be going to amateur theatre?! “Oh yeah okay I’d be keen sure where the play at and time.” Oh wow, so two dates in one week & I haven’t even known him a week yet!? I tell him the details of the play & say we can meet there, I can pick him up or he can pick me up? He says that he’ll pick me up “No dramas there.”

We’re also talking about my big puffer jacket so I tell him to ask a sponsor for a jacket, since he told me about how he’s sponsored by major energy drink company (Which I’d never heard of to be honest with you! However after he mentioned it that night at the pub, I see it everywhere! Like everywhere… So weird how that happens!) He says that he will get a sponsor to send him a jacket & I say that I would have worn pants if I knew I was sitting outside. I tell him that parking can be fucked at the uni, I am not 100% sure where it is, so I’m thinking about 6:30pm, he says “hahah true but I thought you looked stunning in what you were wearing tho. Oh yeah okay I’ll meet you there you saying” Is that a question? Did I say that I was going to meet him there, I thought he said he was going to pick me up?! I am slightly disappointed that I barely even notice that he thought I looked stunning! I do say that I was expecting to be inside by the fire so would’ve been warmer. I say “No, you can pick me up if you like, we can go together… I mean pick me up at 6:30 from my house…” Fingers crossed I haven’t got this wrong?! He says something about it being freezing & that he’s got a jacket coming from a sponsor but then adds “Oh yeah of course I can sounds good to me” Oh phew… So he is going to pick me up! I am at work so I try not to write back really quickly, waiting about an hour between, but his replies come within 20 minutes sometimes quicker from my reply – I am trying to not be so available.

Motocross grammar hoes

I tell him that he picked a terrible time to be home in Adelaide as it’s so cold & I offer to drive from my house. He replies “Haha yeah definitely maybe we’d just have to keep each other warm. Worst time definitely but all I meet you so that’s a bonus. No stress will work it out tomorrow I’m happy but honestly I got no idea where to go tho” OMG… I must not get attached to this smooth talker! There’s an expiry here! Must keep that in mind… But fuck I find myself smirking at the texts from this guy…

I tell him that I definitely needed warming up last night & that he’s sweet, I tell him that I have no idea where I am going either, it’s not usually my thing to go to amateur plays but because I read the book years ago I was interested in the play “So we can go & get lost together hahaha” he says “haha yeah I was keen but wasn’t sure. Sweet but true tho, oooh hahaha that should be interesting then well I’m happy to get lost with you I’m sure we’d keep ourselves entertained with an adventure.” FUCK. Too smooth & I smirk reading these fucking cute messages, I’ve been sucked in before… I’m being sucked in again!

We’ve been messaging all day, so I knuckle down & do some work & take 2 hours to reply to him… I’m too available… I’m too sucked in… I contact my friend to organise his ticket for tomorrow night & I tell her his name & she tells me that she used my last name for him. OMG that’s hilarious!

“Wasn’t sure you if you needed warming up? Haha. Thanks. I appreciate that. Won’t be too lost at the uni but will eventually find it. I got your ticket today but didn’t know your last name so used mine.” As I hit send laughing, I think fuck what if he doesn’t think that is funny, I mean I shouldn’t worry, we laughed a lot at the first date & he’s saying “hahaha” a lot to me in messages, he’s sending a lot of emojis, I think he gets the sense of humour…

“Haha I did need warming up yes next time tho. You’re welcome. Oh yeah okay nice thanks how much do I owe you for it. Interesting you’ve already got me taking your last name. getting seriousI laugh, at least he gets the sense of humour! I tell him that next time we won’t sit outside – but is he implying we won’t sit opposites side of the table next time? I joke that the play is free so I will pay, I remind him that it is 2019 so he could take my name!

“Lol okay sounds good then. Hahah thanks I appreciate your generosity. Hahaha fair enough I’ll let you claim that.” I go to the gym so I stop messaging him & reply afterwards “Yeah I’m generous like that. You can repay me with a drink afterwards. Do you even care what the play is?” I just realised that he hasn’t even asked the name of the play! I would be googling the shit out of it if a guy was inviting me to a random play – especially a play at a uni. “Hahaha thanks I like it. Yeah if course was gonna ask you tomorrow on the way. I’d I’m happy to see ya again. Alright I’ll buy ya a drink done” Fuck, I hardly understand the texts sometimes, I have to read them twice! “I’d I’m” what is that?! Hahaha.

“What if on the way you realised you don’t want to see the play? Then you’re fucked… Hahaha. Stuck for 2 hours at a shit play” I mean how hilarious, what if he is really homophobic or murder is a trigger?! Shit, I didn’t even think about that at the time, but writing this, I think fuck this play is a mega trigger warning. ”It’s fine as long as you’re there I’ll be enjoying it” FUCK… He needs to stop because I smile like a jerk at these smooth messages. I just write back “Awww that’s sweet” It’s almost 10:00 pm – we’ve texted all day since like 8:00 am & I realise after a bit that he has probably fallen asleep when I don’t get a reply. Fuck… I’m already in trouble here.

Have I ever written 3 blog posts about a guy before that I’ve only met once & it’s only day 3 since we met online & one date? Fuck, Fuck, Fuck… I must not get attached to this one… I must not get attached!!!







Motocross #2

To my surprise on Wednesday (the next day – hahaha… After we all wrote the poor dude off!) at about 2:00 pm, Motocross messages & says that he’s free Friday night if that suits me. I don’t want to reply straight away being he never said goodnight & has taken almost all day to write to me! What a stupid game to play but fuck I need to not be so available, however I say that I am not free Friday as I am going to see a play & have my nephew sleeping over Saturday night so I suggest that we could do a Saturday drink. He asks if there are any night this week, I’m like well Wednesday (aka tonight) is my gym free night – so tonight or Thursday night after boxing, he says tonight if I want too, so I agree… Why do I agree so easily, didn’t I just say that I need to be less available?!

Then nekt minit I start telling him my life story, that I’m at Campbelltown & have to go back to the office then home, I for some reason think he lives at Norwood & am not in a date outfit but he says he lives down south, so I think that give some time to get home & change quickly. PHEW! So I tell him that I just leaving Campbelltown & am going to the office then home so I will meet him at the pub at 7:00pm – 7:30pm, he says sounds good & he’ll see me at 7:30pm. WTF… TMI.

I race home, shower with a beer (yes a beer while actually in the shower) & get ready, without trying too look too much like I put on fresh make up before I met him & this is how I looked all day.

The carpark is packed, which is unusual for a Wednesday night at the local, I think what the fuck, I walk in & it’s standing room only, the fucking place has a packed out quiz night! How the fuck am I ever going to find this dude in here?!

At exactly 7:30 pm he messages & asks if I’m there, I say I am but it’s a fucking quiz night & that I’m at the bar, he walks in & we hug hello, he’s wearing pants that have a jean look & a long sleeved top. He’s also wearing a hat, he looks exactly like his pictures & I think he’s pretty cute. We get drinks & the only place that we can go to hear anything or get a seat is outside… Remember it’s July in Adelaide at the time, so it’s pretty fresh! This guy is skinny & not wearing a jacket, I have a puffer jacket on that I always wear everywhere, I am always cold, but I am wearing tights & a short skirt FFS! My new cute date outfit, I wasn’t expecting to be sitting outside tonight.

Why the fuck is there a fucking quiz night on when I am trying to have a date?! How did I not know there was a quiz night. There is only the 2 of us so we can’t really join in & it’s already been on for a hour or so.

Motocross looking at things the wrong way

We sit outside in the freezing cold by a useless heater & we chat. Pretty much one of the first things he tells me is that he’s not living in Adelaide but is here till October. Well, at least he’s told me that he’s leaving!? I ask him more of why he doesn’t live here & of course he is a motocross/supercross rider & he does it as a profession. He says that his parents live in the suburb over from me & he’s staying with them. He says that he hasn’t been back here for 7 years or so & his mum is loving having him home as he only has one brother who lives interstate as well. He says he doesn’t know Adelaide very well because they lived in Mildura & then moved to Adelaide but by the time he was 16 he was living in America pursuing his motorbike career. I realise that my earlier babble over text about being at Campbelltown etc didn’t help him realise what I was doing, he says that he didn’t know what I was talking about. Hahaha, what a fuckwit I am!

He tells me that he’s mainly here for the Crusty Demons tour that he’s here for that & he rides with him, I haven’t ever seen them before so I try not to think too far ahead about being a grid girl for them one night! Hahaha…

We talk really easily all night, I mean I ask more questions about motorbikes than I actually give a shit about but at least he asks me questions & we talk about all sorts of topics. He says though he’s never had wine, so he tastes my Shiraz & I say that wineries are great & he suggests going to one or two on the weekend… I try my hardest not to start planning this relationship in my head, knowing that this probably won’t happen.

I notice that he says Correct a lot, instead of yes & he also says “True”… The other Motocross catch phrase he has is “situation”. It’s kind of cute & I love the banter style jokes that he says but it makes me realise that this guy is younger than me, I mean he’s 33, I’m 37 but I can tell there is an age difference here, I mean he’s mature but I can sense some immaturity if that makes sense? Maybe it’s the boys toys thing with the motorbikes, but I do feel older than him, I also look older than him.

He tells me about injuries he’s had from riding, that he’s broken every bone in his body, he shows me a scar on his arm from recent surgery, he told me that after an accident a few years ago, that he was paralysed & in hospital for 6 months thinking he’d never walk again until one day he got pains in his legs & he said that was the best feeling ever… I can’t even imagine what that must have been like – I’ve never even broken a bone at all. He also tells me that his best mate died in his arms on the race track so he now rides with his number. I do sense maturity there, he’s been through a fucking lot of stuff, but there’s that big kid at heart sort of feeling with him & I actually really like it. Do you understand what I mean?

However he does ask me questions & I do feel like I get along with him, but I need to bear in mind that if this does go anywhere, it does have an expiration date! He’s living somewhere in LA & doesn’t come home often according to what he’s said, so I can’t get attached. At least this guy has told me that he’s not living here, he’s not made up some stupid story that he has built a house here & then secretly heads back overseas!!

We have 2 drinks & he says that he never drinks because of all the fitness he needs to do for riding – saying that his trainer would kill him if he knew he’d had 2 drinks, I didn’t realise that there was so much effort in racing to be honest, but I guess with all the tricks & stuff, you’d need to be fairly fit. This guy though looks like he’s naturally skinny, you know the type that could eat anything they wanted & never put on weight, but they’re really self conscious about being skinny? You know the type, I know a few.

We are still outside at the pub, in the cold when we decide that it’s time to go home, it’s almost 11:00 pm, time went really fast to be honest, I enjoyed the evening. But lets not count our chickens before they hatch, I mean I did write him off at the end of his first blog post! Hahaha.

He walks me to my car & I think how this is the awkward horrible part, I never know what to do, I would like to kiss him, I am in a new frame of mind where I am not going to have sex on the first date – with anyone! We’re standing at my car, he’s shivering – I can feel his whole body moving, I am also fucking freezing, we can see our breath. We have a lingering hug goodbye when I pull away it’s like a slow scene from a movie & we both lean in to kiss each other. Ok so who has seen the movie Human Traffic? Well I’m about to spoil it for you if you haven’t, but there is this scene where Jip & Lulu finally kiss & they’re both in their heads wanting to make a move but are scared with their lingering hug, literally the scene with Motocrosss & I is pretty similar the same – except we’re Australian, not on drugs & outside in the freezing… See youtube clip below! Hahaha…

We kiss for a while, it’s a good kiss! I haven’t been kissed like this in a long time! I’m mean I’ve been kissed of course but not that wasn’t right before having sex – not just a nice kiss. I feel him shivering harder when we pull apart, I am freezing too in a skirt & stockings but this guy has no coat on, plus he’s uber skinny. We say our goodbyes & I wonder what is in store for us next. As much as I wanted to invite him home to have sex, I’m glad I didn’t & I want to see where this goes, if anywhere… I did feel a spark in that kiss & think this could be a good little fling while he is here in Adelaide. But again, lets not count the chickens before they’ve hatched…

I go home & as I’m climbing into bed, I see a message pop up on my watch “Motocross has sent you a message” I am tempted not to look at it, but I do read it “Hey it was nice to meet you tonight I enjoyed it thanks” I decide to not write back till the morning – that way the conversation keeps going, I’m so tricky! Hahaha… I reply when I wake up saying “Morning, I didn’t realise it was almost 11 when we left. Time went pretty quickly… I had a good time too. I was freezing when I got home though.” I then do the unthinkable & send him my phone number without being asked & tell him to use that if he prefers. Which he does almost right away. We don’t chat again on the dating app…

Maybe I was too quick to write this one off after the first blog! Keep reading to find out…



I meet a guy online Motocross – we’re mid July 2019 for those wanting to know the timeline, I’m finally catching up?! Or am I? Fuck… I’m trying, was going to do bonus posts but am basically writing as I go at the moment! Damn me for having a life & not writing anything but notes last year!

He has pictures online of him doing Motocross & Supercross – enough pictures that I think he’s probably really into it & maybe semi-professional or a very big hobby of his. He’s 33, he says that he’s self-employed. He’s very cute – brown hair, brown eyes, doesn’t look super tall & is quite skinny, maybe a bit young for me – he looks young, but he’s in his 30’s at least. He says on his profile that he likes cheeseburgers, mini golf & “riding me dirt bike” that he likes random road trips, travelling & that he has a cool dog. He’s only 4 kms away but sometimes it says less than one km away, so he’s close by, not flying back to the UK to get away from me!

When we match on the app, he starts the conversation, which in my experience is unheard of. The men seem to wait till you chat to them, not sure what that is about but on that app, they just wait forever. So I’m pleasantly surprised to get a “Hey how are you”. Albeit with no punctuation but at least I get a message – I’m at the gym on a Tuesday night when I get it, I get in trouble for looking at my watch when he messages me & I look to see it. I yell at my instructor that I have a busy social life & to be honest, it just says their name & that they’ve sent you a message on my watch – so I have no idea who this guy even is till I get home. I am chatting to a few others, so I don’t give this guy much back but “good, you?” he says that he’s good & then adds “So question what sort of performing do you do if you dint mind me asking last photo I’m talking about” -Yes that is his exact message with spelling error & no punctuation. I have a picture of me with rope & wax on my profile, hoping that I’ll attract someone sort of kinky, sort of dominant, but with the likes of Construction & Air Force, I am not thinking anything is promising! I tell him that it’s shibari & wax, that I was at a kink event but it wasn’t a performance as such. He says that he has no idea what that is but asks how long I’ve been doing it for, I tell him that I’s been a while & I go to classes & have some fun at kink events, he asks where they hold events – I like that he’s intrigued by it, not in a creepy way (yet – wait for it). He asked what got me into & what else I am interested in. I tell him ”I’m a bit kinky & found someone like minded who went to shibari class, so I went along too & found a rope partner so kept going. He’s not a sexual or boyfriend partner. Just rope, like a dance partner” I think at this time, I was still tying with Milky Bar Kid at this time. I tell Motocross what else I’m into as well, not waiting to scare the poor boy off “I like music, writing, wineries, comedy shows, gym, running, travel & riding my bike… you?” He says that he likes my interested & his are the same but he doesn’t write & hasn’t ever been to winery – OMG really? Like not even for a wedding!? He says that he likes mini golf & riding his bike that he likes anything outdoors. I say that it’s good, need to be active. He says that he is an active person for sure & I remind myself that I never used to be active, I mean it’s only recently that I am. He says “oh really never used to be active. I’m definitely active & you wouldn’t be lazy with me around” with a winky face! You know I hate when they start talking future, especially in the first chat & why they fuck do I get wrapped up in it? Surely I have learned my lesson by now, no man is what they seem! Why do men do that? Is it because they are thinking like I am that this guy could just be the one that isn’t like the rest? Or aren’t men that deep? Are they just not thinking when they start talking about the future?! He says well done about staying active, I tell him thanks, but I still have some goals to accomplish – weight related & he says “Your welcome it’s fantastic you have goals & your sticking to them. I’m glade your focused not that you need it I think you look fantastic anyways” OMG how many spelling errors?! But I’m liking the conversation with this guy that I am willing to over look his grammar & spelling. He says that I look fine again after I say that I am still working towards fitness goals since my weight is always the same, I think that being told you look fine isn’t really a compliment – is it?! I mean who wants to look fine?! I want someone to think I look amazing, that their eyes pop our of their head when they see me, not that I look fine!

Motocross starve you fat fuck

He then asks me if I’ve had any luck on here… I mean what the fuck dude! Next he’ll ask me what I’m looking for?! I say “Um, depends what you mean by luck. Hahaha. I mean I’m still on there, so not that much luck. But have met a few… You?” I think he realises what he just asked “Ooooh true okay sory to ask a dumb question. Nah only started yesterday never actually meet anyone yet I’m actually new to the whole online situation.” I ask if he’s never online dated at all “Nope negative never until yesterday” Wow, I kind of like that but also then think, I am just a rebound type thing with this guy, he’ll want to sow his wild oats on the online dating world, I am past sowing my wild oats, I want to find someone, a partner! I tell him that I’ve been on the road a bout before but only been a few weeks on here & that it’s not very fun. He says that he hopes that I didn’t get too dizzy. I actually laugh at that! I sat that I hate it & usually don’t stay on here long, he says “Oh yeah okay then well hopefully you won’t be on here much longer” What is that supposed to mean? Because he wants to date me?! Or because I’ll delete it?!

He says “Do you mind if I ask a question?” Of course I say yes, waiting for the what are you looking for to pop up on my screen! “You mentioned you like kinky before how kinky you don’t have to answer tho if you don’t want I’d understand” I like that this guy is intrigued but not a sleeze about it & also not like Air force about it. I say “Well, I don’t have any extreme fetishes, besides lingerie… But I’m as kinky as my partner wants. I mean I enjoy rope & wax obviously… I also enjoy restraints & pain. But not something I have to have if my partner doesn’t enjoy it” I am careful with my words because I remember Noodle telling me I had to have kink. I don’t, I enjoy it but I don’t have to have it… I loved everything I did with Noodle, it was our kink & that was kinky enough for me. He says “Oh wow okay interesting” & I think I have freaked him out a little… Noodle always said I was intimidating! “I take it you’re not kinky at all?” His answer doesn’t surprise me “I’ve honestly never tried it TBH. You looking for a student?” with a winky face. I tell him my standard response when me think I want to teach them how to be kinky, that I am not a dominant, that I am mostly submissive, however I do like to switch every now & then. He says “haha oh yeah okay you like submissive. Lol team play I like it” he then asks about my lingerie & I tell him that I have a lot of stuff, a ridiculous amount of stuff, he gets s bit cheeky saying it would look good on me or the floor & I get swept up in the cheekiness too & say that one day he may say it. Seriously, this is the first chat, I need to calm the fuck down – how to I get so swept up in these conversations like this all the time?! Every single time I think they are going to be different, & they are always the same…

He asks when my next event is but I tell him that the next one I can go to is for my birthday in August, but I tell him that I won’t take him as the last guy I took got super jealous & so he says “Hahah yeah right okay that’s unfortunate then how bout a private show then” with a winky face… This guy is making me smile at least! I tell him that I’d need a drink or two first, he says that he’s keen for that as I’m always typing a date two. He says “I’m listening” I mean is he?! I just gave him an in to ask me out. So I tell him to ask me out on a date. He says the he’s a little rusty at this. So I send “Hey #IBD4U, would you like to out with me sometime soon? When are you free? What would you like to do?” he replies “Haha that’s awesome I like it. Sooo #IBD4U are you interested in going out when your free next” I laugh, “Oh Motocross, this is so unexpected… I’d love to go out sometime. I thought you’d never ask!” He says “Awww thanks I’d like that very much” I reply “hahaha, when are you free?” realising that it’s after midnight already & when I don’t get a reply from him, I put my phone down & go to sleep, I expect a message first thing in the morning, surely but when it doesn’t come, I think FFS, another one bites the dust!


Holden #2

Social suicide with a bunch of people who hate me for a reason no one will tell me isn’t a worry anymore – they hate me & won’t tell me why so what difference does it make now that Holden is single?! I have always gotten along with him, so I am enjoying the chats with Holden. Most mornings I wake up to a message from him, usually simply saying “Moaning” it always makes me smile.

We talk about his Facebook because he says that he’s changed his relationship status & that didn’t go down well for him. I send him a screenshot of it, showing that he’s got all his information including his phone number & email. He says that only friends can see, but I tell him that I have had a few people from the chat app add me on Facebook that I’ve never met, such as a chick we’ll call Fruitcup. So even though I use a different name on the chat app, people still find you!

We talk about catching up at some time, he decides that when he doesn’t have the kids that he is going to come over to my house, it was always a big joke in the groups about my bath & that there should be a bath app that people could book into have a bath with me, he & Noodle always had jokes about who would get to do it.

We’re going to catch up this Friday night, he is going to come to my house & I ask him to turn off him family ‘find my iPhone’ because if you recall that’s how Noodle was tracked. I’m not saying that Holden’s ex-wife was or is doing it to him, but if she does stalk him when he has no kids, I don’t need another woman knowing where I live, even if they are split up. I’m not sure it’s entirely what either of these to want, so I need to be careful about that.

So it’s Friday, the day I’m supposed to have Holden over to my house. I know that my period is coming on Saturday, however as I am walking around work dressed in a really cute outfit ready for tonight, as I’m not sure how much time I’ll have after work to get ready. I realise that I’m having a lot of cramps, which is usual the day before, so when I head to the bathroom, I realise that fucking mother nature has given me my period a day before which is really painful, so even if Holden was ok with period sex, I can’t fuck on the first day anymore, especially since having my tubes tied.

I message him straight away with the apology vomit profusely saying I’m really sorry, but explain that mother nature is not been good to me, but that I really want to catch up anyway even if we can’t have sex. He says that it’s ok because he’s been freaking out a little bit about actually catching up with me. So we decide that we are going to meet for a drink, I suggest a place near the city with easy parking, somewhere that no one will know us if they saw us.

Holden 2 heads one brain

We hug hello & he buys a couple of drinks, the conversation is easy but I do feel like I dominate the conversation, I mean I have always felt that with this couple anyway, I do feel that most of the time with everyone, I mean it’s why I have a blog, I have so much shit to tell everyone, that I have to write it down to get it all out!

It’s actually a really good date, the time goes so fast, & I actually have a really good time with him. I guess, you know we’ve been friends for two and a half years something before we actually met for this date/drink thing. So you know, it was easy. We talk about all sorts of topics, we chat about his relationship, my relationship with Noodle, we talk about people on the chat app & we just talk general shit. A few drinks in & it’s getting late, we both have to drive, but I hope that meeting me on his own has eased his nerves. I remember that Noodle was scared to meet me, so apparently I can be intimidating! We peck on the lips goodbye with a hug & we go our separate ways.

By the time I get home he’s text me to tell me that he got home safe & that he hopes I did too & that basically he doesn’t care about mother nature, so we should catch up tomorrow night. I think well day two is usually ok, so maybe we should. I tell him that I have a 30th to go to, that I really don’t want to go to, but that we can catch up after. I figure I’ll be out & looking cute in Port Adelaide so I can just pop to his side of town afterwards.

I message when I’m about to leave the party thinking that he will invite me over but he says that he’s out with his family, so I just go home a little disappointed. I mean he was the one that suggested it. Why suggest it if you don’t want to do it? I mean I get that perhaps his family knew he was going to be all alone this weekend, so they took him out to cheer him up?! I don’t know…

He tells me that his now ex wife didn’t want him to tell me that he’d split with her & I had pretended I didn’t know at Switch, I mean I didn’t want to have to explain I literally found out on my way in. Plus they had been to Switch before together with a group of us & they hated it. I mean I caught her in a lie that night too, so I just didn’t bother telling her I knew they’d split. She had at one point talked to Noddy & told me a different story to what he said, so I’ll never know the whole story, I guess. I just hate that I am always painted the bad guy with everyone in the Rope & Switch crew. I tell him I don’t need more drama in my life but then say “Yet, I’m chatting to you, quite contradictory!” Yeah why am I talking to this timebomb?! Although, fuck it, he’s single & I get along with him – she’s clearly not interested in being friends with me, so I don’t have to worry about the friendship anymore… I’m not doing anything wrong.

The next morning, I don’t wake up to a moaning message, so I send a picture of me actually in the shower (Remember the stick figure picture?) & he says “Fuck your drawing improved overnight” with some heart eye emojis & I actually laugh out loud. He asks for a picture of my ass, so I send some & I tell him that I am standing like a man so he asks me to send him more pictures so I can try out some different poses.

I tell him that I think this is just a ploy to see more pictures of me & he says the he wouldn’t ever do that. I find the magic 8 ball pic from the Kangaroo Island weekend on my phone & send it to him “It is certain” & he says “Fkn traitor 8 ball” I send him a naked pic & says “Whoops that supposed to be a gym ass” but he says that’s better. This is also when things are really not good at work, I drove all the way to Pt Augusta, stayed the night & the meeting was cancelled, so I don’t even know how to call my boss & it’s the beginning of a shit few months, I mean it’s been shit already but it gets worse, so I am thankful for the chats with Holden because it’s keeping me a bit sane. But makes me miss Noodle.

He asks me later if I’m home yet, I say that I am & ask what he is up too, he says he’s working from home again. I say “Your dick in your hand & porn is not considered work…” I tell him that my pre workout is making me feel like a meth addict & he asks if it makes me horny, I’m like do I really need pre workout to be horny? No, I don’t think so! Hahaha.

The next day, I don’t get a message again, so I figure I need to message him, show him that I am interested too… I mean I always make them make the effort so I message & ask how his day is & if he’s masturbating at home. Then I send Damn auto correct. I mean working from home” He just say that he’s son is home from school sick. I say that sucks & he says that he can’t watch porn. I sort of get a no chat vibe so I just leave it with that – we had sort of planned on me seeing him tonight, I was going to rock up in the trench coat, the fantasy I still haven’t done & was supposed to do with Abs but because he hasn’t said anything & didn’t message this morning, I just assume he doesn’t want to catch up. But later that night he asks how my days been, I say it’s pretty good & we chat for a bit, I tell him about the Port Lincoln flight I have to do tomorrow. I say that I assume it’s not happening tonight & I should just get in the bath. He says “Ohhh I didn’t wanna mention it cause it’s so far for ya & sounds like ya have a huge week. I should really be the one coming to yours. I need a bath” I tell him that I wouldn’t have suggested Wednesday if I didn’t want to, he says I can come now but I’m like it’s 8:00 pm now but the time I got there it would be 9:00pm but just assumed he was being a dude with excuses, you know the type, oh my sons sick, blah blah blah. He says “Oh hell no sorry didn’t mean to be silent I thought you were cause you were busy as” I decide to be cheeky & not upset about the fact I didn’t get sex when I thought all week about it & just tell him that I’ll just get into bed, naked, horny & use my toys. He says that it’s unfair but I tell him that he has no one to blame but himself, I even had my outfit out, I had actually laid out the lingerie, the knee high boots & the trench coat, deciding what to wear, I even had the stupid magnet in the jacket pocket… Remember the Easter egg incident with Noddy?! Well this is just a repeat, I do stuff like this then feel like an idiot! Noodle was the only one that was ever thoughtful like that, remember him leaving cheezels at my front door?! I wonder if he felt like a dickhead doing that?

Holden will get all the kids back this weekend so there is no sneaking me in with 5 kids there. He then doesn’t reply to me for ages & when he comes back he says that he had his parents, brother & sister all drop in, I don’t get the message as I’m asleep & I reply at 5:30am saying well that’s good then. I fly to Port Lincoln & later tell him that this is a fucked day that again no one has come to my meetings & so I have to ring my boss & tell him for the second time this week that my travel plans were a waste of time. I tell Holden & he says “Ohhh Shit” I get the feeling he isn’t interested in talking so I don’t reply & wait for him to write to me. He never does, I never hear from him again. Not really sure what went on with him to be honest. I assume he got back together with his wife. I delete him off Facebook after a while too, not wanting to know any more. I mean like I said it was probably for the best with the groups that we’re in.

Interestingly a few months or so later, I’m chatting to Fruitcup & she mentions how she was also going to meet Holden! OH REALLY?! They were chatting at the same time as me & he was super keen, they were sending pictures, she said she never met up with him because he stopped messaging her as well…

The thing that fucks me off about this, is that I was actually friends with this guy & his wife… I now don’t even speak to him, or his wife. I miss that. I kind of hate that I am losing friends & have people not liking me without me even knowing why or what I did…



I have mentioned Holden a fair bit throughout the Noodle story. I met Holden & his wife on the chat app & we became good friends – I became friends with both of them. I knew that Holden wanted to fuck me, his wife had told me that & they were exploring an open relationship of sorts.

When I was seeing Crows, we even had a group with the four of us because I thought that might be easier as I knew that Holden’s wife was uneasy about the whole open thing & very jealous. I know that she has been with other guys but to my knowledge he hasn’t been with anyone.

I also knew that Noodle would fucking hate me if I ever fucked Holden, he said that many times to me. I mean if I didn’t fall in love with Noodle & Holden’s wife wasn’t so jealous & if I didn’t become good friends with her, then I would have probably fucked him. He’s a decent looking guy, not 100% my type, I prefer a man with hair, Holden has a shaved head & a beard, he’s fair & tall, quite nice body & a pretty big looking dick – from pictures I’d seen!

The night of Switch that I saw Noddy & his snapchat chick at, I see Holden on a dating app, I screenshot it & send to him with a laugh, thinking that he is looking for a woman with his wife. But when Holden had told me that he & his wife had split up, she had someone else & he left. I guess I am skeptical of them “splitting” I mean Noodle told me it was over for him & yet he went back to his partner. So I just think I’m sure these two will get back together, they have four kids together & have another two they foster, these two aren’t breaking up anytime soon…

However he tells me that he’s moved out! OH HOLY FUCK… He’s in his own place & one of his son’s has moved in with him. This was totally unexpected. I mean I didn’t think these two would ever break up – they had only just gotten married less than a year ago, I think… I have been friends with both of them since I got on the chat app & have caught up with both of them a few times for dinners & Switch. I consider them both friends. However she has deleted me from Facebook & re-added me a few times, so I’m not sure what that is about. I always talked to him more anyway, so it’s not a big deal.

We chat a lot, most days, pretty much all day, I tell him that I get the whole falling in love online, which is what I think happened with his wife, he tells me “Yeah but you & Noodle were crazy, everyone could feel the chemistry off you two” Oh, fuck could they?! I tell him that there are a couple of guys that I used to chat too a lot that aren’t allowed to chat to me anymore, like I am going to fall in love with every guy I chat too…

We talk a lot & because he used to have a really hot Holden car in green, that I used to joke about having sex with him in, I tell him that if only he still had it then I would have sex with him! Hahaha.

I send him some pictures of the Krav weekend away & some of the switch pictures too, I show him wax dripped on me & he says that he wants to do it, which I say that I can help him out anytime. I invite him up to the weekend away but he has the kids, so I say another time & he says definitely. (I actually can’t believe how many men I was juggling!)

I tell him that us meeting up might cause some drama so we have to keep in on the down low, like no one could ever know! He agrees & I tell him that I am good at discreet, obviously being the other woman a few times, however this time I wouldn’t be the other women, this man is now single but I know that people would hate me for doing anything with this guy. I mean people hate me from the Private Play Party weekend & he asks what happened, I tell him that I don’t know & he says That’s fkn weird, you were fine at the Play party weekend” He says that he’s on the outs now too since the split, so I say that he can join me! Hahaha.

He sends me pictures of his new house, not that I knew what his house looked like with her but he looks really set up with it fully set up with a couch & bed. I kind of expected it to be empty, so I relax a little… It is over with her. I start being cheeky with him, telling me that I’ve had a few wines, he says he’s going to delete all his pictures with his wife & start a new folder with my name. I send him a lingerie picture & tell him that it’s to start your collections. I send him a picture of how I looked & he says “Jesus Christ you scrubbed up pretty damn good”

We swap numbers again I see that he used to have me in his phone at Sexy #IBD4U & I send that to him & he then sends something back saying “She’s back” I tell him to be careful about me being in the family address book since I know they all have iPhones. I tell him that it will be a death sentence for me, I’ve already had enough crazy women after me, I don’t need anymore. He tells me that he thinks his wife realises they are done but he agrees we need to be discreet if we are going to meet.

When he says to me “Can I keep a pair of ya panties? I think they’d look real good on my fridge” I literally spit my drink everywhere & can’t help but laugh! I still can’t believe that’s how my life came crashing down around me, over a pair of my favourite green lace panties! I know this story with Holden isn’t going to end well, this is just playing with fire, even though this guy is single, living alone, I know that this is not a good idea. I am stupid for even considering it… I send him pictures of lingerie to get off this topic, I mean I don’t want think about that part of my life anymore.

I tell him that recently I have been playing a game called Lemmings from the 80’s on my phone to stop me from talking to boys… I say “Look at how well that is turning out” Jeez, I am chatting to this guy daily & I look forward to his chats to be honest. He was always quite shy & a genuine friend, I really miss the genuine friendship thing & I like that even though the chat is cheeky with Holden, it’s good to have a male friend.

He says that he needs to save some money & stop using it for games so that he can afford a TV in his room when a hot chick in a trench coat rocks up. I still haven’t done that, I bought the trench cost but never got to do that fantasy. Holden says that he has a bedroom door that goes outside so I wouldn’t have to go through the house which is why he needs the tv so that he can see me when his kid is there! He son is 15, so he’ll understand one day that his dad had chicks over.

He’s a massive star wars fan, but I confess that I’ve only seen the original 70’s ones & haven’t seen another others, so he tells me that he’ll watch them with me & explain what is going on… I would watch but I don’t think I will enjoy them so I would probably end up trying to have sex with him when I’m bored.

I am going away for work, yet again! Like am I ever home FFS. I get to the hotel & send him a picture of the shower, it was always a running joke about me catching some disease from the hotels that had foul shower curtains, but this one doesn’t so I had a laugh with him. I ask him if he want’s a shower picture of me & he says hells yes! So I am giggling like a school girl as I use my phone to draw a stick figure with boobs in the shower picture. I send it & he says Literally just burst out laughing”


Because I’m away he asks for something for his fridge – like a souvenir & we’ve been talking about catching up so as a joke so I actually buy him a magnet from Port Augusta & think when I rock up at his house in a trench coat I can give him the magnet in a little brown paper bag it came in – I’ll be awkward about it but it’ll be funny.

I add a peach to the stick figure where my butt would be & I add white dots all over so it looks like I am covered in soap (I should post this picture, it’s quite funny!) He says that he needs to book some leave & come on a road trip with me… I start to think about how that would work! I hate myself for starting to plan the things in my head when a guys says that he’s going to do something… I really hate myself, but I also can’t not smile about this thought… I’ve always liked this guys sense of humour, I know how shy he always was, but I wonder if that’s because he always had a wife so didn’t want to be too forward.

I need to not do this when I meet a guy, start planning our future… This is not a good idea on so many levels… Yes he’s single, but he’s also fresh out of a relationship… This is not a good idea, so why can’t I stop it… It’s like a freight train!?



I met this guy online & we chatted pretty easily, I say that I just got out the bath but am trying to get the motivation to dry my hair & he says that he will come over & dry it for me… I’m like are you are hairdresser? (because that would be amazing if dated a guy who was a hairdresser, imagine the money I’d save!) But sadly he says that he’s not a hairdresser. But he says that he’ll dry my hair anyhow, he’ll need some instruction but he’ll do it… I have pretty curly hair so I am not sure that he could dry my hair & straighten it. I tell him that I am laughing out loud at this thought when he says “You never know, I could be the best you’ve ever had” I say that he’d be the only one that I’ve ever had. He tells me that my hair is safe with him. I tell him that I would like a little tug because that’s enjoyable but I don’t want him out rip out my hair.

We talk about bootcamp & I tell him how cold it was going to the gym, he says that I don’t need the gym – of course they all say that! But I do need to go to the gym… I say that if I want to fit into my clothes, I do need to go to the gym & he says that I’d look better without clothes, why am I letting these guys flirt with me in this manner, I don’t want a hook up, but I am promoting that!

He, of course says there are better ways to get cardio, like I haven’t heard this before… I say that I used to get it a lot before I was single & he says “Really? We should rectify this” I tell him that I am looking for someone a bit more regular but I’m struggling to find that. He says that he isn’t far from me & he could be easy & regular. He’s only a suburb away from me. He says that it’s basically walking distance, but I say it’s minus 12 outside (not literally, but it’s cold) & that I am not walking anywhere. He says that he won’t either but he would drive to me. I tell him that my hair can’t get wet or sweaty because it’ll go frizzy. But he says that it’ll be a mess anyway. I do get bad sex hair. He does say that if my hair was neat, then it would probably be boring sex…. I agree then I say “Or we were just ready to go out & couldn’t resit a quick fuck… So you bent me over the pool table to keep my hair nice… That’s not boring.” He says “True, but if I’m bending you over the pool table, I’m most likely going to be pulling your hair to kiss & bit your neck” Oooh, yes please. He says that we might be a bit late! He says that he’ll definitely be fucking me before we go out… This is the kind of chit chat that gets me into trouble, I start planning this fantasy relationship in my head about all the things that we will do & all the fun we’ll have if we’re in a relationship… To be honest, the only really friends with benefits that I’ve had & that has worked & worked well was Milky. I don’t know why but he’s the only one I didn’t dream up a relationship with, I thought I started to like him, but I think that I was just wanting a partner so badly, that I made it into something that I wasn’t. I know that I do that with men too, I have had a taste of a real relationship & I know that’s what I want, so even though we’re probably talking about this guy being a friends with benefits, I still can’t help but think this shit, think that there is a future with this guy… With any guy who uses the “we” stuff.

He asks me if he should come mess up my hair now, I tell him that I don’t just invite boys to my house without them buying me a drink first. When he says that he’ll bring a bottle of Jamison, which I say I don’t drink, so I am not sure that that is buying me a drink. I tell him my wine rack is empty & he tells me that he’ll pick up a bottle of shiraz on the way.

At this point, I realise that he is 10 years younger than me, I tell him to give me his number & that I will text him with a glass of wine & then I might invite him over. He tells me to have couple of wines. So I move over to text & tell him that he doesn’t want me too drunk.

In the time I am messaging this boy, both Construction & Elvis have said no to me tonight, I ask them both to see me but both are SO busy! I am done with this shit… I am sick of even just trying to be casual with men who are so busy, like who gives up the opportunity to have casual sex with someone?! I mean what the actual fuck!?

Jamison sucking dick soul mate

I tell him that I only have white wine & he says that he can bring me red wine but I can use the white for courage. I find some vodka in the freezer, so I break my rule & drink alone… Even if this guy does come over, I am breaking my rule to drink alone. I have been ditched by two men I have fucked & tried to see tonight. This stupidly makes me feel shit, I know I don’t need a man to validate me, but do you know what, I am low… I need it tonight.

I ask him how often he meets someone online that night & then meet that night, he says that he’s never done it – I wish I could say the same to be honest. I tell him that I’m in trackies with no make up (at least I have eyelash extensions so I don’t need to worry about looking too shit!) He says that he won’t be complaining, I said that it would be weird at this point if he did complain.

I tell him that I have lots of coke – from the Noddy debacle & that I have sugar free lemonade. He says that he’ll bring shiraz, I say that he doesn’t have too because I am drinking vodka now. He says that he’ll bring Jamison tonight but shiraz another time. I tell him that I have plenty of spirits & send him a picture of my little bar that I have & he says wow, but he won’t’ come empty handed. I tell him to bring it his Jamison but I won’t drink it.

I then say – OMG, I can’t believe I say this… “Want to come over? Or are we going to text about it all night?” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!

He says that I haven’t told him my address yet but I say that he hasn’t asked yet. He says “What’s your address #IBD4U? I want to come see you” with a winky face emoji. I am being cheeky, obviously “Oh wow really!? This comes as such a surprise, why yes Jamison. You may have my address” to which I send.. OMG! I send him my address!!! He says that he’s on his way & that he’ll see me soon.

He rocks up at my house at just after 11:00pm – yes, we were messaging at booty call o’clock, with his bottle of Jamison & he’s cute, I don’t look the best to be honest, but I am not hideous, we make a drink & go sit on the couch, we talk a fair bit & it’s easy, nothing awkward, he’s pretty cute, looks pretty much like his pictures.

We chat, we have a few drinks. It’s easy, it’s fun, I like hanging with this guy, eventually he makes a move on me & we have sex. The sex is good but uneventful, I mean I can’t really remember it so it can’t be that amazing. I mean I know that it was good but there was nothing that memorable about it. He leaves my house & I think that it went well & that I will probably hear from him in a few days.

By Tuesday I haven’t heard from him & I had realised that he’s left his bottle of Jamison at my house, so I decide to text him – which you all know that it took all of my stubbornness to actually do & say “Hey, how have you been? Did you know you left your bottle of Jamison here?” I wait, thinking that I will get a reply a few hours later, I am not fussed, you know, I mean he could be at work… Here I am almost 12 months later, still waiting for his reply & still have his bottle of Jamison.


Air Force

I have spoken to this guy quite a few times online over the years, I think this time it’s been better because of my rope pictures that I have up… I don’t know, I mean I don’t think he’s ugly but he’s not exactly my type, but since we’re both still single, I think why not give him a go… OMG I hate myself for saying that…

He sees my rope picture of course & he asks if I’m a rope bunny. Well at least he knows the terminology. I even tell him that he’s the first one on here to even know the correct terms, he says that he’s not into rope but he is into other kinky things.

He asks the dreaded question about what I’m looking for, he says “Looking for a genuine guy with a splash of kink” Yeah, I couldn’t have said it better myself – he says he’s looking for the same thing in a girl. This could work out nicely.

He talks about where I live & asks if I ever come to the city, I obviously do as I work nearby, he suggests a pub close to my work & obviously close to when he lives, which would be out of the way for me on a non-work day to go to.

He asks me quickly if I want to meet him on Sunday, I can only do Sunday afternoons, so I suggest that we meet at Glenelg as it halfwayish for both of us. This is really quick to meet someone, but I have seen him around the traps & I like to meet quickly to stop me from dreaming up a whole relationship in my head & then find out they are boring.

He asks what else I am into, I say the usual kayaking, gym, running, music & writing. He says the that he is into the gym, camping, brunch & kink. Well he’s talking up the kink thing now… He better live up to my standard. He even says on his profile that he is a Dom so I guess he really needs to live up to it now that he’s put it out there & knows that I am into kink too.

The next day he ask how I am, really late in the day, I write back even later as I am at a 30th. We don’t chat much but the next day he messages & asks if I am still keen to meet today, which I say that I can but I have to leave about 3:30 pm – I have family dinner at my house. He suggests that we meet at 1:00pm & gives me his phone number.

I text him & ask if he wants to get food at Glenelg, but he says no that he has family bbq meat left over & offers me to go there for lunch, which I decline. I arrive at the pub in my favourite date outfit white denim skirt with navy stockings & books with my blue Fcuk jumper. I’ve done my make up nice & my hair is clean & looking good. When I see him, he’s sitting down in a booth table type area with a water. I approach feeling confident till I realise he is wearing a fucking tracksuit… WTF is with men wearing a tracksuit & t shirt on a date?! I mean I know that it’s a Sunday afternoon casual drink, but fuck me. I am now way overdressed & feel ridiculous.

We say hello & he offers to get me a drink, I say shiraz & I sit down watching him walk away, I think when the fuck will I meet a guy who puts in a little effort for me, like I do with them?

He brings back a wine for me & a water for him, I ask why he’s not drinking because now I even feel more like a dickhead, over dressed & seemingly an alcoholic. FUCK… He says that he had a big night last night & can’t drink today.

Besides this, the date goes ok, he talks openly about kink that I relax while chatting about it too, it’s easy to open up when they aren’t being a weirdo or creepy about it. I don’t drink another wine & he just has another water with me, I am feeling a little weird about this, but I’m not sure why. Is it a red flag or am I creating one because I’m not feeling that chemistry?!

We leave at 3:00pm as I say I have to go home, it’s not an awkward date & it’s not a great date, we hug goodbye & I expect never to hear from him again, but to my surprised at 3:06pm he sends me picture of his car that’s been boxed in. I tell him to suck in. we have a laugh about it & he says that he wants to catch up when I’m back from my work trip, which I say yeah. He says “I get the vibe were on the same page, which is refreshing because you seem like a really decent chick. Lets do Tuesday” I don’t want to skip my gym routine for a dude again, so I offer up Thursday or Friday, which he says Thursday.

Air force still ghost you

He’s in bed & sends me a picture when I say that I’ve been up, unpacked & packed the dishwasher, had an insurance wrote, couch cleaning guys were at my house & I had a yummy breakfast, now I’m off to work & he’s still in bed! He tells me not to be jealous. I am away for work when he messages again to ask how my day was.

On Tuesdays he’s asking me what I want to do when we catch up on Thursday. I I say that I am flexible after finishing at the gym at 6:30. He says “I bet you are” I don’t know why the cheeky banter doesn’t impress me.

On Wednesday he asks how I am & I say that I have to get up at 5:30 am to fly home. As he’s a pilot he doesn’t mind flying but I am not a good flyer, I never have been, even though I have flown every where. He says I should imagine him flying the plane, but I remind him that he can’t even park his car so I don’t want him flying my plane. He laughs & says the h can’t pack, that he even has photo proof of the lines. We talk about how close he is the lines & it’s fun banter. We talk about him driving somewhere on Thursday night, he says that he doesn’t expect anything from coming to my house, but he’ll show me his driving skills. He says that he’ll be in trackies & a hoodie – well at least this time I have warning not to bother dressing up. He says that he’ll warm up his side of the couch, oh his side?! Really… I tell him when I have just touched down, I am going to the gym & he can come over later. He says yes & heads on over at 7:00pm.

We don’t hug or kiss hello, which I think is weird, he walks in & we sit & chat, I say that I am hungry & offer to order domino’s pizza which he looks at me like I want to shit on the pizza & eat it… He asks if there is any little pizza shops near by & I mean to be honest, I have no idea. So we decide on KFC. He drives & we go through drive though, he orders our meals as separate orders… Yes that’s right, the guy doesn’t even pay for my KFC. Ok, that’s ok, I will pay for my own, but he’s gone through drive though & expects me to pay for my own! Really?

We have a reasonable date, watch a movie & eat KFC, then he leaves… Yeah no kiss, no hug, just a bye & out the door fairly early. I have been up since 5:30 am so it’s ok, but it’s a bit of a weird dynamic.

I never hear from Air Force again! A few days later he adds me on snapchat, but after less than a week of messaging me good morning every day, he just stops. He never talks to me on snapchat when I do add him. I won’t ever understand what happened with this one!? Was it my pizza choice? Was it the KFC? I don’t get it…


Elvis #3

I see Elvis again on a dating app when I am trying to find a partner when I am actually with Noodle, we chat for a bit then we stop, I am too into Noodle anyway to be bothered with this guy. I’ve deleted Elvis from my Facebook as you’ll remember for those playing at home & have read the previous Elvis stories. They were a while ago, I mean it’s been about 2 years since I last spoke with Elvis.

After everything with Noodle, Noddy & then British, I am back online when I see Elvis face come up again, I think about not liking his profile & just moving on – been there done that, didn’t work out, but maybe it’s different, maybe he wants a partner? I’m curious to see if he’s liked my profile so I like his & it’s a match straight away! Hahaha… So now what?!

Now this is one time when I am not an idiot & refuse to chat first, if I match with them from my swipe, then I always will message hello first. If they match with me from their swipe, then they must message me first… So my rule still applies – in a way. So I say hello to Elvis, I am the one that matched with him after all, I don’t have to wait long for a reply before he’s asking how I’ve been.

We talk easily about what we’ve been doing, he’s turning his life around by not drinking or smoking weed or taking drugs which is good to see for him. I must be drunk because I say that I never get enough sex & that we could help each other out, but he agrees. I mean this guy is never going to be a boyfriend, is he, so why not just have some fun. I’m between douches at the moment, so I may as well have some fun with a guy I’ve already fucked so I’m not adding notches on my bedpost. I invite him over tonight but he says no that he’s already in bed & tired. “Wow, don’t often get guys saying no to a no strings attached sex ever… No matter how tired” He says sorry & I actually realise that Construction said no several times so clearly these guys aren’t that into me. I tell him that we can catch up another time, he suggests in the morning, that he’ll set an alarm for 8:00am & he’ll come over then. He says he can’t find me on Facebook (yeah cos I deleted ya!) & so he adds me as a friend on there & we take the chat over to there, I instantly send him a picture of me in a sexy bra?! WHAT THE FUCK… Hahaha. I send a bunch of pictures & he’s still replying saying that he’s getting excited, especially when I say that if he’s definitely coming over in the morning, then I will wear something cute to bed for when he gets here in the morning, as I am not getting out of bed. He literally goes to sleep at 8:30 pm & I get into bed in a cute nighty thing & sleep. I get a message from him at 8:30 am saying he’s going to have a shower now, I say that I am staying in bed, but will leave the door unlocked if that’s not weird for him – being we’ve never had this type of relationship, I’m mean we’ve only fucked once or twice.

Elvis braver than I

I’m watching F.r.i.e.n.d.s in bed when he finally arrives, he walks in sheepishly & I look up & we say hello. He sort of doesn’t know what to do, that he climbs into my warm bed fully dressed & we sort of snuggle. I can tell he’s sort of nervous around me or maybe just nervous around women in general, who knows… he cuddles me but not really making a move, we literally chat – albeit quite easily & watch F.r.i.e.n.d.s for a while, at least 2-3 episodes before I keep snuggling into him more to get him to make a move on me. I thought he said that he was good at making moves? I’m useless at it, but I have fucked this guy before & he is here at 9:00am on a Sunday for only one reason. Finally he gets the hint, I mean he was trying to warm up, he was pretty cold. We have sex, it’s good, he is SO good a foreplay. We change positions a few times, I get to cum a couple of times then he cums… This guy has stamina, considering he says he’s trying not to cum very quickly.

I don’t hear from him for about a month after that though, so I message & ask if he’s free. He says that’s he not, his mum is in town but he’ll keep in touch for later tonight, not this old chestnut?! Hahaha, I never hear from him again that night & so I don’t bother messaging him!

He messages me about 2 weeks later saying he’s been super horny & thinking about me, looking at my pictures – another line I fall for. He says he’s at the gym but will go home shower & come over. I have told him that I have a dinner to get to by 6:00pm & it’s already like 4:00pm but he sends me a video if him in his jocks stroking his cock…

He messages me that he’s outside, we meet at my front door & kiss immediately, we go into my bedroom & because he doesn’t last long when he actually fucks me, he is very attentive prior to fucking me, however we don’t actually have penetrative sex today, he gets me off several times & then he cums when I’m sucking his dick, he says he can’t hold it in. I kind of like it when you know a guy is enjoying it so much that he is trying not to cum but then can’t hold it in any longer – not just a douche canoe that cums quickly & leaves. He is so attentive to my ass today, that I am sure he’s going to try to fuck it, but he doesn’t, he spend s lot of time with his fingers & tongue but never sticks his dick near it…

I’m not sure I’m a fan of rimming btw, just as a side note… I like my ass being fucked (as we all know! Sorry friends!) but someone licking my ass is disconcerting for me. I am petrified that I am going to fart! I mean does that happen? I assume it could, I assume it has for some people, your butt is exposed & open, I’m scared that may not be able to hold it in… Crows licked my ass a few times actually & seemed to love it, I thought it felt good, obviously but I couldn’t relax, what if I relax too much & I fart… OMG, so mortifying! I get your ass & vagina make noise when being fucked which sounds like farts, but 99% of the time it isn’t an actual fart, but there is no way you could pretend a fart isn’t a fart when your ass is being licked, can you? (How many times can I say fart in a blog!?) When it’s being licked, air isn’t getting pushed up there to come out… Omg. This is so much detail about farts… Bahahaha.

Anyway, I send Elvis a picture of me going to Switch, as a nurse, a switch I was trying to get Construction to go to too & that I send British pictures of me too, all I get back from Elvis is “That’s a cheeky one” & nothing much else, that I leave it with him. It’s around this time that I see him being tagged in meme after meme on facebook, so I assume he’s seeing someone & as I am actually seeing someone, that is going well (Yes I know, story to come!) I don’t bother too much with writing back to him!


Construction #2

Sorry about Friday, I wasn’t supposed to post Construction #2, as I hadn’t written it. Sorry to those who looked at the blog thinking they were getting a juicy second post & it was empty! hahaha. Here it is…

I’m disappointed Construction didn’t come to switch but I figure that we’ll go together at some point, he seems pretty keen to go. We also talk about lingerie & he says that he prefers me naked, I am kind of a bit sad about that. I mean I love the look I get when a man looks at you when you take off your clothes & are wearing lingerie underneath for them. Trust me, when a man looks at you like that, you never forget it. I remember Crows not caring about lingerie either which annoyed me after what I’d just experienced with someone else. I wish Crows did because I wanted to wear it, I wanted that high of that look they give. To be honest, I almost got that look with Noddy, but I think he might’ve taken the lingerie thing for granted with me.

Construction says that instead of pictures of me in lingerie he’d prefer videos of me squirting… Well that might be hard to record alone, when he says that he’ll duct tape a camera to his head & so I laugh at him, I mean am I supposed to be able to cum while looking at his phone duct tapped to his forehead?

Because we’re being cheeky, I send him a picture of my legs in the bath – seductive pic that usually sends men into a frenzy & he says “Very nice! How did u cut the wine bottle in half?” I have a candle that I bought in the UK that is a wine bottle cut in half with a label of shiraz on it & the candle actually smells like Shiraz wine. It’s amazing. I used to use it all the time, now I don’t because I don’t want to waste it. I say “Errr… You do realised that I’m naked in the pic?! Right…?” He says “yes what’s your point” Alright, 2 seconds ago you were being cheeky about lingerie & making me squirt, I send a picture & he changes to a grumpy old man. I just say no point & that I bought the candle like that, he must pick up on my tone “Sorry my head hurts & I’m tired, Lets say goodnight & chat 2morro” I don’t reply… Fucking hell, it’s always on men’s terms… I can’t ever be in control of any situation, can I?

After that, I am not fucking messaging first… I feel like a right twat! He can get fucked. Men are stupid (hahaha) & I hate that I feel foolish. He doesn’t message me till almost 10:00pm the next day, well fuck you dude. We chat normally over the next few days, but it takes a while to get cheeky again – I’m a bit reserved, however I invite him out for brunch before the weekend with included the Krav story but he says that he’s at work… Alright whatever dude. I’m trying my hardest to not just be in a sexual thing with chatting all day long, I want something more that. He says that he might come down to Hindmarsh Island for the weekend, but I highly doubt that he will… Why do men suggest things they have no intention of doing? He said he wanted to come to switch, he didn’t. He says he wants to come to Hindmarsh Island & you guessed it, he didn’t… There was some excuse. He messages all weekend, but I am in no mood to reply & be cute & flirty, so I barely give him any decent replies. But when my friend has a go at me & calls me a cow, I want to leave & tell him that if I hadn’t had a few wines, I would leave now. I feel like an outsider at my own mini holiday.

The next morning I am on my way home when he starts messaging, asking what I am doing. He says he’s trying to sort out his morning glory & I say that I can help with that, which he invites himself over. I agree, I mean I need something to erase this shitty weekend.

He says “I’ll message when I’m out front. Leave the door open. Then go back to your room & lay down on all 4’s with your ass up” Ooohhhh… ok – this sounds like fun!! I agree. But then he sends me a message about 20 minutes later “Do you want to greet me at the door or go along with the plan?” OMG, why is he changing his mind. It’s freezing so I’ve already unlocked the front door & got back into bed with just panties on, I tell him the door is open, I’m a bit over this game now, just come in. I’m lying in bed with the tv on & the covers up, keeping me warm.

He comes into my room & he gets undressed, saying something about his dog & kids (he doesn’t have kids though) which makes me think that he’s recently just broken up with someone (I forget what he said but it was weird & that was my first thought) He climbs into bed with me & sort of snuggle & talk a bit, we have sex, not hot sex like I thought I was going to get from his ordered text, but just normal sex, still good sex but nothing too out of the ordinary.

He stays over for a couple of hours & leaves, but then I don’t hear from him again… 5 days go past & you know me, I refuse to message, I mean the guy was inside me for fuck sake, surely he can message me?!

Anyway I get a bit horny & message asking how his week was. He says busy “I thought of messaging you yesterday but went out last night.” OMG… Why would he say that? Is that supposed to be a good thing? Hahaha. Because when I read it, it doesn’t sound that good to me!

A few days later, he messages but I’m away for work & asleep in the hotel room, when he says that he found a picture. He shares it with me. It’s picture of a naked chick tied to a chair. However the wrists are tied to the front legs, her back in basically on the seat & her legs tied to over her head to the top of the backrest… Hopefully you can picture it, she’s basically in a ball, exposed, ass & pussy on display & completely tied to a chair. I will admit that it gives my clit a little tingle to think about that – however I don’t trust this guy yet to tie me up. He asks if I have a suitable chair, but I don’t so he says that he’ll source one from Facebook market place or gumtree.

A few days later, I say that my plans were cancelled & invite him over for a drink, but set the preface that I have to be up early for a work flight at 7:00am, so he knows it won’t be a late one. But he says that he has to dig up some emails for a legal meeting… Yeah whatever. I say have a fun night & asks me what I’m doing on the weekend, which I just reply “busy Friday & not sure about the rest,” he says that we’ll try to sort something out. I go away & come home without hearing from him again.

He starts messaging again with pictures of chairs he’s finding, they are all over $100 for the ones he’s looking at, I hope that he’s not going to ask me to pay for some!? This is his idea! I tell him that I want to have regular sex with him a bit more before I trust him enough to tie me to this chair, so I invite him over again & he says no that he’s at work… I say it won’t be till later, dinner or drinks, he says that he has dinner plans but to keep in touch… Fuck off, I’m done now “Right, I’ll leave it with you… Not going to keep asking you all the time. If you’re free, you’re free.” He writes back that he has a lot going on at the moment. I read it & don’t reply… Whatever… I’ve seen this old chest nut before, I’m sick of it… Men telling me how busy they are is so fucking insulting, I work fucking hard, travel for work, go to the gym 4-5 times a week & have a life, no one is so busy they can’t fucking see me!

I have a meltdown at work & end up with a dr’s certificate to have the week off after someone else is sent to do my work in a country town, something I have been doing for 5 years – yes 5 fucking years & I get cast aside & someone else is sent in my place like I’m completely incompetent – among other things that happened at this time. I loved my job, I was passionate about it & now, completely unprecedented, I am on leave because of work… Fuck.

Construction messages me & asks how I’ve been days later & I tell him I’ve been off work, he asks what I’m up to on the weekend then stops replying.

A few days later, I get messages again, he says that he wants to come to the next switch (so it’s a month since I saw him last – not through lack of trying on my part) He says that he trying to fit a million things into a weekend. I don’t reply. A few days later he asks “how things are miss” & I ignore it. I am done with this & am interested in someone else by this point (hehehe, stories to come!) & I don’t want to deal with a man who didn’t want me…

Construction cheating on crush

A month later he says to me “Happy birthday for the other day” I ask how he knew & he says that he was stalking my Facebook profile but he says “All locked though” (Remember this fact for future blogs – My Facebook profile is all locked!! Oooh, more intrigue!)

He says that he wants to go to events that he’s found of fetlife, I tell him to go, he asks if I’m inviting him, I say “no, I’ve invitied you to things & you’re always too busy” He says that he’s timid but our chats phase out, I’m done with this guy. Later he says that he’s fantasising about tying me up & making me squirt. I say “Hahaha, keep fantasising that” I am never letting this guy tie me up, I can’t trust him! He asks if he’s burnt that bridge, which I say that “Well I don’t just let anyone tie me up… Need to trust them, can’t earn my trust when I never see the guy! Hahaha. I’m worth more than a snippit of some guys time.” Fuck I know this is true he messages a few times over the next few months, but I don’t give him much to reply too.

On to bigger & better things!



I match with a guy who looks too much like Noodle for my liking – fuck I must have a type! What is wrong with me?! He skinnier though & I can tell a lot shorter than Noodle! Not as cute, but still in the same type bracket as Noodle… I really need to branch out here!

At this time I still have a rope picture on my profile as I’ve been going to Rope a lot & still looking for someone to do this more full time with, not something I’m obsessed with but an interest that I would like to pursue if there is a who wants too, if not, it’s not the end of the world for me.

He says he’s a construction manager within about 5 messages when we ask the normal questions to each other & my initial reaction is “Do you wear sexy high viz & come home scruffy or nice suit & tie?” What the fuck is wrong with me, no wonder I end up with only shags & no real boyfriend material… I mean I have a rope picture & I say things like that… Jeez!

I also don’t know why I invite him to Rope classes, I tell him that I have a regular rigger but he could still come along, like what are you doing? He doesn’t get it because he asks if it’s a sexual thing, well the classes aren’t, obviously they are for learning the skills that you can use for sex or just because you like it. I explain that I am not in a sexual thing with my rigger so it’s not sexual for me, I like being tied & I like the feeling. I would like it more if I had a partner, if he was into it. But again, like I said, I don’t have to have rope or be tied down.

We talk about my work & how it’s changing & that I’m not going to be travelling much soon, which is what I asked for but not to not travel at all. He asks if I’ve ever been married & if I have kids, I say no to both obviously & he says “What’s your excuse? You’re beautiful & seem like you have your stuff sorted?” Yeah if that were the only things I needed to get married… I mean do you have to be beautiful to be married? I say I don’t know why, that maybe I’m a bitch, I tell him that I don’t want kids, as I may as well get that out in the open & he sort of stops replying so later I ask if it changes things for him & he says he’s thought about not having kids but it doesn’t change his opinion of me, but then doesn’t really talk to me much & is a bit sporadic with his massages. So I just move on to chat to others. But I do something out of the ordinary & I suggest we catch up. I never do that, I usually wait for them to ask. But the next day, it’s Sunday, I don’t have much to do & my family dinner isn’t on either. So he asks if I want to catch up for lunch. I get dressed in my new date outfit, a navy FCUK jumper, a white skirt with navy tights & brown heeled boots, I feel good, I look good in this outfit.

Construction back together with your ex

The date goes well, we eat lunch late at the pub & we chat easily, enjoying a few wines. He is the one that suggests leaving the pub because he needs a nap so I don’t think much, we hug goodbye & I think that the whole date was all in my head, that I dreamt that there was something between us, but anyway, moving on. Whatever.

After the date, I’m am surprised that he messages to say “Thanks for a great afternoon miss” I fucking hate being called miss. But I allow it because the date did go well & I wasn’t expecting to hear from him again. I say that I am considering going to bed or having a bath & he asks where is his invite, really dude? You were the one that wanted to go home for a nap!

He says that he’ll forgo a nap & come over?! Really… 2 dates in one day? Have I had this happen before? Before I know it I am typing out my address & he is asking where to buy bubble bath at 7:30 pm on a Saturday night (remembering for those not living in Adelaide, that Adelaide shuts down at 5pm on a Saturday!) He even says “Well that escalated quickly” Yeah it fucking did, we haven’t even kissed & this dude is coming to my fucking house for a bath… Fucking hell…

He gets to my house, I am of course not in the bath because that would be weird, wouldn’t it? I mean he said he was bringing bubbles, which I hate in a bath, but would accept them since I haven’t bathed with anyone since Noodle. We didn’t use bubbles but I had seen that man naked 100 times, he’d been in every hole of mine & seen every angle of me, so in the bath didn’t matter, with this guy, he’s not even seen cleavage… Except in pictures on the dating app.

We sit & watch shit on tv, drinking red wine & chatting, we chat pretty easily actually, I really enjoy the proper conversation. I notice that he brought nothing, no bubbles, no bottle of wine, I mean he was asking me what to bring & said he was getting something, then didn’t. People are weird, I wouldn’t rock up to someone’s house after saying I was bringing something & then not bring something. Not that it’s a big deal but just tells me something about him – I guess – yes I am overthinking it… I know! It is me after all… Hahaha.

When he makes a moves on me & we get naked on the couch & have sex – I sit on his lap, I love sitting on guys laps & riding them on a chair… Chair sex is hot! Somehow this guy makes me squirt… On the couch too… I don’t know how I feel comfortable doing that but I do…

We have sex a couple of times & he stays till really late in the night, he says he’s going to stay then he isn’t – next minute he’s snoring in my bed, I move to get the covers on & he wakes up & he can’t decide if he’s staying or not so I just tell him to leave so I can go to sleep without snoring.

I’m not feeling well the next day so I don’t go to work… I don’t think I will hear from him & I refuse to message but to my surprise at like 9 pm he messages & ask if I’m tired, we chat for a bit & he says that he had a lot of fun yesterday & that it’s easy when you get along. I agree, I mean it’s good that we do, I mention that it was sneaky of him to use a bubble bath to get my address & he says next time. Ok, so there is going to be a next time… I invite him to Switch, which probably isn’t a good idea after what happened with Noddy, but I really loved the feeling of being there with a guy. It will be a bit weird I guess as Construction & I aren’t a couple or touchy feely, but at least I’ll have someone there with me, I won’t feel like an outcast. I am desperate for him to come to be honest as it’s the first Switch I am going to alone, it’s the one that’s a mask event where I see Noddy & snapchat girl as I walk in. Then get yelled at by people for doing wax & rope… Construction never comes to Switch, but he does at least message to say he’s not coming…




Strong language warning in this post! Hahaha…

I walk in to my small independent gym, for my favourite class, I have been going to this gym for about 4 years now & it’s mainly women that go here. I wish I could tag it sometimes so you can all enjoy it too, but I can’t give away too much about my real life & where I live. Hahaha. (Besides all the kinky sex!)

As I walk into the gym tonight, nothing is unusual, I walk in but I stop dead when I see him…. There is a tall guy with dark hair & beard, he has his back to me but I can tell he has a beard. It can’t be… No way would he come here! WHAT THE FUCK.

This guy is standing next to a small blondeish woman, is that fucking Noodle & his partner? What the actual factual fuck is he doing here? He knows this is my gym! I know it’s close to his partners work, but fuck he wouldn’t be so stupid to bring her here?! He knows this is my gym. But I mean he did bring his partner to my house when he said he wouldn’t, so fuck!

But this woman doesn’t look like Noodle’s partner, she was quite a bit bigger than me, even though it’s been a year & a half since all that drama, I doubt she could get that tiny that quick – it’s not her… Is it?!

Noodle has done really stupid things before, for someone so smart, he can be really dumb like showing his partner where I live right after she tried to “kill” herself… So I guess I can’t be surprised if he bloody starts coming to my gym with her! Is he fucking kidding me!?

Jesus Christ, the way this guy stands, his shoes, even his fucking gym clothes is just like Noodle. His dark hair, which is a bit shorter than Noodle’s as his was longer on top & the full beard… Could he seriously be here?! My heart pounding, I’m sure everyone will be able to see it beating out my chest, maybe it is Noodle but that’s his sister? No, I also know what his sister looks like, it’s not her. FUCK.

I used to imagine Noodle going to the gym with me – it was one of the reasons I joined his gym because I wanted to work out with him. I know how awkward Noodle would be here, how he’d feel stupid doing a class where there is a routine involved, but he would put in some effort to impress me & we would enjoy it together… I loved working out with him at his gym, I know he would enjoy my gym, eventually when he didn’t feel like an idiot.

But right now, I am paralyzed, I don’t know what to do, I want to turn & run out the class, but people have seen me & I’ve said hello to people. FUCK. I can’t be melodramatic… I have to just do it. If it’s him, he’s here for a reason, he knows this is my gym, there is no other gym like it. He knows… I just have to get through this, I walk over to the equipment & get everything I need. As I turn, I can’t help but look at the guy, I finally see his face… My heart still beats fast but it’s not Noodle! Thank fuck for that! While it’s not Noodle, this guy looks almost exactly the fucking same. Brown short hair & a full beard. He has a tattoo on his arm, Noodle was a clean skin but I guess it’s been a year, I got another tattoo after we ended, so he could’ve got one too. But thankfully it’s not Noodle. However the likeliness is fucking unsettling – I think this post has a record number of fucks in it! Sorry about that… Hahaha… You have no idea how this feels unless you’ve experienced it. If I didn’t know any better, I would think this guy is Noodle’s older brother… I know Noodle is the oldest, so they’re not related, but fucking hell they look so similar.

Doppleganger soulmate fid me

Ok so crisis averted for tonight, but now I have the issue of how am I going to get through this?! He stands in front of me, I usually always go to the back of the class by the air conditioner, he is there with his partner, they are new to the gym & haven’t joined yet. Good, well hopefully they won’t join!

I cannot take my eyes off him the whole class… So much so he probably catches me looking at him a lot. He even exercises like Noodle would, I can’t even cope with this at all. I’m sure his partner notices how much I look at him too… How could she not, I am acting like a fucking weirdo!

Ironically though, I work out harder than I ever have before, hoping that he notices… WTF! This guy doesn’t even know me! Hahaha. But right now it’s about what he represents!

WHY is the higher power (who ever that may be – God or spiritual?) such a asshole to me?! This guy & his partner are at almost every session that I go to – I go to these sessions because of the time slot – the only ones I can make with work commute & the hardness of the class – I avoid dance type routine classes for weights & bootcamps. FUCK. I can’t stop looking at him & while I do work out harder than ever, I think about Noodle a lot… I am also at this time in real life, posting the Noodle story for you all so I’ve been reliving the relationship (I think I am posting about us saying we have feelings!) & thinking about him a lot anyway, but this is making it so hard to get over. This guy looking exactly like him, talking like him, acting like him… FUCK. I cannot cope. I see on the Facebook gym page that this couple have joined, as they post to welcome new people. DOUBLE FUCK.

I find out that they are getting married later in the year, it’s only a few months away, I assume he’s getting into shape for the photos (just like Noodle did for his brother’s wedding!) so hopefully once they’re married they go back to their previous lifestyle of not going to my gym! Yes, only a few months & they’ll be gone! Phew.

One of the bootcamp sessions, we have to kick people off their station, once we’re kicked off, like a snowball effect or something. I refuse to kick him off or go anywhere near him, but somehow I seem to end up opposite him or close to him & I can’t help but watch him. It really fucks me off because while I know I am not really over Noodle, I thought I was moving on, I thought I had moved on. This is bringing up all these feelings & all I want to do is message Noodle & see if he’s ok. I miss him a lot. I miss his friendship! FUCK!

I notice what car Doppelganger has so when I drive in to my favourite class & their car isn’t there, I am relieved, I can relax – good I can have the gym to myself (not really to myself but I don’t have to think about Noodle or look at this poor guy who knows nothing!) But then sometimes they come running in after me. FUCK.

The most annoying thing about this guy being at my gym with his partner, is that they are fucking lovely people! I really like them but I just can’t look at him & not have my heart break a little or think about their wedding & then imagine Noodle & his partners wedding… or worse imagine my wedding with Noodle.

I got partnered with Doppelgangers partner one day at bootcamp, she was lovely & we’re about at the same fitness level so it was good to push myself because I didn’t want her to think I am weak. To be honest though it makes me work a little harder when he is in the class, thinking me might be looking at me – which let’s face it, he probably isn’t watching me or even looking in my direction however, it really pushes me harder! But if he is looking at me, it’s probably because he’s wondering why I keep looking at him!

Another bootcamp, we’re doing shuttle runs & I somehow get behind him a lot. He does his run but as he turns he pulls a face as he walks off to the side & I think FUCK that’s exactly the fucking face Noodle would’ve pulled at me too! I cannot help but think about Noodle when I am around this guy!

As predicted, they get married in October 2019 & they don’t come to the gym as often as they used too, which makes me happy! Ironically I find out about 4 months after they got married, that someone else significant to me got married on the same day… Story to come! (Ooooh intrigue!)

Later in the year, I sit opposite them at the Christmas dinner & chat to him more. They’re so fucking lovely that it kills me. I don’t know what is worse though, the fact that I don’t have Noodle anymore or the fact that this guy is exactly like him & married to someone else or the fact that I am still fucking single!!

As predicted though, 5 months after their wedding, I hardly ever see them anymore, which is weird but great since I am now at the gym a lot more that I ever was before! However, I do get disappointed when I don’t see them or him there…



Oh I’m sorry to those settling down with their morning coffee again, this isn’t a long one today… #SpoilerAlert!

Chatting to a guy after the failed attempt of British… I mean how am I still online dating after the things I’ve been through this year?! It’s only June 2019 FFS!! Even the things I have been through in the last 2 years, how am I still doing this to myself? Missing the man that I am still in love with – trying to forget & fall out of love with, being broken up with via snapchat & now a man runs back to the UK after spinning me so much bullshit! Seriously, how does this stuff keep happening to me? Do I invite it? I get some of it could be things I do, but seriously, not all of it! Surely?! How am I still doing this to myself? Why am I online…?

Anyway I chat to this guy Athlete, who looks amazing, tanned, toned, athletic that I honestly think this guy is too good for me, he won’t want someone like me, average sized, average looks, apparently average personality.

We chat a bit & we get along quite well, he’s witty & cheeky, I really enjoy the banter again. I tell him that I’m short & not fit like him & he says that I have a killer body & that we should catch up & compate tans. However he lives quite far south from me, in a small coastal town, so he’s not down in Adelaide a lot, however we’re chatting one day when he says that he’s in Adelaide & asks if I want to catch up for drinks. I get ready in record time, trying to look like this is how I always look, not like I got ready to meet him.

He says that he’s a professional surfer & so he’s always out in the sun & quite fit. Well definitely from his pictures he looks fit & tanned from being in the sun. I am actually quite worried about meeting his guy to be honest.

We go to the usual local pub by me that I usually pick & it’s cold, so I sit inside with a wine waiting for him to rock up. When I look up I see a guy bee lining it for me & I think FUCK!

Athlete does not look like his pictures at all… Not even close… I usually say the opposite, better than his pictures, but this guy is not. I can tell that it’s him, even though his photos are probably from 1998… I’m 100% sure that they are well over 10 years old or more! Standing in front of me is a blonde guy that is now greying & thinning, he’s wearing glasses, his teeth are really crooked, he is not tanned, not even a little, he has a little gut – there would be a lot of work to do to get those abs in the picture back & while I don’t judge people on their beer bellies or their outfits & I know he’s come from his friend’s house, not knowing he was going to be meeting me & as he lives far away, he hasn’t gone home to change, but he rocks up in a tracksuit. A fucking god damn tracksuit! Ok let’s not judge, But how old are those fucking pictures?!

Anyway this date is a complete bore, not only does this guy not look at all similar to his did 10 years ago in his pictures, he is a big dull dud. I struggle to keep the conversation going, asking so many questions about his surfing, that I don’t give a fuck about to be quite honest but he can’t seem to talk about anything else nor does he ask me any questions about me or my interests. I try to talk about kayaking as it’s a hobby of mine, it’s on water so at least a little similar to surfing, but I barely get a conversation going before I am just vaguigng out as there are very little responses.

Where is the guy I chatted too so easily online?! How can he change so much? I don’t get it… I mean I understand people have online personalities, but I think mine is pretty much the same in real life. Witty, funny & cheeky… I don’t change online to real life (Maybe that’s my problem! Hahaha) but this guy, my god, it is hard work to keep talking too!

Athlete friendship first

Maybe he doesn’t like me? Maybe he doesn’t think I look like my pictures (though I can verfy that I’ve been told by everyone I’ve ever asked that I do look like my pictures) or maybe my personality is overwhelming because I am compensating for the dead fish in front of me not talking?!

I am fucking bored!

This is shit…

I fake a dinner engagement & leave after one drink, he offers a second drink but I say no, I have to go, also implying for him that he has a long drive a head of him to get home. I am so bored I’ve been counting bottles in the bar display. 32. Yes – 32.

Obviously my personality wasn’t the problem as he tries to chat to me online later that night, telling me to enjoy my dinner & that my skirt was cute (Actually he did a fingers emoji that represents looking good). A few days later as I don’t really give him much, saying he had a good time & that he’d like to do it again. I reply for a few times, not wanting to be rude but in the end I delete him. What is the point, I am never going to see him again, I mean I wouldn’t put my worst enemy though a date like that, why would I put myself through it?

This brings up an interesting point though, is online dating giving us the ability to just be whoever we want to be?! I am always scared that my online personality or the chemistry you feel with someone won’t translate to an in-person relationship or chemistry. With Noodle obviously it did but other men, I have sometimes struggled with it. I’m not blaming them at all, I mean I could be the problem, I am part of the problem at least I mean clearly I’m hard to date or I wouldn’t have men running back to the UK to stop seeing me. Hahaha…


British #3

The next day, Monday, back to work but for the first time in a long time I wake up & my first thought isn’t Noodle, my second thought isn’t Noddy either. It’s all about British. I expect to hear from him on the way to work on through out the day but nothing. I can’t help but grin thinking about him & the weekend. I know we only met on Saturday but I do feel a little something & don’t think he would be messaging me so much on the weekend if he wasn’t interested too. Surely?!

I don’t hear from him all day & of course I refuse to message him. When I’m talking excitedly to a friend over lunch, she asks me to show her his photo. She agrees he’s cute. I go out for dinner with another friend who sees my glow of excitement of having met a man that I may like & could possible date seriously… He’s talked about seeing me again so I’m certain he will. Out for dinner, my friend wants to see what this guy looks like, maybe I’m talking him up too much… I click on the dating app & notice that he is 10000kms away… WTF?! My jaw must drop open because my friend gasps “What?” I can’t stop staring at the 10000kms away, at lunch it still said 4kms away! FUCK… I show my friend my phone & explain that he was 4kms away & now he’s 10000kms away. She googles ‘What is 10000kms from Adelaide?’ the number one answer is Dubai…. OH HOLY FUCK. This is next level. He’s gone back to the UK. Jesus fucking Christ… My friend tells me to calm down that maybe something happened, an emergency & he’s had to go home. I literally sit there laughing my head off… I am not so optimistic, I mean this is my life after all. As if there will be any other explanation besides he was here on a holiday & fucking lied his ass off… Jesus. I’m so stupid.

British root of heartache

Later that night I check the app again & he’s now 16000kms away. I google & that is London. I literally burst out laughing at home alone… I look at my cat & say like the crazy cat lady that I am becoming “What the Actual Fuck Peppa!” She’s looking at me like a nutcase since I just burst out laughing while the whole house is silent – so much so she jumps. I literally cannot believe this is happening to me. I mean I thought that a guy ending things with via snapchat only a couple of weeks earlier would be the highlight of my dating life in 2019, here we are not even halfway though & I have a guy flying to another country to get away from me! Fucking hell… I know I’m hard to date, I mean clearly I am or I wouldn’t have a fucking blog, however, a guy travelling 16000kms just to get away from me, it’s just fucking hilarious!

I decide to send him a message, knowing that he is back in the UK, but I just send “Hey how’s your day been.” He sends back when I’m asleep later that night “Hello scrumptious, not bad, yours?” I have to laugh at the scrumptious comment, I just write back that I was in bed early & asked what he got up too. I don’t get a reply but I find out another interesting part to this story…

So get this…. When I tell J-Lo, he asks me to send him a picture of this guy, I ask him why because it’s not like J-Lo to just ask for a picture of a random dude… He says just send me one, which I do & he says that it’s not the guy he thought it was, it’s ok. Later in that day J-Lo messages me again & says on second thought he actually knows someone living 4kms from me in that suburb, who is sleeping in his spare room as he just broke up with his mrs & they’re selling the house so she was house sitting & he was away from work & had his friend staying with him from the UK. J-Lo also confirms that the Netflix name is his friends name… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK… So my thoughts are confirmed, British is a liar! What are the fucking odds, J-Lo built the fence of the house I just fucked on the kitchen bench at… Hahaha… I ask J-Lo if he’s going to tell his friend & he says no because he’d then have to explain where he knows me from! What a fucking complicated life I lead…

So I send British a message, I know from what my friend says that I don’t have the full story, but I know in my gut that this guy has lied to me… J-Lo has confirmed what I already knew… There is too much weird stuff here, to keep justifying that he hasn’t. Noodle made me feel like a fool, I hate feeling foolish & right now I feel even more foolish!

“So I worked something out about you… Saturday night there were a few weird things about your story but I didn’t think too much into it…
First it was your name on Netflix, I just assumed people use fake names to protect their identity… No big deal
I didn’t think much of the white wine you talked about a lot & it not being in the fridge prior to my visit…
You sleeping in the spare room & telling me it was the master bedroom (knew that was a lie but didn’t think much of it)
The next day swapping to a chat app, but your UK number is still being used after being in Aust for 5 months?
At 12pm you were going to catch an Uber to my house after drinking the leftover wine… How drunk could you have been? Thought it a bit strange but could’ve been legit….
I also thought it was a bit weird you had so many sauces & spices being you’d only been here a short time (I saw while you were fingering me on the kitchen bench)

Telling my friend about you over dinner last night, I look at your dating profile to see that you’re 100009kms away… She googled & that’s Dubai… That’s when I realised you were lying to me… Fuck you lied alot!!

So I messaged you to see if you’d lie some more… Because this is next level for me…

So… I was telling my best guy friend about the lies & he says “I know a guy called (Insert Netflix fake name here) who’s sleeping in his spare room, show me his pic” I did & he said you’re not his friend. Phew.
This morning he tells me that he’s thought about it & the story matches his friend…
His friend called (Insert Netflix fake name here) has just broken up with his GF, but who is in the master bedroom while he sleeps in the spare room, but is away for work at the moment & she’s housesitting…

Also Adelaide is like a small country town… Everyone knows everyone..

I seriously can’t believe how many lies you told me… You do realise you could’ve been honest with me! Why would you talk about future times you’d see me if you’re never going see me again?!”

Fuck I feel like a fucking idiot right now! How did I not see this coming?!

Of course when he reads it he apologises & says that he didn’t want it to just be a weekend thing & he was already thinking of ways in which he could come back to see me (yeah right!). I ask if he was going to tell me & he says no. I ask what he would’ve said when I asked to see him again & he said he would’ve made some excuse. Fucking hell men are so lucky I’m not crazy, what if I went back to his house & found his friend there?! Like some people are just so stupid…

“I guess I have been caught out. I figured if I said I was going home, we maybe wouldn’t of never met. I apologise. It’s all shit & I got carried away. I’m not proud of that, but am still glad we have met.” Well I am fucking annoyed now, I get that he lied to get me to meet him, but he sat there & lied to my face as I asked question after question about his move here & him building his house – he answered every question without batting an eyelid. He even told me about how he catches the train & how long it takes, what road he works on & when we talked about foxtel, he even told me how much “he” pays for it… He offered up so much info, that it’s just fucking nuts how many lies he told to get fucked… I mean he could’ve said that he was going home to my face… I didn’t realise that when he said he was going for curry on Sunday night, he was going to be getting it on Emirates. Hahaha.

He says “I didn’t want to leave as it is & already thinking & plotting for when I come back. I am genuinely sorry. I was making it worse for myself in the end. I actually like you, I think we clicked & everything other than the bullshit was deadly true & I’m sure you believe at least one thing, I enjoyed our time together a lot xx” Fucking hell, why are men such smooth talkers…

I ask him if he ever comes back here or travel here for work, & what was real? “I don’t but I am seriously thinking about coming out again x. I love the way of life out there & I also felt like we did connect. Something unusual for me too. I really had a lot of fun making you cum #IBD4U. Sorry for all the bullshitI ask him what was actually true, he tells me his name, age & sends me a link to a website where he is listed as a buyer in London on. His picture is up there with a profile, but I am not sure what I even believe now.

We continue to chat & he sends me voice messages with his sexy dripping British accent, fuck I hate it makes me melt… JERK! Hahaha. We messages for a few weeks, sending pictures & voice messages, He sends me the worst every dick picture I have ever seen, he’s sitting on the toilet with his cock poking into the toilet… LIKE DUDE!!!!

Because of the time difference, when I am in bed, he’s getting up & driving to work hard at things I send him, it’s kinda fun. He sends me pictures of him at a wedding & we just chat, mostly just turning each other on, 16000kms apart!

The chatting becomes more & more sporadic, but it did go on pretty regularly for a month or so & we eventually stop, I then seen he’s changed his profile picture to him & a chick, so assuming he’s got a girlfriend… Well that’s another one that gets a girlfriend straight after sort of dating me…

Why am I always the fluffer?!



When the couple from the play party that I’ve been hanging out a bit with, invite my friend & I away for the June long weekend to the house they hire on Hindmarsh Island, I think why not – I’m skipping a head a bit here, we’ll go back to the rest of May! I have been though so much lately that I need some RnR. (Rest & Relaxation). This will be a good time to just chill out. However I have a work function & can’t go up on the Friday night, so I plan to go up on the Saturday afternoon. This was also not a good idea at the private play party, but this will be different, I know everyone going to be there.

I am unsure if the couple want to play with us or what they want out of this weekend, but I am going to enjoy myself & really have a good relaxing few wines with some cheese. I will deal with any advances if they happen. They haven’t hit me up again to have sex with them, so I don’t think that’s what this weekend is about, I am happy to just be friends with them.

Saturday morning, I message to say I’ll be on my way & I hear that there has been some drama on the Friday night… Oh FFS. As if I need more drama in my life.

My friend calls me to tell me that the couple are both seeing people & these 2 extras were both invited up also this weekend too. I knew about the guy but not the chick. Well apparently the chick went a bit nuts, including calling lifeline in the corner of the room. My friend ended up dropping her home but then she said he sexually harassed her & went even more nuts. He & his wife went to the police just to be safe & showed them the text messages. But neither had much sleep that night. The guy that was there with the couple – let’s call him Krav, I never got to meet as he had to go home to his daughter, no big deal right!?

So when the excitement of the previous night wears off, I end up showing the couple & my friend the toys I have brought along. They all wanted to try a bit of impact play & some candles. I had bought some UV candles from Rope & brought them along for everyone to have a play. We lay out the mat & I introduce them to some impact play with a few different instruments & the candles. It’s a good night & nothing really happens.

The next night we decide to go out for drinks & I have no idea what happens to be really honest, I know i tried to get them to stay but I get called a cow by my friend in the couple & I hand over the keys to my car for them to leave. I go home later with my other friend & her guy for the night but cannot sleep. I have no idea what I did to cause a kafuffle, nor do I want to cause drama with my friends. At like 6am, I am still wide awake that I start packing to go & I leave quietly by 7am. I have been messaging with some random all night but I just need to go home & sleep. I actually go home to a guy I’m yet to talk about… Hahaha… We’ll get there!

ligth heart

After the weekend, Krav starts messaging me a lot. I don’t think much of it, I never met the dude so there isn’t a lot for me to say to him. He tells me why he’s been so off lately that his daughter has been bullied so much & was pushed though a window, she is fine but he’s struggling with it as you would be… I am not sure why he’s telling me all this, but I just offer support & an ear should he need it. He tells me how much the couple like me etc & that he’s sorry that he missed meeting me.

He sees in the private chat group that I left Hindmarsh Island early, he asks me what is wrong & I just say that it was really windy (which it was) & that I wanted to go home. Later he tells me that he’s spoken to my friend & he found out what happened & that he’s sorry it happened. He messages me a lot about his run, sending me pictures & I try to ignore a few as I know that my friend in the couple is sort of with this guy, she is calling him her boyfriend so I am not comfortable with these messages with him to be honest.

He asks me when we are having a coffee & I say that I don’t drink coffee with a few hahah’s added, he replies “Oh really?? That’s what you took from that.. Fk imma smack you lol” What because I don’t like coffee? Or because I don’t want one with him? I tell him “hahaha, I don’t want to get in the middle of something you have with my friend… Not after the weekend I had. So yeah. Even coffee” He says “You won’t be. I’m my own person & don’t answer to anyone else. I’d have to explain it so you get it… But just so you know I’m not anyone’s property lol… We I am my own lol” He may not be her property but she likes him a lot & after being called a cow, I am not interested in pissing her off. I mean I am also not attracted to him either, so it’s not even worth the hassle. I say I don’t want to jeopardise anything with my friends & he says that I won’t be, he says they’re close & he only sees her once a week (which is a lot for a married woman & their boyfriend) I say again thanks for asking, but yeah am not interested “heheh well I aint letting you slip, I’ll bug you as much time as it takes… You’re a good person x so tuff titties, you’re stuck with me” OH FFS! I am firmer with I am not interested in you & he still says that I’m a good egg & he gets it.

Later with no reply from me, he sends “You really are a good friend… I’m glad you did what you did. Just know that I wouldn’t send anything that would knowing get me into trouble or that I want to hide. It was purely a genuine offer of friendship & still is. The girls would appreciate knowing.” I don’t even understand why he is messaging me this – what does it even mean. I am not going to meet him, I just am not sure how my friend would react, even if it is just for friendship with him. I am not interested.

A few days later without a reply to the last message I get “So much was said & done without me around or knowing, that I have cut off everything. That weekend was so bad. Made me see a lot of rumours & shit that I don’t want to be a part of. I’ve gone back to only being friends with the couple & everyone else. I’m just going to stay at arms reach I think. I sure hope you are doing ok.” What the actual fuck is he talking about?! I have no idea. I even say that & he just said that the rumour mill went crazy & he’s just being friends with them. I try not to engage because who the fuck cares. I don’t even know what he’s talking about so I just say I’m confused & try to leave it. I ignore his last message.

Then a couple of days later “#IBD4U, putting all the shit behind us & all the nice things I’ve heard about you. I would like to know.. would you be up for saying hello? I think like you I’ve had the rough end of the stick when it comes to meeting someone. We obviously have similar interests & all. I would like to know if you would like to meet & finally put a face to the name… I’d like to think that this might be the silver lining from all this shit?” OMG, is that his intention of cutting ties with her, to try to pursue me? FUCK… I hope not…

I tell him that I am not interested in meeting him, yet again, that my friendship means more to me than a dude off the chat app. He says that it’s ok, it’s over with her, however I know women & I know I wouldn’t like someone swooping in on a guy I just dated. Besides, I’m not ever remotely interested in this guy!!

He says hey to me a few days later & joins the chat group I’m in & he was deleted for not having a profile picture – I didn’t know it was him to be honest. I just delete people who don’t chat. He messages me “Removed from chat? You really do have the issues others said… Deadest. Not everyone who shows you attention wants to fuck you. I think someone needs to get over themselves pretty quick. You’re a horrible, lonely person.” OH MY FUCKING GOD! What? This guy has a massive screw loose. I did nothing to him but delete him for a chat room & I’m horrible? I don’t even know if it was me who deleted him either… Jesus. Again I have no idea what he is even talking about.

“Wow. Just wow. You joined the group & didn’t speak, besides the gif… In the group there is no pic on your profile for me, hence being deleted. I won’t apologise for having morals & not wanting to meet you for coffee, regardless of your intentions because you were dating my friend… My instincts were right about you. Thank you for showing your true colours.” & I send him a screenshot of the chat app to prove it.

“Nope. Actually the issue is all yours. It was a massive judgement of error going down that path, but you can cling to that friendship all you like… Both of them (the couple) had nothing but shit to say about you after that night & even the day after. But that’s cool. You believe all you want. Fairly sure it was a huge mistake as this “community” is either led by tits or a bunch of no hopers. So impressing them is like learning to play UNO, it’s really not that impressive at all. One day you’ll see that & actually see the worth in people being honest to you & not let it be darkened by a want to be on a pedestal… You’re better than that… I hope you see it one day soon.”

Can someone please explain?!


British #2

This date with British is going well, I mean we’re on a second post & I’m still on the date! Hahaha… That’s so unlike me. I find myself relaxing, joking & really enjoying the weird topics we keep talking about. We have a couple of drinks & chat the night away really easily. As it gets later he talks again about the white wine he bought that tastes like blue cheese. I like blue cheese, I don’t eat it a lot but I always like a little one on a cheese platter.

He also brings up the “scrumptious” comment, which I say that I didn’t get, he says that he was calling me scrumptious & I say that makes no sense. As I go to check the chat to prove I’m right he says that if he’s right, I have to go home with him. I’m like & what if you’re wrong? He says that I can do what I want but I should go home with him anyway. Hahaha… He’s smooth. I know that I shouldn’t go home with him but I do like this guy, I want to have sex with him, so why not? We look at the chat & look to be very fair with you, I still can’t see how he thinks he is calling me scrumptious – anyway he seems to think that he’s won the bet & invites me back to his house for the blue cheese wine. He says he’s caught an uber so I drive us back to his house & it’s a pretty nice new house, one of those long skinny town houses, you know the ones with the main bedroom at the front of the house, a long hallway with 2 bedrooms & a bathroom off the hall then leading into an open concept kitchen & living space. He gets us a wine, but oddly the white wine he’s being banging on about all fucking day in chat & at drinks, is not even bloody cold. Ok that’s a little weird. But I ignore it – maybe a red flag I should’ve noticed perhaps, he gives me a red wine while the white chills in the fridge. He puts on the TV & starts scrolling through his Netflix, well, weirdly it says another dudes name. Ok so he’s lying about what his name really is?! I don’t question it, maybe he has a roommate? I don’t know but I should ask, however I don’t. I lie about my name all the time, I lie about my job, with this guy I haven’t but I guess I’m at his house so he does trust me a little, however is this a red flag I’m also ignoring?! My gut isn’t telling there’s something up, I always trust my gut. Shoo red flags.

We watch a movie, actually watching the movie. I forget what it is now, but it was a movie he hadn’t seen before, that I have. We sit drinking red wine, then he offers me the white wine, surprisingly it tasted ok, but it did taste exactly like blue cheese. So weird…

When we start kissing & head into the bedroom, we go into the room closet to the lounge room, generally the room that would be the 3rd or 4th spare room, with a mattress on the floor, I ask him if this is the main bedroom & he says yes, again red flags are still in full swing, yet I get into bed with this dude… Still with that glimmer of hope that this guy is going to be the guy that takes me off the singles market!

We don’t actually have sex as he doesn’t have any condoms & I didn’t bring any being I didn’t expect to be fucking the guy, however, we do everything else. We fall asleep then wake up through the night for some more play, makes me cum so many times with his fingers or mouth & then we fall back asleep. He knows I am a little kinky as I put a rope photo on my profile, at dinner & after the movie we did talk about kink a little. He is very good at pinning me down, something I love, something I think most women love, a manly pin of your hands above your head…. Hmmmm.

He doesn’t even cum at all though the night, even though I do my best blow job moves for him… Doesn’t work on every guy but most seem to cum within seconds. British tries again to fuck me without a condom (as a typical guy does) but I say no. He spoons me in all through the night, which I like because I haven’t had that in a long time, but I also cannot sleep because I am sweating & being suffocated.

The next morning, I wake up realising I have to be at brunch soon, so I leave him in bed at leave the house, not really specifying with each other if we’ll talk again or what – but I hope he does message me. But maybe it was a mistake to fool around with him so soon if I like him but who cares, when I like someone, I do what I want.

British crush

Anyway I go to brunch a little hungover & looking dishevelled, but to my surprise, I get a message on the dating app from British at 12:00pm saying “Hope you made it in time for breakfast x. I enjoyed making your pussy cum x.” Hmmmm, yes so did I… I tell him that I lied to him about not having another chat app to talk to him on & he asks for my number to find me. He tells me I don’t have to make it up to him that he didn’t cum because he made himself cum thinking of me. Awwww, so sweet! Hahaha.

When he adds me on the other app, I notice that it’s his British number. Surely after being in Australia for 6 months, he would have upgraded to a Australian mobile number? Red Flag? Or just how this app works? Of maybe he has it still for his family?

He says that my head job & stroking skills are amazing & asks if I can fit him in before 5pm today? OMG, I just left this guy… I felt a bit of chemistry with him & I am feeling a bit of a draw to him, that I say yes, I ask him to come to my place or if he wants me to go to his, he says that he just drank the rest of the cheese wine & so he’ll uber over… Really? He is day drinking alone with no purpose? Red Flag. I just suggest that I will go to him instead. I don’t mind.

We arrange for 1:30pm once we’ve had showers & I tell him that I will bring condoms. I also ask him about his name & he tells me that it’s the same as what I saw on his Netflix account. He distracts me by asking me not to wear panties, but I suggest lingerie, asking his favourite colour, which is red, not a surprise & I put on some sexy lingerie for him under my denim dress. He sends me a picture of a belt & a long USB cord & asks me if he has any use for it. Noodle was the first & only guy to improvise & use a USB cord to tie me up & it was hot as fuck that I allow it. He tells me to hurry up & get there, as we’re sending naughty pictures. I look at the time & realise I should leave, so I jump in the car & head to his house. I am wet & excited the whole way there.

I walk in & walk to the back of his house, with him following, immediately he grabs me & kisses me, my dress has snap buttons all the way down the front & he knows he can easily rip this dress off, which he does.

Before I know what is going on, I am up on the freezing cold stone kitchen bench being pushed down to lay flat on my back & legs spread where British settles between them to make me cum. Fuck he is good at that! I don’t know why I notice his pantry, there is a lot of stuff in there, like so many sauces… I don’t know why I found it weird looking back but he’d only been here 6 months & had so many bottles of sauce it was ridiculous. Or is this another red flag? Fuck, who cares, I am cumming again!!!!!

Once I’ve cum – twice, he moves us over to the couch where I suck his cock & he enjoys it – of course, I am very good at it. Hahaha. He then decides to tie me up with the belt & USB cord… He struggles a bit & it takes a while, he asks if he can take a picture, which I agree too & tell him he has to send it to me.

A couple of hours go by & then I’m home again, thinking about this afternoon. He fucked me over the kitchen bench too, cold stone against my tits while be pounded from behind then he came hard too. He messages me when I get home too, OMG… Does this guy like me? Or does he just like that I’m so fucking easy? Hahhaha.

We talk some kink & I show him my draw of toys & he says “Yes I definitely think I should come to you next time. It’s good that we’re local too.” I agree & am actually excited about this guy!! He says he wants me again but he’s going to be late, he’s hard again & wants to cum thinking about me, we get onto the topis of three sums, I’m still wanting that fantasy of 2 guys, he says he’ll be up for that if I do it with a woman & him. Of course that’s the usual condition for most men, I can do that!

I really am enjoying this guy. I didn’t think it was possible after Noodle & Noddy, but wow, I am actually enjoying the banter, the sex, the way this guy looks! Fuck me, I don’t want to oversell it here being I only met him yesterday, but he is ticking a lot of boxes.



I match with a guy online a week after things end with Noddy, we’re chatting about what we’re doing tonight, I say that I am going to have a bath. But when he suggests that we meet for a drink, I think I don’t want to be home alone again while Noddy is off doing whatever the fuck he’s doing with the snapchat girl.

I am cautious of British, he looks a lot like Noodle that it’s kinda scary! His pictures are cute, but not usually the type of guy I go for, however I guess I have a type if he looks like Noodle! I never thought I did have a type. Dark brown hair, full trimmed beard, 6 foot tall, almost the same build as Noodle too but OMG, he turns out to be British! That’s OMG, I can’t even cope!

He talks about how his day got rained out of ab sailing & he’s had a rare lazy day around the house. I tell him that I am going to have a bath & a long soak after the gym this morning when he asks what I’m going to do afterwards. Because he so cute & british, I already start thinking that I want to meet this guy tonight, so I shouldn’t have a bath, but shower instead, wash my hair & maybe see this guy. He asks what suburb I’m in being that we’re only 4 kms apart – we’re close to each other. He says that he’s either going to head out for a few beers or stay home & cook something – I suggest steak, being he’s a foodie. We talk about my rope pictures that I have up, he doesn’t understand what I mean when I say about riggers & bunnies. Saying that he doesn’t understand my aussie linigo so I ask if he’s not Australian – not remembering his British flag on his profile like an idiot “No I’m from London, moved here about 6 months ago” LIKE really?! Finally, a guy, sent from the cute gods above & he’s also British… I hate that I start planning our wedding! (Hahaha – not really but you know what I mean)

British lower tinder settings

I ask him what made him pick Adelaide, having been born here myself but also having extensively travelled & lived overseas, I am always intrigued about why people pick Adelaide to put down their roots “My mate lives in Sydney but he recommended Adelaide & after visiting Melbourne, Sydney & Adelaide. I felt more at home here” Well I agree with that, I say that’s its small but awesome, I’ve lived elsewhere but I love it here. He asks me if I have another chat app whats app but even though I do, I say no – I don’t want to give him another app if he’s a dickhead in the end. I don’t like to talk to them on other apps until I meet them… He says “Not to worry, thought it may be easier to talk on there. And maybe arrange a little drink later on. To discuss countries, bunnies, riggers & steak.” I laugh. Fuck… He’s making me laugh! We start talking about cheese too, my other favourite food – his too. He asks if I’d like to have share some cheese & wine later & I agree saying we can meet later, I suggest a place close by that’s a pretty nice steak house & we say we’ll meet at 7:00 pm. I google the place & see they have a share platter but that’s the only cheese they have. He says “done!” I tell him that will be my dinner because I haven’t been eating much with some stress lately (Why the fuck do I tell him that?!) he asks what I’m stressed about & that I can talk to him, but tell him that “Work is nuts & some personal stuff. I’ll be fine, just how my weird body reacts. You’d think I’d be skinny as fuck, but nope!” He says “Luckily for you I can’t stand skinny as fuck!” He asks if I like octopus & I say no, so he says he’ll ask for more haloumi instead of it – obviously he’s looked up the platter too – TOO CUTE… I tell him he can ask for that, I am thankful he wants to do that, but I hate doing stuff like that! He also tells me about a bottle of wine he has that has blue cheese undertones in it, I think to myself that sounds gross when he says “I know it sounds disgusting, but wait till you try it.” Oh really!?

He asks what I do for work & I actually surprise myself by telling him the real job title, I usually lie until I meet them… He tells me that he is a buyer for a company that does refurbishments. I wonder what the hell that is, so I say it sounds interesting. He says “Yeah have more to tell you about my time in London doing it as I was for 12 years… Only just joined this company… You sound interesting, I like that” so I say “I guess that’s obvious being you just moved here.” & he replies “Very true there scrumptious” WTF? & then asks me “Will you be wearing your mini mouse outfit tonight” I tell him I have no idea what he is talking about with the scrumptious comment, assuming he’s chatting to someone else & I also have no idea about the Minnie Mouse outfit either so I just say jeans or a skirt. He picks skirt… Well of course! He tells me that scrumptious means tasty, I literally laugh out loud, I know what the fucking word means, I just have no idea what he is saying it for & ask the context. He says “There was no context, a compliment should be used whenever felt needed” I think I have no fucking idea what he’s talking about, so I just I say I will get ready & see him at 7:00 pm.

I screenshot his profile to remind myself what he said on there too…

“33 British foodie to the extreme, who wants to be cooked for? 6FT , hardworking, laid back, genuine, fun man. Likes: Laughing / Steak McCoys / Bulldogs / Positivity / Rugby. Dislikes: People who talk right close to your face / Arrogance / Front of cashpoint queue ditherers / negativity.”

Ok so it’s not my usual style to post someone’s online profile or describe how good they look in such detail, but there you go – first time for everything…. He also has a profile anthem of Superstylin’ by Groove Armada… Old tune, but always a top track! But all of this is building this guy up a bit for me… I do this all the time… It’s so annoying!

I arrive & find a park, looking hotter than I should for this place, a short, forever new grey winter skirt with black tights, black high ankle boots, a low cut cross over black top & my usual puffer jacket. I washed my hair & was careful with some plum eye shadow. I must say I look good, but this guy could be a winner… So I want to make a good impression. After what I’ve been though, being broken up via snapchat, I need this to work out!

As I get out the car, I see a dude sitting outside by himself & assume that’s him, I walk up & realise it is, he’s got a drink already, we hug hello & he’s actually even cuter in real life than his pictures… I know I say this a lot & I was only just saying to friends after showing them my new (& what I think is pretty honest) profile, that I’m scared I’m the opposite for men, that my pictures are awesome but that I don’t look as good in real life. (Where did that self-esteem go that I just had while describing myself?! HMMMM?!) My friends told me to shut up, but of course my friends are going to say I look good…

We go inside & I order a drink, he tries to pay for it, but I get it… He tells me that he called ahead to find out if we needed a booking I say “OMG that’s so cute” under my breath, like that’s adorable… I ask about the platter, but he doesn’t order it. He asks where we should sit & suggests outside, I think I’m going to freeze but decide to brave the May weather in Adelaide, to sit outside in a quieter area that’s not just a dinner table. We sit outside chatting over the first drink & it’s fairly easy, we talk about our families, how he left all of his behind in the UK, that none of them would probably visit him out here unless he paid for them, he tells me that he built his house here from the UK before he got here which was difficult being that he was so far away. He told me that he’s working for a company similar to what he did back home. He tells me about some travel to other cities, such as Tasmania & Sydney also mentioning Melbourne. We talk about weird topics like veganism, which neither of us are close to eating even vegetarian, so not sure why we talk about it… He goes to get us another drink & orders the platter we discussed. It’s a pretty nice evening. The conversation isn’t hard but we do talk about weird stuff. We talk about steak tarte how they are traditionally served with a egg yolk. How weird are these topics!

The platter arrives, we start eating & we talk easily. I have barely been eating since the Noddy debacle, so I end up eating quite bit for the first time in a week… This is what happens with me when I’m hurt… I realise now that I liked Noody at a lot more than I thought I did.

This guy puts me at ease though & he did ask if I was one of those chicks that didn’t eat. I’m like dude, I eat, but right now I’m not eating a lot. But I do eat a bit because I am definitely not the type not to eat & my appetite is back.

I ask a lot about why he moved from London to Adelaide. I am always intrigued about why a person chooses little ol Adelaide to live, mainly because I was born here, I mean it’s a small country town really. Why would someone choose here over living in London? He says that he just liked it here the best & hated Melbourne. Tells me that he found a similar job to what he was doing back home, so he just stayed here.

OMG, could my dream of ending up with a British guy actually comes true!?