Post Noodle, I am avoiding looking for a man online – especially on any chat apps because they are fucking on there – which kills me to know… I am shattered & hurt every time I think about them, every time I think about the fact he hasn’t written back to my email, I don’t even know if he got it! Is he even looking at that cheating email account? I am a shell of a human being… You cannot understand what this feels like as the Mistress to be so easily discarded unless you have been in my situation. I know some of you are thinking I am getting what I deserve, but you must remember – I am the single one here. I am allowed to be on chat apps & dating sites. Noodle was on them for 4 years before he met me…
I go out with a friend, who I rarely get to go out with to be honest, there is something going on at my local pub, which involves having to buy tickets – some hip hop event & then they make us line up in the street, like fucking really, my local fucking pub trying to look exclusive. It’s a local hip hop thing, so not like it’s the Hilltop hoods or anyone of notable mention. It’s fucking freezing, I wasn’t expecting to be standing outside so I didn’t bring a jacket. I have my beautiful hair extensions curled, I am skinnier than I have ever been, I look hot. I wish I felt as good as I looked. I’m wearing a black pleather skirt & white singlet, I have on some cute heels & yeah I look good but I am faking it.
The night goes on & we drink, I drink more than I should because I am finally just out & about, we sit & chat, we dance when the act is on. It’s a really good night. I decide that I am horny (well not really but I am not wanting to remember that Noodle is probably fucking his partner since it’s a Saturday night) & need someone to fuck me tonight to get over Noodle. To forget him… To forget what we had…
I don’t think the song was out at the time, but listen to Dancing with a Stranger by Sam Smith (below is the YouTube link) fuck it is my life song… (I think I need to make a #IBD4U playlist! Hahaha) I don’t want to be alone & I am definitely not over him! It is what I am trying to do, to get over Noodle…
I suss out a lot of men that that, lets face it, my local isn’t a great place even on a normal night so there aren’t a lot of options, even at a hip hop event there are even less… Like lots of Nike air max paired with trackpants & baggy t-shirts with baseball caps… YEP! You know the look, a Hilltop Hood try hard look. My friend picks out a guy that she says has been looking at me all night, he is standing near by with his friend, so I decide to go up & strike up a conversation. He is not much taller than me, brown hair, cute face, he’s just inside my age bracket that I am willing to go – 10 years below, 10 years above. Hahaha.
I have no idea what I say to them for most of it, but I am standing there I do tell them that I want to take someone home – right now. When my friend comes up to say she’s going home, one of the guys walk away & so I look at the young guy still standing with me & ask if he wants to go home with me. He says yes. We get into a taxi & go back to my house, which I have to pay for! OMG, why don’t men have money – I don’t want to be a sugar mumma!
We fuck & yeah it’s ok, nothing to write home about (or blog about!), I mean I am just looking for a one night stand, I don’t want cuddles or anything more, this is just about sex. At least this guy can keep his dick hard. Once we’re done, I’m not really sure why but he sits on the floor next to my bed as I tell him that he has to go. He says that he has no money to catch a taxi back to the bar, which was only like $15 or something, but I tell him that I have called him a cab & he should call his friends to get them to meet him to pay for it. I call him a cab regardless even though he is begging me to stay over & says that he won’t try anything with me, he’ll just walk in the morning. I’m like, won’t try anything, we just fucked for god sake… Hahaha. But I am stubborn & I call the poor dude a taxi & make him leave. I have no idea what happens to him to be honest. If he gets in the cab or if he walks but at least I called one for him as I push him out the door… Well not quite pushed him out the door, but the taxi was there when I made him leave. He was still begging to stay.
I don’t know why I kick him out so quickly, but I am hell bent that no guy is going to sleep over! I wanted Noodle too so badly, that I don’t think I can handle waking up to anyone else – which is stupid since I never spent the night next to Noodle. I don’t really want to have one night stands either actually, but I can’t really commit to anything else. I have Crows on the regular, I don’t want to get attached to anyone, I mean I don’t even think I could get attached to anyone at this point to be honest, but this is about the emotional capacity that I have right now.
I didn’t exchange numbers with this guy, obviously you can tell why but I do see him again at the same pub a few weeks later. He notices me but never comes to talk to me, I mean would you talk to the bitch that kicked you out when you had no money & shoved you in a taxi anyway?