Noodle finally believes me that I had keys cut for him but he continues “I put myself down & refuse to think I’m good enough to deserve all this, especially since I’m not the first guy, I don’t think I’m as good looking as I act & I have no confidence with my body or cock.” This I already know, I mean I constantly have to reassure him about his cock, but it surprises me that he doesn’t think he’s as good looking as he acts because, my god, this guy can be arrogant sometimes! “Well regardless if you deserve it or not, you’ve got it. I do think you deserve it though. Or I wouldn’t do it with you.” I’ve told him before that I don’t just do kinky stuff with just anyone, guys have to earn that from me “Haha Yeah I know you withhold all the goodies from guys unless they deserve it. I know you don’t let anal happen straight away for example. Even tho you do enjoy a good ass fucking from time to time. So if I a guy asked to fuck you in the ass, cum on your tits first fuck, what would you say?” He knows the answer to this already, he doesn’t need to ask me. “I’d say no way douche.” There is no way I’ll allow a guy I don’t know or trust do anything kinky, I mean I am still a good fuck, first time, but they need to earn the tit or ass fucking. “Haha, Mind you, you were asking me to fuck you in the ass by like the 4th time… & to cum anywhere I want by like the 2nd or 3rd time hehe” Yeah I did that… He knows why, “I wasn’t sure how long we’d have, never thought we’d be fucking almost a year so wanted to give you the things you hadn’t had or don’t get to do with your partner” I never thought we’d get through a few weeks being that he’s tracked so closely. “You give me so much more, fuck sex with you is good. I know I can do whatever I want to you. & You’ll love it & let me do it. Your body is mine” Fuck… Oh My Fucking God… He’s right… It is… My body is his!A few days after Noodle’s birthday, we don’t see each other Tuesday night being he is on holidays, however I have Thursday off so we arrange to meet at my house after he drops his son at child care. Noodle has asked me before to wear this white dress that I had for my nieces christening, it’s sort of a white lace overlay dress that is really short & shows off my hour glass shape & when I had the picture as my profile picture, every single guy messaged me to ask me to fuck them in it, including Noodle! Hahaha. I decide that I will wear this dress for him today. I am up early, trying to work out if I will wear white sexy lingerie I just bought under it or nothing. I spend ages getting into the lingerie, then put on the dress. But I wonder if it’s too much, as in too many things all at once, that I take off the lingerie & decide to meet him bra & pantie less. Ironically I almost didn’t buy this dress because I didn’t really like it on the rack but the lady made me try it on then it was perfect. I’ve asked Noodle why he likes it so much & he tells me it’s sexy because it’s white & hugs my hour glass figure. He doesn’t know that I am going to be wearing this dress when he rocks up today either, I get some high heels & place them by the door as I race around to get ready. When he walks in the door without knocking, I am standing there in the lounge room & that look, fuck I love that look when he sees me! I feel like that is part of the reason I am still in this mess, that look is fucking amazing. It makes me feel so fucking good that I can’t ever stop fucking this guy! I must admit, I do look hot AF, I have done my hair & make up, wearing fancy jewellery, I feel good & the reaction is exactly what I wanted & pictured. He kisses me instantly, running his hand quickly up my leg to my bare ass which he squeezes & moans!
Noodle leans me back on the couch & edges me, like he’s never done before. I mean he’s edged me of course, but today he somehow gets me right to that point of no return then stops. He’s also videoing a lot & I am swearing at him calling him a prick. He chuckles, which he knows I hate but also find super sexy. He then ties my hands behind my back & continues. I beg him like a maniac to make me cum, I tell him that I want to cum for him, that I can cum multiple times & he says that he will let me cum, but he wants me to cum hard. FUCK. He makes me suck his cock while he videos & he also rubs my clit again getting me to the edge before he stops. I cry out “FUCK YOU” & again he chuckles to which I tell him that he is not funny. But he says that the thinks he is. Asshole! I am begging even more, which I know turns him on, fuck everything I say if it’s an insult or a complaint or when I am being sweet trying to get him to make me cum, turns him on. There is nothing I can say that will get him to make me cum. When he finally does, he’s fucking me hard, with my hands tied behind my back. I am cumming so loudly & hard that I can’t even stop it if I tried. He makes this noise, as if he can feel me cumming on his cock while it’s inside me.
Next Noodle gets me to sit up, still my hands tied behind my back & he has his cock in one hand & the phone in the other. He tells me to open my mouth & I know what he is about to do. He wants to cum in my mouth & video it. We’ve talked about this before. I am excited for this, I want to see this from his perspective too, so I am looking forward to watching it. He videos while jerking himself & then he cums hard in my mouth. I swallow like the good girl I know he wants me to be & lick my lips as he finishes. Leaning forward to take his cock fully in my mouth once he’s done, I know he’s really sensitive so he tries to pull away so I suck really hard as he pulls his cock out of my mouth, to which he makes the noise I love.
We fuck a couple of times that morning, eventually getting naked, which is fucking hot a always but later when I send him the videos he says “So glad I videoed that” With 6 heart eye emojis. “Fuck you’re awesome #IBD4U. Thanks for being a dirty little slutty mistress to me. That shit is so fucking hot!” I tell him that I just watched it at work with headphones on & now I’m turned on. He says “You are a good little slut” & I send back my signature “xxx” & to my surprise I get the same back with 3 kissing cheek emojis. I am shocked by this reply & says “I think you mean it this time?!” & He says “I do” with another kissing cheek emoji! FUCK…
As you all know I struggle with self-esteem & while I used to be really big, over 100kgs, I have had a steady weight for a while, hovering around a size 10 to 12 from a size 18- 20, so I have worked hard & finally feel good about myself, but it’s still quite high weight (number) in my eyes, however because I work out I do have a lot of muscle – which everyone tells me weighs more than fat. I mean I still have a lot of fat but I’m toned. One night feeling shit about myself telling Noodle about my recent weigh in he says “You have a sexy toned ass, sexy ass hour glass body & great set of tits for your age. You are incredibly beautiful woman despite slightly heavy on the scales. Your mid 30s too, your weight is probably average. I couldn’t fuck a fat obese chick” WHAT. “For my age… Could’ve left that out!” He laughs but I know that he’s trying to be nice to me but he struggles with giving compliments, just as much as I struggle accepting them. But he just call me beautiful?!
I go away to Port Lincoln, it sucks big time because I know that Noodle is off work this week, but there is nothing I can do I have to go which means I can’t see him. I have while I’ve been away been taking the sugar pills of my contraceptives to get my period while away since I always skip it. I figure that I should have it one in a while & I’m not seeing him for a week so it’s perfect timing. But when it doesn’t come, I start taking the pill again to stop it from coming. I know Noodle is queasy about blood. I am driving the whole way home on Friday morning. I suggest to Noodle that I get up really early, like 5:00 am & drive home so that I am home to see him in the afternoon. He tells me that he’ll go get his haircut & meet me at my house.
I get up really early, putting on some sexy lingerie & take a photo telling him I’m on my way home. A few hours into the drive, Noodle finally wakes up & messages me good morning. He tells me that he’s going to do a few things then will go straight to my house. He’ll be there when I get home, I love this idea. I mean he’s going to be there, I can walk in & say “Honey I’m home” & kiss him hello. After driving 7.5 hours almost without stopping, except for a toilet break, I am home. I walk into him freaking out about crumbs on the table & trying to clean it up. We fuck a few times, which is always hot, ending up on the couch. At one point, Noodle pushes me up against the wall face first & with one of his legs between my legs he plays with my nipples until I cum… I know it’s something he’s wanted to try but we haven’t had the time, it takes a while usually, however with Noodle, I cum almost on his command! Because this weekend is his brothers wedding, he tells me that his partner won’t see him naked & I because I’ve wanted to spank his ass, he lets me. I like switching sometimes & being the dominant one. He says it doesn’t hurt that much but it doesn’t turn him on like it does me. I take a picture of his ass which is red with prints from the paddle I use. He says he kind of likes that, but later he tells me that his ass didn’t bruise like mine, well no one bruises like me! Hahaha.
I don’t see Noodle for another week. I am again away for work & then staying in the Riverland at a friend’s shack for January long weekend. I have actually been a bit worried about the fact we don’t use condoms & the fact that I messed with my pill last week, that when I get there I go to a pharmacy for the morning after pill. I tell Noodle this is what I’m doing & he asks me why & says that he wouldn’t have cum inside me if he knew, but I explain it’s just a precaution. It’s probably ok, but I am not taking any chances. However I am scared about how mental it makes me, so I warn him!
I am also excited to be taking my kayaks up to the river to go in the water & it kind of spikes something in me & I tell Noodle that I would love to go kayaking with him, but he says that he’d be really uncoordinated. I reckon he’d be feeling pretty stupid but I think he’d do a good job, he’s worried that he’d fall out, but no one has fallen out with me yet & I have life jackets. I just never know how Noodle would explain going kayaking to his partner. “I meant what I said today, you know about the kayaking & stuff… I do always want to invite you just don’t know how you’d explain it… Or to the group drinks… I so want you there” He takes a little while to respond “You did?” I’m confused “Did what?” when he replies mean it, that I want to take him kayaking, I tell him yes I truly did mean it. “Hmm, maybe I believe you” FINALLY! “I probably like you more than I should for the other woman. But you’ve become a really good friend & I like to hang out with my friends… I don’t get to do that with you” It actually makes me sad that I don’t get to do this stuff with him. “Oh thank god I’m not the only idiot that thinks you’re a good friend” That makes me smile like an idiot! I say I’m a loser & he says sucker, then we say goodnight. I am glad to have some clarity from him about his feelings for me.
But this week away is weird, he starts telling me “Your awesome #IBD4U , don’t forget it. Don’t let me hold you back either. As long as you do what you want” I tell him that I do do what I want, but he is in a mood… but I still tell him that “I want to fuck you more but I also want more than being the other woman” Fuck, why did I hit send on that, I’m away for work, he’s being a little weird because of his brother’s wedding this weekend & I can’t see him. “Wait, are you getting feelings for me?” Ironically Sweetie had just asked me the same question & while I believe the response I gave her, I also know it wasn’t entirely true. He asks me what I told her “I said that I’m not in love with you but I guess I could be if things were different. I mean I’ll definitely miss you if we stop talking or seeing each other that’s also cos I do value your friendship.” He replies “I wouldn’t say I’m in love with you either but I do have feelings for you & yeh do miss talking to you” Are we really just lying to each other? Because we keep saying the same thing over & over “Same… How can we not have some sort of feelings…? We have such chemistry. But is it love? I don’t think so… Could it be if things were different, yeah probably” then he says “Love is a strong word.” I agree & say that I don’t want to stop seeing him or talking to him. “Yeah I’m the same. & I do care about you & think of you often. & get super shitty when I’m not able to talk to you as much as I was hoping” Fuck, he’s told me this before, but it’s hard for me to believe that he gets angry when he can’t talk to me. “You are so worth it & deserve a partner that loves you. You have no idea how fucking amazing you are tho. & a fucking sexy little bitch sometimes too. Don’t forget that.” I tell him that my biggest fear is never being loved, he knows this, I’ve shared this with him before, I am petrified that I will die without having been in love. Honestly even writing that makes my eyes water, I fucking hate that I might actually die one day & never having felt the feeling of loving someone & being loved in return. He tells me that I would make a good wife “What the fuck did I do to you? You promised me you’d never get feelings! Loser” I laugh & know that I did say that to him “Well I didn’t think I’d still be seeing you a year later… & you said you’d never get feelings for me either!”