Guest Blog: The Start

A reader has shared a couple of stories with me, she calls herself Tinderella. There are a couple of stories, so please enjoy her tales…

Thank god I am not alone in the crazy dating world. Thanks for sharing.

The Start

After leaving my ex husband in less than ideal circumstances and a near death experience that involved a colostomy bag sex was the last thing on my mind.

I hadn’t even bothered masturbating, I had never been any good at it – and I hadn’t bought any toys either. I was healed up and feeling myself again so it was mostly out of interest that I leaned across to my friend Di in a bar and as the only single woman there quizzed her on Tinder. In my mind Tinder was for hook-ups, I wasn’t interested in a relationship (or so I thought) I had the kids, a busy life and I decided the only thing missing was some consistent sex.

Setting up Tinder was the easy part, choose some decent photos from Facebook (be make sure to show your “size” I am not a small chick), and start swiping. I had a lot to learn in regard to Tinder language (although I considered myself not to be too naïve). We were driving home from the airport when I set it up, we had an hours drive in front of us and with my sister driving I entered the world of online dating for the first time.

The first “match” I made resulted in us screaming in laughter, I had a match. Before I could realise what I had done a message popped up “Hi”  (what an opening for a conversation, now a days she would expect more but back then I knew no better). “Hi” I replied. “Where do you live?” was his next question, I replied with my town and he told me he was an hour away.  Working out how to look at his profile made me thankful the conversation stopped there, there was a gaming chair in the background and I could not imagine dating someone who played console games! I had just turned 40 for goodness sake.

The next match made was Cedric. Now Cedric was a tall Nigerian man who lived in a town an hour away. He had his occupation listed as a pharmacist. The conversation was not thrilling, but a date was made for the next week for coffee, I needed to be in the city for a specialist appointment and I thought I would kill two birds with one stone.

Meeting Cedric at a coffee shop was both thrilling and bloody awkward! This was the first date I had been on in almost 20 years, I can usually make conversation with anyone but thankfully for me I did not have to do much talking. He was full of chat and came across as very self confident. In our chats on Tinder I got the usual “What are you looking for?” I had answered with something casual, at this point I thought I wanted sex only, but with one person. I had answered to that effect and he had replied that he was ok with a casual relationship. When sitting across from him at the coffee shop he leaned toward me and asked, “so you have been separated 2 years?”, I said yes, he asked “How do you take care of yourself?” of course I was shocked by the question. For starters we were sitting in a coffee shop on the riverbank and this man is asking me about my masturbation habits! I deliberately misunderstood and told him I kept myself very busy, the kids and my part time small business kept me occupied.

A sentence or two later, he tried again, “when you said you wanted casual…” At this point I was mortified. I felt like we stood out like a sore thumb, this big African man and myself sitting at the table in the coffee shop surrounded by friends catching up and families stopping after bike rides. I suggested we go for walk to talk. We set off on the walking track (why is it easier to talk when you walk? Is it because you don’t have to look at the person you are talking to?} As we walked along he grabbed my hand, you know how sometimes you can just feel someone’s intentions? I could tell he wanted to get closer to me but I didn’t know how to instigate anything, and we were in public!!!

After walking awkwardly for ten minutes or so with him holding my hand we sat down on a bench. Next minute he had his arm around me and was pulling me close. Now I feel like I need to explain myself a bit here: I hadn’t dated or been touched by a man in almost 2 ½ years, and it was nice, he had a strong arm, did not seem put off by my size at all (I’m still waiting for some douche to tell me I don’t look like my pictures) after some more awkward chit chat he asked if he could kiss me. Fuck, did he have to ask? I am a chronic over thinker and you should not give me the opportunity to think things like this over, regardless I agreed, then we are sitting on the bench by a walking track kissing. I was feeling very self conscious at this point, even more so when his hand went up to my breast. I pushed it down and told him very quickly we were in public and that needed to stop. After 20 minutes of kissing and conversation I needed to be on my way. We kissed goodbye at the car, much better than at the bench… Why is it men think sticking their tongue down your throat is such a great kissing move? I said my goodbyes and off we went.

Cedric sent me a text later telling me how much he had enjoyed meeting me and we made plans to get together the next weekend. Lots of things about him made me realise there would never be a proper relationship between the two of us – and that was fine. He was religious; I wasn’t. He lived an hour away from me, his work hours didn’t work within my life very well and he seemed tight with cash, I actually thought he might have been expecting me to pay for his coffee at the café, that wasn’t going to happen mate!

He had also told me while we were sitting on the park bench that there were some Australian women who only dated African men, he seemed to find that very interesting, he said he had mates who dated women that only dated African men. I am pretty sure I made sure that his ethnicity had nothing to do with my decision to have coffee with him. I had also been chatting to a man Ryan who lived much closer to me, we had arranged a date for Saturday night – he was a sex only hook up I had planned.

Cedric rang me twice that week, surprising me both times, he sounded lovely on the phone and we made a date for Saturday as well – suddenly I had two men booked in for the same day – different times of course!  I had plans to cancel one of them if the other worked out. My gut was telling me that it wouldn’t work out the way I wanted it too – I thought I would be let down by both – and a message from Cedric on Friday confirmed my suspicions. Just after Cedric’s message I messaged Ryan – “Still good for Saturday night?” His response confirmed by suspicions. He had just got out of hospital from a suspected mini heart attack and was feeling very tired. He promised to make it up to me soon.

Cedric’s car wasn’t working – to be honest I wasn’t surprised – it looked like a $500 bomb, and the car he was borrowing off a friend couldn’t be used on Saturday. I was having dinner with a friend when the messages were coming through. I asked her whether I should offer to pick him up – he lived an hour from me – I didn’t want to come across as desperate but I hadn’t had sex in over 2 years – he seemed like a sure thing!

I offered to collect him and he took me up on the offer, it shows how much I wanted some attention that I was out of bed at 7am on a Saturday morning and on my way to collect him – I love a good sleep in! I collected him from work and we headed back home, chatting awkwardly on the way. We arrived in my home town and went for a drive and walk along the beach – I thought he must have gone off me – he was not making any attempts to hold my hand or kiss me. I looked down at his socks in sandals and wondered what the fuck I was doing. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

We made our way home. Came into the lounge room and things started to get quite weird! We sat next to each other on the couch and next second he is launching himself at me, kissing me hard. He leaned back, undid his belt and pulled his pants down. He looked at me and said “blow me”. Now having just come out of a marriage of a long time and not having “dated” in the last 20 years I was at a loss. What was I supposed to do? The pressure got the better of me, I looked him in the eye and said “you are going to be really good to me after this aren’t you?” I kneeled on the floor in front of him and sucked his cock for a few minutes. Its not something I particularly enjoy unless I am in the mood… I got up and suggested we go to my room, on the way out he slapped me on the backside, I was like “what?” He told me some women liked it rough. I was like which women? He told me his friends had told him that some women liked it rough.

We made it into my room and onto my bed where we were kissing and touching more he started to touch my breasts, squeezing them like they were avocados and he was checking for ripeness. I just went along with things giving him the benefit of the doubt. If need be I would take control of the situation. We were both naked and I was grinding my clit against his cock when he said to me “Am I inside you?” I was shocked, turns out he had lied about his age saying he was 38 when he was actually 32. Instantly I realised that if he was not a virgin he did not have much sexual experience at all. He suggested we just lie and “cuddle” for a bit.Guest blog masturbate.pngNow I am all for enthusiastic consent but I was feeling a bit led on at this stage. This man had met me, called me and knew exactly what I wanted SEX!!! We laid next to each other for the next hour or so with his arm around my shoulders, my hand would make its way down to his cock and he would tell me I was naughty and that he just wanted to “cuddle for a bit”.

I made the mistake of mentioning Netflix or the TV – I cant be sure which – he was very excited to hear I had a TV and wanted to go to the lounge room and watch it. I still had to get this guy back to his home town – an hour away. We went and watched tv for a couple of hours and then I suggested I could take him home earlier than we had planned if he had liked. He said yes – I had cracked the shits big time, I hadn’t offered him a drink or food in the time since he had left work and I wasn’t about to either! We drove back to his town in uncomfortable silence and I took him home to get his stuff ready for work. While he was inside I sent a quick text to the other guy I had lined up previously to see how he was feeling….

#IBD4U

 

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