Noodle, Noodle, Noodle! What the actual fuck am I still doing? I know you’re all thinking it. Believe me, I am thinking it too… I need to work my way out of this somehow… But of course, I don’t. I wait around for him to be online, I wait around for his messages all day when we’re at work. I wait for him to suggest the next time we’re going to fuck. I wait a lot for this guy. Why aren’t I saying “Fuck you Noodle, I’m not waiting anymore, leave her & be with me or we’re over” FUCK… Firstly I would never give him an ultimatum, because I’m not that type of woman, I wish I was sometimes. But I am not going to trick someone into being with me & second, where the fuck did that come from?! Do I want him to leave her for me? Would it even work out? Why don’t I ask him to leave his partner? JESUS… WTF!
These kind of thoughts are just because this week has been weird, I’m tired from work, I have been sleeping with paperwork on the weekends, I have been withdrawn a lot from the chat app that even Sweetie (Max’s wife) has noticed & been messaging Noodle to find out if I am ok. He asks me what he should tell her & I said the truth, so he shows me what he messages her to say “Yeah she’s super busy with work over the last few days, I saw her this morning, she’s all good. She had work in bed with her tho, so yeah she’s got a lot of work stuff on her mind” I had something big that I was working on & it was taking up my mental space, so I’d been working at home a bit after hours, hence the bed time reading material. I know others had noticed my absence too. Later Noodle, takes a screenshot of my profile picture & sends it to me with writing over it “LOST – If found please contact Sweetie” I literally laugh my head off & think I better message her, since I am on the chat app everyday chatting to him, I could find a second to message her. I have become what I hate, ‘too busy’ & absorbed in work & chatting to Noodle that I barely have been doing anything else.
So this morning, Noodle did sneak into my house before work on a Sunday to fuck me, then obviously had Sweetie worried about me, which is sweet. But also things are a bit weird with her since I haven’t seen her since her birthday or really talked to Max since he sent me a message for my birthday & we chatted a bit while I was in Hawaii, but then he ended up ghosting me again. I knew I shouldn’t even reply to his messages…
Noodle has also started showering at my house before he leaves, especially on nights where he goes home & knows she’s going to be awake. Usually on a Tuesday night she’s asleep when he gets home so he didn’t have to worry. He’s even told me that he’s slept next to her without showering, covered in our cum. I think it’s kind of sexy, but also so disrespectful… I am in this is a weird phase where I am turned on by the things he does but also appalled that someone would do that to someone that they say they love… It’s a weird feeling for me – please don’t think that I am as horrible as I sound!! Unless you’ve been in this position, you have no idea what you’d do. I always said I’d never keep chatting to married/partnered men & I did make sure I never did, except for Rob Rob, but I never met him, it was all online.
So now that Noodle’s partner is pregnant, apparently she has a heightened sense of smell (is that a real thing when pregnant?!) & has started sniffing his cock when he gets home, mainly from the gym. Yes you read that right… Firstly, how does that conversation even go? I could never ask a man to let me sniff his cock because I think he’s cheating on me. But also, why does he let her?! Does he pull it out & she sniffs it then they go make dinner or some other mundane thing? My imagination runs wild of course, I assume she sucks it after sniffing it, but I have no idea, I don’t ask but I hate when he tells me that she’s sniffed his cock. I get really jealous. I know he’s with her & obviously fucking her still – she’s pregnant, but I don’t usually think about them together… I guess what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me…. I heard a quote that said ‘We only believe the lies that will protect our feelings’ & I think that it’s so true… She believes I don’t exist, just as much as I believe she doesn’t exist… But question, which one of us is the dumbest here? I think me… As much as I don’t want to think about her or think I am the dumbest in this equation, I really am, I know about her, I am aware of the situation I am in, I’m not being lied to every time I ask if he’s cheating. Fuck I am so stupid!
So, back to the story, hahaha. He’s started showering before he leaves, I oddly like him showering at my house. Milky would shower but I never thought about it like I do with Noodle. I like him in my shower, sometimes I get in with him & we kiss & touch, but usually we get horny & he looks at his watch then we have to get out. When he’s done tonight, he basically throws the towel back on the rack so much so that I send a picture of his towel on the rack looking ridiculous, scrunched up & then I fix it & send a picture of what it should look like. I am, of course, being funny, it doesn’t bother me that much, but I wonder if it would piss me off if we lived together? Also how does it dry if it’s all bunched up? I guess if it’s my towel then it’ll piss me off, but if it’s his towel, that’s his problem – unless he then uses my towel because his is wet! Hahaha, I am almost certain that’s what he would do at home!
It does make me wonder what I would be like living with another person now… I’ve been living back in my house after returning from Canada for about 6 years now, all alone. I am set in my ways, I know that, I think that will be daunting for a guy to come into my life now, I know that my house looks like a show home, friends tell me that all the time, but it’s easy to keep it clean when you are the only one that lives there. Also I travel for work a lot, so much so that sometimes I am only home from Friday to Sunday, away for a couple of weeks consecutively. But even when I am home, all I do is go to work & gym then fuck Noodle, so I am barely at my house anyway. I generally come home from work when I am home, go to gym class, shower & get into bed. I’m barely ever in any of the other rooms, there’s no point.
A few days later, our usual Tuesday evening, I decide to leave the door unlock but not tell him anything… We’ve been talking about christening every room in my house. I have fucked in the big spare room before with Milky & Max, however I haven’t with Noodle. I decide to lay on the spare bed with a vibrator. I hear him walk in front door, he’s never quiet when he walks in, he’ll never be able to surprise me because he’s so loud. I have the vibe on teasing me as I see him walk past the spare room door, straight into my bedroom. I smirk knowing that he is going to be feeling stupid but I know he can hear the vibrator. He pokes his head into the spare room & says “Hmmm, what do we have here?” He undresses quickly & is on the bed kissing me. He’s on top of me & sliding easily into me being that I am turned on from the vibrator, he’s fucking me hard when something happens, I’m not sure how but his shoulder hits my jaw & it locks open. I’ve told you this before that I have jaw issues. Usually when I yawn it will sometimes lock open, it’s horrible, it hurts & it locked once with Milky when I was sucking his cock.
He realises something has happened & that I can’t talk, with my mouth wide open. I sit up massaging the sides of my jaw to loosen it up, but it won’t close. I can’t fucking sit here looking like an idiot clown that you stick the balls in their mouth at the fair. FUCK. I am so scared, WTF why won’t it close. This is the scariest moment of my life… He’s freaking out too, I’m pacing around, naked, wondering what the fuck I am supposed to do. I’m freaking out which is making it worse – thinking Noodle is going to have to take me to the emergency room & then I’m thinking what the fuck we are going to say at the hospital. Would he have to speak to someone there for me? Would he come in? (I find out later that his brother & sister in law both work at my local hospital, so he probably wouldn’t come in!) I wonder if he would talk to my sister on the phone to let her know he’s dropped me off at emergency, so someone could be there with me?
I google how to close it, of course everything to says to relax. Yeah, not easy to relax when in pain & feeling like a dickhead! It’s been a long time & it’s hurting a lot. Something suggests to lay on your side & massage it. I can’t talk & I’m feeling like an absolute fucking idiot. So I lay down rubbing it trying to think of anything but the fact my jaw has locked open for what seems like an eternity. It finally releases & I am so relieved… I know he is too, he’s sitting next to me on the couch naked, not sure what to do but he’s got his phone – also googling & a soft cock, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it soft… Fuck what a buzz kill!