I tell Noodle about my friend. I tell him that I hadn’t told her anything & now I’ve told her everything, I tell him that it surprises me that my friend is on his side. “She said I should give you some space, time & that she wasn’t totally against me still seeing you even though I lied to her for months… She’s the reason why I messaged you last night.” He tells me that he would’ve seen me if he didn’t crash after forgetting to drink his afternoon caffeine drink, I tell him that I’m a fool & now can’t stop crying. But I made a promise to her to not push it with him so that’s what I am going to do. Try to just go with the flow, as if I can do that, but I am going to try! My friend actually said to give him space, not walk away just yet but protect myself a little. I tell Noodle that I know I am being needy, I can’t help it. The man I love is pulling away from me little by little & it’s destroying me. “Don’t forget I’m not working & around my wife & kids 24/7. Just a bad time atm. I dedicate as much time as I can as always with you. Even if it’s not much. I do love you & have feelings for you. You mean more to me than I let on or that I can show you. It’s why I’m sticking around & hurts me every time you think of ending it with me. I wish I could chat to you more. See you more.” Oh god, I tear up again “Ok stop being sweet now, because I’m getting teary! You haven’t really said much about your feelings for me lately.” It’s true, maybe that’s what it is? He’s not been telling me he loves me, even if it is with the heart emoji, at night because he hasn’t been coming back online. “Well didn’t wanna upset you too much… Do you want me to talk about it more?” Do I? Will it make it worse? Is it better that I think that he doesn’t have feelings for me? Will that make it easier to walk away? However, I’m now committed to this for a whole year. “So you stop telling me you have feelings for me & also stop talking to me, keep falling asleep & then surprised when I question why I’m still with you?! I will never understand men! How is not talking about your feelings helping me? I don’t want to be an obligation & I don’t want to force you to talk about your feelings but yeah you stop talking to me, stop saying anything to make me feel like you do love me, hardly see me but you could easily solve so many issues…!” He says he hasn’t stopped & I say that he hasn’t even sent me the usual xxx with a goodnight message. “Hey #IBD4U. xxx” I actually laugh. “You’re an idiot!” But he did make me laugh. “Urgh you’re the idiot. I want to cuddle you right now. You seem a bit crazy & need a hug. I like your hugs, they feel good.” FUCK, I want him to cuddle me too… & I hate cuddles. But I love Noodle cuddles… “Just for the record. I just hate feeling like a fool.” Which is pretty much everyday. “Your not a fool. I do love you & miss you terribly when I’m not chatting to you. Even get a little edgy at home sometimes. You have no idea” Yeah I don’t know, I mean he’s told me he gets angry at home when he can’t talk to me, but I don’t believe that really, I mean how could he even explain why he’s angry when his parter asks whats wrong with him? He starts calling me babe & baby which I say doesn’t suit him so I say “Maybe say that I’m the maple syrup to your bacon” knowing that he loves that “Oh you are the maple syrup to my bacon! Your that little sweetness that makes something amazing even better. You even have a nice sweet little tasty pussy I love to suck” Oh good god, how do we always end up talking about sex! I somehow forget that I am angry with him & tell him that he missed out on fucking me in a dress with knee high boots (an outfit I did pick because I was hoping to see him) “OMG, the would have been so hot too. OMG You always look hot in a dress.”
I also don’t even remember this guy, but apparently (from my messages with Noodle) I went on a date with a guy who tried to kiss me but because he didn’t compare, I didn’t kiss him. First I feel sorry for this guy that I don’t remember him at all, so he doesn’t get a blog post, but also the fact that I am in love with someone else & dating. What the fuck am I doing? I did tell Noodle I was going to date other people, just no one from the chat app. But when telling my friend about it that night she told me not to date other men, it’s not fair on the other men & also she said I need to just focus on Noodle. WOW. Another surprise from her. I tell Noodle about the date & that I am not going to date anyone else moving forward. He says he doesn’t hold it against me dating someone else, it’s just that he doesn’t want me to fuck anyone from the chat app. Which I agreed too, I wouldn’t, it’s too close to home, so to speak. He tells me that there are better men out there than him, which is his standard answer, almost like a test for me to leave him I think, or self-preservation, I don’t know but he acts like he’s so hot sometimes, then I also get the vulnerable side of him where he is so insecure about how he looks. “My friend did ask me why I love you” I know he’s going to ask me what I said “Your answer?” I know exactly why I love him “I said cos your funny, a massive douche, sexy, I love how dedicated to your work & family you are, I love how sweet you can be & how much you support my life decisions to study etc. & how your eyes pop out of your head when you see me in something sexy” He says that he’s not funny & only sexy sometimes. But he’s funnier than he thinks & I think he’s sexy all the time. He asks why I like his douchy side too “It’s hard to explain, like even just a bit douchy to wear white sneakers with a suit to a wedding but I fucking loved it… Just like that you say what everyone is thinking sometimes… I do it too, not quite like you do though.” He asks me to feed his ego & asks how he compares “I like how smart you are & how we help each other with the gym & nutrition etc” But then I realise he means about the guy I went on a date with but he says “OMG, did You Heur call me smart?” I literally laugh out loud at the spelling errors & say I’m not sure why I called him smart. He says “Only I could fuck that sentence at that moment” he asks me to compare him to the coffee date guy (who I still cannot place at all!) “You are hotter, darker hair, more manly, taller, actually had chemistry with you, we don’t stop talking… Hard to talk to him, didn’t feel a spark but also was thinking about you the whole fucking time… He was a bit fatter too & a bit of a wranger”
Side Note: I tell Noodle that the coffee guy came in a suit & I was in gym gear!? I mean who is this poor man! I feel so sorry for him… FUCK… I tell Noodle how awkward it was because he was in a suit but I was in gym gear. So it was awkward just from that.
Noodle asks me “So you didn’t sext him later that night dying to fuck him” I know where this is going “Definitely not, I’ve never done that” Noodle swears that I messaged him dying to suck his cock after our first meeting. I will always deny this! He has no proof.
A few days later, Noodle is still not chatting to me in the way I would like, but he’s asked to see me at the gym, I have bought a fishnet body stocking that has a hole right where you need it as a lady! Hahaha. I put on daggy tracksuit to go meet him, not letting him in on the secret about what I’m wearing underneath my oversized track suit. We have to park somewhere else tonight as there are people in the car park, how annoying. But it doesn’t stop us. I sit on his lap in the backseat & he runs his hands up my back feeling the fishnet stocking on my back & basically rips my jumper off over my head as he’s asking what I’m wearing, it all happens so suddenly, that I am now basically on my back on the backseat with my pants also being ripped down, while Noodle ogles what I am wearing for him. That Look. That noise! Fuck, I am melting like butter for him. I am so submissive for him. All for that look, all for that feeling he gives me when he looks at me like that. I can’t ever imagine that he’s looked at anyone else the same way he’s looking at me now. I literally would do anything for that look, I am 100% his, I am at his mercy. His wish is my command. I never thought I would ever feel like that about a man, ever. He literally can do whatever he wants to me & I will enjoy it & want more. I want it always, this is really what love is.
Noodle pushes me back on the car seat & chokes me while fingering me to make me cum, but just as I am about too, he stops. Fuck, his favourite little game. He looks at me, in my eyes, kisses me, then sits back up & slaps my face. OH FUCK YES. He rips the fishnet bodysuit & uses the thickness of some extra straps to choke me as he fucks me so hard, I feel like I will explode, but he stops every time I am close to cumming.
When I am allowed to finally cum, I have to beg him to let me, he’s pinning my hands above my head, he’s choking me, he’s fucking me so hard, never taking his eyes away from mine. I can’t close them either, I know that I want to look at him in this moment, that I cum. He’s not done of course so his cock is between my tits & he’s cumming on them & my neck, loving that I also beg him to cum there. It turns him on so much. OMG it turns me on so much too.
I can’t even move for like 5 minutes after we’re done. I’ve cum so hard & so many times that I am deemed useless right now. Noodle is rubbing my tits & his cum when I sit up & look at him. Fuck I love this man. He is sexy & everything I want sexually. I can’t believe that I have found a man I can connect with like this & that is love with me! Fuck, how did I get so lucky?!