March 2025 #9
12 March 2025 – He tells me that my name is VaginaMeat on Snapchat which I tell him to change because if anyone ever finds that, that’s just awful… I also have had the weirdo down the road stop by, reversing when he saw me out the front & coming to knock on my door when I legged it inside to ask me out for coffee. I saved the camera footage that I picture being used on a crime show CCTV timeline of the day I was murdered. Marvel says “Please don’t get murdered. I don’t want to have to explain that to the cops. Stay away from the creepy guy on your street.” I initially think that he doesn’t want me to get murdered & think that’s sweet, but reading back on that now, I think he just doesn’t want to get caught, being there is video footage of the creep down the street & Marvel at my house on a regular basis. I have always been upfront, well recently at least that I download the video footage & save the chats & pictures… I have told him that I have saved a lot more – well I’ve saved everything in the fear of someone getting away with my murder.
He tells me about someone asking to do a podcast with him for his Facebook page, encourage him to do it. I think he would be good at it, if he has the right sidekick. I always wanted him to do a Podcast with me, I think our banter would translate & would be a fun listen, obviously we never could do it, but I think he should do whatever he can with his Facebook page while he can. I am jealous that he can do all that, I spend hours writing & get nowhere with it. Not that I do this for money but that would be nice…
I also send him a message that I don’t think conveys what I want to say or what I mean – remember he was the first one to put this out there anyway, “So while you’re offline & I’m at the gym, I’ll have my little rant… So I don’t expect that every time we see each other or every night we say “I love you”. Today I just wanted to say it, I wanted to say it first, I didn’t expect it back. I don’t ever want us to say it cos that’s just what you say when leaving the house or hanging up the phone… I want to say it cos I feel it. I didn’t mean to say it after sex either, but that’s just when it happened to come out…” because his reply of “So we should say it when we feel we want to say it? Obviously, the other night I felt the need to say it on Sunday night” He’s said something similar to me a while ago about only saying it when we feel it… So I just want to make sure he doesn’t think I am getting too attached – he says “Last time you put everything on the line and truly showed every ounce of love for me….you ended things and went bat shit crazy. I don’t want you to go bat shit crazy for me and end things again…. I also never planned to string you along Or manipulate you to be the other woman. Everything in our past was genuine. Still is…” Because he said I went bat shit crazy & ended it with him last time we showed our feelings too much, I use this to keep the boundaries… I am keeping those walls up & boundaries up, but it fucking slipped from my lips after we fucked today… He says “We both held stuff back, 🤷♂️ both idiots. Hopefully we can learn from our mistakes as we mature.” I have learned from my mistakes, I won’t get attached like I did last time, so when this ends, I know I will be ok when he pulls away. It’s only a matter of time… How much time, I don’t know but I can’t let myself get invested like the last two times. He says that last time I was psychotic – I wouldn’t say that, I literally drove to his gym, he wasn’t there so I ended it by video because he’d been pulling away saying “I’m busy” constantly. I don’t think that’s psychotic, I didn’t go to his work or in his work, her work & cause a scene, I saw the stupidity & I ended it… & four days later he got married, so if he thinks I am the psychotic one, then I am ok with that… Everyone reading this can see who the psychotic one really is, I don’t need to justify it anymore than that!
Towards the end of affair two I was also having issues with work, they were writing me scripts & banishing me to a room away from everyone to make calls, that all the stuff with Marvel escalated, so him saying he was busy all the fucking time just pissed me off… Nothing is more insulting that someone saying they are too busy for you – to send a fucking text! Someone who loves you, is spinning you what seems real but is actually bullshit about how much they love you, to then turn around & pull away… Yeah I am the idiot there! & to now find out he almost fell for other women & would’ve fucked them, yeah I’m the idiot. He says “Well. I wasn’t showing I was caring. And you poured your fucking heart out. It makes me sad just thinking about it…” I tried & got clobbered with ‘I’m busy’ & one thing that he started saying when we said good night every night was ‘luv ya’ in his own admission, trying to push me away, it worked, I walked away. He says “It was probably the only point I didn’t question it.” Wow, he didn’t question my love? But I say “And it changed nothing so it didn’t matter…” I am hurt that he realised I did love him & it changed nothing… He says “It makes me sad thinking about it.” Yeah makes me sad thinking four days later he married her anyway, all the while thinking about me…
13 March 2025 – The next morning we’ve planned to talk on the phone so I don’t get a lengthy morning rant, which I miss… fuck! I love his morning rants, they explain a lot & tell me a lot. But he doesn’t give me one. I do ask though if he likes the little pet names as he mentioned something about the initials & the other pet names I gave him. He says that no one has ever called him babe or baby & he didn’t think he’d like it but he fucking loved it… Um so his wife has never called him babe or baby? Isn’t that a standard term of endearment?! But he says I made him feel special when I made up names for him…
When we talk on the phone for fuck knows how long, we talk about normal shit in normal voices but then when we talk a little sexy, both of our voices change… his voice gets quieter, deeper & slower – he says mine does the same too… It’s a much more sexier voice. We cum over the phone having phone sex, something we’ve not done before so it’s fucking sexy & hot to get a different interaction when we’re apart. I love that we still find these new ways to keep things interesting & different.
I do have a little joke with him as the band Falling In Reverse are in Adelaide tonight, I tell him that I am going to this new band & tell him he should check them out. He says that he wishes he was going but he’d have to take the whole family, it’s a school night & the tickets would be over $600 for all four of them. I am actually really disappointed that with the money they both make & the fact they have half the mortgage of me on my own, that they don’t just splurge on something like this. Experiences like that for me at the top of my priority list, so I’m surprised he is so tight with money but he tells me he is saving for their passports. I don’t ask why, I don’t think I want to know why.
He remembers something that I can’t – maybe I do a little but I don’t know if it’s because I want to think he & I were connected way back when. But he says that the person he was seeing when I worked at Foodland, who was one of my staff, wanted to introduce him to her boss, so he was introduced to me… I mean I don’t deny it happened, I have no clue but why would it take him 8 years to bring this up? Maybe he has before, I don’t have as much conversation saved as he thinks I have, but I don’t know if this happened or not… I like to believe it did, another reason we should be together, the universe introduced up even though we were both with other people like 20 years ago. I don’t know why he goes on & on about their relationship & how much she fucked him etc, but he does. I think it’s a little bit to make me jealous of people he’s fucked but maybe a little bit of bragging to his best friend, not really thinking that he’s fucking his best friend too so she will get jealous.
I tell him about my dorky side, like things like picking up something in the car to use as a microphone when I am in the car with someone like my sister, he says “It’s kinda fucked really, I consider you my closest and best friend that I have had my entire life, and shared all sorts stuff with you , been brutally honest , known you for over 7 years , had a full scale affair with you, feel more at home with you than anyone I have ever known. Yet we never got to know other outside of sex in actual person apart intimate moments after sex. I still learn new things about you and you learn new things about me. To this very day” It is a bit sad I never got to do anything non sexual with him, would we have lasted as long? Who knows… He always thought I was so cool, which is so not true at all!
He tells me that he finally just called the hospital & doesn’t have an appointment until April. If he’s losing sight in one eye then I am appalled that it’s going to take so long. I finally get the courage to ask, I’m not sure he’s ever going to tell me & I’m not sure I ever wanted the answer, “Is that why you’re talking to me like this now, cos you’re scared your gonna die? Or lose your sight so you want to remember what I look like riding you?” which I added a joke to lighen the mood of my question. He says “Is that why you think I’m suddenly being nice to you ?” Um, yeah dude, I do, why now, after five years of distance!! But he says that he’s not afraid to die, he’s afraid of surgery (he has a huge needle phobia). & then says “You really want to know why ? Well I’m not going to know I’m dead once I’m dead and we all die sometime. I mean I don’t want to die for my kids But my wife will move on, you will move on, life goes on.” Stop stalling & just fucking tell me!!! “Haha but I probally need to confess…” ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 