Fireman #2

The next week, I’m still talking to Fireman, I’ve met with Cowboy for the morning coffee & now Fireman is suggesting that I come over that afternoon, I do… Because I do like him & did like hanging out with him the other night, I was glad we didn’t have sex to be honest. I mean I need to have some self-control. This guy might not be a rebound, he could be a good guy, he could be a guy that I end up dating… I don’t need to jump into bed with him straight away – just because Noodle is having wild sex, doesn’t mean I have too… Wild sex might come eventually, but I just need to enjoy the dating part, the part I missed out with Noodle. The part I never got. The part I really like that I haven’t had in a while & when I have had, they are usually a douche. This guy isn’t a douche & seems interested even though we haven’t had sex.

We sit & chat, in his lounge room, watching some more tv, nothing exciting, we don’t have sex which is probably for the best as I said before but I am really enjoying hanging out with him & could potentially see myself liking this guy. He’s not that funny, but I think he could be funnier once I get to know him more?

I leave early in the afternoon as I have somewhere to go & this guy does live 90 minutes away from me. That sucks to be honest… But it is what it is. Fireman & I talk a lot, but I am studying Law, which I am not doing very well right now, let me tell you… I am having the crisis with Noodle – not eating, sleeping or studying. I don’t see Fireman again for basically two months, I mean during that time, Noodle has left his partner, she had a drug overdose & I’ve been fucking Crows, among other people.

When I do see Fireman again, he comes to my house. I am writing an essay & have to get it finished so I feel really rude but he was the one that insisted on coming over. I finish it terribly, asking his advice too. We decide to go to the movies, so we head on out. He drives in his hot car, it’s a lexus & it’s fucking nice! This would be hot car to fuck in… Hmmm, I must stop thinking about fucking in cars! When we get home to my house, we watch some more tv but he makes a move on me, kissing me & we go into my bedroom. We’re fooling around & when we go to have sex, Fireman can’t keep his dick hard & the sex isn’t very good. I mean he isn’t a great kisser, so I should have known!

This has been a few months, close to 5 months of build up (chatting & catching up) & he can’t even keep it hard?! Fuck my life! This is not what I need… A guy I am getting along with but no fucking chemistry in the bedroom! This is fucked. I feel like shit. Even worse, he jumps up & says that he has to go because it’s a long drive etc. I mean this guy could stay, but I can’t even be bothered asking him to stay at this point.

I have Crows, things are going well with him, I just didn’t want to fall into the trap of just fucking one guy, especially when I have no idea who is telling me the truth. I mean Fireman had told me he was broken up with his partner & living in separate rooms but recently moved out. I don’t know if I believe Crows story though, but who gives a fuck.

I don’t hear or see Fireman again, he leaves the groups on the chat app & I figure that I am not going to chase some dude that couldn’t keep it hard then ran away. Let me just state this – I have NO problem with a guy not staying hard during sex, but I DO have a problem with them jumping up & running away like they are embarrassed, what they don’t realise is that it makes the woman feel really ugly & shit. They can also still use their fingers & mouth if their cock isn’t working!

Crows & I had talked about the 3sum thing a bit that I had created a sort of joint online account (with his permission) to see if we can find another chick & another man to join us at some point. I avoid the website that Noodle was on with his partner, so I am on another site & who should pop up, but Fireman.

What a small place Adelaide is, I see Fireman view our profile & he starts a conversation with me. I didn’t screenshot it, I wish I did because I can’t remember what we said but he obviously got jealous because Crows had given me a ripped chest picture to put up & Fireman wasn’t that ripped, he was doing really well losing weight but he wasn’t anywhere near there yet.

I never see Fireman again after that. I am kind of sad that he just disappears because he was so fucking good to me when things ended with Noodle. I am not sure why this guy help me though something so terrible as a heartbreak, was there to support me & now just disappears. When I was a fucking mess, he was there, now I’m more together, he ghosts me? I mean is it because I’m not crazy that guys aren’t that interested in me?Because this isn’t a long post, I will put you out of your misery on this seemingly nice guy (even though he ghosted me!) & tell you what happens rather than making a short post to keep this in the correct timeline followed by another short post in a few months’ time when I am up to date!

So about 12 months later, Fireman comes back onto the chat app & joins my group. I ignore his presence in the group. He finally private messages me after a few days, I’m surprised that it took him that long to be honest. He apologises for disappearing & that he hopes there is no hard feelings, “I was an asshole” I tell him that he was but I’m not that pathetic & that I’m surprised at how much effort he put in for a one night stand, I mean this guy helped me through some tough shit with the whole Noodle break up. He says that he didn’t want to ghost me but he was ashamed by his shithouse performance. I am flabbergasted, I mean did he really ghost me because he couldn’t stay hard? Fuck men are stupid. He also says that the distance was a killer, which I tell him that I went to his house more than he came to mine, so that’s just fucking dumb.

He then says “I felt like (& correct me if I’m wrong) you possible wanted more that I would have been willing to give also” I literally laugh out loud when I read that, is this guy kidding me? I remind him that I was completely fucked up at the time, he knew that, I talked of nothing but Noodle & how much I was in love with him still, I tell Fireman that I considered him a good friend to be able to tell him that stuff, I also remind him that he saw my profile with another man & then never spoke to me again too. How can he think I was falling for him? I tell him that what we had was exactly what I wanted, a actual friend who I could fuck. He tells me that he wanted the same & still considered me a good friend, he says that he wants to redeem himself & that he’s worked on himself over the last few months so is in a better place… I tell him that the distance is still the same but he says he has a new job so the distance isn’t so bad. I joke saying he could rub cream into my sunburnt back right now but he says he’s near Murray Bridge & suggests tomorrow night. I stupidly agree that he can come over after my family has gone at about 9:00 pm, to which he agrees. He tries to get me to come to his house & says I can sleep over but I say that if he wants to make it up to me, then he’ll come to mine. He agrees!

He says that he wants some pictures (what a fucking surprise!) I say that he doesn’t deserve them & he says “Daddy normally gets what he wants though” First of all, he’s not my daddy, second, I am not a little & will never call a man daddy. Master or Sir, yes (if they are my Dom) but never daddy. I tell him he is not my daddy & he says “Yet.” I literally laugh again, fucking never going to happen dude! I keep mentioning that the distance is a problem, he asks if I’m ever going to let that go. I tell him “All I said to you was that I wanted more sex… then you took that as I loved you & ran away…” He laughs & says it wasn’t like that. He seems so appreciative that I am even talking to him right now, I mean I must be so sad & desperate that I am chatting to this dude again… I also remind Fireman that there was even a time when he actually had to ask me to stop talking about Noodle because I never shut up about it with him, mainly because Fireman was my friend & was with me though the whole thing.

The following day he is supposed to meet about 9:00 pm at my house, but at 5:30 pm I get a message from him “Afternoon. Any chance we can raincheck tonight? I’ve only just got home from my course & I’m knackered. I’m free weds, thurs, fri if any of those suit you?” I read it & don’t reply, I mean really… FUCK I’m so stupid. I feel like such a wanker! (also it’s a Sunday, what course?!) He writes back again about 30 minutes later saying “Thanks for replying, I take it you’re no longer interested. Take care yourself & all the best.” Like really… I am so done with this guy – he hasn’t he even said the word sorry? “What did you expect me to say?! Yeah no worries Fireman, dick me around & lie to me some more so you can ghost me again?! I felt like a fuck wit for even giving you a second chance in the first place then you bail. Your message to raincheck just reiterated that should’ve trusted my gut… I wish you all the best & hope you can be honest in the future.” He replies “Was going to type a reply to that but I’m not one to be nasty. Thanks for the well wishes, likewise.” OMG what could he say to me that is nasty? I don’t even care. I read it, screenshot it for the blog & delete him.

About 6 months after that, I never hear from him again but I am chatting to my friend, she asks me if Fireman is who she thinks  it is, I tell her it is & she says that he was a mega douche to her too, when she didn’t want to see him about the same time he was trying to see me. I mean we weren’t exclusive (obviously I had a online account with Crows), so I’m not bothered about that, but shit men can be so horrible sometimes… (So can women, but this is my blog! Hahaha)

#IBD4U