Max #11

So Max. When will I escape this man? So when I was with Noodle, remember the flowers I got that I was secretly busting for them to be from Noodle. Well they were from Max. My nanna had died the year before on valentine’s day & he remembered. It is very sweet & I am thankful that he did that. However I can’t hide the fact that I wanted it to be Noodle. It’s almost been a year since I last saw Max.

Now these stories get a bit confusing, so I will write the Max side first. & my next Noodle post will fill in the blanks. I haven’t spoken to Max in a while, like a long time but he pops back up after the whole Noodle thing explodes. At this current time I am not talking to Noodle because he writes back “K” to my messages desperately trying to explain that I never said anything to our friend besides I wanted her to chat to him & help him since he’d told no one else about me…

It’s one of my best friends birthday, I have no desire to go out, I haven’t being drinking because I didn’t want to get depressed & cry all night long, feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t want to fall into that slippery slope & to be honest at this stage I am still not eating much at all, so much so everyone around me is worried. However, I remind everyone that I am well aware & they only need to worry when I start hiding the fact I’m not eating from them. I am open about it & know why I am not eating. I can’t stomach food, I can’t even sleep right now. I have tried to make contact with Noodle since the “K” message via email which I will go into in a Noodle post (yeah it’s not over yet!) but no reply.

I am chatting to Max & he wants to see me, I am not really in the mood to see him, but I am going out for my friends birthday, we’re going to my shit hole local. I look amazing with my new long hair & slim body. I put on a cute outfit & meet them at the pub. I drink tonight & I am drinking really shitty red wine, but I am just not caring.

I am at the pub talking to my friends partners friend – who I find out later is obsessed with me even though he has a live in partner, he apparently talks of me to my friend all the time, asking what I’m doing, how I’m going, apparently looking me up on Facebook… FUCK! Why is it always fucking partnered men that see how amazing I apparently am! I didn’t know it that night but yeah this guy is talking to my friend all the time about me.

I’m sitting there watching the band, chatting to this guy & also texting Max who says that Sweetie was taken the kids to her mum’s & he’s home alone. I kind of get the feeling that he has not found anyone else & I am replying. I feel like a dick, but again, I don’t want to put more notches on my bedpost. But fuck I need to forget Noodle! I get drunker that I should & I tell Max to come to the bar. I see him walk in, we make eye contact, I am sitting next to a guy chatting & expect that Max has gone to the bar to get a drink & then will come up behind me & stand on the other side of me. However he never comes to my table. I try not to message, not wanting to be a weirdo, when it’s been about 15 minutes since I saw him & I ask where he is, maybe he went in to the pokies. When he tells me he’s home, I ask if he’s serious & he says that he is. He saw me chatting to a guy & assumed I was with him. FUCK men are stupid. First, I was texting Max to come to the pub & secondly, can women not be friends with a man or talk to a man? Anyway I tell Max to come back & pick me up, which he does but he messages me when he’s in the car & I go out to him. He decides that he wants to go for a drive & we chat, nothing of substance. He pulls up at a boat ramp, a boat ramp I’ve fucked the Mechanic at once & he says that he wants to walk along the jetty. We do but it’s fucking freezing & I have no jacket. Why did he want to walk on the jetty on a freezing cold night? We get back in the car & go to my house. I turn the heater on immediately & lay down in front of it. We start talking about us & how we ended to which I tell him everything that I’ve wanted to say about how stupid he was. I also start talking about Noodle & that’s about when I start crying. WTF. Why am I crying to a guy who also hurt me in the past?! What the actual fuck? I haven’t heard from Noodle this week, which really upsets me even though I have reached out. I have tried & got nothing back. I am so drunk that I am crying about Noodle to Max. I think Max gets the drift that we are not going to have sex – which was never my intention, so we both end up falling asleep on the couch for the night. I have an amazing comfy king bed & we sleep on the couch – that is so weird, we don’t touch each other all night.

I wake up early & he does too, the heater is still on, we don’t have blankets on us so I guess that’s why I’m awake so early. We wake up & he kisses me, touches me that we end up going into my bedroom, I’m naked in the lounge room & walking up the hallway to my bedroom he says that I am fucking tiny (As in lost weight) I don’t really notice it, but it was nice to hear. He says that he wants to tie me up & do things to me. He instructs me to get a towel & I do, laying to down on the bed & allowing Max to tie me to the x restraints. He refuses a few times to put on a condom – saying that we’ve had sex without one before (which is true but it’s been a year, who knows what he’s been fucking), so I tell him that he can’t fuck me, so we never have sex that day, but man this man makes me squirt with just his fingers. He doesn’t ever really go down on me, he uses toys a bit, but mainly his fingers.

Oddly as we’re finishing up, I hear the chat app beep on my phone that’s in the lounge room. Then another beep, then another until there are several beeps. I somehow know that it’s Noodle! I mean my phone is no where near me, but Noodle always sends like 20 messages instead of one long one… I just know it’s Noodle… I don’t know how but I do & then I am dying to get my phone. Because there were so many beeps I use that as an excuse to get up & check my phone, saying something must be important. I get dressed in a little nighty thing & sit on the couch, holding my breath that these messages are from Noodle. I am going to be crestfallen if they’re not… FUCK… Max walks into the room but I can’t control myself as I open my chat app to 7 messages from Noodle! FUUUCCCKKK… I’ll go into this in a Noodle post (so all get excited to find out what happens… there’s a bit of a spoiler for you though!)

Max asks if I’m ok & I do tell him that Noodle has messaged me, I tell him because I think then he might go home & leave me to message Noodle in peace. I know that I am probably going to cry, which I hate & do not like doing in front of people. I don’t want Max there but I sort of don’t want to be alone either. Which is stupid, Max is not a good support person for me right now. He sits with me all day while I have my phone in my hand. I am not even sorry. I mean Max has treated me badly in the past & I know that Noodle has too, but fuck I am finally talking to Noodle & I can’t help it. I am relieved… Cue, Noodle Post! Hahaha.

#IBD4U