Milky #5

Well where do I start with this one, the one that doesn’t want me, but apparently doesn’t want me to have anyone else.

So Easter is not the last I hear from him, he texts me before I go on a date with Too Eager less than two weeks later, again just as I start to forget about him, he texts to say ‘Guess who I got matched with online haha’ Um, WTF! Why would he text me to tell me that? What is wrong with this guy? What is the point of that text. I have no idea what to write back so I just say ‘oh yeah, who? Someone awesome I bet!’ the next day he responds ‘haha well I’m sure that they would say that they’re awesome lol’ Double WTF? I don’t respond for ages. I don’t know what to say to him. I just want him to fuck off now, I mean any feelings I thought I had for this guy are rapidly evaporating.

I do have one thing to thank Milky for & that is how much he opened my eyes to a different sexual world. We didn’t really do anything majorly kinky & I would of liked to try more with him but it’s really made me more aware of myself & more confident (perhaps), sex since him has been a lot better than before him, that’s for sure.

A friend said to me that to you can’t do the casual thing for more than three months, that’s usually when you start having feelings for someone. She’s probably right, I really made it about three months before I actually like him & that’s about when we didn’t see each other as much & I had to say something to him about what we were doing.

I end up writing back to Milky, putting it out there that I like him but also saying fuck off. I ask ‘why do you keep texting me Milky? You know I really like you & while you rank fairly high for the best sex I’ve had, I just can’t do it anymore. The casual thing was ok for a while but now we want different things. I want exclusivity, you don’t. I think we need to just leave it at that’

While I secretly hope that it’s not the end of him, (God only know why I am think I am attracted to him!) but I am also not holding my breath as I haven’t heard back from him, so I hope that he gets the message & I can move on, find someone else who is that good in bed but actually likes me.

Is it that I am so desperate for a bit of affection that I just attach to anyone who shows the slightest bit of interest in me? Do I actually really like this guy or is it just that he kept coming back for more? I am starting to get concerned that the reason all these guys get to hurt me is because I am not actually looking for someone I like, I am looking for someone that likes me. Now that’s a scary thought!

#IBD4U

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