I can’t even… Yes… Max is back! I am having a shit time at work, I am being micromanaged like you wouldn’t believe, so I am on edge about that… Noddy hasn’t been chatting as much, even before his DV friend came along & all I want is for him to message me. So when I see Max’s face pop up on my Facebook messenger I think what the fuck does he want!
“Hi, you probably don’t want to talk to me again, but I wanted to check, I’d like to be friends still. Kinda don’t really have any friends and could really use one” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. So I know Sweetie isn’t happy & they’ve been on & off again, that she’s seeing someone else & I know they’ve been fighting about the fact she’s seeing a guy & he’s not seeing anyone… I guess the tables have turned & he doesn’t like it! I stare at it for ages & don’t know what to say to him… “Hey, while I have no hard feelings about you & don’t have any problems with talking to you, I also don’t want to be used now because you need a friend…!” I’m surprised that he takes some time to write back to be honest. “Fair enough, I deserve that. I haven’t been a very good friend to anyone” Did he really think we were friends? “I mean, we fucked for like 6 months & you weren’t even that good of a friend to me… So I guess I’m not jumping out of skin to give you any more of my time with not even an apology or anything” Like he doesn’t even apologise to me or even show any remorse! “I’m sorry for being a shitty friend. I thought we were friends. I guess I spent so much time on work I don’t even know if I’ve ever been a friend to anyone” Uhhh dur! I was sick of hearing how busy he was at work, remember! “We were friends till you started treating me like I was an option & taking me for granted… You’d do sweet things, like the tied ladybug at the wrong time then never spoke to me again” Remember the tied up ladybug in my letterbox after I get death threats from Noodle’s partner? “I spoke to you to wish you a happy birthday, you’d already blocked me. But your point is valid… I didn’t make any effort and I’m sorry for that. I wanted a friend but I didn’t want to be one. Was selfish of me.” I don’t read it, so that he can see I’ve read it, & I don’t write back till morning.
I go to sleep thinking that the lady bug in my letter box… That was like 2 months before my birthday! 2 months between messages, means we’re friends?! REALLY?! I can’t even believe I am replying at this point, what the fuck is wrong with me… This guy didn’t treat me well, he didn’t treat his wife well… Why am I replying? “I never blocked you. I made a new chat app account… You only ever put in effort till you got what you wanted despite what I wanted…” He asks if I’d be kin enough to forgive him, but look at this point, why should I & what would I get out of this if I did forgive him? I mean I know that Sweetie isn’t happy with him & seeing someone else, so now he’s contacting me because they aren’t happy together? I don’t reply the hours later he tells me that he’s scattered from now sleep. I finally write back “I know… I’m not Sweetie. I won’t put up with bullshit. Though I’m so surprised I actually put up with your bullshit for 6 months… Guess that’s what kinky sex does for me… Turns me into an idiot!” He says’s we’ve all been idiots for sex at some point. then asks “If you’re not busy this weekend, would you like to come to play VR in town & maybe grab some lunch or a coffee?” Would I? I mean do I want to get entwined with this guy again? I mean I really liked him, I definitely cared for him a lot, maybe I cared too much, that’s why it hurt me so much when he stopped talking to me, I mean I had Noodle & was in WAY to deep with him after just a couple of conversations, so of course that hurt way more, but I did like Max, he was good for me at the time. I actually enjoyed our time together & I actually have to thank him because I think if I didn’t have him, I wouldn’t have believed that Noodle loved me… Hard to explain but I felt pretty worthless for most of my life towards men, wasn’t until Max that I realised a guy could actually like me. If that makes sense?
Anyway, I tell Max that I can’t commit to seeing him right now but he says that he wasn’t even expecting a reply from me & so he’s just happy that I did message him. I don’t want to ghost anyone, but I don’t reply. The next day he sends a hello & happy hump day, but I ignore it. The next day he sends “Went to the big wooden playground after dark. Have to say it looks a bit like a big wooden kinky dungeon” I don’t reply but I send a laughing emoji reaction back to his message. I can’t help but think that it would be fun to go to the wooden playground after dark, but I just can’t think about Max right now. I have Noddy, super cute & fun Noddy (albeit he’s being a bit of a douche right now.) I don’t want to jeopardise anything with Noddy for Max – especially since I know that Max will probably just stop chatting to me in a few weeks, or fuck me then lose interest again.
He messages me when I am about to go on a date & we chat about that, I don’t know why I am oversharing, maybe to make him jealous, I don’t know… I guess I don’t want Max, however, I don’t want him, but I don’t want him to want anyone else. I am so standoffish that I don’t know why he keeps writing to me, he writes long sentences, I write back “Hey” & nothing else.
I ignore several messages “Good morning cutie 
hope you had some fun this weekend, and got some rest aswell, so you can smash through next week 
” & then other messages that he was at megazone with the kids – wow he does stuff with the kids on his own? Over the course of the next week, these are the messages I ignore…
- Oh hey! I’m in Melbourne till Wednesday, it’s so fkn cold here!!
- Beer o’clock!
- Planes are funner with some intoxication
- Hey! Any crazy plans tonight?
- Come bowling with me
- Had a good weekend?
Then late at night, my phone keeps buzzing, I get a series of messages from him… I don’t even want to look at them TBH. “Cozy in bed ready for a good sleep before work starts tomorrow? You know what would be good before going to sleep? Tying you to you bed and running my fingers up and down your body. Teasing you to cum, over and over, for maybe a couple of hours. A week at work is easier after cumming a dozen times
. I’m hoping you see these popup on your notification, and you’re just ignoring me in spite. You want me to beg to tease you? You know you loved it, that’s why I loved it so much, because how much you enjoyed being tied down and teased. I want to tie you down and whisper dirty things into your ear… Tell you what a sexy little slut you are, and all the things I’m going to do to you. If you happen to be horny when you read this, message me and unlock the door, and I’ll sneak in and grab you, and have my way with you. Just say, yes Max” OMFG!!!
I snap “I’m really not sure what to say to you Max. I don’t want to ignore you because I am not that type of person. But I don’t want to get involved with a married man again, especially one who only talks to me when convenient for him…”
He snaps back “All the time I only talked to you when ”convenient”, you didn’t initiate a conversation at all. If you don’t want anything to do with me, say so simply and I will stop messaging. But don’t add in the especially because rubbish” OH FFS.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 
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