Side Note: Welcome to my 250th post! Wow… I’m so thankful you are all still reading!
Why am I still fucking this married guy Crows, I will never know… But I am. I’m not attached but I am at a point where I don’t want to keep fucking random men who are bad in bed. I am so fucking hurt & angry from the recent events in my life. I almost had what I wanted, it was at the tip of my fingers & it slipped though… There is nothing more devastating than losing someone you still love.
Crows is hot, ripped & very good in bed. I know what I’m getting with this guy & it’s just sex. Good sex, so why not? The only time I don’t think about Noodle, is when this guy is fucking me, so why wouldn’t I use this distraction? He wants too, I want too. He says that he’s separated… Not my problem if he’s not. Definitely isn’t the first guy to lie to me & I doubt he’ll be the last… We talk most days but not all day long. I never want that again, I never want to get into another text relationship – I want to see the person, I don’t want to just chat online & fall in love then never get to see them. That was torture!
Another couple of weeks later, we hadn’t spoken for a few days, because you know me, I don’t message unless they message first. But also I don’t believe his story of being separated & while it’s not my problem, I don’t know if I want to get involved with another married guy or even just a guy with baggage. I get a message from him & he asks me if I’m still talking to him, I say of course. But I’m also not going to make the effort with this guy, I don’t want to make an effort with someone that has baggage…
When Crows & I catch up again, it’s at 1:30 am when he has just finished work – I think he works quite far away from me & I’m like 20 minutes past his house. So he has to go out of his way. This is also why I think his story is bullshit to be honest. I mean why can’t he meet me at normal time? I guess he’s just finished work & on his way home, I’m sort of awake when we’re messaging, so why not? I leave the door unlocked (like what the fuck #IBD4U, why do you do that?!) & I lay in bed but I fall asleep, which I tell him might happen but to wake me up, thus allowing this man to just crawl into my bed… Why do I keep doing that? It’s dark in my room & he slips into bed with me, I am sleepy as fuck.
I also don’t think I told you about my break up hair crisis properly, have I? I think we all have one of these to be honest – do something drastic with our hair. When I broke up with Boyfriend, I dyed my hair brown because he preferred it. While I was with Noodle the night I was going to do the naughty nurse thing but his partner got sent home from hospital, I put in stupid cheap clip in hair extensions. Obviously that didn’t happen but I sent him a picture and he said I looked hot as fuck, so I talked to my hairdresser about a payment plan & started paying off a set of proper extensions. Ironically, Noodle & I had broken up before he ever saw them & I had them put in the weekend after I got my keys back. So not a crazy cut or colour, just $600 worth of hair added to my own! I actually loved it & am trying to hard to grow my hair, but it’s blonde & snaps all the time… Hahaha.
So Crows was one of the first to see me with long hair, though he had only fucked me once with my just past my shoulder length hair, when he jumped into bed behind me he just cuddles me – spooning me, I for a split second think of Noodle & when he used to do that to me, I sort of don’t move or want to wake up, but I do snuggle into him. He kisses my neck & strokes my hair, which I fucking adore, he stokes it for a long time, so long that I wonder if we are going to fuck but I keep dozing in & out of sleep. The only reason I turn to face him is because I am scared he can feel the hair extensions against my scalp. We kiss a lot & he says that we don’t have to fuck if I’m too tired or sleepy. I tell him that I do want to fuck him, so we start kissing, we do it in the pitch darkness, probably the first time in a long time where I have had sex in the complete darkness – I usually have a candle burning which I always think it too romantic but didn’t like my overhead light on so recently bought a lamp for such occasions.
The sex is a bit clunky in the dark, to be honest, he goes down on me, which I have to say is some of the best head I’ve had in my life from this guy, then as he comes up to fuck me, we clunk teeth a bit & giggle. I grab a condom & he fucks me till he cums. He lays there for a little talking. I tell him he gives the best head & he seems surprised & says really. I’m like fuck yes dude that was amazing & he tells me that his wife doesn’t like it…WTF is wrong with her? & there you go, I don’t think they’re as separated as he says they are! But who doesn’t like having their pussy licked? I mean really? Apparently she thinks it’s dirty… OMG! I hope she doesn’t read this blog with the fricken dirty things I get up too! Hahaha.
When he says he should go, I agree, it’s almost 3:00 am & I’m fucking tired. But that was worth staying up for! I never thought I would find someone to make me forget Noodle, even if it’s just for an hour… I sleep blissfully, satisfied & happy, it’s the best sleep I’ve had in months & I am thankful for the good rogering I just had.
We chat a bit over the next week when he arranges to come over after work again, this time I am home from work & he finishes earlier so we meet at 4:30 pm. A more respectable time that makes me wonder if he really does have this separated relationship he talks about – maybe it is true? I don’t know & like I said, I just don’t care at this point. I just need to be fucked by someone that knows what they’re doing. I don’t want to add too many notches on my bed posts & I am not ready to date anyone, so this guy is a perfect rebound. He’s not looking for anything (as far as I know because he’s still living with his wife) & I certainly don’t want to be in anything yet. I am still holding out hope things will go to shit for Noodle & he’ll come back to me… I know, I know I’m dumb, you don’t need to tell me that! I am stupid & think it every day that I wake up thinking about Noodle. Like he was a complete douche but I fucking love him… I know some of you have said there is someone else out there for me, but it took me 36 years to find one man to love me… I don’t want to wait another 36 for my next chance. You all remember that my biggest fear was dying & never having been loved, now that I have been loved, which I thought would last forever once I found it. My biggest fear is now that I won’t find it again, that I had a completely life changing love & I won’t find it again? I know everyone says that I will find it again, but will I?
Anyway, this is a Crows story! Poor guy, I get distracted even writing about Noodle! So Crows comes over & fucks me, I allow him to tie me to the x restraints on my bed & do all sorts of things to me. It’s not super kinky, mainly him edging me till I almost cum & then stopping… One of Noodles favourite games! Why do men find that so hot? It is because I call them a prick? Or because I get so frustrated & beg? Anyway we fuck for quite a while, I really enjoy my time with him, as I’m about to cum, he kisses me so deeply that I can barely breathe, it makes it so intense – especially since I’m tied up like a starfish unable to move. WOW. I really like that!
Crows & I actually talk about what other things we like to do, he wants a 3sum with another woman, what a fucking surprise & I tell him that I want a 3sum with another man, he tells me that if I set it up, he’ll definitely be keen. We also talk about going to a swingers play party together & I start looking into where we can actually do this in Adelaide. Turns out I know a lot more kinky people that I thought, because once I put it out there, I get a lot of offers & many suggestions about where to go, what ones are the best etc. I start to put a plan forward with Crows about how this will go down.
I even chat to a couple I know that I think would be interested in a 4sum, I mean this guy is hot, so there is definitely not going to be a problem for another woman, & the guy is a friend of mine, I may have mentioned before Holden. So I end up asking them if they are interested & we make a chat group on the chat app just the 4 of us. I think if Noodle is having 3sums & sex on his own with other women, the fuck him, I am going to fuck anything & everything, I’m going to try new things, be kinky as fuck… Not because I don’t love him or want him, but because I need to get over the fact that he chose her over me…