Marvel #4

There’s a lot of chit chat with him, it’s not like before. I don’t think it will ever be like before, as much as I want it to be. I am not going to get into much details as I have in the past however we talk daily again. We don’t write back as instant as we use to do, I don’t care if I see him chatting in a group & not to me. It bothers me, but I don’t let it work me up like it would have in the past. I am obviously jealous but I have turned back into the stoned hearted woman that I was before I fell in love. (BN – Before Noodle.)

There are some topics with him that intrigue me & I want to share but just know there is a lot missing from this story – but you will get the jist. He tells me that I have turned him on so much he’s going to jerk in the shower, but then says “Was super horny, about to jerk off, then she woke up lol. Had to hide the hard on.” I haven’t be in a relationship for a long time, nor have I had to factor kids, but there would never be a time where my partner had to hid his hard on from me!

I guess the main topic is sex. He keeps saying we can’t fuck again, we’re not allowed too. I remind him that we’ve never been allowed too… He has always been with someone, since when I met him, so this somehow spurs me on. Something switches in me. I do not want to be the other woman ever again, I especially don’t want to be the other woman with him again. However I can’t help myself, I need to see him, I need to see that look in his eyes & I need to know that he still loves me. As soon as I am with him, I will know. I will see.

He’s already think about it, he wants it. I even said I bet that he’s sussed some places at his new work & he tells me to Shhhh. Which means that he has thought about how & where he will be able to fuck me. I know some men think with their cock, I know that he is a liar, but there are somethings people can’t fake. I know he’s not stupid enough to risk it all again, to have an affair for just good sex. But I also know he won’t tell me that he loves him this time around. I will never say it to him, until he says it…

I confide in him about the whole T**y story, I am not sure why but I go into detail about how she called me etc. I think I wanted him to know that I wouldn’t have engaged in a conversation with his wife, just as I tried not to tell T**y’s girlfriend anything in detail. I confirmed the affair, but I didn’t go into detail with her. That was enough. The detail is his responsibility to tell her, not me. I know that if my partner cheated, I wouldn’t want to hear the details from her or her friends on a chat app. I know he would lie to me about it so I would have to decide if I could live with the lies or not. But I wouldn’t rely on the other woman to provide me with details. She is not the one committed to me. She is not the one who has done wrong by me. So I guess I want Marvel to know the story, know what I did.

I feel like we talk but we don’t ever really say anything. He talks a little about his work, I talk about mine. I discuss with him about how bad things are at work. How hard it’s been for me working from home. I know it’s hard for everyone in different ways – of course, I am not pretending I’m the only one with issues during lockdowns but it’s been hard living alone & working alone with a boss calling & setting unrealistic expectations. I talked to a colleague about it to discuss in our team meeting who didn’t back me up. I am more stressed than ever, so you would think talking to Marvel would make things worse but to be honest, this is the most calming this to happen to me. I have my best friend back…

We talk about my fantasies & I remind him that my number one is still spending the entire night with him, I know he wants to write back that it’s his too but he says you can’t hold your farts all night. It makes me laugh, he says that I never farted in front of him so I wouldn’t be able to hold it in. OMG. We’ve known each other almost 4 years now & I’ve never farted in front of him? He’s never farted in front of me either… Is this this his benchmark of an intimate relationship? Once you fart in front of each other, you’re a couple? Hahaha…

I ask him in a manner that doesn’t arouse suspicion from him & just a quick remark saying that he would’ve fucked other people if he could have back when we were having our first affair & I casually add that he probably did. His reply doesn’t surprise me. I know the answer without him having to tell me. “You’re the only one.”

Just over 3 weeks of talking daily, most of the day – like I said not like before but we chat a lot & Marvel is telling me how much he wants to fuck me, we’ve been teasing each other with picture after picture. It always surprises me when he get horny too & sends me pictures or tells me what he would do to me. We usually use a scenario we have done before of course because we can both picture it. It’s fucking hot & I want him. He wants me. Should we fight or it or just give in? When he says we’re not meant to be fucking, I tell him that fucking in the ass or blowjobs are sometimes not considered cheating… I laugh at my own joke, knowing that it is cheating but I fucking want to see if this man is so weak for me that he will see me again… I know he is…

Is this a good idea, is this what I want? Can I remain a cold hearted bitch with no feelings for this guy & just have amazing hot sex? It’s been too long since I was fucked well… I’m torn, I want it but I also don’t know if I can… That fucking addiction of a drug!

I’m already addicted to messaging him, talk about my health, my weight, his weight, his new job, my job, my new hobby & of course sex. This can’t go on like it has & I am not ready for it to end yet. No matter how stupid this is, I am not ready for it to be over.

#IBD4U