Here is the seventh instalment of the Mixed bag series… I hope you like these. These are a little bit older but always fun to read… Some more insight into why I am like I am!
I met this guy in 2016, so we’re going back a few years BN (Before Noodle) & still very new to kink. I mean I think I may have even been with Milky or that may have ended. I actually think this was just before I met Noodle & I was just about to start seeing Max…. I don’t even remember where I met this guy either but I know chatted a lot on the chat app.
We literally chat a lot, we chat most days, for a while actually, so much so that I think we should meet because you know what I’m like, I build up a relationship in my head & then the dude is a douche or we just don’t mesh well & then it’s over, causing me to waste so much time with these thoughts of wedding bells – not really but you know what I mean! Hahaha.
We do talk about kink at some point during our conversation, at this point I am looking for more in this world & looking to explore a few things, so it’s a topis that most guys find easy, they usually tell me how amazing they’d be & how they’re dominant etc. I tell him that I have recently been spanked a lot & tied up enjoying it a lot, he asks a lot of questions about what I mean & what I enjoy, why I enjoy it etc so I think that this guy is into this, he will like when he tells me that “I couldn’t ever hit a woman, I wasn’t brought up that way.” Right? What does consensual sexual spanking have to do with the way you were brought up? I wasn’t brought up being spanked & now I have a fetish for it? I get that men don’t want to hit a woman, but I’m not asking him to hit me in a fit of rage, I’m asking him to hit me in a sexual context & I’m actually consenting to it. There’s a very big difference.
Well I don’t need kink, I enjoy it & I would like to explore it but it’s not the be all & end all of my sex life, so I meet this guy for a date. We’re chatting online on boxing day, both hungover & decide that we should meet later in the afternoon for a drink. I meet him & he’s cute, pretty much like his pictures, but he’s not hot, not exactly what I would like, but I’m not turned off.
We chat for hours, having a couple of hair of the dogs before we go home, kissing on the cheek goodbye… I didn’t really feel the spark, didn’t really feel the thing you should feel… I didn’t know it at the time, but only a few months later, I would meet Noodle & feel that thing!
New years goes by & I don’t hear from Square Bear, I don’t message him either, being the stubborn bitch I am. However he does eventually message to say happy new year & that he doesn’t think that we’re right for each other but he really liked me & think that I will find someone, he says that he know she’s a dickhead, that I’m amazing but he basically doesn’t want to see me again.
No hard feelings there, but I would have given this guy a second date at least, I don’t know how these men make such a snap decision with me, I mean I knew that we probably weren’t right for each other, but I definitely would have gone on a second date with him…
One of the most mortifying things as a single woman with a lot of friends in couples is the fact that everyone in a couple thinks you should be in a couple. I mean I want to be in a couple don’t get me wrong, but I hate when friends mean well but they can sometimes go over the top.
So I was at a 50th birthday party for someone that I work with, it was a mad hatters party & I was literally was looking amazing. I wasn’t a hat person so I wore a 1920’s style headband that I had worn to another party a few years earlier. I had a cute short bob hairdo & felt pretty good about myself. I didn’t really want to go to this party alone but other colleagues are there so I will just go & have a good time.
There is one person in my life who I’ve talked about before, her house was that of the infamous Christmas party. She is so lovely & wonderful & means well, however this night she’s had a few drinks & she walks through the party gathering up the single people. I am reluctant to get out of my chair, it’s cold in August at an outdoor party, where I have finally got a seat by the heater, however another friend sort of makes me get up & come with her as she’s being pulled into the garden too.
There are 4 single women, ant marching their way to the bottom of the garden to a fire pit. We get to the place our wonderful friend has led us too & there are 3 dudes, she stands us opposite each other & basically becomes a game host!
OH HOLY FUCK…
I have either blocked it or was too drunk later in then evening to remember, but the game host friend asks us all a different question that we all answer, but then nothing comes of this game. We all go about the party like nothing happened, but standing there, in front of eligible bachelors & answering questions was the worst moment of my single life. I felt so fucking small & some degraded, I know that seems ridiculous but you have no idea what it is like standing in front of a party with them all knowing that you’re fucking single & participating in some sort of weirdo game show at a birthday.
One thing I haven’t ever done to find love is to go on a dating TV show. For those of you following my Facebook page, you’ll remember that I posted a status ages ago about which show you’d all go on. Most of you suggest Married at first sight, however as someone who’s never been married & I do want to get married one day, I want that more than anything… But I want it to be special not some douche on the tv that is only on their for the fame, only on their for their 15 minutes of fame.
While I assume most guys I meet now at my age will have been married before, I only want to get married once. Marriage means something to me, it means that I am pledging my love to someone in front of all my friends & family. Married at first sight, while I know they aren’t really married, is just making a mockery of marriage in my view.
When I googled, the only show looking for contestants at this time was the bachelor, I set about sending in an application. Fucking hell, they want to know a fair bit about you, the survey took about an hour to fill out, they also want 2 pictures of you, 1 headshot & 1 full body shot. I got through the survey thinking, yeah my story is quite interesting so I may get a look in, however I get to the last page & you have to upload a video of no more than 2 minutes of yourself. OMG What am I going to say about my love life without sounding like a tool – I had just ended with Noodle & was feeling so shit about myself, would I talk about that? Would that be a good story or would I be the home wrecker on the show before people even get to know me?
I also immediately have visions of this video winding up on YouTube like a child star like Justin Bieber at the talent show he didn’t win. FUCK. I never do it. I chicken out… & now reading back on the game show evening, I am fucking glad that I didn’t go on a reality TV show to find love. I know that I would slink away into the background & I wouldn’t have been given a rose on the first night. Those women are all so beautiful, I know that I would end up with my heart broken!
Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough, but I doubt it.
Another mixed bag, which I hope you enjoyed!