2022 : CitySwoon

Chatting with a friend one night we decide to go speed-dating. We don’t recall how this came about in the same way. I am going to support her, she seems to want to go. She tells me that she’s going to support me & even tells my other friend that ends up coming with us, that’s why she’s there. Not how I remember it going down, what whatever, we went!

I have been like 6 times before this so this is not something that I really want to do again, it never goes well & I have come to realise that I don’t make a very good first impression. However I agree, regardless of whether she’s going for me or I’m going for her – it doesn’t matter, we book in for the night in a couple of weeks. It’s $60 per ticket, you get two free wines so it’s not a cheap night out considering all that but you know, it could be a bit of fun!

This one is a little bit different to the ones I’ve done before. All the other ones that I’ve done, you get a card & a number on your name tag. You sit down & get a date with everybody in the room, moving from table to table every 5 minutes. Then you get a break in the middle to get the second free drink.

But at this one, you don’t get a dumb name tag, you don’t get to date everyone, You get your first free drink at the start then one at the end – which makes you hang around I guess. It’s all done via an app. So the anti social world we live in gets its day in the sun… You have to hold your phone in your hand, a picture will pop up with the profile of the person you need to find for you date then you can sit anywhere in the pub.

Yes, alright, there aren’t that many people in the pub so it’s not so scary trying to find the dude, most of the people are for the speed dating event. It makes it a bit difficult to want to talk to people in the breaks because you don’t know if you’ll get a date with them or not. This time because you don’t date everyone, you get 10 minutes per date. That’s a long time if they are a dud!

So when we first get there it’s really nice we just sit down &we’ve got our first glass of wine. As I said I went along with three girlfriends. There is a guy with really shiny skin & big white teeth, who makes a b line traight for us & sits down next to me & I couldn’t help but think that he’s like the cutest one out of all of the guys here, which was saying something because he’s not even that cute but he chose to sit next to me to have a conversation, because the conversation went well, I couldn’t actually wait till we got matched & get to have a proper conversation with our 10 minutes speed date.

However the first 4 dates we weren’t matched then there’s a break. I’ve had four dates with guys who couldn’t speak English. I’m not being rude, just factual. I held the conversation & if you knew me in real life, I do dominate most conversations but it’s not good to have to dominate a conversation because the other one can’t talk to you.

So it’s break time, we get a drink & I catch up with the girls to see how they’ve gone. One of my friends has been matched with the guy who came to chat to me. I go over too them but it becomes awkward when they don’t break away or stand up, they sit there on the couch intently talking while I just stand there like a weirdo third wheel.

Back to more dates but because there are more women than men at this event, I ended up with a “friend” date, which meant that I actually only get 7 dates tonight, not 8. The spare date is a woman at the even & I have more fun with her than I do with anyone else that night. Needless to say I don’t get a date with the shiny skin dude. We try to get him to come get food with us but he doesn’t. Another guy with a pointy nose & a Indian fellow come with us. Sitting there talking to them, I question the matching app. The Indian guy & I had a date but he was desperate to have kids, I obviously have on my profile no kids, so why would they have matched us?

Anyway suffice to say, the whole night was a waste of time, I got no matches – don’t even know how the matches work because you rate someone at the end of the mini date but I am able to chat to everyone on the app the next day & also everyone I didn’t date too… It’s so confusing… Who even liked me?!

But here I am yet again, going to another one when they send me a message to say it’s reduced for girls for tonight only. Lucy calls me & says she got the same message & wants to go… URGH, why the fuck do I keep saying that I’ll go? It’s a different place in a different area, no where near where I live so I am apprehensive, but yet I go along anyway.

There are two guys from the previous one here, who say hello… Fuck, will we get a date with them? We walk in & get our free drink & sit down at a table. There is no one here that I am physically attracted too at all, but then in walks a guy that looks a lot like Marvel & I stupidly say, quite loudly he’s alright or something like that I’m pretty sure may have heard me but there isn’t much I can do about it now.

Ping the app tells us that the night has started! I go find my short date & we sit on some random stools in a doorway. The night goes on & they’re all ok, they’re not great, nothing really outstanding for me that it makes me want to have more than 10 minutes with them. I mean one of them, I think, is actually mentally disabled. He spent the entire 10 minutes showing me photos of his weight loss journey – to be honest, his before photo was not much different to the after photo. He wasn’t huge to begin with but I couldn’t tell any difference. He then preched about a healthy lifestyle & how he wanted to be a personal trainer.

There was one date with a guy which went reasonably well until he told me he has three kids & is a widow. Nothing wrong with either of those things right. But when his wife died (I think of cancer) He dumped the three small kids to his parents & he fucked off overseas for THREE years!!! I don’t know why that bothers me so much but those poor kids just lost their mum & their dad. Still living with his parents, he now lives with them too. No problem with his living with his parents, but yeah I take issue with him dumping his kids on someone else.

I kept waiting for a date with the guy who looked like Marvel. It was right after the break when he face came up on my phone. Because the venue is a rabbit warren, I decided to stay put & was hoping I’d see his face pop around the corner with a smile. But he never came & time was ticking so I went to find him, he was at the bar chatting to someone else. When I approached him, he said he had to go to the bathroom, he’ll find me. So like 6 minutes into the 10 minute date he appears at my table, apologises & we talk about our dogs, mainly. He spends more time with Lucy than he did with me & when I try to interrupt their date, he doesn’t get up from her table & neither does she. I stand there awkwardly waiting for them to be done.

I get a message from the guy who left his kids behind & he gives me his number & I decide to message the Marvel guy, not wanting to give up hope. I never get a reply, even though he reads it straight away. There were lots of better looking women than me, skinnier, prettier. Even though I’ve lost a lot of weight, I now seem to still be the fattest person in the room!

So no, I don’t recommend, I do not recommend speed dating at all! I will never go again. Support or not. I am done! But I think you should still do it, if you want to try it. It was a good experience, but I am better once you get to know know me. I don’t think I am good at the first impression.

#IBD4U