Hook Up

I am serious about proper dating now. No more hook ups, no more FWB, no more married guys… Yes, new me! New profile (yet again) on a different website that I haven’t used for ages that I know Noodle, Max or Crows won’t be on – well I hope they aren’t, will kill me if I see Noodle or Crows at this point online trolling for women.

I only add men who have a profile picture & who are in my state – as so many from interstate try to add me, I do not want a penpal, I only add guys that I like the look of their pictures too & of course then I look at what they write in their profile as some are ridiculous. I get a lot of men trying to add me, there aren’t many I add back – maybe I’m too fussy as people have told me in the past, but maybe I don’t want to settle with someone I am not attracted too?! The ones that I do actually add to my account, barely chat to me & then I delete them a few days later. What a great way to start the new me…

After not having sex for 3 weeks – I know this seems like nothing to some people in relationships or even single people, but for me, that’s the longest I’ve gone in 2 years without sex. I know that I have gone 4 years without sex after the whole thing with Travel Agent, so 3 weeks should be nothing, but it is… I hate it, I hate thinking about the sex that Noodle is having, what he might be doing… It’s fucked! All I can say, is thank god I invested wisely on rechargeable bed side table friends because otherwise I think energizer would be making a killing from me! (Tip for buying vibrators, get rechargeable or ones that plug in! ALWAYS!)

I chat to a guy for a few days, he asks the dreaded question “What are you looking for?” I thought that was obvious from my profile, I had laid it all out there for them to read, I’m a not looking for a FWB or one night stand. I am being serious abut finding a partner. However, this guys still asks what I am looking for, I practically roll my eyes at the questions but I explain that I’m looking for a partner – I add that I know that this takes time to evolve, but I am not looking for just hoot ups etc & he says he’s not looking for the same thing. I go to delete him but for some reason I decide not to… This is another lesson in trusting my gut! Why don’t I trust my gut, is it because my heart is so lonely that I just ignore every warning sign ever?

One night a friend bails on me for drinks at my house, I’ve done a million things at home lately & am bored sitting in bed chatting online – this is never a good idea to be honest, loneliness & late night online dating… When this guy comes online so I ask “What are you up too?”, he says nothing but asks what do I want & I say “sex”. This guy is on a different page to me, we don’t want the same things, but I am trying to fill a void here… Fuck I hate that I am doing that, that I am trolling online again for another guy when all I want is Noodle, all I think about is Noodle… FUCK!!! I chat to this guy for a while & I don’t really understand why this guy hasn’t asked for my address yet, being he just wants a fuck too & I wonder why he’s not in his car coming to fuck me. An offer of no strings should have the guy running… He sends a pic of his cock, ok so it’s a nice cock, but dick pics don’t do a great deal for me from a random stranger.

We chat & chat some more, I’m thinking that maybe this guy isn’t interested or just wants a penpal?! Who the fuck knows with these men these days… He doesn’t ask for my address, so I finally think that I’ll just give it to him, but just as I go to type it out, he asks for a picture of my tits. Now I’m not opposed to sending pictures obviously however not to some random weirdo that I haven’t even met or trust. Who knows what they’ll do with them or who they’ll show them too. I also have a pic on my face, body & part of my boobs in a top that you can see how good they look on the app, so he doesn’t need a picture of them now. However, I say I don’t send pics then he never responds to me again. EVER! I send him another message but he doesn’t respond either. He’s still online, I can see the green dot. Another 10 minute go by, nothing, I message again & get nothing so I just delete him…

OMG, I feel like shit… Now I can’t even get a dude who wants a fuck buddy to come fuck me on a Friday night when I am bored. What has happened to me! I start thinking (Well I never stop to be honest) about Noodle fucking his partner – having wild sex with her or even worse marrying her & I feel even fucking shit! When will I stop thinking about him? It’s only been a few months, but fucking hell! I hate this feeling…

#IBD4U