Milky #12

Do we all remember Milky? If you’re a regular reader you might remember him… You can go back & read the story but his story crosses over with others & is a little complicated, so if you don’t have time for that, I’ll sum up a little bit about Milky for you…

Firstly I have to admit that while Milky was only in my life for a short time, albeit twice, he also was one of my biggest sexual influences… He wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had now, but he was at the time the top sexual partner I had. Others have surpassed him at this point in my story but he really showed me a thing or two about fucking up until that time.

Milky was the one who showed me a little kink, spanking & tying me up. He took me to my first rope week show where I sat in awe of what was happening on stage, never knowing that a few years later I would be hanging out with these people… Milky was also my first real FWB. He was the first person that I was comfortable to hang around & I wasn’t constantly thinking – where is this going. Until I thought I wanted more & called it off when he didn’t feel the same. He was sort of – as one of my friends puts it – my sexual awakening. He showed me that there was a lot more to sex than just laying on your back & pretending to cum so it was over…

The second time with Milky, I knew I wasn’t interested in him romantically but he was an actual FWB until he fucked it up by wanting to fuck my other FWB’s wife. Which he did & treated her poorly & so I never saw him again after that… However the mother fucker is back!

My life is very interesting, I guess I am always on the chat app so people come & go, I allow people to walk in & out of my life, so I get that I am part at fault here but seriously, how many times does a guy need to come back into my life & still not want to date me!? FFS.

This is honestly another example of why my heart is broken & remains broken… If you’ve ever had a broken heart & still think love is out there for you, but love kicks your ass every time you chat to someone – no matter where you find them (for those who say I’m looking in the wrong places) or even when I am not looking, like now, somehow Milky returns to my life & chats as if nothing has happened, as if no time has passed. I do like that he’s just sort of picked up where we left off, that it’s like no time has passed, that is the sign that he truly was a proper FWB. Probably one of the only functioning FWB I’ve ever really had.

We actually talk about what happened with Sweetie & look, it may have all been a misunderstanding. Regardless of what happened with Sweetie & Max, there was no way Milky & I stood a chance once Noodle came into the picture. I cut everyone else out. I had something with Noodle that I never had with anyone else before. But now Milky is back, there is no Noodle perhaps this could be the time for him. However something sparks in me to look at Milky’s fetlife account & he still has pictures of his girlfriend up there. Now fetlife for some is as update as their Facebook. If you’re like me, it’s not & I still have things of Noodle up there, so I just casually ask if he has a girlfriend still. When he says yes, I’m ot surprised but do no want to get back into being in a three way thing again, I ask if they’re open though & he says that they used to be but now they’re not. I tell him to get off the fucking chat app & he says that she doesn’t know he’s on there but she doesn’t want sex as much as she used too so he’s just looking for something on the side… OMG not this old chestnut…

I know I have been the mistress before & I have been the second partner in a poly type thing before but fucking hell, when do I get to be girlfriend number one for once?! To be frank with you I end the communication with him shortly after this revelation.

Just another example why my heart hurts, why it’s so difficult for my heart to repair. I know this post is less than 1000 words (as are the other shorter ones recently), but remember in actual real time, I am chatting to these people virtually non stop for a week or two – sometimes even longer, during such time I am sticky taping my dream wedding back together in my head – genuinely thinking that this could be how my story ends… This could be the man I have been dating for… When it all comes crumbing down around me again, I think to myself ‘how much more of this bullshit can I handle?!’

#IBD4U

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