Noodle #54

At 10:30 pm I finally get a message from Noodle, I have stayed awake hoping that he will message me, he’s taken his keys again when he left, so I know that if I was asleep, he would of just come in. This will be his house now, I guess! He tells me that she’s pretty fucked & he feels really bad. He asks me how I am going, which surprises me, I just tell him that I have been trying to think about how I can make it easy on him, how I should take myself out of the equation. I just tell him that it’s hard for me to hear that he’s leaving or wants too but then she does something & he’s pulled back in. I get it, it’s been 11 years & they have 2 kids. But I want someone to want to be with me. “It’s fucking hard when she pulled something like tonight. I was fully prepared today. Think proved that too” WOW, he’s speaking in past tense with me. He did that with her today & she even said something to him about it. I am so hurt & so broken that I let him in here… “It’s manipulation that fucking works hardcore tho” Yeah I know Noodle & you’re falling for it. You fell for the open relationship/kinky shit & now you’re falling for more manipulation. I mean I know it’d be fucking hard to walk away from that, but even their families, would they really want them to be together?

I don’t get a message from him in the morning, so I message. He asks how I am, I mean, how am I? I am fucking broken & hurt. I just say that I am worried about him making a decision out of guilt. I tell him that I am in team planning & will check my phone all day. He says “Thanks, fuck your too good to me” I reply “I love you a lot & want to see you happy.” but he reads it & never replies. A few hours later, I message “Can I see you at some point tonight?” knowing that they will probably keep her in hospital a few days. He never reads it. Fucking prick…

I am not really there at work, I am physically there, but I am constantly looking at my chat app account. I don’t get notifications for the anonymous app but something tells me to check it. There are 11 messages… WTF? I’m not really chatting to anyone on there, who is messaging me… “Hey it’s Noodle. So I told my partner everything. She knows where you live but won’t do anything cos I got my stuff. I’m soooooo sorry. I had full intentions of leaving. & she knew that & that’s why she did what she did. I’m stupid & hate the fact I dragged you back in, I never wanted to use & had the intent of proper leaving which lead to the pill over dose. She will come for you if you contact me. I’m so sorry. It was a good yesterday tho. She had my phone so don’t message me.” WHAT THE FUCK ON SO MANY LEVELS! He’s been to my house & got his stuff? Like a thief on the night? Used his key, like he said he never would without me knowing? & taking an mentally ill patient to my house? Why is she out of hospital already anyway? What the fuck. What the actual factual fuck! “I seriously can’t believe this… I hate that you don’t even give me an opportunity to say goodbye & have been to my house without telling me… You made me such a fool! I hope your life with her is everything you dreamed of with me! I wish you believed in me more!” I am so gutted, but I don’t want to be the nuts one here, so fuck him. “She wouldn’t let me go alone. Thought it would be best you guys didn’t meet. Your not a fool. Just fucked up shit happened that I couldn’t do it. I believed in you & was 100% ready to leave her for you & yeah she tried to kill herself in front of me. Very confronting & emotional. I’m so sorry. I know I’ve done it out of pity & I’m dumb. I fully intended on leaving. Your not a fool.”

I am struggling to get out of work, my boss is trying to keep me there late but I tell her there is some stuff going on & I have to leave at 5:00 pm. I need to make sure my house is ok, I don’t know what state he’ll have left it in. “I know it’s confronting but you’ve been manipulated & are going to regret your decision. I hate that you took her to my house. You always said you’d protect my identity…. & hate that you never give me a chance. I am a fool… The fact that you weren’t allowed to go alone or couldn’t wait till I got home & that she had your phone should be an indication of what your life is going to be like from now on…” & all I get back is, “Your not a fool” What a wanker. I am done replying.

I get home just after 6:00 pm, dying to know what has happened in my house. I check my letter box & there is a maccas receipt with a note in all capitals “DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN YOU HOME WRECKING WHORE.” Oh good! Thanks Noodle… His keys are under my mat, I pick them up & that kind of kills me a little. I go inside & all my house is the same however it feels different. The bags in the lounge room are gone, the bags in my bedroom are gone. There is a note on my frige note pad, “Love you – Noodle. So sorry” I send a picture of the note she left me in my letterbox to Noodle. Not even sure if he’s online or will check it. “Sorry… I did not know she did that. She knows we were in contact & in love. My intention was to leave, I’m so sorry to have fucked with you.” I am so angry, that all I want to do is drive to their house & do something I will probably regret. Instead I go to my friends house with a bottle of wine. I can’t be alone. “Can’t believe you took her to my house… I would’ve got your shit back to you…” I mean I don’t know how but he didn’t have to bring her to my house. There were other ways that could’ve happened. “How? She wanted to go tonight. She would of said worse stuff in person. She won’t do anything she promised” Oh right, I fucking believe someone who just tried to have a drug overdose is in a sane mind to promise not to do anything to me! “I trust her about as far as I can throw her Noodle. Did she go inside?! Does she know what I look like?” At least at this stage I know she still thinks my name is something else. “She doesn’t want me to leave her she won’t piss me off. No she didn’t, just sat in the car. Where did she leave that?” I tell him in the letterbox. He says that he feels bad & he’s sorry. I say take care & he says take care too. “Least we got a kiss goodbye.” I want to stab him! Fuck him…I am at my friends house when I get a message on the chat app from a account Noodle only used for a few hours while his other account was blocked. “I never want to see or hear from u again. U mean nothing to me, I just needed a place to stay. If u ever contact me again she knows where you live.” Right well first of all, I know that’s not Noodle. He never uses text speak. I am at my friends house & lucky for Noodle that I am because I was going to say I’m not sure why he’s messaging me now, when we’ve already said our goodbyes on the anonymous app… My friend tells me to take the high road “I’m sorry you feel that way… You should stop contacting me then… I loved having your kids with me yesterday & rocking your daughter to sleep twice & chatting to your son. I truly hope you are happy. xxx” I actually wish I said something different to that to be honest now, but anyway. I mean I should’ve said more… But fuck he’s lucky I’m so level headed sometimes. Now she also knows what I look like, as my profile picture is my face, he could’ve warned me she was going to message me. I would’ve changed my picture. She replies “Yeah it was nice. But I can’t. She means everything to me. & u were just a play thing.” Again I wish now that I said something different, but I chose to take the high road again “Well I know that’s not true, regardless of what you say… The last year with you has been amazing & what ever you say now won’t take that time we spent together away from me. I think you need to stop contacting me. I hope you’re happy. I love you. xxx” Fuck that took all my might not to be a nut case & cause shit… I am certain she doesn’t know everything! Especially if that’s the account she’s using to message me & I send a screen shot to him on the anonymous app & he says “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.” I mean fuck, he tells me not to contact him but she’s allowed to do whatever she likes to me?! Are you kidding? I am so fucking hurt right now… But I can’t cry. I go back to not sleeping or eating!

The next day I email him, I am so fucking furious right now, I don’t even care what she is capable of, I’m not scared of what she might do… I don’t know if she knows about the secret email account or not but I word it carefully in case she does. I also attach a screenshot the chat where he says goodbye to me, just in case she knows about the email & she’s the one to read it, not him. But here is the email I sent him…

“I know you messaged me on anonymous app & told me not to message you again cos she knows where I live now & has taken your phone but I don’t give a fuck anymore…

I am so angry you brought her to my house, you always promised me you’d protect my identity… What a joke Noodle. This is my forever home!!

Some best friend you turned out to be… Who does that?!

& as if she promised not to do anything, well you may trust her, but I sure as hell don’t…

I hate that you came to my house while I wasn’t here too, you also said you’d never do that. I would have made sure you got your stuff back, my sister could’ve met you or I could’ve taken it to you work, your mum/sister could’ve met me down the street… A million ways you could’ve got your stuff back without bringing her to my fucking house or either of you having to see me…

So gutless the way you say goodbye to me too, via the anonymous app… Can’t even stand up to your partner & say you need to see me to say a proper goodbye…

I believed you every time you’ve said you wanted to leave her, which was more times that you probably realise… So much so, I spent the day with you, held your baby all day & comforted you, gave you advice about her not being able to leave the state (again!). Learn your legal rights Noodle.

It’s not 1989 anymore!!

You said she knows everything but does she really know everything…

• That we were together for 14 months – messaging every single day, every single second that she wasn’t around you,
• that we kept in contact a lot while we were broken up,
• that you considered me to be your girlfriend,
• that we fucked at least once a week (usually more) for an entire year,
• that we fell for each other really early on,
• that I’ve been to your house a few times, once even just for a hug (that turned into a cheeky blow job!),
• that we stopped using condoms after like 4 months,
• that we talked about everything, not just sex,
• that we had sex in your bed while she was in hospital after giving birth to your daughter,
• that a few times you didn’t shower after fucking me & slept next to her with my cum on your cock,
• that you had 4 chat app accounts & have been on anonymous app & chat app for over 5 years,
• that you wanted to get me valentines day flowers but I was away for work,
• that I had keys cut for you & you had them for about 8 months,
• that you consider me to be your best friend & have wanted to maintain that friendship the whole time we’ve been apart,
• that you wanted my panties & then used them to jerk off, sending me a video of you doing it,
• that we videoed & took pics of a lot of our sexcapades,
• that we had a threesome in January,
• that our sex life was so comfortable, we were kinky from the 2nd fuck, not after 11 years,
• that you saw me for lunch after we ended,
• that our biggest fantasy was spending the whole night together & we almost did the night she was in hospital having your daughter,
• that we went out for lunch dates & to the gym together,
• that we had baths together,
• that you used to park your car somewhere & I’d pick you up after you couldn’t fake your location,
• that you used to fake your location,
• that you’d pop in & fuck me on the way to work at like 5 or 6am & even came to see me that morning after you had to take her to hospital when she had those pains – pretending to be at the gym,
• that you took days off work to spend with me,
• that every Tues night you lied about what times you worked so you could spend more time with me,
• that we bought each other Christmas presents,
• that we fucked in your old store, including you fucking my ass & then another time with a USB cord tied around my wrists,
• that we had sex so many times in fun spots, train station (you even looked up the train timetable), the car wash, side streets, gym, work… List goes on! &
• that you said I love you first! Via the chat app & also in person…

But most of all, does she know that if she hadn’t taken those pills in front of you, that you’d be with me right now?!

I mean does she really know everything?!

Maybe show her this brief list of our relationship & she can see that I wasn’t just a “play thing”, as she said in her chat app message to me from your account!!

I honestly can’t believe she is a 30 yr old mother of 2 with the way she’s behaving. The attention seeking suicide attempt, the note in my letterbox, the chat app messages from your account & the text messages when she first found out (even if they were to the wrong number but she still tried to message me!).

I could’ve done so much to you to ruin everything for you & I still could fuck with her… But you know I won’t.

Would’ve been nice to have the same courtesy from you, instead of bringing her to my fucking house!! That’s seriously the worst thing anyone has ever done to me… I fucking hate that you did that Noodle.

You said you’re staying out of pity & it’s dumb, you’re gonna hate yourself so much for letting me go… When you realise what a big mistake you’ve made… Don’t bother contacting me if you haven’t moved out, cos you’re the boy who cried wolf & I don’t want to hear it…

You’ve made such a fool out of me…”

What do you know… Noodle never replies… Lucky this time I am angry, so I don’t even try to write to him again, begging for his attention. I am done. This is unforgivable.

#IBD4U