I met this guy online & we chatted pretty easily, I say that I just got out the bath but am trying to get the motivation to dry my hair & he says that he will come over & dry it for me… I’m like are you are hairdresser? (because that would be amazing if dated a guy who was a hairdresser, imagine the money I’d save!) But sadly he says that he’s not a hairdresser. But he says that he’ll dry my hair anyhow, he’ll need some instruction but he’ll do it… I have pretty curly hair so I am not sure that he could dry my hair & straighten it. I tell him that I am laughing out loud at this thought when he says “You never know, I could be the best you’ve ever had” I say that he’d be the only one that I’ve ever had. He tells me that my hair is safe with him. I tell him that I would like a little tug because that’s enjoyable but I don’t want him out rip out my hair.
We talk about bootcamp & I tell him how cold it was going to the gym, he says that I don’t need the gym – of course they all say that! But I do need to go to the gym… I say that if I want to fit into my clothes, I do need to go to the gym & he says that I’d look better without clothes, why am I letting these guys flirt with me in this manner, I don’t want a hook up, but I am promoting that!
He, of course says there are better ways to get cardio, like I haven’t heard this before… I say that I used to get it a lot before I was single & he says “Really? We should rectify this” I tell him that I am looking for someone a bit more regular but I’m struggling to find that. He says that he isn’t far from me & he could be easy & regular. He’s only a suburb away from me. He says that it’s basically walking distance, but I say it’s minus 12 outside (not literally, but it’s cold) & that I am not walking anywhere. He says that he won’t either but he would drive to me. I tell him that my hair can’t get wet or sweaty because it’ll go frizzy. But he says that it’ll be a mess anyway. I do get bad sex hair. He does say that if my hair was neat, then it would probably be boring sex…. I agree then I say “Or we were just ready to go out & couldn’t resit a quick fuck… So you bent me over the pool table to keep my hair nice… That’s not boring.” He says “True, but if I’m bending you over the pool table, I’m most likely going to be pulling your hair to kiss & bit your neck” Oooh, yes please. He says that we might be a bit late! He says that he’ll definitely be fucking me before we go out… This is the kind of chit chat that gets me into trouble, I start planning this fantasy relationship in my head about all the things that we will do & all the fun we’ll have if we’re in a relationship… To be honest, the only really friends with benefits that I’ve had & that has worked & worked well was Milky. I don’t know why but he’s the only one I didn’t dream up a relationship with, I thought I started to like him, but I think that I was just wanting a partner so badly, that I made it into something that I wasn’t. I know that I do that with men too, I have had a taste of a real relationship & I know that’s what I want, so even though we’re probably talking about this guy being a friends with benefits, I still can’t help but think this shit, think that there is a future with this guy… With any guy who uses the “we” stuff.
He asks me if he should come mess up my hair now, I tell him that I don’t just invite boys to my house without them buying me a drink first. When he says that he’ll bring a bottle of Jamison, which I say I don’t drink, so I am not sure that that is buying me a drink. I tell him my wine rack is empty & he tells me that he’ll pick up a bottle of shiraz on the way.
At this point, I realise that he is 10 years younger than me, I tell him to give me his number & that I will text him with a glass of wine & then I might invite him over. He tells me to have couple of wines. So I move over to text & tell him that he doesn’t want me too drunk.
In the time I am messaging this boy, both Construction & Elvis have said no to me tonight, I ask them both to see me but both are SO busy! I am done with this shit… I am sick of even just trying to be casual with men who are so busy, like who gives up the opportunity to have casual sex with someone?! I mean what the actual fuck!?
I tell him that I only have white wine & he says that he can bring me red wine but I can use the white for courage. I find some vodka in the freezer, so I break my rule & drink alone… Even if this guy does come over, I am breaking my rule to drink alone. I have been ditched by two men I have fucked & tried to see tonight. This stupidly makes me feel shit, I know I don’t need a man to validate me, but do you know what, I am low… I need it tonight.
I ask him how often he meets someone online that night & then meet that night, he says that he’s never done it – I wish I could say the same to be honest. I tell him that I’m in trackies with no make up (at least I have eyelash extensions so I don’t need to worry about looking too shit!) He says that he won’t be complaining, I said that it would be weird at this point if he did complain.
I tell him that I have lots of coke – from the Noddy debacle & that I have sugar free lemonade. He says that he’ll bring shiraz, I say that he doesn’t have too because I am drinking vodka now. He says that he’ll bring Jamison tonight but shiraz another time. I tell him that I have plenty of spirits & send him a picture of my little bar that I have & he says wow, but he won’t’ come empty handed. I tell him to bring it his Jamison but I won’t drink it.
I then say – OMG, I can’t believe I say this… “Want to come over? Or are we going to text about it all night?” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!
He says that I haven’t told him my address yet but I say that he hasn’t asked yet. He says “What’s your address #IBD4U? I want to come see you” with a winky face emoji. I am being cheeky, obviously “Oh wow really!? This comes as such a surprise, why yes Jamison. You may have my address” to which I send.. OMG! I send him my address!!! He says that he’s on his way & that he’ll see me soon.
He rocks up at my house at just after 11:00pm – yes, we were messaging at booty call o’clock, with his bottle of Jamison & he’s cute, I don’t look the best to be honest, but I am not hideous, we make a drink & go sit on the couch, we talk a fair bit & it’s easy, nothing awkward, he’s pretty cute, looks pretty much like his pictures.
We chat, we have a few drinks. It’s easy, it’s fun, I like hanging with this guy, eventually he makes a move on me & we have sex. The sex is good but uneventful, I mean I can’t really remember it so it can’t be that amazing. I mean I know that it was good but there was nothing that memorable about it. He leaves my house & I think that it went well & that I will probably hear from him in a few days.
By Tuesday I haven’t heard from him & I had realised that he’s left his bottle of Jamison at my house, so I decide to text him – which you all know that it took all of my stubbornness to actually do & say “Hey, how have you been? Did you know you left your bottle of Jamison here?” I wait, thinking that I will get a reply a few hours later, I am not fussed, you know, I mean he could be at work… Here I am almost 12 months later, still waiting for his reply & still have his bottle of Jamison.