Noddy & I talk about how sensitive we both get when we are tickling each other’s skin or playing with each other’s hair. He says that drives him nuts he gets so turned on, that even just thinking about it with me, he got a shiver up his spine. “Erg… I’m actually all squirmy now.. hehe fuck… I want you” Yeah I want you too Noddy! Didn’t he tell me he’d get in the car? Why isn’t he getting in the car?! He knows I want sex daily, so he knows how sexual I am, that I think this will be the first time we actually have text sex… He sends me a picture & as I go to open it, I assume it’s going to be his dick, he then says “I bet u thought that was gonna be my dick ahaha” Yeah, I definitely did! I say that at this point with him, it wouldn’t bother me, in fact I think his cock would turn me on… But he sends me a naked chest pic next, then 2 seconds later one of him rugged up in his dressing gown. I say he doesn’t need the dressing gown as he is so hot when he sleeps. He says that he usually sleeps in boxers or naked. He pretty much has always put clothes on at my house, I’ve slept naked with him, but he’s always sleeping with clothes on. I think it’s a little weird “hahah I know, lol.. I’m not used to being in another woman’s bed naked for the night” I’m like you’ve slept here many times, I’m not a strange woman. But he says that he wears boxers in case something happens… What the fuck would happen? I say “Good night strange man” & he says “What about spark plug” I tell him that he’s no longer spark plug but strange boy. I tell him that I am not strange but normal. He says “ Fuck off – Normal my ass” but then says he has to start work. I tell him that this convo is not over, I want to know why I am not over. He says “Well for a start you like me… that’s strange ahahaha. Don’t like cuddles, peanut butter… Need I continue” Fuck well that backfired… I wasn’t expecting him to have anything to say to that! Hahaha… I tell him that he gets a lot of cuddles from someone who doesn’t like cuddles… I also tell him “I’m always attached to people who make me laugh, so it’s not unfathomable that I would like you.. Plus you’re alright on the eyes.” I am always attracted to people who can make me laugh, this guy makes me laugh via text out loud & constantly in person…
Instantly he messages me saying he lost respect for someone in the group because he actually read her message about cheating wrong. She was being sarcastic but he read it as if she meant it. I have to explain to him that she didn’t mean it that way & he calms down a bit… WOW he really is against cheating. I mean he should be of course, I know that he was cheated on, but the fact that he will cut people pretty easily is very interesting. I need to be careful with the Noodle story.
I have just learned that Demon broke up with her partner on Mothers day, I am friends with the partner & he’s been chatting to me about it. He’s unsure if she cheated on him or not, she’s told him that she has another guy but refuses to dignify that with an answer, I mean he’s upset she won’t tell him, but it’s not going to help if he knows or not. I guess I am a bit scared at first that she’s with Noddy, but it’s not him… Why am I so jealous of her relationship with Noddy? He’s met her family & stuff, maybe that’s what it is? I wonder if Noddy knows the truth, I wonder if she did cheat & how he feels about it?
I tell him that messaging is hard, so I prefer face to face but that can be confronting. He agrees, I tell him that I was emailing Noodle for months after we ended but if we just had a conversation then it would’ve been done with. He tells me that he’s still messaging his ex about the house & stuff, I feel another pang of jealously. I tell him that I am here to chat if he needs. It’s true I will listen but I am scared that he’ll take me up on that offer & I don’t want to be jealous of his ex-girlfriend… Thinking dumb thoughts, like what if he goes back etc. “Yeah. Trust me, I’ll message you to rant about it hahaha” I say that I am happy to listen anytime. “Yeah its good… Just to know I can message you about anything. And just talk about shit.” I’m so glad he sees me as someone he can talk too…
He decides that I need pictures galore of him to save in my Noddy file. They look a little older, when he seems really skinny, I think perhaps maybe because of drugs, I’m not sure… But he looks much better now. I ask him about his workmates because he is constantly sending me selfie pictures throughout the day, he says that they just laugh but he doesn’t care.
It’s the night before we supposed to catch up, he’s disappeared & not chatting to me or in groups, but when he comes back online he says “Hey… sorry… had a fucked night… Just got a call & my mate is heading down from Berri, she’s run away from a DV relationship” This brings up bad memories for me, I have helped my friend a few times, once her & the kids were dropped off at my house by the police, another time she was living in a shelter for ages, unable to live with me because her partner knows where I live & I wasn’t allowed to know where the shelter was either. I even left work to take her to the police station. I say I hope she’s ok. “I dunno… she called in tears so I said just come here. She can stay the night & talk if she needs” Well that’s good she’s got him, not much else he can do, unfortunately she may make stupid decisions he doesn’t agree with… He tells me he could never raise an unconsented hand to a women, I tell him it’s a vicious cycle & that my best friend hasn’t spoken to me for 4 months, I think mainly because she doesn’t want to see me because she went back to him, but I also think he isolates her by degrading her & making her feel worthless. He apologises for bringing up this & upsetting me. I say that I’ve been dealing with it for 10 years so I am ok, but I didn’t want to make this about me. I guess I just wanted him to know I can help & would be there if he needed advice. He stops replying, I go to sleep, assuming she got to his house.
I wake up I the morning to a message at 4:31 am “Alright… She’s finally crashed out after crying for hours. I’m gonna try to get a few hours sleep before work at 9. Working from home so not so bad” I know this is really really selfish of me, but I know he’s going to bail on me for our movie night… I say good morning & wish his friend well, he says good morning gorgeous says he got a bit of sleep, that he has his mate coming over with his car & that he hopes I have a good day. I had a busy as fuck morning, so I finally write back saying that I’m looking forward to relaxing with him tonight – knowing that he is going to have to bail, which sucks. “Hey at this stage hun she doesn’t have anywhere to go so I said she could stay here a few days.” It’s also almost 1:00 pm & he says his friend has only just dropped his car off & it’s a 6 hour job… So there goes my evening, even if she doesn’t let him go – which surely she wouldn’t want to come between him & the chick he’s seeing. I know my friend would be mortified if she fucked up my plan because she needed me… Not that I mind, but she would be horrified. I can’t hide my disappointment, I knew she would stay there but I figured he’d be able to leave her… Doesn’t she have family or other friends? Running form a domestic violence situation, you wouldn’t want to be around men – I know my friend was scared of all men for a while. Noddy says that he’s rather not leave her with his roommates. “I’m sorry hun can I come see you tomorrow for a coffee date or something just to see you before you have to go this week?” Well at least he wants to make it up to me… I say yeah fair enough, he probably should stay there with her. But I let him off the hook for tomorrow saying that I doubt he’ll be able to leave her so see how he goes…
I go out that night because I’m not going to sit at home alone feeling shit that I was bailed on. Yes a legit reason, so I am not upset about that, I am more upset that he doesn’t even seem to care that he’s bailed on me… Maybe he does, but if I had to bail, I’d be so apologetic & would be locking in the next time… Didn’t he tell me he would lock in the next time? He’d never bail on a woman? He replies as I’m on my way out at 8:00 pm telling me she’s be crying all day, he took her to the police but she wouldn’t go in. He said he’s trying to work on her being ok with his housemates which she seems to be doing well.
I write back on my way home… “I’m glad you’re being there for her, I totally understand & makes me like you more for being a good friend… But I can’t hide my disappointment that I’m always the thing you deprioritise when something happens… So while I’m trying not to seem bitchy, I’m sorry if I am. I’m genuinely upset too” I want him to know that I am sad about him not seeing me. I am not at all trying to make him feel bad. I actually like this side that he is such a good friend… I just hate that it always seems to be at my expense. He reads the message & never replies… Ok so we’re back to that!?