This is a bit of a different post from me, this is actually a Facebook status update from a guy – a public figure, called Tyran Mowbray – Facilitator, Speaker, Mentor for men around masculinity, Sexuality & Relationships. It’s hard to send you to the link for this exact post but it was posted on the 16 January 2020 & here is the link to his Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/ShamelessSexGod/
I know this was written by a man about a woman – presumably, but it’s so relevant with things that have happened recently, that you are yet to find out about too & I know I should forget about Noodle but I wonder if he’s thinking like this about me?
HOW CAN YOU STILL DO THIS TO ME?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
It’s been over a year now and still when I get a message from you it can send me into a wild frenzy of emotions.
I lose my boundaries, I lose my centre.
I can feel the longing of the love I experienced with you reactivate. I know it was dramatic, I know it was painful, I know it wasn’t really healthy, but I also know there was love.
A love that I haven’t experienced since and a love that I deeply yearn for.
And I can see the unhealthy pattern that wants to play out. So clearly. I can see the part of me that wants to scream at you and tell you, you dont love me.
I can see the part of me that wants to hurt you and hate you.
I can see the parts of me that wants you to prove your love to me.
The parts that want to be chosen above anyone else. The part that wants to own you. The parts that want to get lost in the wild, chaotic expression of love with all the darkness and light mixed into one upside down inside out relationship.
AND I can see the part of me that just wants to let go, surrender and cry in your arms.
It’s like my little child or wounded feminine inside that just can’t maintain their emotions and wants to go wild and destroy anything and everything.
It takes every ounce of strength that I have to rationalize and hold my centre.
I guess time will tell how this continues to unfold.
I find it astounding that a man wrote this & how much it speaks to me – not that men can’t write, but that it’s written so well that it speaks to me as if I wrote it. I know men have feelings & emotions but I am so used to never seeing them from a man, especially a man like Noodle that I find it difficult to remember that they have feelings just like me. But honestly, I feel like I could’ve written this – I feel like I did write this…
For those that didn’t understand the connection I had with Noodle, I hope this helps you to understand it just a little bit better… It’s a fucking drug, it’s an addiction, it’s a feeling, it’s un-explainable.
But I hope this helps somewhat to understand what I felt, what I feel…