Bonus Post: How to Blog

I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank those who ask me questions about blogging but also I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a professional or an expert on anything – especially dating, blogging or writing. Hahaha. However I do get asked a lot, how to blog, how did I get into it, how do I do it? It’s been a long windy road for me, so here is what I know…

First, I did a little short course in Adelaide at the adult learning centre (WEA) about 5 or 6 years before I started posting which was called blogging for beginners. The trainer said that 90% of blogs will fail in the first 6 months. I was like “pfft, it’s ok dude, I got this – I’m hilarious, I’ll get a million likes each post.” So I set about designing my logo, branding my blog, buying the domain name, setting up social media & getting an email. Little did I know that mine would fail within the first 3 months!

Secondly, I started to write. The stories came out easily, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to write about then started the writing – I am still working through that list! I planned a whole bunch of blogs before I started posting because I wasn’t sure I was ready for this! I also want to make sure of longevity of the blog, what would I do if I get writers block?

Thirdly, I started reading other blogs & started to think about how I wanted my blog to be, what format I would use, who my audience would be & what did I have to say! I saw other dating blogs posting sometimes right after a date, I didn’t want to do that (I like to edit & let the story evolve before I post), but I didn’t see any other blogs doing it like I planned, to post after the fact & not be in real time.

how to blog

If you’re thinking about blogging, google is your friend… I learned so much from my course & so much from google. But here are a few tips from I’ve Been Dating For You:

  • Pick a topic
    • Choose a topic you’re passionate about
    • Write what you know! (It’s true what they say.)
    • Write as you would speak it, don’t try to be fancy, you’re not writing War & Peace, this is your time to be you
    • Be specific, don’t change your topic half way though
  • Pick a blog name
    • Make sure the name will evolve with you, your topic & your readers.
    • Make sure its identifiable & catchy (you know like I’ve Been Dating For You – hahaha)
  • Get a logo, email address, social media & domain name
    • Keep them all the same. This help builds your brand & consistency making your blog easier to find
    • Unless you can make the logo without using word clipart, then pay someone to do it for you
    • I suggest buying your domain so your web address if just your blog name ie: ivebeendatingforyou.com not www.i’vebeendatingforyou.com/wordpress as it looks cleaner & more professional
  • Find a site that can host your blog
    • I use WordPress, but you can use Tumblr, Wix or Blogger, any site for hosting a blog unless you can build your own website
    • Learn the site before you post, you don’t want to change your themes & keep updating your look while posting & confusing readers
  • Keep entries short
    • I suggest no more than 1500 words per blog but no less than about 700 words
    • People are busy, they don’t have time to read a never ending story – that’s what books are for
  • Post blog content regularly
    • At least 2 or 3 times per week on set days
    • People need to know when your going to post, if it’s too random & they haven’t subscribed, they won’t come back to look for new content
    • Don’t post too often, again people are busy & don’t have time to keep checking
  • Don’t start posting too soon
    • I started before I was ready & ended up taking another 2 years to continue to post. I know I have a lot to share, but you have to be ready to share with people you know first because that’s how you build your audience
  • Know your audience
    • You need to keep relevant by knowing your audience, knowing what they want to read & not deviating from your topic
  • Plan, Plan, Plan
    • Depending on your subject, you might not want to post as things are happening, you may prefer to edit, edit, edit before you post.
    • Be prepared for writers block. You need to be consistent so by posting a story you’ve just written you are running the risk of not having content for tomorrows post
  • Schedule your posts
    • I have a set schedule for my posts, so they are automatically posted at the same time every week, this saves time because I am also busy but keeps the consistency
    • I schedule mine a month in advance, that way if anything happens, there is a buffer
  • Don’t post too often
    • People don’t have time to read more than a couple of blog posts a week, don’t be too eager to get it all out there (this is hard for me, because I want to you to read everything I have coming up!)
  • Advertise your blog
    • Be prepared to be out of pocket $$$
    • Don’t expect to make money or be famous, blog because you want too, not because of what it might get you!

Initially when I started posting, I wasn’t getting any readers, why? Was my content not good? Maybe not. Was it because I wasn’t consistent? Yes, it was because I wasn’t prepared for how much time it took me to write content (writers block, over editing & second guessing that I was funny), to post, to keep up to date & to get readers! I wasn’t prepared for the amount of work (& money) it would take to get readers.

It’s been a rewarding experience for me & I can’t wait for you to all read it all. It’s made me more open to new things because I keep thinking that I will get a blog post out of it & I hope that you have all learned something or not felt alone (which was my main purpose for blogging). I can also see my writing evolve & myself as a person since my first blog post to what I am writing now. I hope you all stick with me…

Don’t expect it to happen overnight, I have been online for over 2 years but have only been regularly posting for the last 6 months. It’s been very difficult but fun. I look forward to hearing from you all, it’s so amazing to hear your feedback!

#IBD4U

Boyfriend #4

Shortly after Boyfriend’s ex girlfriend moves out with all the major furniture, we buy a lounge room suite , dining table, couch, lamp tables, coffee tables, but it’s not even delivered to his house before he gets an eviction notice & has no money saved, owes money to the landlord & is basically homeless.

I don’t want to rent, so I say that if we live together we need to buy a place together. He agrees but we need to save some money first. My sister & her now husband offer for him to move in with them, so we do. We stay with them & then one night per week at my parents, as I officially still live there. I’m not sure if we ever pay them rent, but I know we borrow money from my parents to pay boyfriend’s landlord.

When he tells his parents that we’re planning on buying a house, they transfer us $10k for our deposit. I’m so excited that we are able to start looking for a house. Around this time my sister gets married to her partner & goes on their honeymoon. Boyfriend & I start looking at houses to see what we can get, but we find it. The House. The place we both love at a reasonable price. We speak to a loan guy & he says we haven’t had the $10k long enough to be deemed as savings. So we ask my parents to be a guarantee for our loan. I struggle to do this while my sister is away because I need her advice. But my parents come look & agree it’s the perfect house for us & they help us buy it too.

He’d left the supermarket before we bought the house & I left not long after, for a store manager of a snobby shoe store. But I apparently had complaints made about me & was asked to leave. It was the first time I’d ever been unemployed in my life. Boyfriend supported me for a month before I got a job with a telco. I also hated that job, trying to save customers from cancelling. I wasn’t there long either. I then got a job as a store manager at another shoe store & was so excited to finally be doing something I love.

However as one part of your life goes well, another part falls apart. Cracks started to show with Boyfriend & I moved back in with my parents. I can’t really remember what it was about but I do remember him saying he’ll live there, I can rent out my part & we’ll own it together but not be together. I said absolutely not, if we’re not together, I’m not owning something with him. We somehow sorted it out & I moved back in after 6 weeks.

A year goes by & just after the Christmas I found another job as I was moved stores & hated it. I found a job with the federal government in a call/processing centre. One day, I’d called in sick to go to another job interview as the government job was with an agency.

One night we were out for dinner & he says that he wants a baby… What the Fuck! I haven’t ever really wanted kids, but I guess this is the path for an adult couple. I say that I will need some books to read on pregnancy, we go straight to the shops, buy some books & I start reading them. I tell him that I will finish this pill packet & then we’ll just have unprotected sex but not actually “try” to get pregnant. I don’t really want kids, but I guess this is the adult path to go down.

A couple of weeks later, Boyfriend was on holidays having spent the weekend in country SA where he was from. We went to bunnings to buy some plants to make a hedge out the front of our place & when we got back he came into our room & said “I can’t do this” What?! I assumed it was something to do with the plants but he was talking about us.

I don’t really fight for him to be with me. I toyed with the idea of telling him I was pregnant when my period was late – I’m not going to lie, it crossed my mind more than once… But what’s the point of tricking someone into being with you? If he doesn’t want to be with me, then I am not going to delay the inevitable!

I am genuinely upset about the break up. I find out later that he rekindled a friendship with a chick he went to school with while he was back home that weekend. He moved out of our house after a week of trying to live in our spare room, to be with her. My cousin saw him walking holding hands with her, that was hard to hear but I’m glad my cousin told me. Boyfriend had taken her to a hotel for the weekend. Funny that I never got a weekend away!

I packed up all his stuff in the spare room after he moved in with friends but before he moved his shit out. I got my sister to help me, wanting to remove any trace of him in what will soon be my house. His bedroom suite is in the spare room & I open the draw of the wardrobe to put some of his stuff in & find a big black bag. What the fuck is this? I snoop, having lived with this guy for over a year, been together 3 & a half years & having moved houses twice, I’ve never seen this bag!! I unzip wondering what it could be & it’s a giant bag of porn! Being a bit of a sexual being, I am half hurt that he never showed me but half surprised he was able to keep it a secret this whole time. I slip the pregnancy books into the top of the bag, zip it closed & shut the door of the room. I never went back in there until he was officially moved out.

One thing weird about our relationship was that we never kissed, like we’d peck on the lips all the time – hello/goodbye etc but he’d never kiss me properly with tongue (one of my favourite things to do), even during sex, I’d get a few pecks but nothing more & every time I asked why we don’t kiss, he never had a response & just said ‘I knew you’d ask me this’.

Also Boyfriend never said he loved me. I wasn’t loved by him. I think that’s what hurts me the most & actually probably still hurts me a little now, especially now having to relive this relationship while I write it for this blog. But I also know now that I wasn’t in love with him, I half said it once (yes, once in 3 & a half years) but I’m 100% sure I didn’t feel it. (Knowing what I know now!)

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When we broke up, over a few years I put on 30 odd kgs. I was bitter about our relationship & only now I know why. I didn’t know what love was… I feel like I am a good person & that surely someone should love me.

This is a very personal thing for me to say – that I have only just really worked out for myself in the last few years, but my absolute biggest fear in life is that I will die & I will not be loved by a man….

 

Wow…

 

Yeah!

 

Anyway…

 

UPDATE: I have lost the 30+ kgs & am now probably smaller than I was when I was with him, living a healthy, happy lifestyle! – No other spoilers about my relationship status now! Hehehe.

#IBD4U

Origin #7

I don’t hear from Origin so I text him in the morning when I get to the gym at 9:00 am, thinking I’ll have a cute text from him when I’m finished & he might want to try to catch up again this weekend, even though I’ve got a few things to do, I’ll squeeze him in. I’m at the gym for an hour, nothing. I’m at the dentist for an hour, nothing. I have a shower & wash my hair then straighten it (which takes about an hour with curly hair), nothing. I go to work about 1:00 pm & finally he texts to stay that he just woke up & his throat is so sore but he hopes I don’t get sick. I text him back but get no reply.

I am also freaking out about being pregnant & STI’s, he didn’t cum in me but I am just worried, I head to the pharmacy & get the Emergency Contraception Pill for the first time in my life. I wish I could talk to him about it, that I am responsible (since we both have said we don’t want kids) but also I want someone to be there for me as I go through stuff like this. I don’t tell him though. I plan to when we catch up next.

Later that night about 8:00 pm, I text to see how he is, mainly because my friend was egging me on to invite him where we were having a drink so she could meet him. He says he’s down south having a few beers but asks how my day was (I thought he had a sore throat?!). I respond but just get ‘nice’ back, I send a smiley face & get one back but then he finally has a conversation, asks if I’m having some reds, I say yes. He asks where I am, my friend immediately gets excited that he’s going to just rock up, but I’m 100% certain that my life is not a romantic comedy & he won’t. He says that he’s about to go home at 9:30 pm & my friend wants to go so she tells me to invite him over. He’s been weird all day & we don’t have that kind of relationship yet, so I just say we’re on our way home too. He says ‘expressway bang’ so I assume he’s on the southern expressway, so I casually mention he should get off at my exit, but then he says he hasn’t even left the pub yet. What? I don’t get why say he’s on the expressway if he hasn’t left yet? Red Flag! I don’t understand this guy anymore… At least I know he’s not out with a girl, because he wouldn’t be texting me if he was. He says goodnight about 11:30 pm.

The next day I stay in bed all day & I login to my online dating account but stay invisible to just to check my messages, when I see that Origin is online. He hasn’t text me & it’s almost 2:00 pm but he’s online. Has he been online this whole time but because I haven’t been at all, I didn’t even know? I text to see how he is & he says he’s feeling shit again we text a little bit but it’s not a great interaction. It feels weird & knowing that he’s online all day has really made me realise that I have no idea what this guy is playing at. I really thought he liked me.

I try not to dwell on it, we aren’t exclusive, I’m not that naive that I don’t think people online are dating other people, so I think that I’ll back off & let him text me. But fate… Fate steps in of course! My brother is playing with my phone changing my profile photo on Facebook to his own face like a douche, when he somehow dials Origin (he’s a iPhone user, I had a BlackBerry at the time), not only once but twice! He fucking called him twice! My heart pounds in my chest, For Fuck Sake! Now I’ll never know if he was going to text me. He calls me back & I explain that my brother was playing with my phone (as if he believed that) but he asked if I was free through the week & in the city to catch up for coffee, I said yeah maybe I could work it. He said we’ll work it out.

I text him to say sorry for calling & that I could work it out on Monday if he has an early break, he says he’ll let me know in the morning. We text a bit I get confused because he called me ‘shorts’ as in short for the nickname he gave me of ‘shorty’ but I thought he was talking about wearing shorts so we have a few laughs over texts & he says that he could use a cuddle & that we would talk to me in the morning.

On Monday morning, fate fucking steps in again… on the way to work, I am on my work phone to a colleague through the blue tooth in the car when I grab my personal phone out of my back pocket & put it in the centre console of the car. About five minutes later I get a message & check it but realise that my phone has called someone, FUCK ME HARD! It’s pocket dialed Origin!! What a fucking stalker, I am so stupid! Why oh why did it call him when I had a weird weekend with him & I wanted to see if the lunch date would go ahead. I text him to say sorry pocket dial, he said ‘some guy was talking LOL WTF’ . I explain I was on my work phone, he says ok, that he’s at work with the worst sore throat ever (again?! Really?!) I say that I have deleted him out of my recent calls because I feel like a fucking stalker. He says ‘yeah you stalker 😀 & beanie stealer 😉.’ I just respond that I’ll get it back to him & he doesn’t reply.

However, stalker that I’ve become, I look at my online dating app all day & he’s online most of the day on & off, is he looking for someone else? Have I not given enough of an indication that I am interested in him for him to not want to be searching online for someone else? I put my stalker tendencies down to the fact that I have more hormones running though me than usual due to the morning after pill.

But to my surprise at 7:45 pm he texts to see how my day was, things are better, but the whole time we chat, he is online (I am now in full stalker mode just sitting online but invisible so he can’t see me) we talk like normal, he says how sick he is & how he might die off like the chauffeur’s wife in Downton Abbey, I actually laugh out loud & say ‘dude, she dies in child birth’ (Spoiler alert!). We laugh about how he might die being he’s been sick for so long, I say don’t die though because I like spending time with you & he says that he enjoys seeing me as well.

Origin #7

We kinda stop texting, so I put my phone down but then he asks me ‘what else is new babe,’ do I assume he still wants to talk but I stupidly I think that he was meant to send that to someone else. But I reply anyway & we talk about how OCD I am & how his mum is the same & how he can’t sleep with dishes in the sink. We get onto whipper snippering & how he likes to do that in footy shorts so I said he can do it for me anytime, I think that would be hot. He gets a bit of a complex when I say I think he’s got hot arms & nice legs. Eventually he says after 11:00 pm that he wants to get some sleep so we can watch some more Netflix soon. I go to sleep a happy little Vegemite. Even though he was online the whole time, he is still keen to see me!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: April Fools

This comes from the same guest blogger who wrote Rug. This story is very familiar!

Thanks for sharing with us again!

April Fools

So, this is about a first date, not all that remarkable in terms of where we met or how, but it’s one that is firmly burned into my memory banks with the chemistry that we shared and for the journey that followed.

It started with a somewhat tentative swipe right based on an intriguing bio (switch, BDSM, kink, all of which I had no idea about at the time). And he was hot, really, really hot. We chat and we click and it’s fun and easy so we arrange a date for two days later. We both had plans with friends but agreed to meet later in the evening after we’d caught up with our friends properly and it would be fine to cross mingle.

We meet at a bar, I saw him approaching and we just locked eyes and smiled. We hug, grab a drink and head to the dance floor. It’s immediate chemistry. I announce I’m hungry after dancing and chatting for a bit and he disappears leaving me with his friend and my girlfriend. He reappears 5 minutes later with a sneaky cheeseburger, which is a semi drunk girls best friend. I was smitten.

Our friends all slowly disappear and we’re left on own own. Still hungry, we go have some blueberry pancakes and chat and laugh and flirt away for an hour or so. We leave, I insist on a piggy back ride, he happily obliges and we run off looking for a cab. In the interests of full disclosure I advise that I’m at the end of my period but I’d like him to come home with me anyway. He’s in and we’re off back to my place. I do love a man that’s not scared of the female body in all its sometimes gory glory.

It’s hot, primal and accepting. We get back to mine and it’s on, there’s kissing and more kissing and not tentative boring kissing, but really good, passionate hard kissing. The kind that leads to clothes coming off and being literally thrown down on the bed and being masterly attended to. He starts with finger fucking me in a way I never have been and I squirt and cum all over the place (note… I did not know what squirting was or what was happening at the time… but hey it felt good). I lost all inhibition that night and got absolutely lost in the moment. He’s clearly enjoying the experience and fucks me hard and well (and yes there was momentary pausing for condom action, because I’m not completely mad and nor was he).

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After all was said and done, I slept like a well sated nymph. I awake to a gorgeous adonis entangled up in the sheets with me and a bed that looks like a raging storm has blown through. I may have also had a mild hangover… We breakfast on coffee, tea and tiny teddy biscuits as I’m not by any stretch a chef or home maker. I drop him home and kiss him and say see you later friend. I did see him later, again and again for six months and it was a journey, my own personal sexual awakening. It was one I went into with my eyes wide open, knowing that it would lead to heartbreak (mine). But I’d do it all over again (and again).

Where do these people go after an experience like that? Why do they disappear? I don’t get it!

I wonder if we’ll get another installment? I don’t think this story is over!

#IBD4U

Die Hard Liberal

Since getting my new job (like 2 years ago – at that time, so not really new) it narrows down my selection pool for suitable men as there are some political aspects to it. So I am always up front with what I do for a living, usually within a few sentences, I’ll ask what they do if they haven’t already asked me, just to weed out those who may have a problem with it & what is essentially a big part of my life & my core values.

So when I tell someone what I do, most people don’t care but when you get the response like ‘really? I hate …’ or ‘you must have a cushy job’ (yeah right!) then you kind of know instantly that you don’t have the same core values. Usually because I’m stupid I will still try to have a conversation with this person but generally we end up deleting each other within a couple of days or even hours depending on how fired up we get.

So when I get this type of response from this guy including ‘are you vegan?’ when I say no, he says ‘well at least that’s something.’ So I poke questions at him of a political nature to find out what his view point is, what does he think about penalty rates, which sparks an entire debate to which we profusely disagree with each other to the point I am so fired up, he is calling workers unskilled, I tell him I’m defined as unskilled to him (having finished high school but never went to Uni) but I am one of these people he keeps putting down. I also ask what his view point is on marriage equality to which he says ‘once we’re married, I won’t care, everyone will be jealous of us anyway.’ OMG, is he serious?

During another chat with him, he tells me he likes my eyes & wants them… I was a bit confused as in he actually wants my actual eyes or he would just like blue eyes? He says he’s wants them for him as he’s stuck with brown – well I’m stuck with blue, we can’t change our eye colour?! I’m not sure if I should be scared that if I dated this guy, I’d end up eyeless. Yet for some reason, probably because of all you reading my blog, I do not delete him & see if this can get any funnier.

Origin #

When he asks for my email address to send me something that made him think of me, I am skeptical to send it to him, so I use my really old email I only use to sign up to newsletters when you join a loyalties program at a shop, which also doesn’t have my name on it. He sends me an email saying ‘I know we disagree with these things (but I know you like me) but I saw this & thought of you.’ Firstly – I know you like me? I mean who is this guy!? Secondly – he sent it from his work email so I was intrigued by his email address. So I google the address. The website included a photo of him (which was the same as his online profile photo) & podcasts so my boss & I listened & I realised even more that I am never going to be attracted to this guy. Not only do we have fundamentally different ideas & views on pretty much everything that I stand for but he keeps calling me ‘Babe.’ ‘Hey babe, what are you doing’ I’M NOT YOUR BABE, in fact the more you talk the more I dislike you.

He tries to chat to me more & more but I kind of ignore him. I finally respond to him & he asks what I’m doing, I say that I’m going to the pub with work people for a few drinks, he asks which one, I just say a local one by work. He responds, ‘I can’t stalk local pub, tell me which one, I want to meet your work friends.’ OMG – No way am I letting you meet my work friends, how embarrassing!

He chats again one night when I am bored & says that he wants to catch up so he can end up married to me, I say that I don’t know him well enough to want to meet him, he says let’s chat. I say ok, let’s chat, so I start going on about my work & his view points are so completely far fetched I ask him if he actually understands what my job is, when he says some thing also completely wrong, I just say look, this isn’t going to go anywhere, I think we should just look else where, he doesn’t respond but deletes me.

My boss kept saying to delete him but I needed him to delete me because if I did, he would of used my email incessantly until I responded, this way, he’s cut the ties & is less likely to contact me! Good bye you lunatic!

#IBD4U

Origin #6

Origin comes over to my house again, telling me again how much he likes the way I’ve done my hair, that he likes my outfit (I’ve just walked in from work, nothing special TBH) & that he likes my jeans. I almost wish that I was wearing my glasses but I didn’t put them on after work (I actually only need them for screen based work but always forget to wear them!). I try to just say thanks without telling him why he is wrong like I usually do, he says ‘shit I wore slippers, I look like a homeless person’ we have a joke about it, but I don’t mind, I think that he looks pretty good.

We order Indian food & I don’t order rice because I decide to cook it while we go pick up the dinner, but stupidly I forget to turn on the microwave so it would be ready when we get back. I like driving with a guy, when he’s driving & I’m just the passenger… This is such a coupley thing for me. I’m not sure why, but I love it.

When we get back I turn on the microwave & say we have to wait 11 minutes, he looks at me with that look, moving closer, saying ‘what can we do in 11 minutes?‘ & kisses me. We’re in my kitchen, stripping each other, wanting each other, so much passion, I don’t want him to stop. He pushes me up against my pantry & it’s hot, our hands everywhere. He bends me over the kitchen bench & goes down on me from behind for a bit (that’s hot! Think that’s a first from behind), before we kiss & walk into the lounge room. He tries to push me towards the couch but I sit him in a chair & straddle him. I stupidly don’t go get a condom, but we fuck without one but let him know that he can’t cum inside me – I’m not on contraception, we have hot quick sex & afterwards, I say that was more than 11 minutes. He laughs & gets dressed, not touching me or being loving at all. (that’s not that big of a deal, he hasn’t really been affectionate after sex so far.) We eat dinner & watch some TV while drinking some more wine.

Origin #6

He picks some show on Netflix that he’s always wanted to watch but we interrupt it to have sex, it’s probably the best sex the two of us have had together, on my couch, again with no condom (for fuck sake) but I figure that when I see my doctor in two weeks I will go back on the pill. Not only am I allergic to condoms, it’s so much better without them & this seems like it’s going somewhere, right? He jumps up right after, saying next time he’s going to stay over & goes to leave but I say that he should stay 5 minutes so I don’t feel like a prostitute. He lays down & cuddles my legs but it’s a bit weird, he’s fully clothed & he didn’t take off my top so I quickly put on my pants & steal his beanie to wear. He tells me how cute I look with it on.

When he says he’s going to go I stand up & we kiss passionately & he laughs & tells me to stop, he asks for his beanie back but I say no, we laugh, kiss a final kiss goodbye & he leaves. I go to my bedroom, get ready for bed & the text that comes while he’s on his way home. When the pink text light flashes I smile like a lunatic & am so excited that I found someone who likes me so much, I open the text not wanting to take his beanie off but find that it’s from Flaccid. I ignore him, I don’t need anyone else now. Origin & I am going somewhere & it feels like it might be to a little town called ‘relationship!’ It’s a bit soon – so I need to be calm, but I think that we’re both feeling the same & in a month or two, we really could be happy together. I can’t believe that this is happening to me! I fall asleep with Origins beanie on my pillow because it smells like him.

#IBD4U

He’s got a Single Friend!

Another thing I get a lot, especially when my friends get in new relationship & are all loved up, they’ll look at his friends, find the only single one & say ‘He’s got a single friend!’ Like all it takes is 2 single people to make a couple?! Right…

So over the years, I’ve always been so reluctant to go there, what if I like them & they don’t like me back (this has happened before but I was too chicken to tell someone that I liked him) then I have to see them when our friends get married or at birthday parties, my life would be like the movie ‘Life as we know it’ with Katherine Heigel, but lately, I’ve been thinking ‘What the hell’?

So more recently a friend suggested that her new boyfriend has a single friend & I used my new motto ‘what the hell, I may at least get a blog out of it’ so I think possibly she can set up a double date with her & the boyfriend & just have a casual dinner with this friend, something with no pressure, so I text back & say yeah set it up. It’s then that I get the backtrack messages, ‘oh my boyfriend doesn’t think you’ll like him’ or ‘it might be a bit weird’. Well hell dude, you suggested it, I just finally agreed to let you set me up with some weirdo you & I don’t even know & you think it will be weird! I also don’t even know your boyfriend so why does he think his friend won’t like me? Shouldn’t I be the one to decide if I don’t like him, chances are with my luck he’ll be the one rejecting me?

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Also why doesn’t anyone ever say to the guy ‘I’ve got a single friend’ & find out if he likes me before they get my hopes up!? Why do they always come to me first, can’t they go to him then say to me ‘hey this guy likes you’ then I can be the one to reject. Or in most cases never meet because although my friends mean well, they somehow don’t actually want to do the set up thing.

Days later my friend is still backtracking on the meeting with this guy telling me that her boyfriend (who I’ve never met yet) thinks he’s a weirdo & a big drinker that I won’t like him. So I just tell my friend not to worry that I was trying to be more open but right now this kind of thing just sets me back. I mean if friends don’t even think I’m worthy of their boyfriends friends, then what the hell do single men think when they meet me?

It’s not a great frame of mind to be in, which is why I never wanted to do the meet the boyfriends friend thing anyway. FFS

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Blown Match

Well this reminds me of We’re fucked before, in a way. Casual tinder dates are fun, until someone is blown away! hahaha.

The Blown Match

This is the story of another really regrettable tinder hook-up. The chatting and the banter was excellent. He was funny, playful and engaging. He was pretty cute in his pictures (he photographs well; in real life, I wasn’t as into him). I agreed to a sneaky lunch time quickie at my place, as we were both really time poor.

He wanted the porn-star experience: full makeup, lingerie, heels- the whole bit. In return, I was going to get banged like a barn door in a hurricane. He’d dropped some dick pics, and I was seriously questioning how it was going to fit. He was roughly the dimensions of a large sweet potato. I pre-gamed some painkillers just in case.

His finger-work was rough and unskilled. For someone who works with his hands, I expected a little more dexterity. Id already lubed up, so just wanted to get stuck in. He barely managed to get the tip in, before pulling out and spraying me from neck to belly-button in baby gravy.

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I laid there, stunned. His after etiquette left much to be desired. He didn’t offer to get me a towel/ something to clean his mess up. He didn’t offer to do anything to make it enjoyable for me. He mumbled some vague comments about how into it he was and that “this has never happened before”- you can hear my eyes rolling as I write this. He got up and left. I was relieved.

He at least stuck to my rules- no mouth kissing, no cuddling after, no sleepovers. The only good thing about this encounter is that he missed my hair and face with his premature gush of goo.

Miss Slut xx

Seriously, I don’t understand men. Can someone please explain?!

#IBD4U

Origin #5

I initiate texts with Origin in the morning (to show I’m interested too – this is something I struggle with) but he’s home sick on the Wednesday with his sore throat. I don’t hear from him much & work is really busy so when I get a minute about 6:00 pm, he still sick but we text a little, he’s a little off, I just assume it’s cos he’s sick.

He says he’s having a relaxing bath & I’m say I’m going to do the same but with a glass of wine & more Downton Abbey he says he’s wishes he could join me; I say that if he wasn’t sick I would’ve let him. We talk about his sore rib & I say I hope it’s not from too much sex on the weekend, he says that “if it was, it was worth it, it was amazeballs I say that I don’t think there is such a thing as too much sex but it was great for me too (not only do I agree with that, but he told me that’s part of the reason he & his ex-girlfriend broke up) he then tells me “that it was fucking amazing, you’re pretty good in the bedroom & you’re a cool person” & then he uses my real nickname & says “I enjoys your company” I swoon! He has been calling me shorty as a nickname but he used my real nickname that my friends use, it makes me realise that this guy actually likes me, this guy could be my boyfriend, he actually likes me, he’s not shy to tell me how much he likes me. It’s refreshing!

He asks me if there is anything I want him to do because he wants to please me (well there is lots but I want to discover that with him, not tell him over text) I tell him so but say that he can tell me what he might want to do too, but he says the same. I tell him how attracted I am to him because he makes me laugh all the time, even when I think about him at work. He says that’s cute & he’s glad I like hanging out with him because he definitely enjoys hanging out with me!

We text & text & text, it’s so good, we talk about the wine that I bought the first night & how we had it the next time, he says that we should go for a drive to some wineries to have a look one day (OMG YES!) I say I’d really like that… Future plans? I mean this guy is keen, I can’t believe it. I am so lucky!

He texts me at about 4:30 pm the next day just to see how my day is going, it’s so sweet & I love getting texts from him, I light up like a dickhead when I see his name & it’s so awesome that I’ve finally found someone who wants to see me as much as I want to see them! We text for a bit; he tells me to think of him naked at the gym & I will smash it. He didn’t go to work on the Thursday either, he sends me another random picture of himself sitting watching TV & I love it.

We somehow get onto a foot fetish topic which I say no I hate feet; he agrees but then says that I have cute little feet. Can this guy be for real? I mean surely I am not going to be this lucky! I just say thanks but he says that I also look heaps cute wearing my glasses as well as hot, he thinks they’re really cute & he wants to ‘do me’ in them, it’ll be sexy. I agree saying that we can definitely do that. He asks me again what I would want from him sexually, so I just say that I’d like if he pinned down my arms & fucked me hard while kissing my neck, he says done but now he’s hard thinking about it. He tells me to be open with him because it’ll help me out, I tell him that I will be but I need a bit more trust to do the things want to do but he makes me satisfied.

He asks what I’m doing on the weekend, which I’m free Friday night but he’s catching up with mates on Saturday night & I’m busy all day Saturday. He suggests a movie at my house on Friday night, even though he’s had two sick days, I don’t think much of it because I want to see him.

On Friday at 2:30 pm I get a text to ask how my day is going, I wonder if he’s about to cancel on me, from past experiences I just assume that’s what he’s going to do, but we arrange to meet at my house at 6:30 pm & we’ll grab take away & watch a movie. I’m so excited, our seventh date in four weeks (Why am I counting?). This is a record for me, I’m so excited to see him, I don’t get nervous & act like a dickhead, I am just me. Finally, a guy has hung around long enough to see the real me. Finally, a guy that likes me for me, that doesn’t want to just have have sex with me.

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I can’t believe that I have found someone that I wasn’t even going to add online because he’s only 32 (younger than me) & I wasn’t sure about his pictures & I hate that he has ‘a girl that looks after themselves’ on his profile but this guy is so funny, which is something I am so attracted too, it’s probably why I am liking him so much, that & how much he tells me I’m pretty or look good. I mean at one point he said he likes my house so much that I should be an interior designer. I am totally letting my guard down & letting him in… EEK! This guy can’t be for real, he can’t be for me!

#IBD4

Boyfriend #3

Boyfriend & I had been “seeing” each other for a few weeks, messaging & seeing each other, not really knowing where we’re at or what we’re doing, but he asked me to his house to cook me dinner. No guy had ever cooked me dinner. I remember the store manager of our store laughing his head off when he asked what he made for me – toasties. Boyfriend only had one dish he ever made, which was a satay chicken noodles, I don’t remember him cooking anything other than that or a BBQ in the whole time we were together.

At a new years eve party the same friend that snatched my phone to text him on my behalf asks me what were doing, implying are e boyfriend/girlfriend. I say I don’t know we haven’t had the talk. So she decides to ask him. Rightio! He says I’m his girlfriend & when she tells me, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. However weirdly he & I never talk about it. We’re just a couple from then on.

That’s also the first night he stays at my house. I remember it because he’s the first guy to ever stay over at my house, in my bed. But I get up really early to sneak him out being I haven’t asked my parents or even told them – my parents are pretty cool but not sure about having boys over. But my dad is a early riser & is up playing the computer, fuck! I have to introduce him to dad at 5:00 am. I remember dads first words to him were “your mother will be angry she didn’t get to meet him” righto dad! Hahaha.

Shortly into the new year, boyfriend tells me that he’s moving house as he’s been kicked out of his unit & he’s moving in with friends to save money. Ok so a share house isn’t too bad. But when I ask who, it takes him ages to tell me that it’s his ex girlfriend. Right so my new boyfriend is moving in with his ex, who I’m pretty sure is still in love with him. I’m not happy but what can I do? I mean we’ve only been together officially for a short time & I certainly don’t want to live with him so I don’t say much.

It’s all pretty uneventful from what I remember, I realise that his ex girlfriend does still love him, even though she has a boyfriend. & his sister who I thought liked me seems to hate me. I pester him to buy a new bedroom suite, as we’ve been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. But it’s a pretty normal, boring relationship. (if I was writing at the time, I may have loads of blog posts but it was over 12 years ago now.)

Around my birthday my uncle was planning his wedding in Vietnam, of course I jump at the chance to go to Vietnam & ask Boyfriend to come too. I find it super cute when he goes out & buys the same RipCurl bag that I have so we’re matching, without me knowing. We fly out on my birthday, Boyfriend says that he’s planned something for when I get back but for now the trip is my present (The trip I paid for myself & he paid for himself?! Yeah ok) I never get a present from him that year & the next year we’ve bought our house & he buys me slippers & a fruit bowl… Men wonder why women change when they settled down, he was making me an old lady. Who buys a 25 year old slippers & a fruit bowl? Hahaha.

Anyway when we were in Vietnam, right after we have afternoon sex, I tell him that I think I love him & he says “yeah I think maybe I do too.” I get up & cry in the bathroom thinking I’m an idiot for saying it & that I’m unlovable.

We get back from Vietnam, something happens, we snap & almost break up, probably due to the L word infesting the relationship. I remember meeting him at a lookout park during the day & he leaves me there when he says we’re over. I cry & message him to go to his house, which I do & we work through it. Weirdly, that’s also the first day I meet his parents. (they live out in the country, not in Adelaide)

Next Christmas & new years come, he’s still living with the ex, though cracks are starting to show. Before the lease is up, she moves out seemly because she’s not going to win him back like she thought she might. I don’t know why. But she takes the fridge & washing machine, which we’re hers so I use the money I was saving for my working holiday to Canada to buy a fridge & a washing machine for us at his place. Yet I never officially move in with him.

#IBD4U

Origin #4

I wait all day for the text to say that Origin is sick or something has come up, so when I hear from him at midday, I almost don’t want to open the text when I see his name come up. But he just asks how my night was & we chat for a bit. Later around 4:00 pm I expect that I’m going to get the I’m busy text when his name comes up again, but he asks me what time I want him to come over. Why am I so quick to think he wants to cancel even though we’ve now caught up three times & he’s still talking to me on a daily basis so what is it? Is it because I’ve been on so many bad dates already that I’m so jaded, plus this guy has been sick & also cancelled on me.

But when he comes over, he’s so complimentary about how I look, what I’m wearing, what my house looks like, it’s weird for me but I lap it up. I’ve never had a guy tell me how much he likes the way I look, especially since this is only our fourth date.

We go grab some dinner from a local Chinese shop & crack open wine bottle after wine bottle. We sit watching Netflix before he kisses me & we have sex. Like a lot of sex, we use five condoms & he makes me feel really good, although after three bottles of wine I can’t really remember it all, which is a shame, it was really good. I was so sore the next day. Perhaps I need to stop drinking when I have sex.

He leaves my house about 1:30 am but texts me when he gets home (again! Cute!) to say he had a good time, I’d already passed out so we text in the morning & text a bit, he did say the night before that he wanted to bring me coffee in the morning but he didn’t. He texts during the day to say that he wants to ‘pop around.’ About 1:30 pm he comes over & we just cuddle on the couch watching Netflix (I get him addicted to Downtown Abbey), it is so nice, I’ve never just cuddled & had someone put their hand up my shirt & tickle my skin, we do have some hot quick sex, using the sixth condom for the weekend & I say I should buy some more, he agrees & laughs.

While he was at my house on Sunday afternoon, he cleaned up a spider that I killed but was unable to vacuum because it wasn’t charged & I didn’t want to get the big one out, so he got a tissue without being asked & cleaned it up knowing how arachnophobic I am. It was so sweet, it actually made me like him more & at this point I was thinking he was liking me more, now I think we’re on par with each other.

We text later that day, he says “I had a super weekend, it was heaps of fun, I think you’re a rad chick” this is my time to put myself out there a bit & tell him that I had a great time & that I love that he makes me laugh. We say goodnight & he says “night sexy.” OMG I am getting attached to this guy already, it’s only been 3 weeks! People say all the time that things can happen quickly, I just never thought it could happen for me! I actually start deleting my other online profiles (I think I had five on the go at the time, so I just delete the more obscure ones!)

Origin #4

The next day about 2:00 pm he asks how my day is going, we chat for a bit, well all night really, about how much he’s thought about Downton Abbey (which I guess means he’s thinking about being with me while watching it). He abruptly stops talking to me so I assume he’s fallen asleep; I try to stay reserved so I don’t text him the next day but at about 5:00 pm he texts to ask how my day is. He says that he’s sick again with a sore throat (I have no reason to doubt the sore throat thing but I am also not sure that someone can have a sore throat so many times in three weeks, although he hasn’t seemed to rest at all since he got sick.) He agrees says that three bottles of wine & up all night having sex hasn’t helped him get better but he said it was fucking awesome though.

We text again later in the day, he’s now got a sore rib too, so I ask how he is & what he’s up too, we chat for hours via text & it’s so easy & when we have nothing to say he still finds a way to text me something. He asks if I’m getting in the shower & says that he wants to join me which I say that I’d like that if he wasn’t sick & he says he’s looking forward to it.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Rug

Another guest blogger has decided to share some stories with me too. I love that you are all not leaving me out here on my own! Thank you for that.

I like to post the ones that aren’t similar to any of my stories & this is definitely one of those!

-So Enjoy!

Rug

A few years ago I met this guy online, not on tinder, some other site I can’t remember. I’d consciously decided to try dating guys outside of my usual type… cos that hadn’t really been working out for me so well (hot, unemployed and practically homeless). So this guy had a job (tick), a house (tick) and was funny (tick), he was also pretty short and a bit squishy. We had good banter so we went on a few dates which went well.

At about date 4, I think, he invites me and my dog over for dinner. He can cook (tick) and he also has a dog (tick). Anyway, his dog is one of those rampant humpers and he went absolutely bananas over my dog, it was hilarious. My dog is a clueless asexual galloot and is just running around like a loon with his hornbag dog in hot pursuit.

My belly was sore from laughing (not just at the dogs) so we, the humans, retired inside with a glass of wine on the couch and he makes a really cheesy manoeuvre for a first kiss (think yawn and stretch), it’s nice and we progress to his bedroom. He is a bit of a watcher so he starts playing with himself while I get naked and we’re fooling around and it’s fun. We start the old P in V action and then he screams, really screams, in agony, I try to work out what’s wrong and he advises he’s got a detached or travelling ball which has decided to jump up into his body cavity not in the cosy scrotum where it should be, he insists on continuing and doesn’t withdraw but continues grimacing. Bit of a masochist maybe.

Anyway, I clamber off after bit and just play with his cock until his ball resumes a better location. We start again and I’m grabbing his arse to pull him in hard and then in the moment I grabbed his hair gently to push his head up. He freaks out and grabs his head and runs to the bathroom. I’m completely confused and it turns out I had dislodged his toupee/hair piece thing that I didn’t know wasn’t real hair. (I don’t need my eyes checked, it was really good, completely real looking).

Rug

He’s totally soft at this point and embarrassed and returns with a beanie on his head and turns the lamp off. I ask him about the hair trying to reassure him that being bald is fine and he tells me he had an accident when he was younger and he got partially scalped and there’s some ugly scarring. I figure that’s fair enough but my bullshit detector is ringing a bit, but who knows! He’s feeling pretty vulnerable so we end up getting back into it and he finishes with the beanie in place and my hands firmly pinned to the bed.

Funniest, weirdest most awkward interlude I’d had for a while…
I think we had one more date, I spent half of it looking at his hair when he wasn’t looking. The hair wasn’t the killer for me though he had some other quirks I wasn’t too keen on, so that was that!

WOW, I don’t think I’ll be able to not look at guys hair now & wonder!

#IBD4U

Clichès

After dating for more than a decade with a few peaks & troughs, many of my friends, particularly the ones in relationships, love a good ol Clichè. It’s also very interesting how when that person says a clichè to you, they use some sort of  hand gesture & act like that is the first time those words have ever been spoken to another human being. Like dude, you are not the Dali Lama.

So here’s a list of what NOT to say to someone dating or someone recently single:

  • It’ll happen when you least expect it!
  • He’s just around the corner!
  • There’s plenty more fish in the sea!
  • Any guy would be lucky to have you!
  • He won’t come knocking on your door, get out there & meet people!
  • You have to put yourself out there!
  • How are you still single?
  • The grass isn’t always greener in a relationship!
  • You’re too fussy/picky!
  • Your time will come!

OMG, if I hear any of those things again, it will be too soon!

Cliches

You know I had a great aunty, who was my god mother. She recently passed away & she never married & had kids. I often wonder if I am her of my generation. She once told me that she fell in love with someone who was married I believe & he broke her heart. She never recovered. I remember when things ended with Boyfriend, she told me not to become like her. Now almost 12 years later, I am still single & wondering if I am too damaged for a real relationship?

Lets be honest, there is nothing you can say in the situation so I get why people use clichès etc, but please just stop. I think I’d rather people just listen & say nothing that tell me that I have to have faith.

Some advice I wish I wasn’t given too:

  • Give him a go
  • He might be waiting for your text/call
  • Stop looking & he will find you
  • Stop looking online, meet people organically, face to face

In my experience, if any of this was as easy as people say it is, then I wouldn’t be single. I get asked all the time why I’m single & I don’t know why. But my gut has always been right. When I haven’t got a text back from someone, it usually means they’re ghosting me. Not that they are waiting for me to message. There’s another clichè that if he isn’t messaging you back, he’s just not that into you!

I know my friends all mean well & I love them for it & I know that they just want the best for me to see me happy in a relationship, however, there are times when I just want to scream “WHY AM I SINGLE?!”

#IBD4U

Origin #3

I get home that night, stripping off & jumping in the shower, as every minute passes, I feel more & more like an idiot for fucking him too quickly. I look in the mirror & there are two big hickeys on either side of my neck. FUCKING great! -Let me just preface this by, I bruise so easily, so a light kiss can bring on a hickey for me.

The little pink light on my phone is flashing when I get out of the shower, that means text message, my heart stops. I unlock my phone & see his name. Origin’s text me, saying he had a good time & hopes I did but the movie is still confusing him. I tell him to go to bed & that I have hickeys which he apologises for but says it was such a turn on in the bedroom with how loud I was… OMG! (I didn’t think I was that loud, I’m always too self-conscious to be loud).

Origin #3

I go out for lunch with my friend the next day & as I’m telling her about him, he texts me just to see if I’m ok & how my neck is. Really, can someone be this sweet? It’s so weird for me! We text all afternoon, I send him a picture of my hickeys. We text about crap, mainly how big my bed is & how small my feet are (What?) but then he asks ‘Did you cum last night?’ The poor guy, I put him out of his misery & let him know that I did. He was pretty happy with himself!

He asks if I’m around town that next week which I am not really, but he’s vague also of telling me when his lunch break is so I couldn’t really plan another lunch date but I suggest weds night as that’s a night I don’t go to the gym which he says yeah that would work for him. I find out that I can meet him at work on Monday but he says he’s too busy, nothing to worry about, I guess. I end up having a super shit day at work & hope that we have some friendly banter over text while I drink some wine & have a bath but he doesn’t write back but I text him good night hours later when he says that he was asleep on the couch. I was asleep when I got that so I text him in the morning. We text again in the afternoon & I say that I am free on Wednesday night which he agrees, we don’t decide what to do but he seems excited like he needs something to cheer him up & I agree.

We talk about us having sex & I say that we should have shown some restraint, he doesn’t agree but he understands. I try to organise what we should do tomorrow night but he says that I should decide. But by midday the next day he’s going home from work sick, he’s apparently got the runs. I am supremely disappointed & it takes all my might to not write something bitchy back because this is now the second time he’s bailed on a date & also he’s now been sick more in the two weeks we’ve been talking than I’ve been sick all year. I finally respond saying ‘I’m sorry, I was looking forward to it but hope he feels better soon.’ He writes that he was massively looking forward to it, I decide to go to the gym instead since I missed another class earlier in the week.

While he’s sick he tries to set up a date for Friday night, I said that I’m going to a fundraiser dinner so I’m not free but I suggest that I am free to meet him for lunch on Friday afternoon, he doesn’t commit but says that’s good.

It’s about this time he somehow comes up at a ‘person I may know’ on Facebook. How does Facebook even know we know each other? I have a light stalk of his page & most of it is public. I check out his photo’s & see his ex-girlfriend & I kinda work out that they aren’t that long broken up, the last posts about the two of them are from about six months ago. Why am I even looking?!

We’d had a laugh though about the fact that I had to kill a spider (I’m really arachnophobic, like really really really phobic, can’t even look at spider pictures or see plastic ones) & when I spray them I then put the can of spray over them so I can vac up their corpse later. He says he hates spiders too which I say is not good for me, but he says he’ll man up when he has too. We also talk about tattoos & how he wants to get an arm sleeve; I tell him he would look good with a sleeve. I like those type of tattoos on the right person, he says he’s the black sheep because he is the only one is his family that has none, I am the black sheep because I’m the only on in my family with tattoos.

It gets to Friday we’ve text all week but I don’t hear from him till I text him first yet again but I’m stuck 40 mins out of the city at 12:30 pm so I don’t get to catch up with him for lunch. But we somehow lock in Saturday night to have take away dinner & a movie at my house. Let’s see if this date goes ahead!

#IBD4U

Jerk Off

I like this guy somehow after only chatting for a short time, I think he is respectful & sweet (despite the pseudonym that I chose!), we chatted about spooning but it never went more than that or became gross. The next day he didn’t chat to me when we were both online – you know my weirdo rule, but a few days later he did.

Lots of men will ask you to chat on other apps outside of the online dating app generally because they can send pics of themselves usually dick pics. Whenever they ask for my user name, I am always firm that I will not be sending pics of myself, they say “no of course, not nude ones, just other pics” I always say no. I hate that there are probably so many pics of me online as it is. I only have two on my online dating profile usually but I still hate it.

I shared my user name with Jerk Off & while I don’t regret it, I just can’t believe what some people will send you. On this app you can send pics that don’t last every long, we start chatting on that app, I get a dick pic in his boxers, then one erect & he of course asks me for a pic of my boobs. I decline & he talks a little dirty to me, I don’t really reciprocate but I ended up with a pic of him actually jerking off & cumming. Just what I want to see when I open my phone!

He had a very different cock than what I’ve seen before, his foreskin is really large, more than I ever seen before on an uncircumcised man, but that isn’t the deal breaker, it’s more that I’m not sure I’m that open minded to get a ejaculation video sent to me before I’ve even met the bloody guy in person!

I must be too nice because I don’t stop talking to him when he chats to me the next day on the ejaculation app (as I’ve named it!) & doesn’t really say much at all, I almost think what is the point. I actually hate that I liked this boy; I thought he was a good seed. I guess that’s the thing about online dating, is that you can never tell what the person is going to be like, until you see a video of them ejaculating onto a wooden chest.

I’d love to hear from guys who have done this or send dick pics & what is going through their mind, I don’t speak for all women but my friends & I agree that we don’t want a dick pic, if you are going to send us a pic, we want to see a sexy arm (not a beef cake steroid arm) but a sexy muscular arm or a nice calf, even a nice six pack, but not a cock – especially if we haven’t met you!

Jerk off

He chats to me & sends me pictures on the other app plus he talks to me on the dating site too but we don’t really ever say much besides he says ‘cutie’ & I send a blushing smiley face back. (What else is there to say?)

He chats to me every now & then asking ‘what are you up to gorgeous?’ & things like that, I generally always respond but I don’t think it’s ever going to be anything. In my experience, if someone sends you a dick pic then you are probably never going to meet them or want to meet them.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll

Another story for you from my guest blogger friend, I can’t say this has ever happened to me.

Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll

(aka Woodwork Booty Call Weekend)


Ok.
So the title doesn’t sound great hey? It’s actually one my regrets in my single life… It isn’t indicative of who I am as a person.
On one hand, the guys would say “Fuck Yeah” and from a female point of view, typical bloke.
Just to be clear, no drugs, not much rock n roll, shit load of sex.
So this is in between “The One” and “the Animal” for those keeping up. And yes I’m going backwards…
So after “The one” had crushed my heart, I was in need of a weekend to forget about it for a bit, all my friends had other plans on my kids free weekend, so, stuff it… I’m a confident guy that can just do this shit himself, let’s get smashed and see what I can pick up (cause you know, random sex makes you feel better!)
So, it’s Friday afternoon, thinking of just hitting City, the Union possibly, maybe Hindley st, who knows, who cares!
Random messenger text… Now I know this happens to the girls a fair bit, generally not blokes… Message from BC2 (booty call 2)
Have not heard from BC2 for 6 months… last I heard she meet a guy not long after me….
“Hey! How are you? Thought of you the other day, and how long it’s been since we caught up. How’s things? Are you seeing anyone?”
So the explanation comes if not a great experience recently and that this weekend is all about me…
“Oh no…you need some cheering up, how about we do coffees tomorrow morning after gym?”
Yeah fuck it, why not, she’s fit, super hot, and well… the sex was great, and she’s a nice girl. Play my cards right…
“Done”
About a hour later….
“Hey!”
BC3… 9 months since I’ve seen her…
“Saturday catch up? Been ages”
“Yep, how does lunch sound?”
“Awesome see you then!”
Ok, BC3… running chick, own business, funny, attractive… fuck… might get two in a day…
In very quick succession (because I’ll condense all this!)
BC4
BC5
BC6
Sex Drugs & rock n roll

Similar messages, same reaction… stuff it, why not? The common theme here? All from 6 months to 12 months since we had been on a date… and sad to say, hadn’t worked out, yet after two three dates had slept with all of them. So you just never know, could come to something… yet ladies and gentleman, my mind was just on sex. Nothing else. And where was theirs? Well… you guessed it.
You may be asking where’s BC1? That’s coming!! (or did… anyway!)
So with a heap of dates set(?), the last three set for Saturday night, and Sunday Brunch and a Sunday afternoon drink… away we go. 5:00 pm hits, and into town I head…
Waymouth St. Beer and Vodka. Normal crowd building by 9:00 pm, chatting to some random people, couple I know, a few really pissed guys in suits… that’s keeping me entertained for sure.
9.30 pm… order a Vodka lime and soda…
A tall, blonde lady catches the eye… I know that girl?
Walks in with a guy… shit, that sucks.
Alcohol fuzziness eludes me of the name…
Uh huh! Got it! BC1…
Shit! Been 18 months at least… must be kid free… fuck it… have to say Hi, that one night… hot.
Wander over as she is standing at bar…
“Hey there Miss, can I buy you a drink? Grenache perhaps?”
OMG… get the biggest “Hey” I’ve ever had.. Awesome! In!
Pleasantries completed, drinks ordered, life story of last 18 months talked over…
Guy she was with kept trying to butt in, eventually introduced as a guy she meet down the road… yeah whatever.
Conversation continues, more drinks added.
“Cmon, come to the dance floor”
“What about the guy?”
“Oh my dear, you’re hotter, so shit your arse out there “
Uh huh! Bingo! Dressing well works! (By the way… he was in some weird cotton t-shirt that didn’t look like it had been washed at all, shit denim jeans and some really bad flip flop things… Chinos and shirt all the way!)
Ok… dancing… gets closer… then kissing… then hands moving freely…
More drinks
More dancing (by this time the guy had worked it out, and left)
BC1 “I’m ready to go home, no more for me”
“Ok, I’ll come out and wait for the taxi with you”
“Naaw, sweet”
Stumble out, bundle lovely lady into a taxi… not gracefully mind you, and considering she had a one piece black, shirt dress on and heels, didn’t leave a great deal to imagination when she couldn’t get in!
“Shit!, my knickers are showing!” yeah, not shit! Anyway…
In she gets… lean in to kiss good bye (thinking stuff it, I may as well just jump in)
“Are you coming or not?” (Not yet I’m not LOL!)
“Yep”
The usual back of taxi antics, and yes, he would have been privy to a almost poem style show… wait for it…
Arrive at her address…
Me… ”Nice house!”
“Just moved here… it needs christening!”
Happy friggin days!
Now, this whole time, I had actually had flashbacks to the “One”, however not now… I’m about to fuck a super hot blonde…
Taxi takes off…
“I left my knickers in the taxi!!!!!” She cries
Doh… ah well….
In we go….
Clothes of in the hallway, you can guess the rest… thank god she had the condom supplies… needed 3.
(Please remember this is all pretty condensed)
Sleep time… spooning… all that nice stuff we all miss.

5:00 am…. beep beep beep
Alarm…. are fucking serious? 5:00 am!!!!!!!
“WTF is the alarm going off for????”
BC1 “Oh, it’s gym time”
WTF? I love my gym, seriously? 5:00 am on a Saturday? Guess to have the hot bod, got to the work! (Don’t I know it!)
“You can sleep though, in fact don’t think I’ll go”
Fall back to sleep… all good right? Might get some morning action?
Wake at 8:00 am… hungover, shagged out, tired.
Roll over… WTF. She’s not there… maybe she’s up already. Walk out to kitchen. Nope. Toilet. Nope.
Note on Kettle.
‘Make yourself a coffee, use the pods, I’ve gone to gym. Just pull front door closed when you leave, I won’t be back until this afternoon. Great to see you again. May run into again sometime. Had a great night as always spunky man. xxxxx’
What???? She has left me here by myself! WOW! Ok.
Coffee done. Felt really weird cause it wasn’t my house… anyway, washed up, got dressed and walked outside.
Pretty sure I was still pissed, and needed a way to get home, yet didn’t want to spend a fortune on a taxi or Uber.
Shit. I’ll call my mate and see if he will come and get me…
“Hey mate, Where is this suburb in relevance to the city? And can come and get me so I can get my car?”
“Sweet Jesus dickhead, that’s like halfway across the state!”
Google maps…. holy shit! Don’t remember the taxi ride being that long!
“See you in 45, you can tell me the rest when I get there”
Cheers mate! Love your work…
Mate arrives… story told… as is the rest of the weekend planned…
His reply “I bet you won’t fuck all of them, and if you do I will laugh”
Challenge accepted….
His last piece of advice… which is very true…
“You know if you do this though, it won’t bring her back to you, and it won’t help with the hurt, you need to process it before you start doing anything else… you will regret this in the end”
Yeah whatever, I’m not listening, not interested… I’m hungover, need a shower, and need to get my arse to the eastern suburbs for my coffee catch up…
Those words from my best mate… still hear them, and he was right. Didn’t make it better… yet I wasn’t in mindset to listen…
On we go to coffee catch up with BC2… and possibility of more sex…
Very interesting advice from his friend! Definitely agree.
Also who leaves a guy in their house that they don’t know to go to the gym?
#IBD4U

Origin #2

Later that day Origin texts me to see how the rest of my day was. We text for a bit & every day afterwards. We kinda arrange to catch up on Friday night, without any set plans, but when I was getting ready in the morning I poke myself in the eye with a cotton tip (Good one idiot!) & I get a blood spot on my eye. I go to work not thinking about it but as the morning wears on it hurts more & more, plus I’d been in training for work staring at a PowerPoint presentation so my eyes were strained. They’re so sore. After training I head to the pharmacy for some drops to ease the dryness & the pharmacist tells me to get to the doctor ASAP. FREAK OUT! I make an appointment & take the afternoon off. Of course my eye is fine but it was best to get it checked out. I text Origin to let him know that I am at home with a demented eye & send him a picture so he doesn’t think I am lying about why I need to cancel our date – probably didn’t need to cancel, but I did. He tells me I look pretty, even though he can only see the side of my face & my eye.

The Doctor has told me not to use screens too much that are close to my face, just relax & watch TV, so I’m sitting at home not doing a great deal when my phone rings, it’s Origin! He rings to ask how I am & if my eye is ok, what the Doctor said. OMG how fucking adorable! We don’t talk for long but I say how sweet it is that he called to see how I am. I also text him after the call to say how sweet it is (I’m not sure why I did that, I normally wouldn’t do stuff like that, perhaps that’s why I’m single?) he likes that I did text but he called because he was worried about me. Awww, too cute! I text him goodnight at about 9:30 pm when I go to bed like a grandma, he texts back after midnight saying he hopes I feel better & to enjoy my king sized bed.

We text on Saturday & he says he’s hungover & doesn’t feel like going out but if I want to come to his house to watch a movie. I agree, feeling nervous but he suggests I bring a bottle of wine. I knock on the door & his two dogs go mental & it takes a minute for him to open the door. I let the dogs sniff my hands then they walk off to their bed. We kiss briefly hello, he tells me I look nice & he leads me into the kitchen where he pours me a glass of wine & he inspects my eye saying it doesn’t look that bad. He gives me a tour of his house, which I find a bit awkward – why do I need a tour? But then we just sit on the couch.

He suggests a movie on Foxtel which I hadn’t seen so I said that would be good, it didn’t start for an hour so we watched some crap on TV drinking the wine & chatting fairly easily. Chatting so much that we missed the beginning of the movie, so we just started watching something else, when he said “come here for a cuddle” so I moved over & then we kissed properly, FINALLY!

I probably should’ve shown some restraint, one of my friends says that I shouldn’t have sex with any man for at least three months, another friend had said it was a bad idea to go to his house knowing that I’d probably have sex with him & then I’d be in the same position I was in with Milky – just having casual sex with no idea what he’s thinking, then I’d end up alone again!

But with all that perfectly sensible advice, I didn’t listen to any of it, it was a good kiss, I ended up sitting on his lap straddling him, kissing him like we were the last people kissing on the planet. We fooled around & ended up having sex, he took me to his room then went to take the dogs outside & for some reason he never took off my singlet, so I just left it on.

Origin #2

Afterwards he just got up & went to the bathroom, then went to let his dogs in, so I went to the toilet too, he asked me at the door if I wanted water, I said yes & he pokes a bottle through the door. I laugh, saying I didn’t need it right that second (& dude get away from the toilet door, I don’t want him to hear me pee!) I come out of the toilet & go wash my hands, he’s standing in the lounge room holding my pants, he hands them to me so I get dressed. That was weird…?! Feeling quite stupid I think that perhaps I should’ve listened to my friends & not rushed into having sex with him, after all, this technically is only our third date!

I hang around for a short time, watching a stupid movie that I have to keep explaining to him but feel more & more awkward so I say I better leave, he says he’ll walk me out, he does, right out to the footpath, we kiss, then I stupidly turn my head & he kisses the side of my face like a weirdo, we say bye & I jump in my car thinking to myself ‘what a fucking idiot!’

#IBD4U

Why Are You Single?

One thing I get a lot, not necessarily from single men, but from all my friends, colleagues is ‘Why are you single?’ & then they proceed to list your qualities on their fingers, usually no more than five but at least three things that they like about you, that they think men are looking for in you & while you agree with the qualities they’ll list, you know that generally these aren’t the reasons why you are single.

So why am I single? I own my own home & have done for more than a decade, I hold steady job where I am quite successful & passionate, I am very well-traveled including having lived overseas in my mid-twenties, I am smart, I am funny & love to laugh, I don’t think I’m hideous to look at (though you may never know the answer to that!), I have a wide variety of interests – now including sport & recreation activities or music/comedy gigs, I don’t have kids & never been married so have no baggage & I love to go out but also love to stay in.

So what is it about me that people love to chat to me online & will say how perfect I am & how much they can’t wait to meet me, then when we meet, there is something that changes for them. They either say ‘do you want to catch up again’ I say yes but may never see them again. Or they leave after one hour & say there was no chemistry for them.

Why are you single

I honestly don’t know what it is & the more good dates I go on with a bad ending the more jaded I get & the harder it is for me to let someone in. I think that’s what scares me the most, is that now I am too damaged, to be a girlfriend. I mean I say I don’t have baggage because I don’t have an ex hanging around or kids but I might have even worse baggage that those ladies (at least their baggage is out in the open, mine is hidden so that I don’t even see it & am only really coming to terms with it).

So I’m trying a new thing, dating a guy from online that I may not think is that good looking or that I am that into. By trying other things as well, when a friend suggests to set me up, I am going to go. If nothing else happens with these men that I’m not attracted to, I’m sure there will be a blog post out of it.

So that’s what I’m trying to move forward doing, being more open! It seems good in theory but I’m not sure that it’s going to be good in practice, because usually what will happen for me (I’m sure you’ve all experienced this) is that a guy you’ve gone on a date with that you aren’t really that attracted to, is the one that finds you amazing, your friends will say give him a go, so you’ll go on a few boring dates, he’ll get attached, perhaps a little needy & turn you off. Then once you end things with him your friends will say “you’re so picky.” Well I don’t want to settle with someone & if there are alarm bells in the first few weeks, I don’t think those alarm bells go away just because you give the guy a go.

So perhaps my friends are right, I am too picky but I’m like Carrie Bradshaw, I’m looking for inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.

#IBD4U

Follow Me Everywhere!

My blog is becoming a bit of a hit. hahaha…

I’m so thankful to everyone for reading & getting involved…

The easiest way to follow my new content is by liking my facebook page.

For new readers, Welcome! Scroll to the bottom & work your way up. Otherwise it might not make a lot of sense!

So come find me on the other social media platforms – I’m on Facebook (extra content with status updates daily), Instagram or WordPress (which is via your email).

Also contact me for longer queries at Ivebeendatingforyou@outlook.com.au

Thank you once again for reading, sharing, liking & sending me messages. I love it!

#IBD4U

Origin

One of my no no’s for a profile is to write that you want “a girl who looks after themselves”, I hate it with a passion, I don’t even know what they mean by it & do men not understand what type of message it sends to a woman? So I almost didn’t add this guy because of it, plus he is younger & I wasn’t really sure about his pictures either – he doesn’t exactly look like he looks after himself, but we started chatting a bit & it was quite good, he gave me his number & we started texting. We text a lot, like every day all day, that I was getting to a point that if I don’t meet this guy soon I am going to get too attached. So when he asked to go out on the weekend I say yes. He texts me all day of the date night but then at like 3:00 pm he says his mum called & wants to do Mother’s Day dinner. I say it’s all good, have a great night & end up going out with a friend & the ‘Bowie’ evening happened (probably also because Bowie said that it was bullshit that Origin had to go to a family thing.) Red Flag!

Anyway he continues to text me the next day when I’m feeling sorry for myself, hungover & shameful that I had sex with someone the night I was supposed to catch up with Origin. But all through the next week, we text every day, we send each other random pics of our furniture & we joke a lot with great banter calling each other names & about him not having a TV in his room & me having a king sized bed. We also text about everything that we hate about meeting people, I say how I hate that you never know what to do when you walk up, give them a kiss on the cheek? A handshake? or worse, wave at them? There’s also the awkwardness if they go to kiss you on the cheek but you go to shake their hand, then you end up with their dick in your hand. Bahahaha. Origin says he agrees & that he’ll kiss me on the cheek hello. I also talk about how my friend always tells me that I might come across superficial because I always talk about my renovations or where I’m travelling too next, I explain that it’s not to make them feel bad or to prove that I am better than them, it’s because I am finally in a place in my life that I can finally do things to my house. I think we’ve got all the awkwardness out of the way!

He finally asks me out again to have a drink. He texts me all day before the date but I also think that he’ll bail so I plan the coffee date with Woody because I also think that this will be the end of chatting to Origin, as per every other date I have been on.

All throughout the day he messages to say he’s been shopping to have something to wear & he’s a brand snob so he’s bought a Ralph Lauren jumper, so I start freaking out thinking I need something nice & new to wear. After a long three hours at the hairdresser I have one hour until my next appointment for the day to go shopping, I run into my favourite shop & try on ten tops before running out with three. I run into another shop for tops to wear underneath & then into a cheap funky jewelry shop to buy a necklace or ring.

We plan to meet at & 7:30 pm but he’s texting saying he’s ready when I’m on the date with Woody, so I say perhaps 6:30 pm. He’s there when I arrive, drinking a beer, he stands up & gives me a kiss on the cheek as previously discussed (Cute!) & he asks if I want a drink, I say I’ll get it but he follows me to the bar & buys me a wine. We chat easily, about all sorts, he says he got there at 6:10 pm because he didn’t want to be late. When he asks me which football team I go for, I say that I don’t really follow football but if I have to I just go for the team my primary school friend went for because they were the only games I ever watched, he says which team & when I tell him he gets excited as it’s his team! Scored some points there without even trying!

We have a few more drinks & he says he’s hungry, I agree & he says ‘we’ll do Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets a menu’ I wish I had of played instead of saying ‘I’ll get them, I don’t mind’ but anyway we’re trying to decide what to eat because he wants a schnitzel because I talked about it all week, but he doesn’t want a whole one, so I suggest we share & get an entrée too. He agrees & I go up to order since he’s paid for all the drinks so far. I don’t know what type of gravy he wants so I order & when I get back I ask which gravy he would’ve wanted, he says pepper, I say no, he says Dianne & I say yes. Cute, scoring more points now!

We share dinner & 3 & a half hours later we decide it’s time to go, he walks me to his car & he’s parked almost nose to nose with me, he asks if I want to catch up again, I say yes. (I actually had a really good time & he’s better looking in real life that his douche selfies.) he says give us a kiss pecks me on the lips & does this cute tickle on my stomach – which makes my tummy jump, before we go our separate ways.

I live about 3 minutes from the pub, so I’m home & in bed within about 8 minutes when I get a text from him, saying he had a good night & would’ve stayed longer if his dogs weren’t inside. I respond letting him know I had a good time too, when he says ‘sorry about that shitty kiss, I’m better than that’ I again say that’s ok & maybe next time it’ll be better.

20181119_215414

He texts me the next day to see how I am & he revels his sick with a sore throat, so I say that I’m glad he didn’t kiss me. He agrees & we chat a fair bit for the next few days, he takes the days off work so I keep asking how he is & we text a bit. On Wednesday morning I ask how he’s doing & he says he’s back at work, what are my work plans for the day, I say I’m in the city most of the day & he suggests we catch up for coffee, so I rearrange my lunch break to meet him for coffee near his work. I thank god silently that I got up that morning & put on a full face of makeup & had washed my hair the night before as I am going out for dinner with a girl friend. I also was going to wear the top I wore on Saturday night but wore another one, which was bloody lucky!

I’m in the coffee shop when he arrives looking like a homeless person, t-shirt, jeans & beanie but he’s still cute. He offers to buy me a coffee & we talk really easily for 25 minutes before he has to go back to work. I can’t believe how quickly the time goes. We walk out of the shops & he says ‘Gee you are short aren’t you?’ I laugh as he’s not that much taller than me & I say that to him, but he says he feels tall. I get the feeling he doesn’t want to show me which building he works in but I parked my car that way so we walk together. He says he doesn’t want to kiss me & get me sick so he’s not being a prick, I agree so we just stand awkwardly saying goodbye, he says ‘we’ll catch up again’ I say yeah & he imitates me saying yeah & laughs, I say ‘fuck off’ with a giggle & he says ‘see ya jerk’ & we both laugh & walk off…

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Sex On The Beach

Another one from my guest blogger & fellow blogger. Anyone remember MIA Undies? Kinda seems like I’m not 100% alone, except maybe for the loosing my undies part. Hahaha.

Sand paper condom! Oh god, that brings back memories.

The link to her new FB page to follow her is  – https://m.facebook.com/The-Secret-Diary-of-a-She-Wolf-421003095109070/?ref=bookmarks

Thanks again for sharing. This is exactly why I started blogging. So I know I am not alone!

#IBD4U

Boyfriend #2

I haven’t ever really talked a lot about my one & only real relationship that I’ve had with Boyfriend. So I’ll give you a little insight to what our relationship was (over a few blog posts – spoiler alert – no cliff hangers on these ones, because you already know we broke up!) & there are some things about our relationship that may help you understand why I maybe like I am, or maybe it’ll just confuse you more.

Boyfriend & I met at work, which was a supermarket, I was probably around 21 at the time, him a couple of years older. He was the new night fill manager & I had worked at the store for a few years & was recently promoted to the assistant deli manager. When he started, he had a girlfriend but I thought he was cute. Our paths always crossed on nights out with work people – which was quite often being in our early 20’s, plus we went to Big Day Out (the festival that is no longer) & always chatted at work.

After he broke up with his girlfriend, we were both given the opportunity to do a in-house retail management course, which meant that we studied together once a week with other employees from the company. I hoped to sit next to him because I knew him but still didn’t think there was anything there.

We swapped numbers to so we could contact each other about the course, I remember being in Sydney with my sister when he first start talking to me via text asking me a really dumb question (which I find out later was just a way to start the conversation with me). We text a bit – this was also when texting wasn’t unlimited so we didn’t just text all day, however it was a lot, especially at 30 cents a pop!

I remember feeling like a teenager when I was out one evening with friends, I think at the Christmas carols in the park when he was messaging me. This was before people were always looking at their phones & had them on silent, so it kept beeping, my friend snatched my phone off me & started replying for me. How mortifying!

Around this time too, I realised when I was on late nights, every time he would come to the deli to get his hot dinner & I surprised myself by always giving him a cheaper price on all the left over crap that was in the hot food counter.

I went to Fiji with a friend & met Swiss, then when I came back, all the work people went out one weekend & I remember being really drunk & telling him how I didn’t want a boyfriend & I was happy being a single 22 year old. We end up back at his house, I’m not sure how or why I went to his place at Magill, miles away from where I live with my parents. Nothing happened, we both just feel asleep on separate couches.

The following weekend, I’m at a family event. I am tipsy & am thinking of him. I send him a text “I’ve got the hiccups” next minute I have texted him the address of my uncles & he comes to pick me up. My aunty decides that she’s going to go talk to him in the driveway, again I am mortified, this guy is going to be scared off by my family! We go to his place, then to a bar for some drinks (like I need any) then back to his house. This is where he kisses me. I have sex with him on the first official date (just him & I), but I figure that we’ve been friends for ages & basically been on heaps of dates, have been messaging back & forth. I realise that I really like him & I hope that I’m not just a root for him.

Later I asked Boyfriend when he started to like me, because I wanted to know who liked who first. He said he started to like me after Big Day Out (we all went as a group) but I didn’t start thinking about him until we were doing that course together in the middle of the year. I guess it is feasible that a guy would like me before I liked him!

#IBD4U

Bowie

Sometimes there are guys out there that are honest about what they want & I respect & thank them for that because then I can make the decision about what you want to do, rather than them stringing me along. When this guy said he just wanted casual hook ups, I explained I’d just got out of something like that & wasn’t interested in getting back into that because I feel like I barely made it out of that one alive, with my dignity intact.

Anyway he keeps chatting to me after the first chat which I’ll give him points for that – I always struggle to be the first to message. So one night I was planning a date with a guy but he bailed (Story to come), Bowie starts chatting to me online & says that he thinks it’s bullshit why the other guy cancelled. I don’t know if it’s to make me feel shit so I’ll sleep with him or what but I had told my friend that I would go to a gig with her because I had nothing else to do plus she had a spare ticket & while chatting to this guy he says that he might come too. I don’t think too much of it, many guys say that sort of stuff all the time. I so tell my friend how this guy was perhaps going to come to tonight, but we just enjoy ourselves.

Two bottles of wine down, we’re having a great night, my friend goes to the toilet & I stay in the main room, she comes back & says that there’s a band in the other area & this gig was depressing her so we walk into the other room. A guy & her point at each other & start laughing, I have no idea what is going on but then I realise it’s Bowie! He realises who I am & he tells me that my friend had lent him $1 when he was at the smoke machine that wouldn’t take his $20 note. What are the odds?

We talk for a while, I have no idea what about but when his friend rocks up we end up hanging out together & all go back into the he main room (we snuck them in as they didn’t have tickets!) We kiss on the dance floor, I mean he’s there so I may as well. Might not be a lasting relationship but at least it’ll get Milky out of my head!

At the end of the night, I don’t really remember a lot, three bottles of wine & I am quite drunk, we’re sitting outside & he gives me his jacket to wear, even though I have a little jumper to put on, but somehow (I don’t know the conversation) but he gets in the car with us & comes back to my place for the night. I don’t really remember a lot which is probably not good, but we had crazy wild drunk sex & fell asleep, with the covers everywhere.

He wakes up early, I think I’m still drunk but I did say I’d drop him home, he says to drop him at a train station but I just can’t do that, I’ve had similar happen to me (remember Travel Agent?!) & it sucks, but then I remember his house is about an hour or more from mine. We talk easily on the way to his house, it’s not awkward which is nice, he kisses me quickly goodbye when he gets out the car & I haven’t heard from him since, yet he hasn’t deleted me from the app. But we were clear about what it was so that’s the good thing. I don’t have to wonder the stupid range of questions that seem to plague me after I meet someone new:

“Does he like me?”

“Will he call me?”

“Will I see/hear from him again?”

“Am I good in bed?”

Bowie

The next week he messages me for a bit & I tell him that I don’t remember much, he tries to tell me that we didn’t do anything, which I know is a lie, so he tells me the truth what he remembers & what he liked. He asks me what I liked & what I would get him to do to me if I was there. He tells me that makes him hard. We talk a little more that day but a few days later when I log on to the site, I see that he’s deleted me. I mean, what the fuck DUDE! I know we weren’t looking for the same thing but my god, what is wrong with these people?

#IBD4U

Woody

Reactivating my account, I get more likes than I ever have before, I chat to an electrician guy who asks if I’m free to catch up. He looks alright on his profile & we’ve chatted a fair bit so I think why not, what could it hurt. If worse comes to worse, then it’s just a good story for my blog!

He suggests the worst local pub near my house to catch up & I immediately say no & suggest one that has just been done up, so we decide to meet there. I walk in & don’t see him straight away so I go to the bar to get a wine so I turn around he’s at the other end of the bar so I walk up to him & say hello. He’s pretty much like his pictures but in real life he reminds me so much of Cruise & I am kinda not really attracted to him.

The drink goes well, I talk a lot which is what I do when they are quiet & I make him laugh a lot but he doesn’t really make me laugh at all. It’s easy for me when I don’t find them that attractive to be the person I am, not the shy person that guys I like see which is probably why the men I don’t like get to see the real me & actually want to see me again.

We have a couple of drinks but it’s so windy & cold that we decide to go, he walks me halfway to my car & asks if I want to catch up again, which I say yes, then he says he’ll hug me goodbye & I kinda do an awkward kiss on the cheek at the same time, not really thinking & so we kinda leave awkwardly as I didn’t actually kiss his cheek. SUPER!

I get home & minutes later there is a message on the app from him saying hey cutie, thanks for tonight, here is my number, hope we can catch up again. Why when things go ok with a guy, do I start thinking about Milky? We weren’t ever a coupe for fuck sake, he didn’t like me, he was short & lied about his age, why would I want to be with that? But I also thought about the Seacliff guy, I was actually really interested in him.

Woody

So I don’t want to lead on this guy by messaging him but I also don’t want to give up on something that could be good just because I like someone else who doesn’t like me at all. But I message him & a few weeks later after about 10 texts in total we arrange another date, coffee on a Saturday afternoon & possibly a walk.

We catch up for a coffee, he arrives & buys the coffees – Well hot choc for me as I don’t like coffee, we chat for a bit, it’s a little awkward & hasn’t gotten any better to be honest, there are a few silences which make me uncomfortable, when he finally says that the sun is in his eyes, we get up less than an hour later to go. We have an awkward goodbye & he says we should catch up again, I say the usual yeah, but don’t really mean it. I think he gets it too because I haven’t heard from him.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Animal #2

Well I don’t know about you… But I’ve been waiting The Animal to call!

I wonder what will happen, this woman (or animal) is a little out there! Even by my standards!

The Animal #2

So we left this at The Animal going to call me, after her antics, wasn’t quite sure I wanted the call!
Yet, I did like this girl… Fit, intelligent, reasonably good sense of humor… maybe it could work? Even with the “Outdoor” escapade desires!

Anyway, so two days later I get a call…
The usual ‘Hi how are you?’ etc… Then the apology for going off her nut.

Apology accepted.

Would you like to come over, I’ll cook dinner and we’ll have a wine or two?

Yeah, why not!
In to the city, meet at apartment foyer, kisses, cuddles, all the nice stuff.
Up we go. Extremely nice dinner with Salmon and healthy stuff we are both in too.
White wine to start, followed by a lovely Pinot from the Adelaide Hills… Going well. No signs of the crazy side coming!
Discussion had of the antics, plus the loss of plot!! All good, stress from work and ex can do that to you (Right? We have all been there!!)

So after a wine or 3, the glass keeps getting filled… At this point very aware I can’t drink too much more, have to drive.
“No, you can stay here” she says…

Ok, well I guess we have done the deed already, so what is that going to hurt?

More wine…
Turns to romance…
Then fun in the kitchen…. (Kitchen is fun by the way… Just saying… Sturdy bench???? You get the picture…)

“Let’s move to the bedroom “

Not going to say no at this point, as there are things that have to be dealt with…
Didn’t think about the last time with a tree branch… Surely this will be normal…
WRONG!

So to keep condensed and not go into all the gory details, just before we end up completely naked, she asks
“Have you ever been tied up, and had sex with a Tiger?”
Being a lad from way out of the city, sheepishly reply “Nope”
Then notice the dog like collars on bed head….
“Would you like to?”

There’s alarm bells going on here already, yet the little head was talking not the big head… Mmmmm…. Fuck it, only live once hey….

So strapped in….
Rather different not being control…

This is the part where the nickname comes…. May not seem nuts for others, yet my naive country upbringing comes out here…

She starts to growl, then scratch and claw at my chest…. And very close to drawing blood…
And the mind is going ”WTF!!!!!!!”
At this point… Yep, have to say I’m not enjoying this and the more I bucked, the more she seemed to be getting off…

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Then thought, Na… I’m done with this… I have to say so….
But before I could she says
“You’ve gone limp”

Yep… It happened….

“Yeah well, not sure having sex with a Tiger was on my agenda this evening”

Boom! Released the “Animal”

Still tied up, out came a horse whip…
Laying completely starkers, I’m thinking ‘Holy shit!!’
“What the hell are you going to do with that?”

“I’m going to punish you and “him” for spoiling my fun”

Now this is when I lost it and pretty sure most of the CBD heard me…
I went off my tree ”Get me the fuck out of this shit!”
“Really?” Was her reply
“Fuck yes… NOW!”

With that, and a very forlornly face, she undid the collars….
Out of bed like a jackrabbit, with the “Animal “ quickly behind trying to apologise for being so forward…
Clothes gathered, put on, completely ignoring every single word…
Dressed and bolted…
No parting words from me except this… ”Animal, please, next guy you want to do this with, take it easy on him”

Never heard from her again…

Did run into her going up Lofty once, with the new guy. Ignored each other. One good thing though, as I was coming down and she was on way up… Fuck did I run faster!!!

And with that Ladies and Gents, that’s when I ceased to use anything online for dating…
And also pretty much lost interest in any sort of meet and greets…
Sit back these days and smile a little about this, as in “Holy shit I find myself in some pickles”
Not willing to do find myself in those situations again. However, still believe the fairytale exists… Think everybody should…
Moral of the story…. Enjoy your time being single, yet if you don’t like it, never accept anything that is less than your standards…
If it doesn’t fit with who you are, say so. Be honest. Honesty is better than silence.

I am really lost for words with this one! But thanks to my reader for being brave & sharing with not only me, but with all of you!

#IBD4U

Seacliff

Have I not learnt from reactivating my closed accounts on stupid online dating sties? Well clearly not because I reactivate an account & meet someone that I think is really cute, we chat & we end up chatting for ages. We talk about quite a lot, never getting dirty, which at this point in my dating life is refreshing. He tells me straight away that he had kids, that he has for a week on & week off, tomorrow night would be his last kid free night for the week.

We talk some more, even though I am dying to go to sleep & he says that he can tell I’m not crazy & even though it’s really soon, he wants to meet me tomorrow night for a drink. I agree that it’s fast but I end up saying yes because it’s better to meet them quickly than to have it go on for weeks & then get semi attached & them meet & find out they are a tool.

So we arrange to meet the next night for a drink at a bar. Why are these the days that I get stuck in the office doing really important work until 6:00 pm, when I said I would be there at 7:00 pm, I look like crap so have to go home & change, fix my make up & get back to the pub! But somehow I made it but was a few minutes late. He did message me a few minutes to 7:00 pm & said he was at the bar, I messaged back & said I was just a few minutes away.

The conversation flows pretty easily about all sorts of topics, dating stories (I share some of mine – we’d be there all day if I shared everything!) & he tells me a lot about his exes & kids, which kinda sets my mind at ease. (As the only reason I don’t like to date men with kids is because I don’t want to have to deal with the crazy exs.) We have a couple of drinks & the place clears out so we decide to leave.

I really hate this part, after a date like this, where is wasn’t amazing (like everyone else’s dates I hear about. ‘Oh we talked for hours & we have been inseparable since’ –Oh give me a break!) Anyway the date went well, nothing over the top but you can’t really work out if he likes you, you think he looks nice & has been quite funny, yet who knows what he thinks. So you walk out the car park, I point to my car, knowing that last drink I went out for where the guy (Wine-o) just said bye & walked off, so I was getting a similar vibe from this guy, so I say it was nice to meet you, while getting my keys out my purse & he launches at me kissing me, I start kissing him back instantly. Oh how nice it is to be kissed, I haven’t been kissed since Milky, even though I’ve been on a dates, so I just lean into it, really enjoying that type of kiss where you know isn’t going to lead directly to sex.

We kiss in the car park for about 5 minutes before he pushes me up against my car, we start running our hands over each other when he says “Am I the only one that’s thinking it?” I ask what? He says “that I want to start ripping clothes off” I giggle saying not here, then kiss him but add, “yeah I’m thinking it too.” He laughs & says that “you could of led with that” but I say I thought it was pretty obvious. We continue kissing before a couple of cars come into the carpark so he says we should stop but will talk to me soon, we say good bye & go our separate ways.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days, I assume because he’s got his kids. I know he’s got Friday off so my friend says I should message him first, maybe he doesn’t think I’m interested because of the ripping off clothes incident that will forever be burnt in my memory of the wrong thing to say… So I message him hoping he has a good day off & fun with the kids, thanks for meeting me the other night I had fun, I get a response a full work day later saying he had fun with the kids & that he’s getting sick, I say I hope he feels better soon & that’s been it. I know he’s got the kids till next week so I just leave the ball I his court!

Seacliff

He deletes me from the app a few weeks later. No love lost but it’s always baffling to think that he wanted to rip my clothes off one night, yet he deletes me a few weeks later, after barely talking to me. I’m sure that’s not about me. Of course people will say that he was dating multiple people, which is fine, I get that, I’m not that naive, I am dating a few people too but I can’t believe that EVERY single guy is choosing someone else over me EVERY time, especially when he says when we’re chatting that he’s never gotten along with someone so well!

#IBD4U

We’ve Fucked Before

Having deleted my accounts several times, I forget who I’ve chatted to in the past. Nicknames look familiar but you never know if they’ve deleted their accounts & changed their nicknames as often as I do. So there comes a time in little ol Adelaide when you start chatting to someone that you start to feel a little connection with, think might be really cool then they start to talk dirty to you. I reply saying that I don’t want to fuck random guys anymore, I’m looking for more. Expecting to be ignored & him stop talking to me, so I’m surprised when the little icon comes up to say that he’s typing. I wait to see what line this dude has, like I haven’t heard every line in the book yet… But I was not expecting him to say ‘We’ve fucked before!’

FUCKING HELL, how slutty can I be not to remember someone I’ve slept with? I start to go through my mental list of men I’ve slept with & cannot remember this guy, I ask him when & he says last year. That doesn’t help, that was about the time I was just about screwing a different guy each week. I ask why we never saw each other again. He says that I went away for work & he got busy, which is fair enough, I do travel a bit for work but I think why wouldn’t he message me when he wasn’t busy. I also ask him what his name is again & he gives me a different name to when we first started chatting. Who the fuck is this?!

So he asks if we can catch up that Friday night, he wants to have a shower with me so I figure, it’s not going to be another notch on my bedpost that maybe I could meet up with this guy. Clearly our first meeting wasn’t significant that I didn’t have a story about him or even remember it so it couldn’t have been that bad, right? I give him my number, which I NEVER do, I always ask for theirs, I thought this might help the previous text messages in my phone from him & piece together the evening we caught up. He never texts me but later than night on the dating app, he starts talking to me, I’m like what are you doing dude. He asks to come over after the gym in the morning when I have my shower, I say sure, text me. He doesn’t so I don’t bother with him anymore. I end up going away for work again & he chats to me so many times on the app but never texts me.

Somehow, we exchange details to get off the dating app and onto a different chat app, where he sends me dick pics (Yaye – Not.) & I question him more about when we caught up. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of info so I go though my phone & find text messages that I think might be his, then it all comes together… Oh god!

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The night I slept with him, I went out on a winery tour all day with my friend, I was drunk & trying to get Hockey Puck to come over again, but of course he was playing his ‘I’m sick’ game. So I cracked the shits with him & told him to fuck me or fuck off. I got online & as I’d been talking to this guy, we text & he came over as I was getting dropped off. I still don’t really remember the sex with him but he does tell me that we talked a little, kissed then I sucked his cock, we had sex but then he was embarrassed because he came so quickly, so he didn’t want to see me again. I say that there are so many more reactions that he could have had besides getting up & leaving. He doesn’t ask me what I mean, but for the regular readers, he could of stayed a little longer so I didn’t feel like a whore, he could have spent some time on me being that I didn’t cum during our short sexcapade, he could of waited till he was ready to have sex again & tried to go a bit longer than the first time. He didn’t need to get up & leave making me feel cheap.

Now that I think about it, do I really want to catch up with this guy again?

#IBD4U

Another Irish

Well this Irish guy really should have made me feel worse than I did afterwards. I was actually glad that I had a few men texting me & chatting to online so that when one was gone, there was another to pick up the slack, so to speak!

We text a lot during the night about what I’m going to wear – which wasn’t anything too exciting. I figure if you want the best of me, then you need to treat me better than a ONS (one night stand). We also talk about what we are going to do when he gets to my house, the texting gets a little sexy.

He rocks up to my house, pushed me against the wall & kisses me hard & sexy, that I get turned on quickly, I lead him to the bedroom, he pushes me on the bed, takes off just my jeans, pulls down his pants & boxers, I can see how hard he is. He lays down next to me, kissing me passionately & running his hand up my leg before he says “I can’t do this” What? “‘Are you serious?” I ask. He says yes, but kisses me again but he stops & says “No I really can’t do this” OMG. “Really?” I ask & he said really & stood up to put on his boxers & pants. I pull on my jeans, thinking that this can’t really be happening. But he leaves my room, I walk him to the front door & he actually leaves.

This guy drove about an hour, just to kiss me for 5 minutes, gets hard & turns me on but then ‘can’t do it’? What is that about? Perhaps his girlfriend cheated on him so he thought he would be able to cheat on her but when he got here to do it, he couldn’t go through with it? or perhaps he wanted a one night stand & then couldn’t do it or wanted to cheat but decides that he can’t. I of course think it’s me, I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m a bad kisser, all sorts of bad thoughts about myself.

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I actually think he added me again about six months later, after things ended with Milky & we were chatting quite a bit, he was of course getting sexual in his chat when I finally just said, I am not looking for anything casual, FWB (Friends with benefits) or a hook up, he said it didn’t have to be a one night thing, but I just said I’m looking for something different & deleted him. Once I thought it was the guy who came to my house then left, I figured that I didn’t need to go there again!

DELETE< DELETE< DELETE!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The One That Got Away

Another fabulous reader & also a fellow blogger has shared a few stories with me & allowed me to share some with you. This one almost made me cry (& I never cry!) – I have had a similar experience, you are all yet to read about! #WatchThisSpace!

OMG, tell me that didn’t tug at your heart string! Thanks Miss Slut for sharing.

#IBD4U

Hockey Puck #3

Yeah this guy is still hanging around since the day I ended things with Milky. He texts me all the time, tells me how much he wants me, we try to set up a time to catch up but we never seem to get the time to catch up yet some how we sext a bit, I get sucked in it & always end up really turned on. It’s totally not what usually happens when someone sexts me, I usually think it’s a bit hilarious. But with Hockey Puck I seem to get caught up in it & actually really enjoy it. He seems to write exactly what I have pictured in my fantasies (even though he only knows a few tidbits) but he some how gets me to reciprocate.

One day while working away he said he wanted to get my panties wet while I was at work (I hate the word panties!) I was sitting in a board room, reading his texts while listening to someone babble on, but he was saying what he wanted to do to me under the table & I swear to god that I could of cum, if the meeting didn’t finish. I ended up going back to the hotel immediately (even though I didn’t have the time) & made him text me sexy things until I did cum. I didn’t think I had many firsts left regarding sex but it was the first time I was that wet from texts.

I ask him on the way home from my work trip if he wants to catch up this weekend, he says ‘we’ll make it happen’ I text him a few times on the Friday but then never hear from him again, until a week later on the Sunday saying how much he wants me. I respond with is ‘I am having déjà vu?’ I explain to his what that we’ve been here before, a few times, I’m getting over it, so he asks what I’m doing right now, (but I’ve also seen him come up on my dating profile & he’s looking for British girls as he’s moving to the UK in 2016.) he says he’s not moving for a while but I say that I can’t this weekend & I’m kinda getting over it.

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We’ve had sex once & this has now been going on for almost two months with absolutely nothing but text messages, I just think that what is the point… I’m deciding to leave this one alone! Or will I? I don’t know, I say I am, but stay tuned because with me you never know what I might do since I’m a masochist, I can only assume that I will be quite happy to go back for more if he continues to text me. However I think that’s probably the last I will hear from this one, his cat is now out of the bag – him moving to the UK – & I have told him several times that I am not looking for anything casual now, I want more than that now.

UPDATE: He came up recently as a friend I may know on FB. I don’t know how but he did. I looked at his profile pic, with a chick. Assuming his girlfriend, while I’m still single. Lovely…

#IBD4U