A few weeks post Noodle & I create a bloody online profile again. I’m not sure why, I am so not ready for dating, I am at this point, really not ready to fuck anyone either… I just want Noodle. I don’t care what any of you think, you can’t understand how I am feeling unless you’ve been in the situation before. Even then, I’m sure people would do things different to me, but I can’t help the decisions I make.
I start chatting to this younger guy, who seems pretty cute, not 100% my type, probably not even 50% my type but it’s just what I need at the time, this guy makes an effort to message me all the time, asking how I am & what I’m up too. I actually for a split second, stop thinking about Noodle messaging me when I have someone else messaging me & keeping my mind from wandering.
It’s not long though, before there are red flags waving right in front of me, that I try to ignore, thinking this could be a guy I like, perhaps in the future… He says he doesn’t have a car at the moment as he just wrote it off, that he doesn’t really have a job but wants to get back into FIFO work & to top it all off, he’s still living with his parents, but I am so fucking desperate right now, that I persist. I guess heartbreak will do that to you.
We arrange a tentative time to catch up but then he’s sick with man flu & can’t meet me. He says that he’s been looking for a new car though so that he can pick me up & take me on a proper date. I think that’s sweet. Why the fuck am I so desperate to believe these guys when they say this kind of shit to me?
We talk for weeks about everything but I am cautious not to fall into the trap as I did with Noodle, messaging everyday. So I try to keep a safe distance from him, in fear of getting hurt again. Plus why hasn’t he tried to catch up with me in this time? I mean I know I am busy & he doesn’t have a car, but I can meet him without being picked up? It’s not 1920, I can drive myself to meet him close to his house?! Surely…
I’m away for work when I’m talking about the amazing bath I am having at the hotel, the view of the marina is amazing & the bath has a corner window to see out of. I open all the blinds, put in the bath salts they provide & relax, having gone for a run earlier in the evening. This is where he gets his nickname, he informs me that he’s scared of baths. Oh yes, of course, I get that he could be scared of drowning in the bath or an dropping an electrical device in the bath & being electrocuted. Either of those would be a big fear for some people. But Oh No! He wasn’t scared of drowning. He wasn’t scared of being electrocuted. He was scared of his ass touching the bath! Yes you read that correctly. His bare ass touching the bath. WTF?! I can’t help but laugh to be honest. I mean I’ve just told this guy about my irrational fear of spiders, including smashing a phone once because someone shared a picture of a spider on Facebook. But a fear of a bath touching your ass?! I wonder how many types of poisonous baths there are to be scared of?
Bath actually tells me that he has in the past worn board shorts whenever a chick wants to have a bath with him. What, really?! Yes he says that he doesn’t even let the bath touch his bare butt. I still keep chatting to him, reiterating that that my biggest fear is of a spiders (at least they have the ability to sneak up on you & kill you!). This is by far the weirdest fear I’ve ever heard!
Finally we arrange to meet but I can’t remember why we don’t. So we rearrange for a Sunday afternoon drink. I explain that my family come over for dinner Sundays so it won’t be a big one, I’ll be driving. As he doesn’t have a car, I offer to meet him at his local pub. (Why am I so accommodating to these loser men?!) I know he wanted to pick me up & have a proper date, but I don’t want to keep investing time with someone that will probably turn out to be nothing. I mean we are still chatting on the dating app, we haven’t even exchanged phone numbers or another app to chat on. We’re still using the dating app. That in itself is a little weird to me.
Anyway, a few days before the date, maybe Thursday or Friday afternoon, which I was actually excited about a proper date with a guy that seems decent besides a few red flags, finally – the first actual date in a few years really. With a guy that is also single! When he tells me that he has to be at a medical at 8:00 am on Monday for his potential new job, so can’t meet me Sunday afternoon for a drink. What the Actual Fuck? I write back ‘You can’t have a drink before a medical?’ I mean I am planning on driving to this date, so was only going to have one wine, it wasn’t a planned big afternoon getting smashed, plus it was right by his house & I have to be home for my family dinner, so plenty of time for him to recover if he does have more than a couple of drinks. He takes so long to respond saying ‘Actually we are catching up Sunday, just nerves.’ but it’s too late for me. I have Noodle on my mind again & this guy has fucked up! I read his message but I don’t respond. I am sick of giving men a million chances with me. I need to have some self respect. If they aren’t into me, then they aren’t into me!
I ignore his hello on Saturday, because really, what is the point… I am angry about him trying to bail – maybe it was an over reaction but like I said, I have Noodle on my mind. I really am not ready to date, I knew that & I still tried… On Sunday afternoon after the date time that we scheduled, I get another message from him, that just says ‘Today has been flat out chaos.’ FUCK… No wonder I fell in love with a married man who wrote back & always did what he said he was going to do!
I ignore him & delete that stupid app!