Noodle #56

Have you ever waited for STI results before when you’ve have a scare? Every other pap smear, I haven’t really cared because I haven’t every had a crazy person message me to tell me they have an STI, so while it is a bit scary usually, it’s nothing like this… I am freaking out that I will have something & have to contact every guy I’ve fucked to tell them to get tested. I mean this is just fucked…

In the meantime, I draft an email reply to Noodle but wait to send it until I have spoken to my dr. However, as I await my appointment for my dr, a dude with the same name as Noodle joins my group & doesn’t speak – my heart skips a beat… Is it Noodle? Whoever it is private messages me “Why did she have to #IBD4U? Thanks to her I have nothing.” I refuse to write back until I have the test results – assuming it’s Noodle – he’s used my real name. I also check the anonymous app, there are messages from him there too “Well I can you have moved on so why did Sweetie fuck it all up. What’s her fucking end game. I have fucking nothing now. & fuck knows what she’s going to do to you. Seriously #IBD4U what the fuck.” He then also posts on the anonymous app “I’ve fucking lost everything, fuck my life.” I leave work immediately & call my sister. We head straight to the police. I need it on file that something went on so that if anything happens to me, they know who did it. Noodle had told me the day he was at my house, the one day we were living together, that she watches a lot of crime shows & he thinks she’d get away with hurting me. Well not on my watch! We go to the police & report whatever we can, using some of the screenshots that I have as proof of threats towards me. I also for some reason, remember the picture of a gun, does Noodle have a gun? I ask Shark who has guns too, if he ever talked to Noodle about it, but he says that he never did, however he reassures me that it will need to be locked away & she shouldn’t be able to access the key if he is abiding by laws. FUCK. The policeman tells me there is not a registered gun, so I relax thinking it must’ve been a toy. I guess if they had a gun, Noodle’s partner would’ve probably shot him rather than tried to use broken glass or even used it as part of the suicide attempt? Relax #IBD4U, there no gun!

I am able to report the threats with the screenshots & the officer says that he’ll send someone around there if they have time. But I doubt that will happen, however, I’m glad that I’ve reported it & if anything does happen the police will see it & act quicker maybe. I have also alerted my watchful neighbour across the street. She’s on the look out for me in case anything happens when I’m not at home. The police suggest that I make a timeline of the affair with as much detail as I can & give it to someone else. I go through all the screenshots & pictures to make a document of the whole affair. I also give everything to my sister on a USB so there are multiple copies.

As my sister & I are leaving the police station I get another message from Noodle “I’m fucked #IBD4U & you’re going to ignore me.” That breaks me. I start crying. I want to write back but my sister says that I shouldn’t. I head to the gym instead, to boxing to take my anger out on this bloody day.

Crows messages me to tell me that he is in the clear, he has no STI at all. Thank fuck. I am also relieved, the chances of me having one are now even slimmer. When my doctor calls me, he puts me out of my misery & lets me know I am in the clear too! Phew… I mean I knew it, but fuck that was a scary couple of days!

Sweetie sends me screenshots of what Noodle & his partner send her that day. Noodle blames her for ruining his young family & his partner tells Sweetie to get an STI check. She tells Sweetie that they split up & that I won. Sweetie writes back & says that we don’t have HPV. (I wonder if Noodle’s partner ever picked up on the fact she only said STI to Sweetie, but Sweetie was specific & said HPV?)

I reply to Noodle after the gym, asking what he means that he has nothing or no one? I get no reply. But the next day he reads it & doesn’t reply. Fucking Prick! So I write “You beg me to talk to you, against my better judgement, I do & now read my message & ignore me…?” What a fucking wanker. I hate him for playing with me like this… Again he knew it wasn’t over with her & he dragged me back in…

I send a text message this time, to get his attention rather than him being able to log off & ignore me. “I’m not sure what is going on at your end Noodle. But I was going to message you once I’d got my STI results & had been to the police. I want you to know, probably because I haven’t moved on like you think but I had nothing to do with this bullshit. A few weeks ago I was sick of hearing about you that I created a new chat app account to get away from it” He doesn’t reply. So I try to call him but I get no reply or answer. This is the first time I’ve ever tried to call him.

Finally he replies to my chat app messages late that night, after I called him “I didn’t beg, was blaming you for the situation I’m in. Sorry. Don’t ring or text me please. You should of ignored me. Sweetie really fucked things up big time. She told my partner a lot of shit. Including your name wasn’t the fake one I came up. Thanks Sweetie. Not sure why people care about my business I left the chat app long ago. The STI can’t be traced to you & she knows it, it can be transferred via oral & she could of got it herself. You should be safe I don’t think she will come after you cos she would of done it by now. I’m sorry to come back like this. I was trying to avoid you & let you move on.” OMG. How fucking dare he say don’t call me or text. Fucking wanker! He’s trying to avoid me? He messaged me at fucking 12:30 pm yesterday, how is that avoiding me? He needs to take some ownership, Sweetie only told her what he should have – I assumed she already knew everything… He told me he told her everything, I assumed a 3sum would be the first thing he told her & that’s why she kept offering to have one with me. He cheated, he fucked 2 women & fell in love with one of them & he’s blaming Sweetie for the position he is in?! He says that he’s been watching me on the anonymous app which I say that I’ve only been posting those posts because I’m sick of seeing his posts looking to chat to women, that I am not over him. He says that he has to go but she left him & when I ask if he’s going to stay with her, he says that he’s trying to sort it out. Then he’s gone offline! FUUUUCCCK!!!

My draft email to Noodle is ready to send, I skim over it before sending. I don’t know if he’ll ever get it, but I have things to say. I was going to post copies of the email exchanges that Noodle & I have here in the blog, he does write back this time, but I have decided that they are too personal (even though I have told you pretty much everything about my sex life, the stuff about my feelings is a lot harder to write about!) They are too raw, too emotional. I will summarise them for you instead.

I am very passive aggressive in my email again, I will be 100% up front about that, I am so fucking hurt & devastated, I also feel so betrayed, he has brought her to my house, blamed me for his indiscretions, blamed Sweetie for talking to his partner… I mean these are all things Noodle did!

I thank Noodle (sarcastically) for showing his partner when I live, I tell him that I knew she was on the chat app & if I wanted to do something, I would have done it already. There was no way I was going to do anything in the last 4 months, even in the last 18 months since meeting him, I could’ve done anything, I know where they live, where she works, a note on her car (trust me, I thought about it) or just rocking up at their house, fake pregnancy etc… I had all the thoughts, but never acted on them! I am livered that he doesn’t trust me not to mess with him!

I explain myself about why I think Sweetie did what she did, I was telling her that I wanted Noodle’s partner to find out, Sweetie saw how devastated I was that his partner was telling people I know about my relationship with Noodle & how it pissed me off, how it trivialised my first love, whittled down to a 3 month blow job affair. This was an epic love story for me, I meant nothing to him, I feel insignificant… I am shattered about that.

I tell him to take some ownership for his actions, I mean he was online chatting to people before his son was born, when she “accidentally” got pregnant when he wasn’t ready.

I am also angry about the fact he didn’t tell me about the HPV right away, I tell him that I had the vaccination & so should’ve she as she’s younger than me, that I have been tested & I am in the clear of everything, as is the guy I’m fucking. I tell him that Sweetie & Max are also clean, so she didn’t get it from us. I do say though “Interestingly, your partner now thinks that she contracted this from me, when only a few days ago she believed I only gave you BJs & kissed you?!” Something is fishy here for me! I don’t believe she even has anything or that it’s just something to scare me. I tell him that he will probably be too gutless to tell her that I don’t have it, so forever, she’ll think I gave her an STI. (At least Sweetie told her I don’t have anything!)

I tell him that I have been to the police, & that they suggested I make a timeline of the relationship. Mainly because I was a secret from everyone in his life, no one really knew in my life what really went on & so the fact I had so many screenshots, the police said to make a timeline & give it to someone for safe keeping, if I am feeling scared. I am not scared as such, I mean I sort of want her to do something to me, maybe then she’ll get the help she needs?! I tell him that I feel fucking nuts writing a fucking timeline of our relationship & how much it hurt me looking back on the screenshots of all our lovey messages we sent. I attach a copy.

I tell him that I am done protecting him from people on the chat app. His partner didn’t even know who Sweetie was to me, she could’ve been anyone & do you know what she did? She typed out my full address as a warning to Sweetie! WTF… As if Noodle allowed her to do that?! I feel so violated! I tell him that next time I get dragged into this that I will send her a copy of the timeline (Which I kind of regret saying, I didn’t mean it as a threat but fuck I want this all to go away. I’m trying to move on!)

I tell him that I deserve a proper conversation & that he should meet me. I highly doubt that he will, but I haven’t ever asked anything of him, but to meet me for a proper conversation. He should do the right thing by me & meet me!

I’m surprised to find a response from him in the morning… He starts off “Wow, blackmail . Thanks . Never thought I’d see this day , especially from you.” Fuck does this guy even think that low of me!

He tells me that his partner knew about the affair & our feelings but not that we had a 3sum… He says that he hasn’t slept with anyone else since we ended (sucked in!), nor did he fuck other women while with me, which is why she blames me for the HPV. He says that he messaged me as soon as she got the result & that it was just bad timing. That he had to restrain her from going to my house. (OMG!) He tells me that she does have it because he went to the gynaecologist with her & none of the signs point to me, that she could’ve even had it before even being with him. (Still no apology for accusing me!)

He says that his lies were to protect me, including lying about my name. (No they weren’t, they were to protect him! He thew me under the bus as soon as he needed too!) He tells me that he thinks I have moved on therefore he was devastated that he would be left with nothing once his relationship was destroyed. He tells me he will try to meet me but he doesn’t know how he can as the leash is tight. He also asks me to tell Sweetie to stay out of his life. But I mean he did the damage not her. He can’t blame her for playing a part in this, he did fuck her & hurt me, which she didn’t like seeing. Fucking hell, I am so angry, I want to punch him in the face!

I read his email about 10 times before I reply I am so angry he thinks I am blackmailing him, I have no intention of sending the timeline to her, but fuck I was so furious that I didn’t even know what else to say. I tell him that I did it because he says that she’d get away with my murder, says she wants to kill me & that he has a gun. I mean what else was I supposed to do! I sent it to him to be transparent, so he knew it existed.

I tell him that the last 4 months since we ended, I have dropped 10 kgs, I haven’t slept unless I had chemical help, I am finally at a point where I haven’t been thinking about him as much & finally I had started eating again & he has to message to pull at my heart strings only to go back to her again! Then tells me he was trying to leave me out of it & not to message him… I mean WTF.

I tell him that I don’t care if she knows my name, what he should’ve protected me from is her knowing where I live… I mean that’s the only thing I give a fuck about. I tell him that if I had any intention of destroying his life, I would have done it by now, I had no intentions of getting mixed back up with this bullshit again.

I tell him that the fact he has to convince his partner not to come bash me, should be a sign she needs help & I say that I feel for his kids, especially his almost 5 year old son having to go through all this!

I tell him that I deserve better, after being dragged back into this & say that I want to see him face to face, I don’t want a rushed conversation, I want a proper conversation. I wonder if that is a good idea? I wonder if I can even do that? FUCK…

#IBD4U