So there is a Tim Tam #3. Lets get on with it, because this is still stuff happening in 2019, les get caught up to the shit show year that was 2020. By the way, happy 2021 everyone, hope it’s treating you well so far!
So after Tim Tam jumps up & kills the spider for me in my bedroom, he gets back into bed & we talk. We do attempt sex again but he can’t keep it hard & he goes down on me. He notices the restraints through the sheets & he says something about them again & I realise that he’s really worried about them & what it means. I guess I consider myself kinky, I don’t like labels & as you all know I am not kinky with random men ever, they have to earn my trust. Which reminds me of something Foodland talked about – he wanted to know more about my kinky side. I talked but not in detail & told him that I won’t be doing anything until I can trust him. Lets face it, I have only really been kinky with 3 men my whole life, so I’m not like an expert or anything by any means!
But I think this intimidates Tim Tam when he feels the restraints & feels out of his depth, that’s fine I am not going to push him to do anything he doesn’t want too & I tell him this, I also explain it’s more for me than him when he tells me again he doesn’t want anything up his ass… Again, I never asked to put anything up his ass…
When Tim Tam leaves I think that he’s probably going to need me to make an effort to message first, I can just tell that he’s a bit freaked out by the conversation tonight. Kink isn’t something I talk about with people early on, in fact most of the time the three guys I have been kinky with have brought it up themselves. Except Silverlining, we just sort of evolved into it, I knew he was dominant & he knew I liked to be dominated, but by the second time we fucked I trusted him with everything that I tied myself up & waited for him. I guess that isn’t going to happen with Tim Tam. Hahaha. That’s ok, I am honestly not ready for another kinky guy. I have destroyed my friendship with the only man I ever loved, I don’t think I am even ready for this casual thing with Tim Tam.
However, I message him again when I haven’t heard from him in a while, he messages back & I cheekily ask if he’s on the spider hunt, & send him a meme that says “I just whispered ‘come at me bro’ to a spider & it ran towards me, so now I’m running naked down the street.’ He laughs & he says no, but I’m not sure if he gets the inuendo in the suggestion but I he replies then stops & I never hear from him again! Yeah another one bites the dust!
One interesting fact about either me or men I choose, I always seem to find a man who hasn’t slept with anyone else since their long term partner. Origin. Noddy. Elvis. Probably Motocross. & I am almost certain that Construction was the same. Why am I the rebound girl? What is it about me that screams rebound? Why aren’t I the one that the men want to be with. Noddy told me that he didn’t want to use me as a rebound & that’s exactly what he did… Origin the second time around said the same & now they’re both in relationships, with beautiful women. Is it that I am not as beautiful as them?
This isn’t a healthy mind set, so I decide to take control. I have ended things with Silverlining only a few months before, it’s almost 2020, (remember I’m not in real time) so I make a pact with myself to focus on myself. Focus on me. Get a hobby, which I create a hobby business & put my name on some lists with breeders for a puppy. I am going to focus on my career in 2020 (not that I haven’t my whole life already), I am not going to date. I am really going to get my life under control, my finances. I am going to try not to think about not only the love I destroyed, but the friendship with Silverlining. I am going to work on me. I actually welcome in the new year 2020 with such optimism that this is going to be my year, that this is going to be focusing on me, focusing on loving myself.
What a fucking twat I was! I mean 2020 was literally the worst year in history, not only did I not have the man I love, I lost my job, my hobby business was closed due to covid, so I had nothing to occupy my time… What a disastrous mix!
Bring on the stories of 2020. However, with new found mantra – not a new years resolution – I hate those, I don’t know what I am going to write about, there is going to be no dating. No men. No idiots – lets see what happens! Keep reading to find out!