Big Show

This guy will also be a relatively short one too. I will have a lot of these shorter ones coming up actually – I didn’t use to write about people I never met, but some of these stories are worth the read. Hahaha. They are part of my story & I think they need to be told just as much as the major stories, because the choices I make in the significant stories are because of how the smaller insignificant stories have shaped me too.

So this guy Big Show joins the chat group by being added by someone I have become friends with, they don’t seem to be together so it’s ok & I think he seems pretty nice, his picture is him in a mask covering most of his face but he seems to have nice eyes. I private message him first, which again is unheard of as you know, but I am trying to move on here, I am trying to do different things.

We chat, he’s a FiFo (Fly in, fly out worker) & I think this is perfect. A friend constantly tells me that I need a FiFo worker because then I can be alone when I want & be with him when he’s home. It’s the perfect relationship! Hahaha…So I think this might be perfect, just what I need.

But this guy ends up sending me pictures of his dick & then jerking off videos – remember the first one I ever got & I was appalled, now I don’t even bat an eyelid, I just watch it & think why the fuck does a guy you don’t even know think that is sexy or will turn me on?

Anyway we talk a lot, almost daily about general shit, not all day like I have been used too but we chat a fair bit to be honest. Why does this always get me into trouble? Why am I addicted to the chat?! It’s good to have a distraction & not just a guy trying to meet me for sex & then ghost me. He can’t meet me, he works away!

We chat though out the day & I also tell him that I have a lingerie fetish, it started with Noodle, but I still have it & am still buying stuff – not even sure who is ever going to see it again but I am buying stuff. So Big Show asks me to show him, I send him a lot of pictures. Don’t get me wrong, I have sent a lot of pictures in the past. But I don’t often send pictures to people I don’t even know – I haven’t actually seen this guys full face yet & here I am sending him picture after picture of me in lingerie.

As I start to trust him a bit more & we chat more, I open up about fucking married men, not on purpose, but I tell him about the recent debacles I have had & he askes if I’d do it again & I say no I wouldn’t. I may not know what I want right now from a man, but I know that I don’t want to fuck another married man as long as I live. That’s when it hits me… He’s fucking married! Why else would a guy ask that question?! He says that he is & I fucking throw my phone down & scream into my pillow. I feel like such a wanker! What the fuck, I have been sending his pictures all fucking day! I have been opening up about things that are really painful for me to talk about & this guy is bloody married.

I ignore his message that says “But I have a goal im trying to achieve” OH like whatever dude… Fucking achieve your goal without hurting another woman… That just fucks me off more. The next day he says “I guess it’s cya later then” I stew on if I should write back or not for hours. Till I snap “You should’ve been honest with me… I shared a million fucking pics” He says that I never asked, which infuriates me even more. I tell him that it’s a cop out & he should’ve told me. A week later he sends a message “Sorry” I tell him that it was a delayed reaction & he says “Haven’t been on the chat app for a while. But with that response I’m not sorry then” I ignore him, I bet he hasn’t been on the chat app because he was home with his wife!

A couple of days later, I haven’t replied to him so he send “As much as I say I am not sorry hahah I really am. I just hate attitude” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I ignore him, as much as I want to write back, at this point, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I fucking hate this interaction now. I can’t believe that this is what online dating is like now.

The next morning I wake up to a picture of his cock… Seriously!

I am thankful that I get a new phone around this time & so my chat app history is deleted… I hate that I have been through this yet again, it seems like this kind of bullshit will never stop for me… With a new phone, new chat app account. I delete everything & am only in a couple of groups with friends. I pull right back & stop using the app a lot. I need to gain some of my sanity back!

#IBD4U