I try on the sexy nurse outfit & it does actually fit me, but I feel fat in it… (Yep, major self esteem issues, I know!) But I know Noodle won’t care or see the imperfections that I see, he’ll just see his sexy mistress in the costume he bought her & will love it so I need to just be confident when I wear it for him… Apparently I’m sexier when I am confident. However I am faking it most of the time until I see his eyes pop out of his head like Roger Rabbit! I decide to buy a red stethoscope & some white fishnet tights with some really high red heels to top off the sexy nurse look. I buy everything online so pretty much this gift probably ended up costing me more money than him. Hahaha, but at least I will have a whole cute outfit & I can do the sexy nurse thing for him at some point. It’s a bit exciting for me, I’ve never done anything like that before. I know that he thinks I’m this sexually advanced person & I’ve done everything, but there are things I haven’t done before, mainly because I haven’t had a lasting thing before & I refuse to do something this sexy for a douche dude who turns out to be a one night stand.
In my holidays, it’s the same time that my gym closes down for 2 weeks being it’s a small independent gym with only one instructor. I decide that I will join Noodles gym & then we can maybe gym together but also when I travel for work, I can use the regional gyms too, since I do no exercise while I’m away for work usually. It might be insane, but now I have 2 gym memberships & one is pretty much so I can see Noodle. I do want to work out with him. I did always imagine him coming with me to my gym & working out together. However, I know he’ll never come there.
It’s New Year’s Eve. Soon it will be 2018 (Yes I am behind still… Trying to catch up!). This means it’s been about 8 months since we started seeing each other weekly… I really want to see Noodle tonight, this is basically the longest relationship I’ve ever had besides Boyfriend. But of course seeing Noodle tonight would be seemingly impossible, until he tells me that he is staying in with a cheese platter & then will probably just go to the gym & my ears prick up. I am having a relatively quiet one at my sisters with a few friends & my parents. It’s also about 15 minutes closer to his house & therefore also closer to his gym, if he goes to the gym, he could actually come see me for a quick fuck in the backstreets near my sisters house & we could celebrate the new year a little together… I talk to my sister to get a cover story for why I might disappear for a little bit. I have to explain to her why, she’s not entirely happy but she knows the whole story anyway & says that she will cover for me. I am excited, not drinking a lot, thinking I may have to drive somewhere with him, waiting for Noodle to come back online to tell me he’s going to the gym, but my excitement is short lived, he never comes back online to say he’s gone to the gym. But at 1 minute past midnight he messages me Happy New Year & I reply quickly with a little xxx at the end. My signature xoxo is just 3 x. I wish like hell that I was with Noodle this night, kissing him into the new year… FUCK.
Noodle tells me that I’m too distracting since we were up until almost 2:00 am chatting online “We somehow chat for hours” I tell him that we can stop but he tells me that he’d just ghost me if he wanted to stop. “You ghost me & I’ll rock up at your house & ask where you are… Oh no I won’t cos I’m not a fucking skitzo” he knows me too tell “Hahaha, No you wouldn’t. But fuck I must trust you. I never thought I’d ever cheat in my own house, kinda hot to know that I have.” I still can’t believe that we did that… I mean I was worried I wouldn’t be able to cum because I was too scared she would come home, I didn’t think I would be able to let go & cum, but obviously I did…
Later in the week I am watching porn, I watch porn sporadically, I don’t watch it all the time but this time I am watching a specific type of porn for research purposes & I curse myself when I tell Noodle that I am watching porn because he asks what type, to send him the link so he can watch too but I refuse to tell him “So tell meeeee” I can picture him actually saying that to me, I tell him that it’s embarrassing but he says “We have an open & honest sexual friendship” the word friendship hits me like a ton of bricks… I try not to dwell on it, I guess that we do have a friendship, he has become a best friend, but what else would you call this I guess but I am sad he didn’t say relationship. I tell him that I am watching 3sums & he says that he’s not surprised.
Noodle isn’t ever online during the day when they’re at home together, so when I get a message at 5:30 pm one evening saying “How’s ya day been sexy mistress” I think what the fuck? “Not too bad… Why are you online naughty Sir. Can’t keep away from me?” I know he will deny this, but clearly he can’t. “You know I always have trouble staying away from you” & I smile because this response surprise me. “Awwww. Cute Noo Noo” but he makes me laugh by saying “Pfft. Only cos I wanna fuck you all the time!”
Noodle also finally admits to me “When you posted a photobomb I did everything in my power to see it” Which just makes me smile more! Fuck this guy… I ask him if he wants me to turn him on & he says “Well you turn me on 1000000000000000000000000000000 times a day!” with a winky smiley face. So I go bend over the washing machine in just my panties, taking a picture for him & ask him if this is how he wants me. He replies “OMG #IBD4U. Fuck you.” Almost instantly, I get a picture of his hard cock in stripped underwear. I smile at them, thinking that I have only ever seen him in black boxers, so I wonder if he is like me & is always putting on nice underwear before seeing me? He actually tells me not to look at his stripped underwear too! This makes me smile more!
I remind Noodle that he is always the one that kisses me goodbye when we leave each other, especially when I see him in my car “You confused girl” I laugh, I know I am not “You lean in as you get out the car” he replies “Err, I might fuck you like a whore but don’t want to just get up leave you like a whore. Figure I should be kinda nice to you when I leave” He can be very sweet sometimes, I tell him this so he replies “I mean fuck. Ignore that” & I laugh out loud. I knew he would say that! I also find out around this time that Noodle has a Fetlife account. Fetlife is basically a kinky Facebook – for those who don’t know, it has kink events & its a great place to network with other kinky people. I’ve been on there a while but don’t use it a lot since there is no app for it, you have to log into the web page all the time. Ages ago a lot of us in the chat group exchanged details & those that weren’t on it made an account & we all became friends. When I find out that he’s had an account for over 2 years but hasn’t done anything on it at all, nor does he have any friends, I stalk him… Well not stalk – that’s a harsh word hahaha, lightly investigate his account & find him easily. A lot easier than I thought I would but I used his chat app user name & bingo. I refuse to add him or tell him that I found him on there but I tell him to add me, which to my surprise he does. He asks me why I want to be friends with him on there & it’s because it’s basically the only social media that she isn’t on that he can be friends with me. Cheeky kinky friends & she’ll never know… I also think that in case the chat app dies or we lose contact, somehow, this is another way for us to chat to each other! I know this is dumb, but I am secretly loving this new connection with him… He once wanted to add me on Spotify but you have to connect to your Facebook which would mean she would see me. She apparently goes through his friends regularly & questions who people are when he adds new people… Like really? Who wants to live like that? I think about trying to find him on Facebook all the time, but I never do. I’d rather not know anything besides what he tells me. Finding him on Fetlife is the first time I’ve ever tried to find him or any guy I’ve ever been with.
However it’s about this time that I finally find out Noodle’s last name as we do also talk about Facebook. He tells me that he’s looked me up & I say that I haven’t even looked him up which is true. He challenges me because he thinks I won’t be able to find him, but I find him within a few minutes & that’s how I find out his last name & I send him a screenshot of his profile. Most of his profile is private, just like mine, which he tells me annoys him. But like I say to him, my Facebook won’t really give him any information that I wouldn’t tell him if he asked anyway. I do tell him to add me on Facebook & just tell his partner that I am someone from one of the other stores or a sales rep (Which is what I always tell people that I am) but he doesn’t. Probably for the best to be honest. However I think I am at a point where it’s about time she found out. I do think a lot about going to her work & confronting her or leaving a note on her car, going to their house when I know he’s at work, leaving a letter in her letterbox or talking to her. Of course, I am never going to do this, I sometimes wish I was that nuts & could do that, however if I did any of that, I would lose him regardless. I wonder sometimes though, if I was a little bit more nuts or needy or less independent, would I have a boyfriend? A proper bona fide boyfriend? Or was this always my destiny regardless? Leading me here so I could be a real life Carrie Bradshaw? Hahaha.
I guess I do get a little needy & need reassurance from Noodle, about as much as he needs it from me sometimes. I tell him he shouldn’t just be having an affair with one woman, that he should be fucking other people, mainly because I can’t end this & hope that he will because this is the most fucked up situation I’ve ever been in. Don’t at all think because I am writing this blog, that I am proud of this situation! But also because of how under the thumb he is too, it would be much harder for her to find one night stands, but it’s going to be easy to find me. What is worse, by the way? Fucking a few random women once or twice then never seeing her again or fucking the same women every week for months? I definitely think the latter, especially now I am developing some sort of feelings for this guy. But he tells me “When the chick I fuck gives me the hottest sex? Makes me hard all day? Is basically a porno star & dirty bitch that lets me do anything I want? That’s pretty much a walking fantasy? Why would I want to fuck others? Most women are all talk on here…” Well I must say I have to agree with him, I have ended up in this position because of how well he fucks me, how much effort he puts in with me, no other man has ever made me feel this way, that I have given up everything else to pursue this, no matter what it is.